I MISS MY LIFE

[morocco4ever 63]

What I have learned from this thread:

1-American women are self serving beeotches that don't need a man. Okay, I can live with that when my options are a man that are looking for a slave

2-If an American man brings an Asian wife to the US it is her sworn duty to serve her husband, no matter what her desires are.

3-It doesn't matter what the husband wants, only what the wife wants. I will be speaking to my husband about that. (Contradiction to #2 however)

4-A man that wants his wife to stay home is controlling. I wish my husband would control me then.

5-Quit whining about being homesick, your goal was to come to the US so shut up now. I guess I didn't understand that when my husband went through it because I tried to be sympathetic.

BTW if you can't tell I am being sarcastic.

First off, if a man is looking for a slave why don't you simply hire a maid and a cook? Wives should be treated with respect.

Second, bringing your spouse here should not give you the right to command her. She is a human with feelings

Third, it isn't what is important to the wife, nor for the husband, but if you work together and honestly care about each other you can work out what works for both of you. Why wasn't this decided beforehand?

Fourth, a husband can want a wife to be a stay at home wife without being controlling. It is his wish, and is valid, much like if she wants to work is valid. Again, why weren't these things decided beforehand?

Fifth, for heaven sakes, the woman gave up her entire life, family, tradition, and home to be with her husband. Why can't we take time to try to help her to adjust rather than calling her a whining puke?

I am glad that my husband and I took the time to work together what was expected before he got here. It sure has made life easier for both.

To the OP, I hope things get easier. I admire you for coming here, it's a big move. Just take one day at a time, and explain patiently to your husband how you feel. I hope he has the love and compassion to get you through this transition.

[EWRI6884 0]

Guys, I have a question... What if your husband doesn't want you to work?

he just wants you to stay at the house and be a dedicated housewife?

what are you goin to feel?, do?....

I will start to consider him a control freak and an abusive husband!

Seriously, your husband has no right whatsoever to ask you not to work and to just stay at home and be a dedicated wife. It's more of an economic abuse which may constitute an act of violence against a woman. To work. explore all your possibilities and maximize your potentialities are your basic rights that your husband should respect and which you must protect.

You have some issues my friend!!!

The OP was asking a simple question that only required PROS/CONS and yet you turned it into a LAW!

As Tallcoolone said... #######??? Go chase someone elses ambulance because if you make your living prosecuting guys that say... Oh honey I dont want you to work, you have a sad job and life. NOWHERE in the OP thread did it say she was held at gunpoint or threatened if she got a job, she simply stated that her Husband did NOT want her to get a job. Im sure there are things you DONT want your spouse doing either, does that make you an ABUSIVE person? I would hope not, because if so...I am ABUSIVE, my Finacee is ABUSIVE, and we are all abusive in some form or fashion!

To the OP....

I think only YOU really know whats best for your current situation. If a job is something you really want for money or a career for self-worth, talk it over with your husband and explain to him your thinking. I would hope he isnt a "Control Freak" but when you get married, we ALL have to give and take a little in a relationship, otherwise we would all fail. ONLY YOU KNOW THE ANSWER!

Good Luck!

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

Guys, I have a question... What if your husband doesn't want you to work?

he just wants you to stay at the house and be a dedicated housewife?

what are you goin to feel?, do?....

I will start to consider him a control freak and an abusive husband!

Seriously, your husband has no right whatsoever to ask you not to work and to just stay at home and be a dedicated wife. It's more of an economic abuse which may constitute an act of violence against a woman. To work. explore all your possibilities and maximize your potentialities are your basic rights that your husband should respect and which you must protect.

You have some issues my friend!!!

The OP was asking a simple question that only required PROS/CONS and yet you turned it into a LAW!

As Tallcoolone said... #######??? Go chase someone elses ambulance because if you make your living prosecuting guys that say... Oh honey I dont want you to work, you have a sad job and life. NOWHERE in the OP thread did it say she was held at gunpoint or threatened if she got a job, she simply stated that her Husband did NOT want her to get a job. Im sure there are things you DONT want your spouse doing either, does that make you an ABUSIVE person? I would hope not, because if so...I am ABUSIVE, my Finacee is ABUSIVE, and we are all abusive in some form or fashion!

To the OP....

I think only YOU really know whats best for your current situation. If a job is something you really want for money or a career for self-worth, talk it over with your husband and explain to him your thinking. I would hope he isnt a "Control Freak" but when you get married, we ALL have to give and take a little in a relationship, otherwise we would all fail. ONLY YOU KNOW THE ANSWER!

Good Luck!

the husband has an opinion, expresses it, and gets slapped with abuse charges.

where's the real abuse in that scenario?

[Completely 3]

I just saw this post today as we have some difficulties in the network.

I was amazed on how people posted their views and opinion if wife's needs to work or not. Well nobody is right or wrong..we can say what we want to say..

But here is my point.. couple should both discuss everything from financial down to having a kids and such,before getting married.. As for me, I dont see anything wrong on both side.. Husband and wife can choose any set up they want in the matter of discussing it.. Good communication plays a very important role in marriage..

Sometimes I feel like I want to stay at home and take care of my kids, but I know deep inside we need both have to work to have a better life..

A husband who wants his wife to stay home, does not mean he is abusive or is looking for a nanny.. He might dont like his wife to have difficulties and just want to enjoy life with him, while he is the one who makes money.. His salary may be enough or more than enough to support the family..

On the other side, a husband who wants his wife to work, might see things differently. For him it both will be working together, it will be a great help to establish a better life for their family..

Above all this, couples both need to talk before getting married..

Edited January 8, 2009 by Completely

[Mykuls Merry Ann 4]

Whoever married "Nick of Time" is in for a rude awakening!

[Mykuls Merry Ann 4]

Hey I got a question:

Does a husband have a right to say he wants to not work? And stay at home? And then let the wife work only?

I am a male...

and here is my advice to those women who have husbands who dont want them to work...

Ladies you have to know that when you married you are no longer one. I think some husbands probably question why you want to work. What do you plan to do with that money? Does it go squarely into the same pot that your husbands income is going to? Do you think that you get more right to say about where that money goes because you made yourself? Do you think the financial priorities should change now that you are bringing home some of the bacon?

If your plan is that you can spend your money how you want and his money is for taking care of house and home and you and kids, then you are not thinking with him, you are working against him.

No marriage affords you the time to do that.

I also would like to know if kids are in the home. The worst thing going on in America is that no one is in the home to be there for children. Mother and father are both tired and the house is falling apart, and the kids are eating fast food and garbage food 5 days a week. Because mom and dad are chasing that old American dollar.

If you came to america to get your independence from a man or a husband, then you are using him by marrying him in the first place.

Grow up my pilipina sisters. Dont forget what country you come from and the values it carries!!! I have great respect for pilipina women. But I know that so many of them are watching American TV, and they see how they can take advantage of their husbands and home so easily here.

Dont fall into the same world that so many American women have fallen to!

I do believe this is why so many American men choose to go abroad to find you in the first place.

But lets be honest, are you tricking him?

I think that couples should decide who is going to work. But they should also know how that money is to be spent. and know how time will be lost if they both work.

Lets remember that we work to keep a good home. Whoever is at the home, man or woman, has the most important role.

[Mykuls Merry Ann 4]

Guys, I have a question... What if your husband doesn't want you to work?

he just wants you to stay at the house and be a dedicated housewife?

what are you goin to feel?, do?....

I will start to consider him a control freak and an abusive husband!

Seriously, your husband has no right whatsoever to ask you not to work and to just stay at home and be a dedicated wife. It's more of an economic abuse which may constitute an act of violence against a woman. To work. explore all your possibilities and maximize your potentialities are your basic rights that your husband should respect and which you must protect.

#######?

Economic Abuse?

Constitute act of vioence?

Did you google that answer from someplace? It seems out of line and not related to this thread......

That's based on RA 9262, a Philippine law known as anti-Violence against women and their children act. I don't have to goggle it. I know the law very well and had prosecuted quite a few men who did such form of violence against women.

Your post makes no sense again.

How is your Husband asking you not to work consitute violence against woman or children. Go google some more, but this time try to come up with an answer that matches my question.

She didn't say that the husband simply asked the wife not to work. The hypothetical question was "what if your husband doesn't want you to work?" which I interpreted as more of a demand and which to my OPINION is detrimental to the right of the woman to work if she wanted to. Of course there are women who are okay to being dependent to their husbands. But there are also women who prefer to be financially independent and explore their potentialities to find some source of achievement in her own. If the woman would want that and the husband does things to stop her from pursuing what she likes to achieve, that constitutes an act of violence per OUR LAW. As to whether such is true in YOUR LAW, I can only hope that it is not geared towards curtailing women empowerment.

The point is, regardless of the race or where the wife came from, the decision to work should be more of the wife's than the husband's and I say that under the assumption that the wife is sensible and intelligent enough to know what will be the best for the family. As we say it in the Philippines, the wife must always be the guiding light.

Hmmmm...the English translation sounds beautiful and sweet...THE WIFE IS THE GUIDING LIGHT!

Let me get this right, Can the husband also be financially independent of her and explore his potential as well?

YOu need to stop reading that feminist articles and grow up....This is a marriage. YOu gave up independence when you said I Do.

I wonder how some of the ladies think it works. If you husband comes home one day and plops on the couch and quit working? Or he decides that his income is no longer for that home, he wants to "esplore is financial independence"

hahahahahahahaha!!! YOu have lost your mind!

[Completely 3]

Guys, I have a question... What if your husband doesn't want you to work?

he just wants you to stay at the house and be a dedicated housewife?

what are you goin to feel?, do?....

I will start to consider him a control freak and an abusive husband!

Seriously, your husband has no right whatsoever to ask you not to work and to just stay at home and be a dedicated wife. It's more of an economic abuse which may constitute an act of violence against a woman. To work. explore all your possibilities and maximize your potentialities are your basic rights that your husband should respect and which you must protect.

I think you are setting the cart before the horse here. If the husband wanted to marry an uppity liberated woman, he would have found one here in the US of A. But he didn't, and he deserves the respect he is entitled to. He went through great expense and effort to bring you here, and the least you can do is try to make things work. You have a lifetime to "persuade" your husband to a more equitable relationship. But for now, try to meet his expectations for an Asian wife.

Why generalized everybody.. Yes we came from one country but we were raised differently. Many wives in the philippines preferred to work but somehow there is no jobs available for them the reason why they ended up staying at home and taking care of the kids.. Working or not to work is based on the set up you both discussed before getting married.. As what I have said in my previous post that couple must discuss everything first.

[DARUMA07 25]

Hey I got a question:

Does a husband have a right to say he wants to not work? And stay at home? And then let the wife work only?

I am a male...

and here is my advice to those women who have husbands who dont want them to work...

Ladies you have to know that when you married you are no longer one. I think some husbands probably question why you want to work. What do you plan to do with that money? Does it go squarely into the same pot that your husbands income is going to? Do you think that you get more right to say about where that money goes because you made yourself? Do you think the financial priorities should change now that you are bringing home some of the bacon?

If your plan is that you can spend your money how you want and his money is for taking care of house and home and you and kids, then you are not thinking with him, you are working against him.

No marriage affords you the time to do that.

I also would like to know if kids are in the home. The worst thing going on in America is that no one is in the home to be there for children. Mother and father are both tired and the house is falling apart, and the kids are eating fast food and garbage food 5 days a week. Because mom and dad are chasing that old American dollar.

If you came to america to get your independence from a man or a husband, then you are using him by marrying him in the first place.

Grow up my pilipina sisters. Dont forget what country you come from and the values it carries!!! I have great respect for pilipina women. But I know that so many of them are watching American TV, and they see how they can take advantage of their husbands and home so easily here.

Dont fall into the same world that so many American women have fallen to!

I do believe this is why so many American men choose to go abroad to find you in the first place.

But lets be honest, are you tricking him?

I think that couples should decide who is going to work. But they should also know how that money is to be spent. and know how time will be lost if they both work.

Lets remember that we work to keep a good home. Whoever is at the home, man or woman, has the most important role.

You hit the nail on the head. These kind of things should have been discussed long before the fiancee or wife entered the US. It has nothing to do with control. FEASIBILITY isn't controlling nor is it abusive. A couple has to decide what is best for the household. If they agree the wife stays home and can afford that, then I don't see anything wrong with that.

If they both decide that the wife should work, then they should split the total bills and each pay their fair share by their income Ratio. If the husband makes 40% more in his total salary then he should pay 40% more on the bills. Vice Versa if the wife makes more money than the husband.

It's all about fairness and feasibility......

Guys, I have a question... What if your husband doesn't want you to work?

he just wants you to stay at the house and be a dedicated housewife?

what are you goin to feel?, do?....

I will start to consider him a control freak and an abusive husband!

Seriously, your husband has no right whatsoever to ask you not to work and to just stay at home and be a dedicated wife. It's more of an economic abuse which may constitute an act of violence against a woman. To work. explore all your possibilities and maximize your potentialities are your basic rights that your husband should respect and which you must protect.

#######?

Economic Abuse?

Constitute act of vioence?

Did you google that answer from someplace? It seems out of line and not related to this thread......

That's based on RA 9262, a Philippine law known as anti-Violence against women and their children act. I don't have to goggle it. I know the law very well and had prosecuted quite a few men who did such form of violence against women.

Your post makes no sense again.

How is your Husband asking you not to work consitute violence against woman or children. Go google some more, but this time try to come up with an answer that matches my question.

She didn't say that the husband simply asked the wife not to work. The hypothetical question was "what if your husband doesn't want you to work?" which I interpreted as more of a demand and which to my OPINION is detrimental to the right of the woman to work if she wanted to. Of course there are women who are okay to being dependent to their husbands. But there are also women who prefer to be financially independent and explore their potentialities to find some source of achievement in her own. If the woman would want that and the husband does things to stop her from pursuing what she likes to achieve, that constitutes an act of violence per OUR LAW. As to whether such is true in YOUR LAW, I can only hope that it is not geared towards curtailing women empowerment.

The point is, regardless of the race or where the wife came from, the decision to work should be more of the wife's than the husband's and I say that under the assumption that the wife is sensible and intelligent enough to know what will be the best for the family. As we say it in the Philippines, the wife must always be the guiding light.

Hmmmm...the English translation sounds beautiful and sweet...THE WIFE IS THE GUIDING LIGHT!

Let me get this right, Can the husband also be financially independent of her and explore his potential as well?

YOu need to stop reading that feminist articles and grow up....This is a marriage. YOu gave up independence when you said I Do.

I wonder how some of the ladies think it works. If you husband comes home one day and plops on the couch and quit working? Or he decides that his income is no longer for that home, he wants to "esplore is financial independence"

hahahahahahahaha!!! YOu have lost your mind!

..... Again Bro, you are absolutey right!!!!!

[jom 4]

I am a working husband and my wife have worked her entire adult life until she arrived here. I cannot imagine myself not working. One day post-op ( shoulder) I was already up and fixing something . Of course my wife almost kicked my butt, lol. My wife is the same. Our current situation doesn't require her to work but she wants to work because that is who she is and I respect that. She is happy travelling with me for more than a year now and honestly it has strenghtened our bond as husband and wife but she is now ready to work and I won't take that away from her.

One thing about my wife, she speaks her mind and doesn't sulk. We talked about her working after a year of being married and it will be that way. I respect her for what she is. When I asked her, why she need to work when she doesn't have to, sHe asked me back if I can see myself not working and thats how I fully understood. We are so the same.

I will terribly miss her when she works and me travelling alone but I love my wife and there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do to make her happy. If she will be happy working, then be it. Her future earnings is OURS, and will be saved for our future travels and retirement. In our relationship there is no hers and mine, it is always OURS.

[DARUMA07 25]

I am a working husband and my wife have worked her entire adult life until she arrived here. I cannot imagine myself not working. One day post-op ( shoulder) I was already up and fixing something . Of course my wife almost kicked my butt, lol. My wife is the same. Our current situation doesn't require her to work but she wants to work because that is who she is and I respect that. She is happy travelling with me for more than a year now and honestly it has strenghtened our bond as husband and wife but she is now ready to work and I won't take that away from her.

One thing about my wife, she speaks her mind and doesn't sulk. We talked about her working after a year of being married and it will be that way. I respect her for what she is. When I asked her, why she need to work when she doesn't have to, sHe asked me back if I can see myself not working and thats how I fully understood. We are so the same.

I will terribly miss her when she works and me travelling alone but I love my wife and there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do to make her happy. If she will be happy working, then be it. Her future earnings is OURS, and will be saved for our future travels and retirement. In our relationship there is no hers and mine, it is always OURS.

That is great Joe! You and Myla discussed this and it is working for you two. I like what you said about everything being OURS.... It shows that your marriage is strong and equal......

[Mykuls Merry Ann 4]

Hey I got a question:

Does a husband have a right to say he wants to not work? And stay at home? And then let the wife work only?

I am a male...

and here is my advice to those women who have husbands who dont want them to work...

Ladies you have to know that when you married you are no longer one. I think some husbands probably question why you want to work. What do you plan to do with that money? Does it go squarely into the same pot that your husbands income is going to? Do you think that you get more right to say about where that money goes because you made yourself? Do you think the financial priorities should change now that you are bringing home some of the bacon?

If your plan is that you can spend your money how you want and his money is for taking care of house and home and you and kids, then you are not thinking with him, you are working against him.

No marriage affords you the time to do that.

I also would like to know if kids are in the home. The worst thing going on in America is that no one is in the home to be there for children. Mother and father are both tired and the house is falling apart, and the kids are eating fast food and garbage food 5 days a week. Because mom and dad are chasing that old American dollar.

If you came to america to get your independence from a man or a husband, then you are using him by marrying him in the first place.

Grow up my pilipina sisters. Dont forget what country you come from and the values it carries!!! I have great respect for pilipina women. But I know that so many of them are watching American TV, and they see how they can take advantage of their husbands and home so easily here.

Dont fall into the same world that so many American women have fallen to!

I do believe this is why so many American men choose to go abroad to find you in the first place.

But lets be honest, are you tricking him?

I think that couples should decide who is going to work. But they should also know how that money is to be spent. and know how time will be lost if they both work.

Lets remember that we work to keep a good home. Whoever is at the home, man or woman, has the most important role.

You hit the nail on the head. These kind of things should have been discussed long before the fiancee or wife entered the US. It has nothing to do with control. FEASIBILITY isn't controlling nor is it abusive. A couple has to decide what is best for the household. If they agree the wife stays home and can afford that, then I don't see anything wrong with that.

If they both decide that the wife should work, then they should split the total bills and each pay their fair share by their income Ratio. If the husband makes 40% more in his total salary then he should pay 40% more on the bills. Vice Versa if the wife makes more money than the husband.

It's all about fairness and feasibility......

Guys, I have a question... What if your husband doesn't want you to work?

he just wants you to stay at the house and be a dedicated housewife?

what are you goin to feel?, do?....

I will start to consider him a control freak and an abusive husband!

Seriously, your husband has no right whatsoever to ask you not to work and to just stay at home and be a dedicated wife. It's more of an economic abuse which may constitute an act of violence against a woman. To work. explore all your possibilities and maximize your potentialities are your basic rights that your husband should respect and which you must protect.

#######?

Economic Abuse?

Constitute act of vioence?

Did you google that answer from someplace? It seems out of line and not related to this thread......

That's based on RA 9262, a Philippine law known as anti-Violence against women and their children act. I don't have to goggle it. I know the law very well and had prosecuted quite a few men who did such form of violence against women.

Your post makes no sense again.

How is your Husband asking you not to work consitute violence against woman or children. Go google some more, but this time try to come up with an answer that matches my question.

She didn't say that the husband simply asked the wife not to work. The hypothetical question was "what if your husband doesn't want you to work?" which I interpreted as more of a demand and which to my OPINION is detrimental to the right of the woman to work if she wanted to. Of course there are women who are okay to being dependent to their husbands. But there are also women who prefer to be financially independent and explore their potentialities to find some source of achievement in her own. If the woman would want that and the husband does things to stop her from pursuing what she likes to achieve, that constitutes an act of violence per OUR LAW. As to whether such is true in YOUR LAW, I can only hope that it is not geared towards curtailing women empowerment.

The point is, regardless of the race or where the wife came from, the decision to work should be more of the wife's than the husband's and I say that under the assumption that the wife is sensible and intelligent enough to know what will be the best for the family. As we say it in the Philippines, the wife must always be the guiding light.

Hmmmm...the English translation sounds beautiful and sweet...THE WIFE IS THE GUIDING LIGHT!

Let me get this right, Can the husband also be financially independent of her and explore his potential as well?

YOu need to stop reading that feminist articles and grow up....This is a marriage. YOu gave up independence when you said I Do.

I wonder how some of the ladies think it works. If you husband comes home one day and plops on the couch and quit working? Or he decides that his income is no longer for that home, he wants to "esplore is financial independence"

hahahahahahahaha!!! YOu have lost your mind!

..... Again Bro, you are absolutey right!!!!!

thanks. But ya know you are right. People should be realistic about what marriage entails. There are lots of things that are added on and given up in a marriage. I do know that there are some men who dont want there wives to work. But I have yet to meet a woman who does not want her husband to work... People need to be honest of their intentions in a marriage before they marry.

We men dont really get to "find our potential" and "explore our financial independencies" My father told me, that a man has 3 choices in a marriage. #1 Work #2 Work #3 Work some more.....For any man that does not work would be considered a lower form of man. I hear the women in the Philippines complain about pilipino men. Some are lazy, gambling, playing games, and cheating and acting like boys. These women talk about these men in the worst way. As one pilipina put it to me, "If a man does not work", "Then he should not eat"

Hmmmmmm...so does that mean that if my wife does not wash my underwear that she cant wear any clothes anymore? Wow, I like this rule.....lol hahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Truth is that many of these women are taking for granted a good man who will automatically come home and put his paycheck squarely in the middle of the dining room table to be divvied up for the important needs of his wife and children. I saw one post how the woman wants to work so she can send money back to her family in PH.

But has this woman thought about how doing that is taking advantage of her husbands income? She looks at his income as a GIVEN. Now she sees her new free TIME is a resource that is open to her to do with what she wants. She dont see that she is provided with a safe home, clothes and food at no expense to her body and given up time. That her husbands affords her this time resource. So she decides to use that extra time, not to reciprocate her husband, who is laboring 50 hrs a week to take care of home, but to make her look good to her family in the PH??? I am sorry no!!!! And so she can have more buying power to shop till she drops? I am sorry no!!!

Look... if both agreed that they would obligate their income for our family in PH, then its ok. But so many things have to be a priority in your home in the U.S. YOur core family in the U.S. comes first. Your family here does not owe anyone in the PH extended family or not. Now we do send money to help our family there. But when i do out budget, it goes in the "Misc Wants" list. We strive to do something a few times a year. But we are not going to put it in as a priority in our budget next to the mortgage and utility bills.

That brings me to another point on this false "Foreigner Clause" that i hear some pilipinas speak about before they marry a foreigner. they will tell him that when she marries, it is the husbands responsibility to take care of her extended family. hahahahahahahaha!!!! This has been passed on for many many years in the PH. This is not anywhere in Philippine culture or tradition. Its simply for foreigners only.

Truth is that the Philippine culture (Catholic culture) has no such cultural rule or law like that. I have many pilipono friends who are married to pilipina. And they laugh at me when I ask them how much money does he give her extended family. they tell me that is only for "Foreign Husbands". Now what kind of issues arise here? Many, probably to deep to talk about here on VJ...lol

I dont have a problem helping extended family. In fact I dream about helping all of our family even my own. But we both have extended family. Her family is not a priority over my own. I told my future wife's family all at once in a family gathering. That we are all family, and we will all help each other.

She does not want to work when she comes to the U.S. We have discussed it many many times. I told her that it would be a good idea to see the work world in America just for experience though. And she agreed. I dont want her to HAVE to work. We have children, and one thing that we both agree is that we dont want our home to turn into a train station. She will come here on VJ and really would be angry with someone like "Nick or Time". She hates to see so many of her pilipina sisters go to America and try to claim values that they know they were not raised with.

Many pilipina women work. In fact we can all agree that the Philippine culture is matriarchal in structure. That the woman usually takes the lead in their homes. Heck they have a woman president. And this may be the reason for the cultural clash here.

But once again, I tell people who bring up this fact. That the poorer the country the more likely that it will be more matriarchal. Men gain access to their offspring based on how resourceful they are. American men are going to be more proactive and assertive in family and with children, simply because they have the resources to build their own cave and live in it with his wife. Most Pilipino men dont have that kind of access to income and resources. Therefore their role as paternal male can be easily usurped by the female.

Study any mammal on the planet and see which males can find a female to mate and which cant, and the hard core truth gets revealed about us.

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

Guys, I have a question... What if your husband doesn't want you to work?

he just wants you to stay at the house and be a dedicated housewife?

what are you goin to feel?, do?....

I will start to consider him a control freak and an abusive husband!

Seriously, your husband has no right whatsoever to ask you not to work and to just stay at home and be a dedicated wife. It's more of an economic abuse which may constitute an act of violence against a woman. To work. explore all your possibilities and maximize your potentialities are your basic rights that your husband should respect and which you must protect.

I think you are setting the cart before the horse here. If the husband wanted to marry an uppity liberated woman, he would have found one here in the US of A. But he didn't, and he deserves the respect he is entitled to. He went through great expense and effort to bring you here, and the least you can do is try to make things work. You have a lifetime to "persuade" your husband to a more equitable relationship. But for now, try to meet his expectations for an Asian wife.

Why generalized everybody.. Yes we came from one country but we were raised differently. Many wives in the philippines preferred to work but somehow there is no jobs available for them the reason why they ended up staying at home and taking care of the kids.. Working or not to work is based on the set up you both discussed before getting married.. As what I have said in my previous post that couple must discuss everything first.

Tama kayong lahat pero, sabi ng mga girls na co-workers ko, " Alam mo ba na ang suweldo niya ay pera mo at ang suweldo mo ay sa'yo lang." But I don't believe that. I want to help with the bills too. It's too much.

[Mykuls Merry Ann 4]

http://www.pfadvice.com/2007/05/10/two-inc...-for-the-money/

[rockhouse 1]

Anyone who marries someone just to come to America deserves to be unhappy. Anyone who marries without first discussing important issues such as future children or employment, is an idiot.

I think if both people are on the same page mentally with regards to all the important future issues, then with a little hard work and faith, all will be well.

I do believe though that if you are a young energetic filipina, and your man is a much older, lethargic couch potato, then unhappiness is inevitable.

And to the idiot calling the southern states, "whitetrash", it seems to me that a filipina would feel much more at home here wearing flip-flops, spaghetti strap t-shirts and being around other dark skinned people, like mexicans.

I guarantee that a filipina would feel WAY more at home in Texas than Massachusetts....you sir are an idiot.