How to cancel an application you filed with VSC?

[andreea 0]

I very much agree with cindi. is how I made my husband do somth too. is a war of nerves. who gives in first. is true men have their pride that stops them from doing the right thing at some point, but there is no space for such a pride in love. if he loves u, the love will eclipse the pride and hell do the right thing. u know, I think u have ppl how u educate them from the beginning. ppl r different, but in a couple they have to grow in eachother. is the only way. so u have to teach him yr likes and dislikes, and learn his. at first everyone is in that phase deeply in love, head in clouds (we call it the blind week) and ud do anything for yr lover, accept anything, and if u do that u might never get back from it. because ud offer yr partner a false image of yrself, as one who is overly tolerable and flexible. and if u change and start making yr point and expressing yr disagreement, might b yr partner feels he doesnt recognize u anymore. thats why from the beginning partners should present exactly how they feel about things, and not think theyll change their partner's views in time, later. is now time for u to let him discover his mistakes onhis own, not throw them in his face. that would only lead to more arguments. sometimes silence speaks more than words. if u have patience with him, and show love, hell repent and be sorry he hurted u. if u act all crazy, he might feel he was right in what he said. u can get more with love than with biterness.

then is another thing when u r hurt. and is happening to u now, u see it. when u r hurt, u expect the other one to fix it in some extraordinary way, to really really prove u he repents and loves u and so on. but ask yrself this. what could he possibly do from over the ocean, other than say I'msorry? he says it once or 5 times, is same line. and means same thing. he is sorry. i was thinking the same when i was mad. this time he really has to convince me. but ive got to this conclusion. forgiving is up to me, not to him. only thing he can do is say i am sorry and mean it. forgivness isnt an easy thing to do, but is essensial. both for u and for him. and for yr relationship too. if u dont forgive it hurts u, because u r left with hard feelings, and will show up again in any future arguments. also it hurts him, because ull keep waiting from him to do somth really convincing to make u change yr mind, and that puts him under pressure and can get frustrating, and lead to more arguments. and for yr relationship because if u dont forgive and really move on, yr whole relationship will keep spining around some words said at anger, instead than moving forward and evolve.

I talk too much, i know. but ive been there, learned from it,and i try to share, maybe someone can learn from it too.

[Morning Sunshine 0]

Thanks for sharing. You know that is really sad what your fiance says about thinking he will not live to see you. I worry about that too sometimes,sinceI am so ill that I may not live long enough to see myhusband again. Also, because the trouble over there in Pakistan-the conditions are very critical at this time. I guess my man does not want me to worry as he keeps it all in silently not to scare me. Perhaps that is why his anger builds up and he does not know how to deal with it.

I really hope there is going to be some way for us to be together. I been so sick lately, my mom has had mutltiple heart attacks and darn VSC still keep denying my expedite. Do you think it is b/c we are only 4 months into the process? I supplied doctor's letters. They said I could send in more documentation but what more can I send in for them to trust me? I mean my doctor's letter was very thorough. Do they need medical records? What can you send to prove you are struggling financially or does it only hurt your situation more? They told me to go to the Louisville office and see if they can help me. What exactly are my options here? Should I just wait until January? I get tired of getting denied all the time and laying in bedsick at night without by man by my side.

I truly wish these peope at VSC could know my situation and then they would not reject my expedite. I really got so much heavy situations going on here. I am ill, my mother is ill, I am taking care of her, unable to work, I got so much to do in my life and blance things and the stress is overwhelming. My doctor can feel my pain and wanted this to work out for me. He is angry that VSC denied my expedite and he has not spoken to me since I told him the news. I feel really sad and I feel like it is my fault. I know it will be months before I get to see my husband again and it may be too late because my mother and father are both ill. I wanted them to meet him. I guess we are never really in control of anything in our lives. I guess I have to just suck it in, cry awhile and then say "Alhamdulillah" as Allah knows best and if something is not going the way we want perhaps it is because Allah sees something that is not good for us and we have to wait it out. I will try to be optimistic about it, only it is so hard when you have to deal with physical pain, mental anguish, and emotional distress.

this visa process puts a toll on youro verall well-being. I know many of you have waited longer for your visa applications. I had tried last year and my lawyer messed up that is why I am only 4 months into it. As you can see I have been married a little over a year now. I did not see my husband in a year today. Today marks the anniversary of our departure.

Mahitab

Im sure he is thinking of you too. He came online hoping you would say something to him first. He is testing you. To see if he can get away with it. Stand your ground girl! In a few days he will be msging you or calling asking why you havent spoke to him.

Yes, he did eventually say he was sorry. But, not a good apology just said "I am sorry". Not sure if I accept it or not-he will have to do better than that. Anyway, he said he loved me and said he wanted a reply. By that he meant he wanted me to say I loved him back. I am not sure what else I should be expecting from him. No need to cancel the petition, I just do not feel right without him in my life. I think we can't go on without each other it would be too hard to be completely apart. My grandpa talked to him and said we both need to "grow up". Maybe grandpa is right. I know we need to communicate alot better. We will see how destiny unfolds Insha'Allah.

M.

Im sure he does love you and he is sorry. But sweetie in a long distance relationship all he has is words. Only you know in ur heart if he is truely sorry. When he is sick or hurt you are the first person he thinks of, then the anger sets in (not towards you but the situation) cuz you cant be there to comfort him, then comes sadness and depression. One thing we always do if we have a misunderstanding is that we never get off the phone or chat upset or mad at one another we talk it out. Yes, I know how hard it is my fiance is from Paki too. It's very stressful being apart not to mention the situation over there is very tense as you already know. You dont know how many times i been told "I want to see you again before I die." or "I hope I will be alive to make it to the US." These words break my heart and I know these feelings are very real for him. I think I would be feeling the same way if I were in his shoes. By reading some of your posts sounds like to me he is wanting your attention and since the total situation is negative right now ( the situtation in Paki, the long wait for immigration, not having you by his side) he is expressing his feelings negatively. Inshallah things will get better. Try to focus on the positive things and your future together, this time will be the hardest thing both of you will have to endure Inshallah. God Bless.

[Morning Sunshine 0]

Go online and put "busy" by your name. Dont answer him for awhile if he says salaam or hi. Pakistani men seem to like to keep thier wives on thier toes. I just go on with my business if something arises. Then when his silent treatment doesnt work and he steps up to grab you or say hi etc.. Say " I love you soo much " however"we need to talk long and hard about this thing between us.. cultural or whatever." "and dont you ever say this to me again understand. You wanna talk about racism, loook how much i get because dont really belong to either world now do I" "walk in my shoes""!.Set the ground rules and what will happen if he violates them agian..Then make up and grow closer in your unique and special union. Salaams cindi

I surely feel you on this statement: "You wanna talk about racism, loook how much i get because dont really belong to either world now do I".-I feel like I do not belong in the USA, especially here in my area where I get discrimnated against for being Muslimah and hijabi. It really upset me and hurts me very, very much when people hate me for being different.

I will also talk to him about how he hurt me. He did say sorry finally after he decided to talk to me. I think my grandpa gave him the courage to talk to me. My grandpa is always trying to keep us together because he knows how we are at times. I try not to fight with him, but thetension builds up with this immigration mess and my medical condition, my mom's etc. My husband also fractured his foot and is mad at me for not being there with him to take care of him. LOL I am sorry for that but it is beyond my control.

I will certainly set up some ground rules for our marriage and I do not mind if he does the same. I know he says I need to do some things better and I do agree with him. Anyway, thanky ou for the advice all of you.

Mahitab

[Morning Sunshine 0]

Hello!Thank you for sharing and it is okay to talk very much. I talk too much too. I know many others need advice too but do not like to ask for it. I am not ashamed to ask for help when needed. I really know the people here are good at offering advice, so that is why I ask for it from here. I know many people have had arguments with their spouses but feel ashamed to tell others. I do not really feel good about it, but I do not have trustworthy companions over here in my area. You tell one individual and the entire community knows. Here, it is easier because we are going through this VJ and LDR process or have been through it at one time or another. I appreciate all of your input. You are all verykind to assist me and if you ever need anything just let me know. May God bless all of our relationships. Ameen :-)

[nunyab 0]

phew sister let me tell you if I pulled our application every time we had "words" we would never be this close..... my husband is tense I am tense it is so hard not to be able to settle things in the same room. Or apologize the "right" way.... Ya Rab I know about being muslimah in HIjab and how difficult things can be but as a muslimah you also know these can be considered tests yes???? Insha'allah you two will talk when things calm down more..

[Rosalinda 0]

Hi mahitab

I am glad to see that things have calmed down a bit with your husband. Relationships and this process and the distance don't mix well never mind everything else going on in our lives added to this. It is understandable for things to get heated. I hope that your health and that of your family improves considerably.

I saw your husband a while back .... but just saw this today, ask how to post the flags and they referred him to a site where the link did not work .... i tried it but only with the avatars.webhelps.com ........... this will bring up the flags

You are one of my mentors on here ...... i look to everyone for there strength and love

just keep an open mind and an open heart and blame the process and the distance and not each other..... Everything wil be fine God willing

[Morning Sunshine 0]

Hi mahitab

I am glad to see that things have calmed down a bit with your husband. Relationships and this process and the distance don't mix well never mind everything else going on in our lives added to this. It is understandable for things to get heated. I hope that your health and that of your family improves considerably.

I saw your husband a while back .... but just saw this today, ask how to post the flags and they referred him to a site where the link did not work .... i tried it but only with the avatars.webhelps.com ........... this will bring up the flags

You are one of my mentors on here ...... i look to everyone for there strength and love

just keep an open mind and an open heart and blame the process and the distance and not each other..... Everything wil be fine God willing

Hello! I am very glad we are talking now. Also I want to thank all of you for your support. God bless all of us on our VJ's and in our relationships. Ameen

Edited December 7, 2008 by ~Dream Love~