feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out

[amal 4]

I TOTALLY killed the ex husband with kindness. He didn't know what to think about it. Still doesn't. I only do it to show my son that I'm a good person. I want him to think back (when he gets older) and see that I never once held that man back from seeing his son and that I didn't say a bad thing about the man even though he is a total loser and a flop as a parent. Even at over 8000 dollars behind, I still don't say cross words to him. I wish there was some way to get blood from a turnip....he's not working so I will never be able to put that money towards my son's college as I had planned. ... .. Is there any way to deport an american from America? lmaooo

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Hanging in there,

You have a lot on your plate, no doubt. Which is why I think you can't properly determine what your needs are at this time. Just functioning from day to day may be your choice, but it is not necessarily the best course. Furthermore, I am not diagnosing you from this forum. Far from it. I am not your physician, nor am I your counselor, but I am observant enough to see the mood swings and to know that "sleeping" off a tragic series of events might give you the physical strength to face another day, but might not be serving you well in the psychological sense. Of course your therapist shares intimate time with you, and I don't question that she has your best interests at heart. Please don't forget that albeit we are a world away, we see you in terms of what you write on a daily basis. Some days you are more lucid than others.

I would recommend that you discuss with your therapist your perceptions of anti-depressants/medication. I can assure you that they do not do what you claim, they do not alter you, or make you a zombie as you profe4ssm and I can assure you that while it appears admirable that you choose not to want to take them, this might not be what is best in your situation. I have read on many occasions in the past few weeks, comments about taking your life, not wanting to live, wishing to die. These are not statements that individuals that are healthy utter, let alone repeat. Yes, indeed, you have experienced some tragedy. You have reason to think the way you do, but given what you have had to endure, you are an ideal candidate for some psychotropic help.

Major depression is characterized by the inability to enjoy life and experience pleasure. Lack of interest in outside activities, strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt, thoughts that life isn’t worth living, weight gain or loss, sleep troubles- all of these are signs of major depression. These feelings normally must persist for at least two weeks in order to be considered a major depressive episode. The symptoms can range from mild, when you can function in life with extra effort, to severe, where you can no longer complete daily activities.

Perceptions are altered when an individual is suffering from clinical depression. Perceptions of one's mate, one's family, one's life. You claim your husband abandoned you during the period after your baby died. Your family also. This might indeed be true, but also, it is possible that some of these actions, could be a manifestation of depression, and skewed by your perception.

Finally, may I say, that regardless of the horrors you've experienced in the last month, you don't know, you don't need to focus on, nor can you begin to know who else in this community has had to deal with grief or the same.

Vistaril, you mean hydroxyzine? The antihistamine? How will that help your depression? Self-diagnosing isn't a good idea. I think it might be a good idea to double check to make sure you don't need something else to keep your mood leveled.

I take vistoril for sleep and a nurse practioner at the same place ( the county since I have no insurance) prescribes it. I dont take psychotrophics but if I wanted anti depressants I could get them there. Florida runs a little different. Even just a Gp or walk in clinic can prescribe lets say lexapro or other stuff. I have no health insurance and you have to have insurance to go really nuts ( hehheehhe) I have real bad ptsd and the vistoril helps me sleep through the night without nightmares.. well diddie you learn some thing new every day. Dont lose your mind in Florida cause youll have to get in line for the drugs behind everyone else

Diddie. I didnt self diagnose. I go to a therapist. I have problems sleeping at night. Not sleeping but I wake up with nightmares. I really respect your advice about immigration but in less than 4 months I have dealt with a death and my husband leaving and I think considering everything I am doing well. Its irresponsible in my humble opinion to be diagnosing people with issues they dont have when you are not a medical doctor nor are you a psychiatrist. I have real life things going on and I think I should feel free enough to talk about immigration issues here or really whatever I want to. I dont have depression per se. I have real life things making me sad.. not things that I am blowing out of proportion. I buried my child, took my husband to the airport not knowing if I would ever see him again and have dealt with things that would put people in the ground with no medication whatsover. If my therapist and the person working at the clinic dont think I need to be doped out of my mind, then neither should you. I may not be your cup of tea as a person and you may find my posts annoying but I am certainly not abusive to other people and unkind.. I am a good mom... I am holding a job in this economy and I personally would like to be COGNISCENT of what is going on around me which I think mood stabilizers and mood elevators sometimes make you easier to be dealt with by other people.. but NUMB is the last thing I want to feel. I dont want to be on psychotrophics and frankly you dispensing medical advice is far beyond what these boards are for. I like what you have to say and respect you but you really are very off base saying this stuff to me. I see a therapist for the death of my child and PTSD and I am grieving but all in all I am very productive and hanging in there. I hope you dont find what I have to say offensive, but if they are prescribing me a medication to help me sleep so I can be ok .. you should respect what they have to say and not make stuff up for your own reasons....I am doing an extremely good job of managing my life despite the cards I have been dealt and most of the other moms I know ARE on drugs after this kind of stuff happened. I made the choice to ride it out off the meds because I have so many responsibilities that I cant afford to zone off into another galaxy on meds. I have to be alert and with it and frankly alot of the meds make you tired.. PLUS I am not clinically depressed. I am sad.. but I have reasons to be...Thanks anyway

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

My family refuses to go to the gravesite and my mother wouldnt even see me face to face after my child died because she couldnt deal with things. She went and got drunk with his sister. I dont think I am skewing that.. That sucked. I needed them. they got wasted and havent gone one time to the graveside nor have I seen them but once since the funeral. My husband quit his job and went on vacation in the middle of all of what he had to take care ofand left me with bills, didnt give me a penny from his paychecks and left me with a huge mess. I dont think I am skewing that either out of depression. I know that meds would make my life easier but I dont have the resources to survive the fatigue and other issues that meds deliver. I have to be up at 5 with one child.. and then up an hour later with the other,,, take care of my house, the yard,keep a job and somehow fit in grieving.. Psychtrophics have a lot of side effects,,,the worst one being severe fatigue and I cant be zoned out of my mind dealing with things. I have very little family and what family i have have already told me if I cant take care of my kids, My daughter will go into foster care because they dont want her and I better snap out of things and shape up. Its my sheer love of my kids that has given me the determination to keep going.. PS.. yes somedays I am MORE LUCID than others.. I am in grief.. that is totally normal. I dont need it beat into me to be on meds... I need a hug and I need to keep surrounding myself with loving people who love my kids.. and to take my son to lots of activities and work in my garden and try to find happiness... I dont have the luxury, insurance or the money to go on something to numb the pain. I have to work through the pain the old fashioned way.. and try hard to be a good mom...I am doing very well considering.. Not everyone desires to not feel what is going on around them... certainly not me.. I have to grieve and fight the grief and survive it.. one day at a time

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

You know hanging in there, kat, I have posted many times and if you choose to ignore them it is perfectly ok with me. But what I have to say is not to down you,youve already been there, not to put you in ur place , you have lived that, not to cause you emotion, or make you angry you go through that all the time. Because YOu choose to live and stay with an abusive man.

Now either you are a liar, and all the storys you have posted here are out and out fabrication and lies, or this man you married is an Abuser. And abusive men never ever ever ever change so easily if they ever ever ever change at all, .. ever.

So here is the thinng if you wnat your children to grow up thinking it is ok to marry an abuser or to be one go ahead and stay with this man, and destroy their ego, soul , and future. If you want to stand up against abuse and say this is never ever ever ever ok and teach them that then you must never take him back.

As I stated several times before you are not ready for that. You want to stay with the abuser and allow your children to see that, and YOU are the one responsible for them YOU are the one who can claim your freedom from abuse. You are fortunate to live in the USA where victoms have ALL the rights and abusers have NONE. So take that adavatage . There are abused women in all walks of life , and I lived 10 years with this , and I will tell any woman I see who is willing to listen , the truth about abusive men.

So please RESPECT YOURSELF NOW,, Give that gift to your children.

LOOK in the mirror, thats your daughter years from now . YOU want that pain fo rher??

Stop it now for them. FOR you you are a worthy , beautifull, smart , woman. YOu are a Muslim .. Allah would never condone this for you.

Think about this. And I know if your not ready to stand up you wont. Inshallah some day you will.

I think that you have many good points but I dont agree that people cannot change because I have seen some who have....its a choice..and some people make it and survive difficult things...I understand your perspective and unfortunately not all muslim men do what they are supposed to do by islam.. they batter and beat and cheat and drink and do god knows what..so mentioning islam and the acts of some muslims in the same sentence is in itself haram...

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I don't doubt that you have a lot to deal with, but you have a misconception of what some medication can offer, that's clear. Where did you get the idea that antidepressants will make you numb? Where did you get the notion that some antidepressants will make you fatigued?

No one is beating anything into you about getting something to smooth out the edges. It is just an observation, and given your own report that you have no one around you to observe you and how you are handling matters, then I think it is a valid one.

As to your family's reaction, then I am sure it is disappointing, but once again their reasons for keeping clear from you might not be just as they appear to you right now. A lot appears differently to the individual that is depressed. When all of this passes, and I am sure in time it will, you might have a different view of the episode. My suggestion was only that it might be helpful to you to consult a psychiatrist. You certainly don't have to, of course, ifyou prefer to rough it out.

My family refuses to go to the gravesite and my mother wouldnt even see me face to face after my child died because she couldnt deal with things. She went and got drunk with his sister. I dont think I am skewing that.. That sucked. I needed them. they got wasted and havent gone one time to the graveside nor have I seen them but once since the funeral. My husband quit his job and went on vacation in the middle of all of what he had to take care ofand left me with bills, didnt give me a penny from his paychecks and left me with a huge mess. I dont think I am skewing that either out of depression. I know that meds would make my life easier but I dont have the resources to survive the fatigue and other issues that meds deliver. I have to be up at 5 with one child.. and then up an hour later with the other,,, take care of my house, the yard,keep a job and somehow fit in grieving.. Psychtrophics have a lot of side effects,,,the worst one being severe fatigue and I cant be zoned out of my mind dealing with things. I have very little family and what family i have have already told me if I cant take care of my kids, My daughter will go into foster care because they dont want her and I better snap out of things and shape up. Its my sheer love of my kids that has given me the determination to keep going.. PS.. yes somedays I am MORE LUCID than others.. I am in grief.. that is totally normal. I dont need it beat into me to be on meds... I need a hug and I need to keep surrounding myself with loving people who love my kids.. and to take my son to lots of activities and work in my garden and try to find happiness... I dont have the luxury, insurance or the money to go on something to numb the pain. I have to work through the pain the old fashioned way.. and try hard to be a good mom...I am doing very well considering.. Not everyone desires to not feel what is going on around them... certainly not me.. I have to grieve and fight the grief and survive it.. one day at a time

[Old Dominion 26]

Modern anti-depressants have almost no side effects if they are taken as prescribed. You might be thinking of some kinds of tranquilizers or the medications administered to those who are seriously mentally ill.

[merijan 0]

You know hanging in there, kat, I have posted many times and if you choose to ignore them it is perfectly ok with me. But what I have to say is not to down you,youve already been there, not to put you in ur place , you have lived that, not to cause you emotion, or make you angry you go through that all the time. Because YOu choose to live and stay with an abusive man.

Now either you are a liar, and all the storys you have posted here are out and out fabrication and lies, or this man you married is an Abuser. And abusive men never ever ever ever change so easily if they ever ever ever change at all, .. ever.

So here is the thinng if you wnat your children to grow up thinking it is ok to marry an abuser or to be one go ahead and stay with this man, and destroy their ego, soul , and future. If you want to stand up against abuse and say this is never ever ever ever ok and teach them that then you must never take him back.

As I stated several times before you are not ready for that. You want to stay with the abuser and allow your children to see that, and YOU are the one responsible for them YOU are the one who can claim your freedom from abuse. You are fortunate to live in the USA where victoms have ALL the rights and abusers have NONE. So take that adavatage . There are abused women in all walks of life , and I lived 10 years with this , and I will tell any woman I see who is willing to listen , the truth about abusive men.

So please RESPECT YOURSELF NOW,, Give that gift to your children.

LOOK in the mirror, thats your daughter years from now . YOU want that pain fo rher??

Stop it now for them. FOR you you are a worthy , beautifull, smart , woman. YOu are a Muslim .. Allah would never condone this for you.

Think about this. And I know if your not ready to stand up you wont. Inshallah some day you will.

I think that you have many good points but I dont agree that people cannot change because I have seen some who have....its a choice..and some people make it and survive difficult things...I understand your perspective and unfortunately not all muslim men do what they are supposed to do by islam.. they batter and beat and cheat and drink and do god knows what..so mentioning islam and the acts of some muslims in the same sentence is in itself haram...

I am not sure what you meant. I did not mention anything about"Islam and the acts of some muslims " in ANY sentence.

I was trying to point out the fact that abusive men, no matter what religion, or ethnicity are just that Abusive. and to change takes alot of time. Its not something that happens so easily . I was also trying to show you how it effects your children. However any choice you make is your own. If you want that , thats your life.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I don't doubt that you have a lot to deal with, but you have a misconception of what some medication can offer, that's clear. Where did you get the idea that antidepressants will make you numb? Where did you get the notion that some antidepressants will make you fatigued?

No one is beating anything into you about getting something to smooth out the edges. It is just an observation, and given your own report that you have no one around you to observe you and how you are handling matters, then I think it is a valid one.

As to your family's reaction, then I am sure it is disappointing, but once again their reasons for keeping clear from you might not be just as they appear to you right now. A lot appears differently to the individual that is depressed. When all of this passes, and I am sure in time it will, you might have a different view of the episode. My suggestion was only that it might be helpful to you to consult a psychiatrist. You certainly don't have to, of course, ifyou prefer to rough it out.

My family refuses to go to the gravesite and my mother wouldnt even see me face to face after my child died because she couldnt deal with things. She went and got drunk with his sister. I dont think I am skewing that.. That sucked. I needed them. they got wasted and havent gone one time to the graveside nor have I seen them but once since the funeral. My husband quit his job and went on vacation in the middle of all of what he had to take care ofand left me with bills, didnt give me a penny from his paychecks and left me with a huge mess. I dont think I am skewing that either out of depression. I know that meds would make my life easier but I dont have the resources to survive the fatigue and other issues that meds deliver. I have to be up at 5 with one child.. and then up an hour later with the other,,, take care of my house, the yard,keep a job and somehow fit in grieving.. Psychtrophics have a lot of side effects,,,the worst one being severe fatigue and I cant be zoned out of my mind dealing with things. I have very little family and what family i have have already told me if I cant take care of my kids, My daughter will go into foster care because they dont want her and I better snap out of things and shape up. Its my sheer love of my kids that has given me the determination to keep going.. PS.. yes somedays I am MORE LUCID than others.. I am in grief.. that is totally normal. I dont need it beat into me to be on meds... I need a hug and I need to keep surrounding myself with loving people who love my kids.. and to take my son to lots of activities and work in my garden and try to find happiness... I dont have the luxury, insurance or the money to go on something to numb the pain. I have to work through the pain the old fashioned way.. and try hard to be a good mom...I am doing very well considering.. Not everyone desires to not feel what is going on around them... certainly not me.. I have to grieve and fight the grief and survive it.. one day at a time

Diddie have you ever buried a child? try being "lucid" afterwards.. Its more ####### than I have ever been dealt in my life and frankly no pill makes it go away. You deal. As far as you making judgements about my family .. they are all dead except my mother and her sister who are alchoholics and doing the best they can. My mother drinks herself to sleep every night. My aunt HIT ME THE DAY OF THE FUNERAL AS I CRIED AND TOLD ME TO SNAP OUT OF IT.

I reiterate. I may not be your cup of tea....but I am all I have in this world.... I have friends and a support system. But stop talking about stuff you know nothing about. My mother does the best you can and I love her but growing up as a child of an alcoholic subjected me to alot of the things I now have to process.. IN THERAPY .. I am doing remarkably well considering the cards that I have been dealt and I am "dealing" and you have GOT to stop making value judgements based on your experiences because you dont know how horrible other people have got it. I am recovering from things that would make your hair stand on end . And I am loving... and I adore my kids, I have friends and I create and write and I am productive. It may not be in your spectrum of normal but to tell me my family stays away from me ( they are almost all dead... I visit them in the cemetary) is bordering on abusive yourself. I have no family left alive... I have 2 relatives still here..... and both have severe drinking problems.....ps I dont drink...lets all wonder why?Please rethink giving medical advice to someone who has clearly told you they are under it

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

You know hanging in there, kat, I have posted many times and if you choose to ignore them it is perfectly ok with me. But what I have to say is not to down you,youve already been there, not to put you in ur place , you have lived that, not to cause you emotion, or make you angry you go through that all the time. Because YOu choose to live and stay with an abusive man.

Now either you are a liar, and all the storys you have posted here are out and out fabrication and lies, or this man you married is an Abuser. And abusive men never ever ever ever change so easily if they ever ever ever change at all, .. ever.

So here is the thinng if you wnat your children to grow up thinking it is ok to marry an abuser or to be one go ahead and stay with this man, and destroy their ego, soul , and future. If you want to stand up against abuse and say this is never ever ever ever ok and teach them that then you must never take him back.

As I stated several times before you are not ready for that. You want to stay with the abuser and allow your children to see that, and YOU are the one responsible for them YOU are the one who can claim your freedom from abuse. You are fortunate to live in the USA where victoms have ALL the rights and abusers have NONE. So take that adavatage . There are abused women in all walks of life , and I lived 10 years with this , and I will tell any woman I see who is willing to listen , the truth about abusive men.

So please RESPECT YOURSELF NOW,, Give that gift to your children.

LOOK in the mirror, thats your daughter years from now . YOU want that pain fo rher??

Stop it now for them. FOR you you are a worthy , beautifull, smart , woman. YOu are a Muslim .. Allah would never condone this for you.

Think about this. And I know if your not ready to stand up you wont. Inshallah some day you will.

I think that you have many good points but I dont agree that people cannot change because I have seen some who have....its a choice..and some people make it and survive difficult things...I understand your perspective and unfortunately not all muslim men do what they are supposed to do by islam.. they batter and beat and cheat and drink and do god knows what..so mentioning islam and the acts of some muslims in the same sentence is in itself haram...

I am not sure what you meant. I did not mention anything about"Islam and the acts of some muslims " in ANY sentence.

I was trying to point out the fact that abusive men, no matter what religion, or ethnicity are just that Abusive. and to change takes alot of time. Its not something that happens so easily . I was also trying to show you how it effects your children. However any choice you make is your own. If you want that , thats your life.

Merjan, I am trying to help my husband by changing the way I deal with him and I will help him into therapy. ( which he attended with me the last 5 sessions) We most likely will divorce but I do love him and he lost things too and I want to help him leave with love and patience. You are saying that ALLAH would never condone this for me but its no secret that spousal abuse within the muslim community is not uncommon... so me being a good muslim has nothing to do with what you are taking about...I chose Islam 7 years ago because it gave me structure and peace and made me happy. I liked the sense of community. I also like the forgiving nature of Islam ... fasting to clear your sins...patience..You are demanding I leave my husband instead of recommending that he get help and change and I doubt any muslim who you know would advocate that in real life.. Islam is about patience and prayer.. and thickr.. and working hard towards things JIHAD.. jihad means to struggle. I love my husband and even in divorce, I will be kind to him and treat him with love and patience.If we divorce, it will not be uncivil because I dont want it to be. He made alot of mistakes.. every one in the book...but all the times I have been with him have not been awful. I think he DOES exhibit alot of what you are talking about.. and I also think had I not been abused in the past severely I would never have gotten involved with him. He isnt round the clock unkind which is why I didnt pick up on things.. The therapy has changed things for me as well as him leaving for a month... I know you mean well but you dont understand that I have already processed him leaving and am trying to let go in my own way.I understand your point of view and its not wrong but I want him to get help ...even if he leaves... I want him leaving in good emotional shape...

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Modern anti-depressants have almost no side effects if they are taken as prescribed. You might be thinking of some kinds of tranquilizers or the medications administered to those who are seriously mentally ill.

That may be modern. I took prozac for depression 14 years ago and all I wanted to do was eat and sleep. I cant do that right now.. I have too much to be responsible for...

[Henia 11]

Waw Kat, it seems like I have missed alot ... sorry that I have not been around supporting you better but right now I have some issues of my own here.

I am not sure what I would do if I were in your shoes ... but I definately go throu all the motions from angry to hurt to revenge etc ... But finally if he isn't doing good by you ... then I see no reason for him to stay in the US enjoying life while you suffer. Again< I was not able to read the whole thread or know what is 100% going on in the situation ... but I am praying for you all the same!

[Sinergy 3]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

I agree, post after post its a depressing story about her feelings thoughts and life, we are not professionals, and i think the sooner she gets professional help the better off she will be.

I have lost a child, and had i not gotten professional help afterwards, i would still be a basketcase as well. But since im not muslim i guess im not allowed to post...

Edited December 16, 2008 by Sinergy

[Sinergy 3]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

Already getting it once a week... have since the fall. But you dont have to come on our forum from outside forums and say it. I already am

i don't believe what she posted was meant in a malicious manner. sometimes someone from the outside will say something that is necessary that others closer to you won't say.

Well considering I dont even know them and if they did,,, they would know I was already getting it as well as medication, I dont think she meant well at all. She doesnt know me and if she did, she wouldnt say it like that. She was just being trite. I am already getting it as well as taking medicine and I have considering things .dealt with things the best I could. Professional help isnt something you joke about. I have dealt with things that cripple some people into not functioning and I am still hanging in there. I dont need someone tritely dropping into our forum who i dont know tritely saying anything to me...

I honestly meant it in a sympathetic manner. I dont need to be from MENA to post on here and give advice. Im not one of those members afraid to venture out of "romania threads". You only took offense bc im not from MENA, i dont need to KNOW you to give you advice. like i sd, ive lost a child, and in the meantime beaten on a daily basis by my ex husband, its not like im giving you advise without any knowledge as to why i am, and i was giving you the advise that was given to me and helped. If you want to take offence to it, by all means, have at it. But it will not keep me from posting or praying for you.

Edited December 16, 2008 by Sinergy

[Caladan 19]

One of my friends, who is a doctor, has often spoken of the wisdom of realizing that anti-depressants aren't going to change your personality, or make you into a different person, or control your moods, but help give you the assistance you need to break out of negative patterns of thinking and heal on your own. It's like taking painkillers for a muscle strain so you can stand to stretch it out.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

Already getting it once a week... have since the fall. But you dont have to come on our forum from outside forums and say it. I already am

i don't believe what she posted was meant in a malicious manner. sometimes someone from the outside will say something that is necessary that others closer to you won't say.

Well considering I dont even know them and if they did,,, they would know I was already getting it as well as medication, I dont think she meant well at all. She doesnt know me and if she did, she wouldnt say it like that. She was just being trite. I am already getting it as well as taking medicine and I have considering things .dealt with things the best I could. Professional help isnt something you joke about. I have dealt with things that cripple some people into not functioning and I am still hanging in there. I dont need someone tritely dropping into our forum who i dont know tritely saying anything to me...

I honestly meant it in a sympathetic manner. I dont need to be from MENA to post on here and give advice. Im not one of those members afraid to venture out of "romania threads". You only took offense bc im not from MENA, i dont need to KNOW you to give you advice. like i sd, ive lost a child, and in the meantime beaten on a daily basis by my ex husband, its not like im giving you advise without any knowledge as to why i am, and i was giving you the advise that was given to me and helped. If you want to take offence to it, by all means, have at it. But it will not keep me from posting or praying for you.

its ok..you are always welcome here.... I didnt know you had gone through the same thing....and knowing that makes it easier to listen...thanks for sharing