Yardies at home and Farrin (part13)

[dancehallquana 5]

I have a friend who is Jamaican, but lives here - She was paying $75 a month towards her mother's electric bill in JA - her mother let everyone in the neighborhood hook up to her current - Even a store! So, they shut it off, because the $75 a month wasn't making a dent in the bill - I will never forget my friend telling me that her mother was sitting in the dark with no lights - she was continuing to pay the $75 a month, and her mother would have electricity again when either the $75 paid off the back bill, or her mother got the neighborhood to kick in and pay it.

The story always stuck in my mind - because she was giving what she could to her loved ones, but not letting them take advantage and setting the boundaries.

sus.. this rings true w/ ur man, ur relative, american , jamaican WHATEVER.. limits must be set, we must love ourselves more than we love our relationship..

i gave my 2 cents at the beginning so i won't rehash.. as usual, i say just expect the same things u would expect ur husband to do here.. worse economy or not, would u take care of ur american husband just cuz he works at mcdonalds and u are a dr.. some women would and if so, more power to u! but if not, us don't have to do it for u jamaican husband either..

jawi on the note about listing things to defend ur relationship.. altho i may do it more internally and not post for advice, thats is my thinking process.. i do it for EVERYTHING not just my relationship w/ RG, relationships w/ americans, decisions on what church i should join (still havent joined anywhere, its been 6 mnths UGH), what my kids should do for the weekend lol ANYTHING

i am very analytical and i am constantly sizing up my options.. thinking about the consequences of each..pondering. ive been told i am too cautious but hey..

i am just saying that sometimes listing attributes such as "ive known him this long, or he doesn't ask for money, or he buys min to talk to me" is just our way of sizing him up..no different than when u are thinking about a serious relationship here u might say "well he is nice to my kids, at least he have a job, he spends all his free time w/ me" some of us are that crazy heehee..

u said it urself, ldr = u don't know the man as well as u could, so no matter how much u believe that man love u (and Lord knows i believe RG does) there is still that level of anxiety.. is it a red flag not necessarily, again like u said, i am following my gut instincts and so far even w/ the anxiety, things are pointing UP..

[JOURNEE1125 0]

Excellent and fair point JAWI,

We all invest something, time, food, money, physical, patience. But it is when it becomes an Issue or situation that the person should be concerned. Everyone has the one last straw!

Just keep your eyes opend and stay focused on what You feel You Deserve!

[SupportOAFJF 0]

jAWS.....I think it's validation unconscienciously sometimes

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Kimmy ow come u no deh pon di oddah side

[wakeywakeup 1]

Lawny and Hotlegz..things are good. Somedays are better than others. Some of the stuff we are dealing with is the same..him hanging out with friends. However, as long as I don't nag him he comes on home and limits the outings and the minute I start giving him grief..well you know. Otherwise I'm still trying to get prego and no luck yet. I'm disappointed every month

[JaHoney 3]

Hey ladies, wha gwaan?

interesting topic.....LOL... Journee if you flinging stones can you FLING SOME MIDOL my way cause for the last week i dont know whether to or or i absolutely hate being so not in control of my emotions, but this month is particularly rough....

The st Johns wort, aint working, i think im gonna have to double up, or find something stronger.....

.....like ganja, or crack or alcohol ( SIGH) ( j/k)

[Islandwoman 0]

Since $$$ seems to be the issue today........Everyone please send positive thoughts to JA for my hubby (michael) as he has his first round of interviews today to go to Canada for a work program.......like that segway??? We need him to go and make some $$$ cause I can't do this process on my income and his JA income alone.......He has been waiting for the interview for 4 hours already...says that there are over 300 people there.... Poor baby...left home at 4am to be there on time by 7:30.

Good thoughts and prayers to our fellow namesake! I hope it works in his favor and his patience will pay off.

[dancehallquana 5]

Morning all!

I agree with some of what has been said last night - But not all. I think that all too often we jump to defend ourselves if we have helped our SO - because too many people assume too fast that it is all about the money. In my mind, the key to it is - are you doing something for someone that you would not normally do? If your SO was in the states and needed money for something, would you give it to him? There are times where I have definitely helped DJ - Such as sending the money to pay for his doctor so that he could go to a private doctor with his eye - Because ultimately, this is the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with - It was more important to me that he got the best medical care that he could get than it was who paid for it. There are also other times where I don't come out of my pocket at all, because he has extra money - he was upset the other day because he got pulled over for speeding, had $4000 in his pocket, and had to pay $3000 to avoid the ticket, basically leaving him with no money, since he had to go to Ochi and needed gas in the car - My response? Oh well -shouldn't have been speeding!

In a relationship, you hold each other down through the good and the bad - That's what being in the commitment is about - Only you, your SO, and God alone can judge what happens in the relationship, no one else. It's one thing if EVERY time you talk it's a request for money, a need for X, etc... but you have to weigh your priorities and trust your gut as to what is right for you. And, in response to the requests to bring things for people - I have bought stuff that people asked me for - and been paid for it when I got there - but if I had done that, and not been given the money when I reached - good luck getting me to do anything again.

Ells - In the particular situation you are describing - I wouldn't read so much into it. I understand that getting a second phone card is important to you - But from what you have posted - he made less money in his last pay, has living expenses, and still got the pictures that he needs taken - sounds to me like he is prioritizing and budgeting his money - the extra that he could spare from his last pay went to the pictures. While the extra SIM is important - he didn't have the extra this time - wait and see what he does next time he gets paid.

You always manage to say what I'm trying to say without trying. Thanks! I was basically saying "so what if you help your man every now and then." There is a definite difference between being pimped and being in an relationship where both partners are giving and taking and they are both satisifed with the give and take.

I just want us to stop coming here and prefacing every time you decide to do something of your man with "I dont send money and he never asks."

I may be wrong...but I felt like there is more to Ells situation that made the extra phone card seem like more or a big deal...sort of like the straw that broke the camels' back. Maybe she feels that he has not been honoring the fact that she is on a stricter budget now. So, that's why this has upset her.

i agree w/ u jawi.. if someone trying to get here on a visa KNOWS that u have a problem w/ men asking for money then he wont ask and will try to show himself honorable in that area.. BELIEVE me i used to ponder that one day and night..

[dancehallquana 5]

wakey.. stay up my girl.. we take the good and bad as long as there is more good,miss u

jamerican, praying for hubby, so how far is canada from u, could u go see him, im thinking WAYYY ahead arent i LOL

[SupportOAFJF 0]

yo Q..u will be surprised the things men/women do just to set foot on US soil..thye don't care who they hurt while doing it...they can be as sincere as they want to be..best believe that!

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Lawny and Hotlegz..things are good. Somedays are better than others. Some of the stuff we are dealing with is the same..him hanging out with friends. However, as long as I don't nag him he comes on home and limits the outings and the minute I start giving him grief..well you know. Otherwise I'm still trying to get prego and no luck yet. I'm disappointed every month

Wakey;

I hold your hand, we're in the same both. In due time, you'll be blessed...but on the real...AIN'T IT FUN TRYING

[Islandwoman 0]

wakey; a so life go most time

A true dat Lawny!

[SupportOAFJF 0]

In due time Wakey..when a ur turn..a ur turn...hope things smooth itself out..what s gonna happen when baby comes..he's gonna still go hang out, while home pacifing a crying child?

[Islandwoman 0]

Luciano - Update

Awful thing...prayers needed.

From The Observer:

Red Hills shootout: 3 police injured, 'most wanted' gunman killed

Corey Robinson, Observer staff reporter

Posted: 3/25/2009 8:24:25 AM

THREE policemen have been shot and injured, one seriously, and a gunman from the 'most wanted' list killed in a shootout at a house on Westminster Crescent off Red Hills Road, St Andrew this morning.

Acting on intelligence, police had surrounded the house at 5:30 am, which they said was owned by entertainer Luciano, when the shooting started.

Police said that when the gunman saw them he used Luciano's children as a human shield.

A firearm has been recovered and Luciano has been taken to Half-Way-Tree Police Station for questioning.

http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/tools/break.../bnm.asp?bn=689

OMG - that's awful!

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Kimmy ow come u no deh pon di oddah side

leave mi alone..yuh baxide..mi a hide fram yuh!