How do your parents/family take it?

[Scott & LC 3]

Heya everyone

I was just wondering of the beneficiaries... how do your parents/family take it when you tell them that you're leaving to the US? Do they take it in good stride or do they object?? I'm just wondering how I should talk to my parents about it :/ They basically told me to think it over carefully coz they don't want me to regret in the future. They want to make sure that I'm totally serious about it. They're also very worried about me not getting a job over there since the economy is not looking good... I'm working as an engineer in the oil & gas industry at the moment...

Anyways, I would like to know your stories... how do you cope with leaving your family and how do they take it?

Thanks

[panterchen 1]

My parents were in shock for weeks, tried to convince me otherwise and kept telling me how I wouldn't find a good job there whereas here I could do almost anything I want...They told me how disappointed they were and that I shouldn't ever think about coming back once I leave my own family. As anyone can imagine, I had a very hard time fighting for what I want t do and who I love. It's all worth it though. Daniel and me just got even closer together through that storm.

After a few long visits of my fiancé, many many nights spent talking and a lot of arguing and fighting we are through that now. My fiancé became part of the family; they love him and they see that he is taking care for me and will even more so when I am over there.

I think what is important is that you try to give your family the feeling of not being left out. Mine was concerned about not getting involved with our wedding, their grandchildren (one day, we still have a few years for that) etc. We try to make sure we talk about everything with them so that they can take part in our lives (to a certain degree of course). Even if I don't find a great job there right away it will be worth it being with the love of my life. Because without him here, I would be miserable.

[vichygurl 1]

My side; my family at first don't like me to move with him knowing that he was divorce and with 3 kids. I'm single and had a good job as well back in my country. Please understand that I came from a religious family. Matter of fact he really didn't meet them in person. Just my relatives in Manila. Our plan at first was to fly together as soon as I had the visa and that will be the time I will introduced him to my family. Later on after receiving the visa the plan changed and so I flied alone . My mom and my sisters got a chance to talk to him before through internet. My mom had talked to him before I finally left my country. He called and promised her that I will be safe. He will love me and will take care of me. My mom knew that I am a risky person. By the way my father died 10 years ago. My mom realized how much I love him despite of the reality. She gave me her blessing before I left but with an agreement that I will bring back my husband in the Philippines as soon as possible. With that to say of course when I get my green card. Now, I am happily married. I trust my instinct and above all God. My family is happy for me as long as they know I am happy! Now my mom and my husband are talking in the net as we used to be.

If you know he is 'the ONE",go with what and who makes you happy and fight for it... Family is always there to understand.

Vida Taylor

Edited November 28, 2008 by blukiss24

[Gemmie 142]

My family aren't too happy about it.. it took them a LONG time to accept that I was serious about this.

They always asked me in the past "would you like to live in the US then?" and I always said "no" because I genuinely had no desire to live there. I was happy visiting my then-boyfriend but wanted to stay in the UK. But things change and things happen. We got engaged... we couldn't go on flying back and forth forever. There is no longer a way for us to progress in our relationship unless one of us makes the move to be together.

Eventually when they asked "would you like to live in the US?" I stopped saying no.. I said maybe.. and then I started saying yes, that's the plan. I told them about the visa process several times.

And yes, they still ask me sometimes if I would like to live there, and if I'm still going to. I think they're hoping that I've changed my mind or that I've given up on the long wait and decided to bring him here instead. My mother died a few years ago, and my father claims he wants me to be happy but I know he's only saying it because he feels he has to. He also tells me that it will be miserable without me, and that he wishes Bill were British, that it would feel as though I had died once I move countries. It's horrible to hear such things, but I know that I've given almost 6 years to this person, my boyfriend and fiance... I want to take it further and give him everything that I can, without the ocean in the way.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Excellent topic and great responses.

I was working abroad when I met my husband. My parents were kinda used to me living outside of the country, but this came as a "uh oh she is not coming back". It was hard for all of us to get used to the idea; but have managed to keep as tight a relationship as possible. It takes work. I can tell you I am much closer to some family members now than when I lived almost next door.

[Rob&Dawn 1]

It took a while but my Mum has come around to the idea that i'm going to be in the US soon, every now and then she makes a comment about me leaving her although i think they are said without any malice and its out of her mouth before she realises she voiced the thought.

My Dad lives overseas and i only see him every 18months or so, it's just as easy for him to visit me in the US as it is the UK.

They keep telling me that as long as i'm happy they're happy, which is blessing enough for me.

IMO It wasn't a possibility for Rob to move to the UK as he has a daughter and i don't think its fair to make him move so many miles away from her. I have no children so it makes more sense for me to move to him.

We're having more problems with future FIL as he doesn't understand why Rob had to go and fall in love with 'that British girl'!

[KimandRuss 0]

I am the petitioner so I know you're not really asking my opinion.... but over the years I have often discussed the fact that Russell was leaving NZ to move to US with me because I know my family would be very sad if I left here. His parents always tell me that they are just so pleased that he followed his heart and after seeing us together they know it was the right thing for him to do.

[Cham 3]

I will speak for Kai

His mom thinks I am using him (even though I AM THE SPONSER and have a good job) She also says I am a phase and he will be back in a month once he is here (mind you she said the same thing when he came to be with me for those 3 months) She says I am stealing HER son (even though he is an adult) His dad and mom both did everything they could to break us up for over a year THEN gave up. HE has stopped talking to them about me and tells them WHEN they ask * so you moving in with that ####### american..* he tells them to knock it off and YES he is..deal with it..accept it because we are getting married and it is his life. His mom will cry saying WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

HE will tell her NO I am NOT doing this to you, I am doing this FOR ME. I love her I have for a long time so you will ACCEPT it or lose me.

His father has threaten to beat him in the past and treat him horribly (yes I saw it on the webcam and heard it all.

NOW though it has been quiet..his dad is NOW accepting it...his mom wont every do it

IN THE END ITS ABOUT HIM AND I not his family or mine.

Remember that its YOUR lives...not your family....in the end its about you and your SO

It is their issue..not YOURS

PS we been together 2.5 years now

Edited November 28, 2008 by Cham

[When2RNLove 6]

I will speak for Kai

His mom thinks I am using him (even though I AM THE SPONSER and have a good job) She also says I am a phase and he will be back in a month once he is here (mind you she said the same thing when he came to be with me for those 3 months) She says I am stealing HER son (even though he is an adult) His dad and mom both did everything they could to break us up for over a year THEN gave up. HE has stopped talking to them about me and tells them WHEN they ask * so you moving in with that ####### american..* he tells them to knock it off and YES he is..deal with it..accept it because we are getting married and it is his life. His mom will cry saying WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

HE will tell her NO I am NOT doing this to you, I am doing this FOR ME. I love her I have for a long time so you will ACCEPT it or lose me.

His father has threaten to beat him in the past and treat him horribly (yes I saw it on the webcam and heard it all.

NOW though it has been quiet..his dad is NOW accepting it...his mom wont every do it

IN THE END ITS ABOUT HIM AND I not his family or mine.

Remember that its YOUR lives...not your family....in the end its about you and your SO

It is their issue..not YOURS

PS we been together 2.5 years now

This is indeed a sad story to hear. You guys have to live your lives as you see fit and I'm pretty sure that you are based on your post. In the long run it is you and your soulmate that will have to answer to each other about the happines you bring to each others lives. Do what makes you happy of course. It sounds like the parents will never accept your/his situation. As long as you never say anything negative about the parents you can always keep your head up knowing you did nothing wrong.

I couldn't imagine my mom being like that towards me. My father is not even in the picture so I can't comment on him. She has always been supportive no matter who I chose to date throughout my life.

[gensdad515 2]

Speaking for my fiancee. Her parents were sort of shell shocked, did not comment much on it as if it were going to go away. When I went for the 2nd trip to see her and she told her Mom , she asked what is he coming over here for ? HaHaHa It's not that they were against it, the just sort of were denying the reality of it. We just received the NOA2 and Vanessa mentioned it to her mom and she stated she wanted to see a copy of the document. I scanned it this morning and emailed it to her. : ) I think it will be more difficult for them now that it is becoming more concrete.

Cham I am really sorry for the situation that you are having to deal with. It's diffiuclt enough as it is being seperated and dealing with being apart all the time, now in addition having to deal with the parents and their attitude. Jorge

[Breezie54 2]

After reading everyone's posts it seems I am not alone in having to face parents who are not that keen on me moving to America, even after having met Leo and getting to know him over the past 3 months during his stay down here, i can understand they are worried about me moving so far away, and perhaps as they are both getting up there, the fact that i cannot leave the country for the first four years is kinda hard, however as i said to them you can visit, take the journey in stages as they both swore they could not handle the long flights at their age now.. I guess because our family have all been living in the same area within half an hour of each other most of our lives, my Mum is so used to having us close, however the one thing they have never said is.. we just want you to be happy?

However, since Leo's visit down here Aug thru Nov they know its serious and that I am leaving when all the paperwork gets done and approved and they are just going to have to get used to the idea..

I am sorry so many are facing similar situations, i know it can be hurtfull but hopefully those who object will come round eventually.

Cheers and Good Luck to ya'll

Breezie

[Gemmie 142]

the fact that i cannot leave the country for the first four years is kinda hard,

Do you mean you can't leave America? Because you'll be able to..

[Scott & LC 3]

Wow... I'm surprised but glad that so many people replied! At least I know that I'm not the only one out there who's having some issues in talking/convincing parents about it. Thank you for sharing your stories. I respect my parents and I love them and I don't want them to worry for me. They just want me to be happy, it'll be better if I could be staying in Malaysia instead... but I can't choose who to love, it just happened that I'm so in love with my fiance and I want to be with him. I understand my parents' concerns... especially it's a long distance relationship and I've never been with him longer than 2 weeks at a time... just hope that time will help me to convince them and make them realise that my fiance is the one that I want to be with for the rest of my life.

I hope all of you get to be in good terms with your family and family in laws... that's what I hope for everyone!! I'm sorry to hear about some where you don't get along with your parents but hopefully time will heal.

Thank you for your opinions/experiences, really do appreciate it and keep them coming

[dsd^rjp 0]

Heya everyone

I was just wondering of the beneficiaries... how do your parents/family take it when you tell them that you're leaving to the US? Do they take it in good stride or do they object?? I'm just wondering how I should talk to my parents about it :/ They basically told me to think it over carefully coz they don't want me to regret in the future. They want to make sure that I'm totally serious about it. They're also very worried about me not getting a job over there since the economy is not looking good... I'm working as an engineer in the oil & gas industry at the moment...

Anyways, I would like to know your stories... how do you cope with leaving your family and how do they take it?

Thanks

I'm the beneficiary here. I know every culture is different in every country. As for me, when I felt that my relationship with Rob is getting serious, I told my dad everything about him, also possible of me moving to the US once we decided to get married. That was a year before I & Rob decided to take K1 route. It is important for me that Rob is 'accepted' in my family, and so is the reverse cos Rob is very close to his parents as well. Of course my family is concerned about how I'm going to 'survive' in d US (getting new job that fits me, adjusting to weather, making new friends etc), and so many what ifs come up. I think the best way is to be flexible in any circumtances. We can't force the situation to be what we like/want to. It's your decision to be with your loved one, hence you should be aware of what might happens.

If you show your parents that you are ready to face the real life and how you will take it, then I think your parents would think it's time for them to let you go on your own way.

best of luck to all of us

[Aubrey 10]

Speaking for my fiancé -- his parents are incredibly supportive, even before they'd met me. I think that it's a matter of circumstances that weighs how parents will react. His parents had never heard him talk about a girl before (even though he'd dated), so I think they realized pretty quickly that this was it for him. My folks (I'm the USC) thought... and likely still do... that I'm insane. They're slowly getting on board, but they still completely overlook what my SO (the non-USC) will give up with his move.

Approaching your parents is rough on such an issue, no matter your circumstances. Bring to the table as much knowledge about your SO, the visa/greencard process, job prospects, etc as you can. It helps to make you look less insane. It also helps ease their worries that you know what you're getting into and how best to tackle problems that will/may arise.

Good luck with your folks!