HOW DO YOU COPE, REALLY COPE?

[nickoftime 0]

Every night before we go to sleep, I always tell my husband that I want to go home. And every time he replies, "I know, honey, I surely know." Over a cup of coffee the following day, my usual litany is "I will be cheerful and feel useful today, honey." He always replies, "You are always are, honey."

And so on better days, I thank God for the chance of becoming a full-time wfe and mom, of being able to walk my daughter to her school bus while practising her math and spelling skills, of finding pleasure in doing the household chores while listening to the songs of Seal, Norah Jones, Natalie Cole and Sting, of having the time to read and watch TV, of looking forward to going back to school and such other things I want to do. I tell myself it is okay to be unemployed now as surely, I will find one that will start my career. I always tell myself, it is just a matter of time and patience and what is important is that I am now with my husband who is very supportive, loving and patient to me.

But that's on better days, usually when the sun is out. When it's gray, wet and cold outside, I tend to be depressed also and ask myself, what am I doing here in the US? I had a great career in the Philippines, I have my family and friends and maids, for crying out loud. I was very useful there. I was very good there and never felt alone or miserable. I could eat what I want without cooking or craving for it. I could drive wherever I want to go. And never did I feel helpless and dependent on anyone (except with my maids and staff, of course). It is during these days that I think my husband wanted more of me despite of him not saying anything to that effect. It is during these miserable days that I feel stupid and cannot laugh about it.

It is very difficult to be in and out of the better and bad days. But I need to cope with it, in and out of these days.

[macutelit 0]

I knew from the start how hard the life here. But LOVE brought me here

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

Every night before we go to sleep, I always tell my husband that I want to go home. And every time he replies, "I know, honey, I surely know." Over a cup of coffee the following day, my usual litany is "I will be cheerful and feel useful today, honey." He always replies, "You are always are, honey."

And so on better days, I thank God for the chance of becoming a full-time wfe and mom, of being able to walk my daughter to her school bus while practising her math and spelling skills, of finding pleasure in doing the household chores while listening to the songs of Seal, Norah Jones, Natalie Cole and Sting, of having the time to read and watch TV, of looking forward to going back to school and such other things I want to do. I tell myself it is okay to be unemployed now as surely, I will find one that will start my career. I always tell myself, it is just a matter of time and patience and what is important is that I am now with my husband who is very supportive, loving and patient to me.

But that's on better days, usually when the sun is out. When it's gray, wet and cold outside, I tend to be depressed also and ask myself, what am I doing here in the US? I had a great career in the Philippines, I have my family and friends and maids, for crying out loud. I was very useful there. I was very good there and never felt alone or miserable. I could eat what I want without cooking or craving for it. I could drive wherever I want to go. And never did I feel helpless and dependent on anyone (except with my maids and staff, of course). It is during these days that I think my husband wanted more of me despite of him not saying anything to that effect. It is during these miserable days that I feel stupid and cannot laugh about it.

It is very difficult to be in and out of the better and bad days. But I need to cope with it, in and out of these days.

Hi Nick of time. I also went through being sad, bored and homesick. I always miss my family during the first few days, weeks after I arrived in California. I even had bad dreams about my family and I always tell my husband I want to go home and that my family needs me. He would always say, "Baby, this is your home now. I am now your family. You can send emails or call your family." I had a stable job in the Philippines, I even took the bar examinations before I flew to California. Unlike you, we didn't have maids. I didn't have a car and I didn't know how to drive one. But I am enjoying my life like any other single and independent Filipina woman. I can go anywhere I want and I can go home anytime I want. But now, it's really different being married and everything. But the sad part is, I'm a lousy cook. I don't even know how to cook for my husband back then. I felt worthless. But it really takes time. Now, I am still learning how to cook, how to drive my car and eventually getting my driver's license and how to adjust myself to the winter. When my husband leaves for work, I just stay home and watch TV, sit in front of the computer and I would get bored. Now I got a job at a major retail store here just to keep me busy for the mean time. What I want is to go back to school and take paralegal classes. I'm saving money right now because it cost too much going to school here in California. But it takes time. I am not in a hurry. I've been only here for more than a year anyway. Always remember home is where the heart is. As long as you are happy with the love of your life, it makes no difference at all whether you feel bad or bored or whether it's bad or better days.

[ysa 0]

Dont beat up yourself girl, i know its hard but you have to find a way not to be sad/lonely everyday... You dont want to get sick??? send me a message if you want someone talk too.

[marea 0]

Hi girl just like you I'm also a successful career woman in our country with a loving family and friends, but then the difference between here and there is having a loving husband that always telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. These are enough for me to stay and wait for my EAD to have my new career and get a life here. Don't be depressed girl keep yourself busy. Go out and meet friends when your feeling down.

Keep on praying and be happy..

[ez2007 1]

Hi Nickoftime,

You're not alone. I had experienced 3 months of ups and downs with crying episodes here. Being suddenly jobless and financially dependent on my husband, it made me so worthless. I would tell hubby that I'm getting dumber and dumber everyday.

There is also this deafening silence in our community. You can't talk to the neighbors because they seem not to be there even though they're there. As I had posted previously, No Jeepneys, No Tricycles, No Tricyboats. I cannot just go to the mall or anywhere anytime. Bus stop is 3 blocks away and buses pass by on interval basis.

I am a lousy cook also and experimented on new recipes but ended up eating most of what I cooked 'coz the kids would compare my cooking to that of my sister's.

I feel better as of now that I have my driver's license and looking forward to my EAD. I keep myself busy looking for jobs online during my spare time. Thanks to the support of my loving husband.

You'll survive it too

[nickoftime 0]

Thanks for the lift, girls. It feels good to be validated of what I feel.

[BUHOK 0]

Every night before we go to sleep, I always tell my husband that I want to go home. And every time he replies, "I know, honey, I surely know." Over a cup of coffee the following day, my usual litany is "I will be cheerful and feel useful today, honey." He always replies, "You are always are, honey."

And so on better days, I thank God for the chance of becoming a full-time wfe and mom, of being able to walk my daughter to her school bus while practising her math and spelling skills, of finding pleasure in doing the household chores while listening to the songs of Seal, Norah Jones, Natalie Cole and Sting, of having the time to read and watch TV, of looking forward to going back to school and such other things I want to do. I tell myself it is okay to be unemployed now as surely, I will find one that will start my career. I always tell myself, it is just a matter of time and patience and what is important is that I am now with my husband who is very supportive, loving and patient to me.

But that's on better days, usually when the sun is out. When it's gray, wet and cold outside, I tend to be depressed also and ask myself, what am I doing here in the US? I had a great career in the Philippines, I have my family and friends and maids, for crying out loud. I was very useful there. I was very good there and never felt alone or miserable. I could eat what I want without cooking or craving for it. I could drive wherever I want to go. And never did I feel helpless and dependent on anyone (except with my maids and staff, of course). It is during these days that I think my husband wanted more of me despite of him not saying anything to that effect. It is during these miserable days that I feel stupid and cannot laugh about it.

It is very difficult to be in and out of the better and bad days. But I need to cope with it, in and out of these days.

I should say that I'm almost in the same boat because I miss my family in the Philippines too specially this time of the year. It's hard very hard because I live with my family in the Philippines for 24 years and then got married and left them. On the other hand, I'm happy because I'm with my husband, he makes me happy and we love each other.

[TexPamp 0]

I must say I admire you for getting along without your maids and staff. Neither I nor Sweetie have had maids or staff. In time you will find satisfaction in doing thing for yourself.

TexPamp

[j.kevs 0]

you will be fine, i am pretty sure of that...

i do believe that when good things are about to happen, God prepare us for that by looking on the other side and showing slowly the brighter side of it....so you can appreciate it more and value it better.

so cheer up girl, its normal, i guess if not all, almost all of us feel the same way...but this is the life we choose so we have to make the best out of it...

you will see, and say someday im glad i made this move!

God bless girl and have faith in God! Everything has a reason.....

[tallcoolone 102]

Every night before we go to sleep, I always tell my husband that I want to go home.

Wow, I feel sorry for your husband. I am sure he feels guilty each night. I would stop telling him that each night......

[nickoftime 0]

Every night before we go to sleep, I always tell my husband that I want to go home.

Wow, I feel sorry for your husband. I am sure he feels guilty each night. I would stop telling him that each night......

Oh, he does. He surely knows what I have been missing and how difficult the transition is. And thank God for our no holds barred communication, he is even thankful I tell him everything.

[jamesNrei 0]

hi nickoftime! how are you today? hope you'll have a shiny bright friday.

[CuriousGuy 0]

Before I committed to my love, I had done a lot of preparation. There is a sizeable Fil-community here in my city, including many Visayan, which my fiance' is

I love the foods and culture of the RP, and I am thankful to be able to embrace it all. I know that she will be able to meet many, many folks from home, and make new friends. In fact, I've already been befriended by a group of 6 Fil-Am couples, all the wives of which have spoken with my fiance' on the phone, and are eager to welcome a new friend.

Church? We are of the same faith, and I feel that's a HUGE plus. But, I've been to four of the Fil-Am evangical congregations here, and I've found a 'second church home' in one of them. So, it'll be my current church for morning service, and the other in the afternoon. MORE opportunity for my wife to network, after she's here.

Family will be the only absence. However, she's strong and will cope with that. SHe's already assured me.

I do have sympathy for those men and women that have little or no Pinoy community where they live. I know that must be even tougher.

[smiley888 0]

Yeah things are really different here in US, i am just thankful that everyday i get to see my family on PI thanks to internet.. it helps me a lot not to get homesick. On my 1st month was harder for me coz my hubby is working on a night shift, and gosh i never experienced staying at home in PI so alone especially at night!!!!! so when my hubby got back to work after 2 weeks of vacation when i came here i always sleep in living room, i have my bible, flashlight, phone, and a knife hehehhehhe and also the house alarm which i still do every night as soon as my hubby left for work.. sometimes i cant sleep so my hubby will chat with me while at work until i fell asleep or i watched shows on laptop... but now i have a puppy as my company when hubby is at work.... its so much much different but have to deal with it for our LOVE. its good thing our hubbies love us sooo much and they do everything to make us happy.. i understand we are not totally happy because we miss family back home, food, etc but things will be better soon