Mahr - What Determines Worth?

[Imua 0]

It should be given according to the social status of the bride.

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So there's your answer, Platy. It is supposed to be determined by her "social status." Not sure how that would work with MENA husbands and American wives though...

oh you just know there's gonna be some interesting conversations today in mena homes.

Which all of this just goes back to Platy's original question about someone's skin or hair color. Her worth was normally deemed as greater because she didn't have to work in the sun, or her fair skin and blonde or lighter colored hair were deemed as making her more desirable. Just think, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all." Freaking SNOW WHITE!!!! You think she was a prize because she was holed up in some shack with 7 dwarfs - nope, it's cause her skin was as pure as snow.

Now discuss.

Sadly this preference for fair skin is everywhere I think for the reason you stated - traditionally it means a woman does not have to work in the fields so she is 'higher class'. I read an article in The Economist that said one reason why Indian men are coming to Nepal for sex tourism and Nepali girls are trafficked into India is because Indian men prize their 'fair skin' - you see skin bleaching products everywhere, also in Thailand. This is also a divisive issue in the African-American community.

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Just try to explain THAT age gap to the CO.....

Seriously this dowry business reminds me of a movie they used to show in school that was supposed to take place on a Pacific island I think... Men gave cows to their potential inlaws as a sign of the wife's worth and all the girls in the village bragged about how many cows their fiance was giving to their parents... There was one girl who was an outcaste who the other girls shunned and considered the 'ugly girl'... She somehow caught the attention of a guy who offered some huge number of cows, because of her inner beautiy and worth - all of the other 'pretty' catty girls were pwned, LOL.... I of course loved this movie and wish I could remember what it was called.

lol...it's johnny lingo! i can't remember where i saw it, probably school.

That's it - now I remember!!!! You get a gold star. I wonder if it's on youtube...

[Ban Hammer 13,282]

To me the whole concept of assigning value to a human being based on their physical characteristics is very distasteful and my mind immediately jumps to prostitution. But then again, I don't like beauty pageants or auctioning off firemen for dates either.

I know not every culture (even subculture in the U.S.) views it that way though. No skin off my back, I guess. But don't expect me to be impressed by the amount of money you think you're worth.

oh you know you wanted to bid on one of these:

[Tunisia216 2]

Note to Staashi, don't click the "complete" version unless you are at home and want a surprise I just went to youtube at work and that's the first link that came up, so I clicked and went not for work lol

Everytime I saw the commercial in MENA for this cream that whitens your skin I shook my head.

Here in the US people bake in the sun, bake under a fake light, lather on tanning cream... and there they want to be lighter!!!

The grass is always greener...

So true, just have a blonde walk down the street in Cairo or Casablanca and see what happens. Vice versa, Argentina is the most caucasian country in the world, you should see the looks that a black man or woman gets there...unreal!

It should be given according to the social status of the bride.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So there's your answer, Platy. It is supposed to be determined by her "social status." Not sure how that would work with MENA husbands and American wives though...

oh you just know there's gonna be some interesting conversations today in mena homes.

Which all of this just goes back to Platy's original question about someone's skin or hair color. Her worth was normally deemed as greater because she didn't have to work in the sun, or her fair skin and blonde or lighter colored hair were deemed as making her more desirable. Just think, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all." Freaking SNOW WHITE!!!! You think she was a prize because she was holed up in some shack with 7 dwarfs - nope, it's cause her skin was as pure as snow.

Now discuss.

now i'm thinking about that song by rammstein "sonne"

Charles, my hubby loves Rammstein!

watch the video to get why i'm thinking about that song.

I'll have to look it up on youtube when I get home.

[sereia 0]

To me the whole concept of assigning value to a human being based on their physical characteristics is very distasteful and my mind immediately jumps to prostitution. But then again, I don't like beauty pageants or auctioning off firemen for dates either.

I know not every culture (even subculture in the U.S.) views it that way though. No skin off my back, I guess. But don't expect me to be impressed by the amount of money you think you're worth.

WHAT? You weren't impressed a 12 year old offered me camels to marry him?! Damn

[Staashi 371]

Sadly this preference for fair skin is everywhere I think for the reason you stated - traditionally it means a woman does not have to work in the fields so she is 'higher class'. I read an article in The Economist that said one reason why Indian men are coming to Nepal for sex tourism and Nepali girls are trafficked into India is because Indian men prize their 'fair skin' - you see skin bleaching products everywhere, also in Thailand. This is also a divisive issue in the African-American community.

This has been an issue for millenia, not just modern day. In US southern culture, historically, fairness of skin of African-Americans determined if you were going to work as a slave in the house or in the fields. Still to this day, it is not uncommon to hear remarks made between various African-Americans jokingly about the color of their skin or someone calling them a "House N-word*, high-yellow, redbone, or paperbag brown. All words that describe "desired" skin tone in the AA community.

Edited November 18, 2008 by Staashi

[himher 634]

You are essentially saying that every girl who accepts an expensive engagement ring is the "property" of the guy who gave it to her. Mahr is a gift and is the wife's property only. Very much like an engagement ring is a gift to the new fiance.

Is it buying a green card when the foreign spouse buys a big ol diamond ring for his future bride? Or pays for the wedding? Or pays for any other number of things that are normally associated with marriage?

In an islamic marriage, mahr is simply part of the deal, just like an expensive ring is often part of the deal state side. It's a gift from the groom to his bride, and a bit of insurance for her future wellbeing.

its different when you buy your woman a diamond ring, or just buy the woman...your buying HER something while asking for marriage, but with a mahr, your buying HER as the property. big difference.

[sereia 0]

just felt like adding this: (goes along with what Jenn said)

I don't care if anyone has a mahr or not. But is it necessary to brag about how much you got? IMO I think thats private info that I wouldn't share with a public message board. :whistling:

[Ban Hammer 13,282]

just felt like adding this: (goes along with what Jenn said)

I don't care if anyone has a mahr or not. But is it necessary to brag about how much you got? IMO I think thats private info that I wouldn't share with a public message board. :whistling:

time to dig out the tape measure to see who's is bigger

[PlatyPius 5]

It should be given according to the social status of the bride.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So there's your answer, Platy. It is supposed to be determined by her "social status." Not sure how that would work with MENA husbands and American wives though...

oh you just know there's gonna be some interesting conversations today in mena homes.

Which all of this just goes back to Platy's original question about someone's skin or hair color. Her worth was normally deemed as greater because she didn't have to work in the sun, or her fair skin and blonde or lighter colored hair were deemed as making her more desirable. Just think, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all." Freaking SNOW WHITE!!!! You think she was a prize because she was holed up in some shack with 7 dwarfs - nope, it's cause her skin was as pure as snow.

Now discuss.

This was actually kinda where I was going with this topic. I know that in Indian culture, lighter-skinned people are typically of the upper caste. I was wondering if it also applied to more Muslim countries.

[Zee Bee 61]

I was always under the impression that a mahr was not supposed to be disclosed.

[Mags 112]

just felt like adding this: (goes along with what Jenn said)

I don't care if anyone has a mahr or not. But is it necessary to brag about how much you got? IMO I think thats private info that I wouldn't share with a public message board. :whistling:

I just think it's tacky and cheap. Bragging in general is a poor personality trait.

[star_dragon 0]

To me the whole concept of assigning value to a human being based on their physical characteristics is very distasteful and my mind immediately jumps to prostitution. But then again, I don't like beauty pageants or auctioning off firemen for dates either.

I know not every culture (even subculture in the U.S.) views it that way though. No skin off my back, I guess. But don't expect me to be impressed by the amount of money you think you're worth.

I'll have to disagree with you on the firemen thing

just felt like adding this: (goes along with what Jenn said)

I don't care if anyone has a mahr or not. But is it necessary to brag about how much you got? IMO I think thats private info that I wouldn't share with a public message board. :whistling:

time to dig out the tape measure to see who's is bigger

Oh man, that could go so many ways

[Staashi 371]

I was always under the impression that a mahr was not supposed to be disclosed.

Me, too. Kinda like telling someone or asking someone how much you earn. Tacky.

[Zee Bee 61]

This was actually kinda where I was going with this topic. I know that in Indian culture, lighter-skinned people are typically of the upper caste. I was wondering if it also applied to more Muslim countries.

I don't think that there are caste systems per se in Muslim countries but there does exist the "preference" for women who are lighter skinned.

I don't think that this really has anything to do with the mahr.

In Saudi Arabia, and this from my own personal experience with my friends, the mahr was not something the bride asked for (which is what it is supposed to be), the mahr was dictated by her male relatives and in a lot of cases it was for some exorbitant amount of money. I know some grooms that had to go on a payment plan to finish paying it off. It had nothing to do with what the bride looked like or her status in society.

The same is true for a friend of mine who just got married here in the US (both her and her husband are US born and raised but their parents are from Pakistan). Her FIL has I think 10 years to finish paying her mahr

[Chica Yeyé 41]

just felt like adding this: (goes along with what Jenn said)

I don't care if anyone has a mahr or not. But is it necessary to brag about how much you got? IMO I think thats private info that I wouldn't share with a public message board. :whistling:

I just think it's tacky and cheap. Bragging in general is a poor personality trait.

Absolutely. Specially when pretending to be an example of a good muslima, which from what I have learned fron you all has to be modest.