MENA 2008 Spouse Reunion

[Aymsgirl 0]

Thanks Tasha, I know you know what I'm going through and H often expresses his hopes that your hubby's life gets easier SOON. He REALLY empathizes with what he's going through! I think they have so much in common with the exception that H doesn't have kids here.... which I think ties him less to this place.....(and maybe me).

It snowed about 4 inches last night... first time he's ever seen snow. He can't wait to get the kids on the computer and show them the yard with the webcam... I just wish so badly that they could visit us here at least for summers. But I know it isn't going to happen so I need to stop dreaming.....

Hugs GF!

K

He'll have to go out and write their name in the snow for them!! Make them each a snow man when there is enough snow. We are going to do that and share with the boys. I wished it was easier to get them for visits but it will not happen here either.

Your hubby loves you Karmella. He came here all for you so hang in there dear. I pray it gets easier for him and you!!!

[sereia 0]

I know I've already told ya this countless times but I'll say it again because I think its very important.

Make sure he gets a job immediately! If he has a professional field and it may take a long time to get a job in it? Get A job, any job in the meantime! He just needs to keep busy. Get a job. Sign up for ESL. Volunteer. Take up hobbies. etc, etc, etc.

wait wait wait..... is this who i think it is in real life????? If it is I have taken your information to heart and have found classes and a possible job within walking distance from the appartment. I worry about the "missing" family part and how to bring him into typical life here. Without depression

How many times do you forget this is Jen? LOL!!!

Anyway...I'm so glad you have done some research for him! The job within walking distance is great too!

[Nothing1234 2]

I know I've already told ya this countless times but I'll say it again because I think its very important.

Make sure he gets a job immediately! If he has a professional field and it may take a long time to get a job in it? Get A job, any job in the meantime! He just needs to keep busy. Get a job. Sign up for ESL. Volunteer. Take up hobbies. etc, etc, etc.

wait wait wait..... is this who i think it is in real life????? If it is I have taken your information to heart and have found classes and a possible job within walking distance from the appartment. I worry about the "missing" family part and how to bring him into typical life here. Without depression

:bonk How many times do you forget this is Jen? LOL!!!

Anyway...I'm so glad you have done some research for him! The job within walking distance is great too!

Jen who?

[S and S 12]

This is the fifth day since my husband arrived here. So far things have gone really well. We have gone shopping together for things like food and clothes and next is gifts for my family when we visit them for Christmas. We also bought a tree we plan to put up tommorow Yes, we are muslim but my father lives with me and he isn't muslim plus it is just fun to do. So far my husband gets along with my father great and my cat which suprised me though he wants me to give her a bath even though she really is clean. I told him he is more than welcome to try that himself, lol.

I'm not sure how it will work out for my husband getting a job. He is supposed to be able to work but he didn't get the employment authorization in New York. For some reason JFK didn't except the I-94 for any of the 70 refugees who came. The refugee agency here is supposed to be working this out so we should find out more this week. He will be going to apply for his ssn card on Thursday so that is one step forward. Refugees are allowed to rely on public assistance so I doubt they will want my husband to not be able to work so hopefully that will help his case. He doesn't even have a stamp in his passport or any proof of a visa. The whole thing makes no sense. He isn't supposed to use his passport for anything, but JFK did scan it so they could let them all in without the I-94.

Anyway, he is looking forward to being able to work and find a job so hopefully he isn't held up long in paperwork. I am so thankful for having him here and we are still hugging each other all the time as we still can't believe we are finally together and the waiting is over. It still seems unbelievable to me after waiting and worrying so long. Finally he is safe and I don't have to worry about him being sent back to Iraq. I can't describe the relief that gives me or how much it has reduced my stress. I'm off work for two more weeks which also makes things nice

[Aymsgirl 0]

This is the fifth day since my husband arrived here. So far things have gone really well. We have gone shopping together for things like food and clothes and next is gifts for my family when we visit them for Christmas. We also bought a tree we plan to put up tommorow Yes, we are muslim but my father lives with me and he isn't muslim plus it is just fun to do. So far my husband gets along with my father great and my cat which suprised me though he wants me to give her a bath even though she really is clean. I told him he is more than welcome to try that himself, lol.

I'm not sure how it will work out for my husband getting a job. He is supposed to be able to work but he didn't get the employment authorization in New York. For some reason JFK didn't except the I-94 for any of the 70 refugees who came. The refugee agency here is supposed to be working this out so we should find out more this week. He will be going to apply for his ssn card on Thursday so that is one step forward. Refugees are allowed to rely on public assistance so I doubt they will want my husband to not be able to work so hopefully that will help his case. He doesn't even have a stamp in his passport or any proof of a visa. The whole thing makes no sense. He isn't supposed to use his passport for anything, but JFK did scan it so they could let them all in without the I-94.

Anyway, he is looking forward to being able to work and find a job so hopefully he isn't held up long in paperwork. I am so thankful for having him here and we are still hugging each other all the time as we still can't believe we are finally together and the waiting is over. It still seems unbelievable to me after waiting and worrying so long. Finally he is safe and I don't have to worry about him being sent back to Iraq. I can't describe the relief that gives me or how much it has reduced my stress. I'm off work for two more weeks which also makes things nice

It's really good to hear that things are going well for you.

[nunyab 0]

S and S

It's so nice of you to come on and tell us how it is going. What a relief to not worry like you had to for how long???? Alhamolilah that is gone.

So Jen what can I say your name and pic don't look like you hehehehehe but I hope all is going well and my offer still stands

I went into a gas station 1/2 mile from my appartment and the owner looks at me says his salams and asked if i was the "american convert" I giggled and said "one of them" he said "married to the moroccan" (we talked about a month earlier) i said yes. He said "Sister when your husband gets here I want to meet him" I said "Ok and brother he will need work when he gets here Insha'allah next month" he said "we will find him something"

So I am relaxing a little bit, weither it's a small store or an AM PM or volunteering at my daughter's school I am going to get my husband something until he can find a job he likes Insha'allah.

I am so excited... gotta get that darn visa of his any day now

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

S and S

I went into a gas station 1/2 mile from my appartment and the owner looks at me says his salams and asked if i was the "american convert" I giggled and said "one of them" he said "married to the moroccan" (we talked about a month earlier) i said yes. He said "Sister when your husband gets here I want to meet him" I said "Ok and brother he will need work when he gets here Insha'allah next month" he said "we will find him something"

So I am relaxing a little bit, weither it's a small store or an AM PM or volunteering at my daughter's school I am going to get my husband something until he can find a job he likes Insha'allah.

I am so excited... gotta get that darn visa of his any day now

Best Wishes for a speedy reunion. And be sure when you are looking for jobs, if your husband is a practicing Muslim, that the places you are looking don't sell alcohol and I just discovered my husband won't work anywhere that sells pork either. I knew about the alcohol, but the part about not selling pork was new to me (even though I've been Muslim for a long time). That ruled out about every small store and most restaurants. I think when he figures out they all sell lottery tickets too that will rule out everywhere that promotes gambling as well... Only place I can think of is Taco Bell or Baskin Robins.... or Starbucks should we be so lucky!

Good idea to make connections before he comes.. unless he's the jealous type... Once we have the EAD I will be in a position to ask more people about work, but it doesn't do any good for now.

Ask him if he will take jobs that don't give him time off for Jummah on Fridays... I warned H before he came that this can be very difficult but he ignored me totally and of course now states that he simply cannot take a job that doesn't give him time off for Jummah...At this point I have to take off at noon on Fridays to come home and drive him to the masjid, but I don't know how I'm going to be able to keep this up indefinately.

Hope your wait is almost over!

K

Edited December 15, 2008 by Karamella

[HLM 1]

S and S

I went into a gas station 1/2 mile from my appartment and the owner looks at me says his salams and asked if i was the "american convert" I giggled and said "one of them" he said "married to the moroccan" (we talked about a month earlier) i said yes. He said "Sister when your husband gets here I want to meet him" I said "Ok and brother he will need work when he gets here Insha'allah next month" he said "we will find him something"

So I am relaxing a little bit, weither it's a small store or an AM PM or volunteering at my daughter's school I am going to get my husband something until he can find a job he likes Insha'allah.

I am so excited... gotta get that darn visa of his any day now

Best Wishes for a speedy reunion. And be sure when you are looking for jobs, if your husband is a practicing Muslim, that the places you are looking don't sell alcohol and I just discovered my husband won't work anywhere that sells pork either. I knew about the alcohol, but the part about not selling pork was new to me (even though I've been Muslim for a long time). That ruled out about every small store and most restaurants. I think when he figures out they all sell lottery tickets too that will rule out everywhere that promotes gambling as well... Only place I can think of is Taco Bell or Baskin Robins.... or Starbucks should we be so lucky!

Good idea to make connections before he comes.. unless he's the jealous type... Once we have the EAD I will be in a position to ask more people about work, but it doesn't do any good for now.

Ask him if he will take jobs that don't give him time off for Jummah on Fridays... I warned H before he came that this can be very difficult but he ignored me totally and of course now states that he simply cannot take a job that doesn't give him time off for Jummah...At this point I have to take off at noon on Fridays to come home and drive him to the masjid, but I don't know how I'm going to be able to keep this up indefinately.

Hope your wait is almost over!

K

Teach him his way there; sister i think it will make him concentrate on where he is going so he will learn the roads and its step one in knowing other places on the way there too.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

3 years. Well, nearly 3 years...2 years and 10 months for my husband to get a decent job. If you want depressing insanity, I've been there, done that. Alhamdulilah in the end, he has an excellent job in his field with tons of possibilities for advancement and networking, but for the 2 years and 10 months prior to that, yeah, it sucked.

Some things for people to think about/prepare before their husbands get here:

*resume/cover writing - sign them up for a class and have them practice practice practice until it's perfect

*practice interviews - enlist some friends who aren't used to hearing him speak to practice his q&a and communication.

*show him how to apply for jobs thruogh the mail, in person and on the internet

*ESL, even if his english is good, it gets him out of the house and hey, it can't hurt

*transportation - if you have a bus system, show him the ropes. If not, get him driving ASAP

*volunteering - look anywhere and everywhere. It fills out space on the resume, provides references and keeps him busy until he can work/find a job. It was actually the husband's volunteer internship at a local non profit that helped him get his current position.

*if he needs more college, get him started asap

[nunyab 0]

3 years. Well, nearly 3 years...2 years and 10 months for my husband to get a decent job. If you want depressing insanity, I've been there, done that. Alhamdulilah in the end, he has an excellent job in his field with tons of possibilities for advancement and networking, but for the 2 years and 10 months prior to that, yeah, it sucked.

Some things for people to think about/prepare before their husbands get here:

*resume/cover writing - sign them up for a class and have them practice practice practice until it's perfect

*practice interviews - enlist some friends who aren't used to hearing him speak to practice his q&a and communication.

*show him how to apply for jobs thruogh the mail, in person and on the internet

*ESL, even if his english is good, it gets him out of the house and hey, it can't hurt

*transportation - if you have a bus system, show him the ropes. If not, get him driving ASAP

*volunteering - look anywhere and everywhere. It fills out space on the resume, provides references and keeps him busy until he can work/find a job. It was actually the husband's volunteer internship at a local non profit that helped him get his current position.

*if he needs more college, get him started asap

lol. you rock, my friend is an HR recruiter and she is working on his resume and her husband is going to help with the interviewing techniques (insha'allah) my husband already works in Spain and doesn't get fridays off and understands that is the way it is for now... and perhaps one day it can be different he accepts the way it is.... I talked to him about volunteering at my daughter's school helping in say French class or anything he loves the idea since he can keep an eye on his step daughter and the school is half a mile a way.

I think him working and living in Spain has really helped us as far as laying the frame work down. insha'allah he'll be here soon and we can put this all into play!

[Sandrila 1]

I agree that every individual handles their adjustment differently.

Some people are also more motivated than others.

I am not the kind of person to sit around and wait for people to take me out or show me things.

Whenever I was away of course there were things I missed and the lifestyle and language being so

different certainly made me feel a little isolate BUT after sometime I started doing things to learn and keep myself busy.

My husband is waiting on his greencard to come anyday now. Working is just what he needs.

Even though his life there was not good at all there he could find his way there. I tell him just get up and go out.

Start walking short distances to get to know the area. Watch tv or read things so you can learn the language and grammar better.

There is so much to do than just sit around.

My husband has goals..but you can only achieve them one at a time.

It is ideal if your S/O's family has internet in their home so you can see them and talk to them for next to nothing.

If not, it does make my husband feel better and still connected if he talks regularly to his family and some friends.

Thank god my husband does do somethings around the house to help me.

I come home to find the dishes all done, the bed made and the place all neat and tidy.

He piddles around with the electronics (his big interest) and gets broken things I thought would never work to work.

He is a musician so he is polishing up his skills on guitar so he can start playing out a local bars or joining a band.

Anyone has their moods and although I thought once he was here with me this would solve all his problems, it doesnt.

It takes time and no matter how much you cater to them they still may end up not being happy.

That is the gamble with spending so much time apart during a time when the couple should be spending all their time living together and getting to know each other and what they want.

[Sandrila 1]

This is the fifth day since my husband arrived here. So far things have gone really well. We have gone shopping together for things like food and clothes and next is gifts for my family when we visit them for Christmas. We also bought a tree we plan to put up tommorow Yes, we are muslim but my father lives with me and he isn't muslim plus it is just fun to do. So far my husband gets along with my father great and my cat which suprised me though he wants me to give her a bath even though she really is clean. I told him he is more than welcome to try that himself, lol.

I'm not sure how it will work out for my husband getting a job. He is supposed to be able to work but he didn't get the employment authorization in New York. For some reason JFK didn't except the I-94 for any of the 70 refugees who came. The refugee agency here is supposed to be working this out so we should find out more this week. He will be going to apply for his ssn card on Thursday so that is one step forward. Refugees are allowed to rely on public assistance so I doubt they will want my husband to not be able to work so hopefully that will help his case. He doesn't even have a stamp in his passport or any proof of a visa. The whole thing makes no sense. He isn't supposed to use his passport for anything, but JFK did scan it so they could let them all in without the I-94.

Anyway, he is looking forward to being able to work and find a job so hopefully he isn't held up long in paperwork. I am so thankful for having him here and we are still hugging each other all the time as we still can't believe we are finally together and the waiting is over. It still seems unbelievable to me after waiting and worrying so long. Finally he is safe and I don't have to worry about him being sent back to Iraq. I can't describe the relief that gives me or how much it has reduced my stress. I'm off work for two more weeks which also makes things nice

so happy for you S and S

happy holidays!