Mahr - What Determines Worth?

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I would like to hear everyones perspective imagining they are IN a MENA country, as a MENA woman

Impossible to answer, I think. It's fairly likely that if you are brought up in that culture, you wouldn't see a problem with it. Not sure about everyone else, but I'm not trying to claim moral superiority, just saying that it doesn't jive with who I am. Why would you go along with something you find to be reprehensible just because it's ok in a different culture?

You're right, it is hard to imagine how you would think,feel and believe being brought up in another culture.

Do you find it reprehensible because you think of it as a "bride price"? I just dont think that is the purpose of it for the most part. Im sure it happens, but i think it is more to prove to the family that the husband can support the wife and wil not divorce her so easily.

But what I'm trying to say is that this does not apply to me (and most American women I would think), so the purpose of it would be a bride price because the actual, traditional reasons behind it are not relevant to my situation.

It doesnt apply to any of us here. Thats why i said imagine. lol

I think I've already answered your question then.

There are some legitimate reasons a MENA woman would accept a mahr.

There are no reasons that I find acceptable that an American woman would accept a mahr.

I just don't think that your implication that those of us who do not like the idea of a mahr are less, say, "culturally sensitive". We get it - it's "normal", "traditional", etc. over there and there are some good reasons for it.

ETA: I should clarify that I'm referring to a high mahr, not a nominal one. I do realize that it's mandatory.

Is that what i implied?

I thought so, but I guess not. That's what I had gathered when you keep asking us to imagine when I think we've made it clear that the purpose of a mahr as you've put forth *is* relevant to MENA women, although *not* to American women.

Well, since the OP asked women who are "are actually involved with a culture that still has dowries/Mahrs/etc."

I thought I would bring us to that perspective.

This thread was clearly created to mock a member of VJ, that part has been accomlished, the remarks and attacks have been made...(ya, i said it) so i thought i would ask us, as if we were involved in the culture....since, after all we have married into it, havent we?

Also, some of us may plan to eventually settle in the SO's country at least part time. That may play a role in the mahr.

I do agree that if I was a MENA woman, I would except what the groom could afford...no more no less.

Lisa

:I'll get my fire retardant gear on:

[Ban Hammer 13,282]

If I become single again this is what will be on the table.

Single middle aged female seeks like minded older man with loads of cash to support shopping fetish. Drinks a lot, not very reponsible, slightly insane, 2 steps away from looney bin. Has no financial assets of own so man must of lots (of assets of course). Looks fading fast so would need a bit of work therefore man to have money to provide the work to be done. Think Extreme Makeover. Can work but prefers to pretend to work for obscene sums of money - work ethic = I show up, they pay me. Very good at pretending to work - has it down to fine art. CAN actually cook but would prefer to employ staff for this mundane task. Oh and am stalker so man must tell me he loves me daily and compose odes. I may bore of this so a healthy balance (bank too) is required. Psycho losers with issues and no money need not apply. Must offer proof of liquidity, portfolio holdings to my CPA & attorney for consideration. Jewelry, luxury cars, real estate offerings, and luxury travel accomodations will be determined once suitable applicant has been selected. American Express Centurian card preferred. You: must be available to hold hands, treat me like a queen, cater to my every whim, and have a housekeeper for all 3 homes. Must live close to quality opera house and have a season subscription. Gourmet cook preferred, unless you have a gourmet cook on hire. Must vacation at least 3 times a year in places like Bermuda, Bali or Fiji, at least once a year for two months in Israel. Private jet and yacht appreciated. Personal masseusse required to be on call 24/7, along with psychotherapist. Let's meet for champagne at your favourite high-end salon.

add: must have at huge tracts of arable land for growing medicinal purpose plants

[mawilson 2,133]

Mahr? Bill Mahr?

[Muh and me 18]

If I become single again this is what will be on the table.

Single middle aged female seeks like minded older man with loads of cash to support shopping fetish. Drinks a lot, not very reponsible, slightly insane, 2 steps away from looney bin. Has no financial assets of own so man must of lots (of assets of course). Looks fading fast so would need a bit of work therefore man to have money to provide the work to be done. Think Extreme Makeover. Can work but prefers to pretend to work for obscene sums of money - work ethic = I show up, they pay me. Very good at pretending to work - has it down to fine art. CAN actually cook but would prefer to employ staff for this mundane task. Oh and am stalker so man must tell me he loves me daily and compose odes. I may bore of this so a healthy balance (bank too) is required. Psycho losers with issues and no money need not apply. Must offer proof of liquidity, portfolio holdings to my CPA & attorney for consideration. Jewelry, luxury cars, real estate offerings, and luxury travel accomodations will be determined once suitable applicant has been selected. American Express Centurian card preferred. You: must be available to hold hands, treat me like a queen, cater to my every whim, and have a housekeeper for all 3 homes. Must live close to quality opera house and have a season subscription. Gourmet cook preferred, unless you have a gourmet cook on hire. Must vacation at least 3 times a year in places like Bermuda, Bali or Fiji, at least once a year for two months in Israel. Private jet and yacht appreciated. Personal masseusse required to be on call 24/7, along with psychotherapist. Let's meet for champagne at your favourite high-end salon.

add: must have at huge tracts of arable land for growing medicinal purpose plants

[Leyla 0]

[notime4haterz 0]

Well, since the OP asked women who are "are actually involved with a culture that still has dowries/Mahrs/etc."

I thought I would bring us to that perspective.

This thread was clearly created to mock a member of VJ, that part has been accomlished, the remarks and attacks have been made...(ya, i said it) so i thought i would ask us, as if we were involved in the culture....since, after all we have married into it, havent we?

Also, some of us may plan to eventually settle in the SO's country at least part time. That may play a role in the mahr.

I do agree that if I was a MENA woman, I would except what the groom could afford...no more no less.

Lisa

:I'll get my fire retardant gear on:

No one's gonna answer you honey, they're still too busy attacking me.

But I do wanna say one thing. Just because someone is born in this country that doesn't mean they're only American and they drop all their culture. Me and my friends were all born here. We still stick to culture. When we have children, we will expect the same thing for our daughters. We're only second generation Americans and we will not throw away our traditions so fast. Sure, we do some things like Americans, but most things we do are still different.

And I don't care who it pisses off and who it disgusts! And sorry to tell you, there's gonna be a whole lotta people pissin you off and make you disgusted if that's how you're gonna feel about things that are different and don't jive with what you consider "normal"

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Well, since the OP asked women who are "are actually involved with a culture that still has dowries/Mahrs/etc."

I thought I would bring us to that perspective.

This thread was clearly created to mock a member of VJ, that part has been accomlished, the remarks and attacks have been made...(ya, i said it) so i thought i would ask us, as if we were involved in the culture....since, after all we have married into it, havent we?

Also, some of us may plan to eventually settle in the SO's country at least part time. That may play a role in the mahr.

I do agree that if I was a MENA woman, I would except what the groom could afford...no more no less.

Lisa

:I'll get my fire retardant gear on:

No one's gonna answer you honey, they're still too busy attacking me.

But I do wanna say one thing. Just because someone is born in this country that doesn't mean they're only American and they drop all their culture. Me and my friends were all born here. We still stick to culture. When we have children, we will expect the same thing for our daughters. We're only second generation Americans and we will not throw away our traditions so fast. Sure, we do some things like Americans, but most things we do are still different.

And I don't care who it pisses off and who it disgusts! And sorry to tell you, there's gonna be a whole lotta people pissin you off and make you disgusted if that's how you're gonna feel about things that are different and don't jive with what you consider "normal"

sad.............but i guess when guys have to drp that much money along w their families for a greencard,they think twice about leaving...good jon narina...get a couple thousand more out of them in my name...at least you got some dough

true love exists people............never give up......i lost a billion dollars 2 months ago and no gold in the world will ever bring that treasure back

[PlatyPius 5]

Well, since the OP asked women who are "are actually involved with a culture that still has dowries/Mahrs/etc."

I thought I would bring us to that perspective.

This thread was clearly created to mock a member of VJ, that part has been accomlished, the remarks and attacks have been made...(ya, i said it) so i thought i would ask us, as if we were involved in the culture....since, after all we have married into it, havent we?

Also, some of us may plan to eventually settle in the SO's country at least part time. That may play a role in the mahr.

I do agree that if I was a MENA woman, I would except what the groom could afford...no more no less.

Lisa

:I'll get my fire retardant gear on:

You're partly right.

I started this thread because I was completely dumbfounded at what I can only describe as the biggest ego I have ever seen. I wanted to see if this was considered normal or if it was an anomaly. I was also genuinely curious about the custom, since I don't have a lot of interaction with MENA people, except the few that post on Expats.

I'm still a little shell-shocked at the blatant belief in "beauty" and money over any real substance, and the vulgar display of "wealth" and perceived worth.

So....partly right. The mocking was quite secondary to the actual inquiry.

[Leyla 0]

*Puts her chips away*

And Scene.

[notime4haterz 0]

sad.............but i guess when guys have to drp that much money along w their families for a greencard,they think twice about leaving...good jon narina...get a couple thousand more out of them in my name...at least you got some dough

true love exists people............never give up......i lost a billion dollars 2 months ago and no gold in the world will ever bring that treasure back

I'm sorry for what you went through. My husband doesn't need a greencard. He's from a VWP country. His brothers are also US citizens and have been here for over 20 years (that's how our families know one another). I'm not worried about being used for a greencard, because he could have come to America years ago. I didn't ask for a large mahr, I was given one. His family is kinda wealthy. Even more than my family. His concern would not be losing money if he divorced me. His concern would be the rift it could cause between our families as we have other family members who are married to each other.

It's a fact that you have a 50/50 chance of your marriage working. The divorce rate is 50% or maybe even more now. Well it's the same thing with an American marrying a foreigner. If you don't really know the person and you just meet on vacation or over the internet, there's always gonna be the possibility that you're being used. It's something that everyone who decides to marry a foreigner, has to think about. A close friend of mine married an Indian guy. She should have suspected something was up because their marriage was a nightmare. Sure enough, as soon as they denied his I-130 he was bye bye!

I know MENA men use American women. I was in Egypt just last month and our tour guide was talking to me in Arabic, telling me how his best friend married a British woman who is older than him, just for papers. Once his friend got to the UK he offered the tour guide a chance to hook him up with another old lady and the tour guide turned down the offer. So not all of them are users, but some of them are. In March 2007 I was in Morocco and heard the same stories. I'm sure they tell me this because I talk to them in Arabic and they feel that I won't take offense. They would never admit it to just anybody. Yeah, it happens, and alot!

I know that in 5 years, there's gonna be alot of women on here telling the same sad story you've told. For that, I'm truly sorry. You don't deserve that. I hope you find someone new that will make you so happy you'll forget the sadness you're in now.

[Leyla 0]

sad.............but i guess when guys have to drp that much money along w their families for a greencard,they think twice about leaving...good jon narina...get a couple thousand more out of them in my name...at least you got some dough

true love exists people............never give up......i lost a billion dollars 2 months ago and no gold in the world will ever bring that treasure back

I'm sorry for what you went through. My husband doesn't need a greencard. He's from a VWP country. His brothers are also US citizens and have been here for over 20 years (that's how our families know one another). I'm not worried about being used for a greencard, because he could have come to America years ago. I didn't ask for a large mahr, I was given one. His family is kinda wealthy. Even more than my family. His concern would not be losing money if he divorced me. His concern would be the rift it could cause between our families as we have other family members who are married to each other.

It's a fact that you have a 50/50 chance of your marriage working. The divorce rate is 50% or maybe even more now. Well it's the same thing with an American marrying a foreigner. If you don't really know the person and you just meet on vacation or over the internet, there's always gonna be the possibility that you're being used. It's something that everyone who decides to marry a foreigner, has to think about. A close friend of mine married an Indian guy. She should have suspected something was up because their marriage was a nightmare. Sure enough, as soon as they denied his I-130 he was bye bye!

I know MENA men use American women. I was in Egypt just last month and our tour guide was talking to me in Arabic, telling me how his best friend married a British woman who is older than him, just for papers. Once his friend got to the UK he offered the tour guide a chance to hook him up with another old lady and the tour guide turned down the offer. So not all of them are users, but some of them are. In March 2007 I was in Morocco and heard the same stories. I'm sure they tell me this because I talk to them in Arabic and they feel that I won't take offense. They would never admit it to just anybody. Yeah, it happens, and alot!

I know that in 5 years, there's gonna be alot of women on here telling the same sad story you've told. For that, I'm truly sorry. You don't deserve that. I hope you find someone new that will make you so happy you'll forget the sadness you're in now.

Um... I understand that is a reality but seriously... be nice. A lot of us are/will/did struggle with our marriages and you're not exactly giving us something to look forward to. It's probably "easier" for you because of your culture. I'm just saying (regardless of what you've said in the past and regardless of what others are saying about you) you need to be a little nicer. We are trying to stay positive. We need support.

Like I said, I know the green card thing is a reality but it isn't necessarily OUR reality. We're all happy (genuinely) that you have a great marriage, a great husband, a big mahr etc, but you're being a bit .... stuck up about it. I don't think the way it is coming off is the way you intend. I just want you to know how these messages are being perceived. It SOUNDS like you're saying: My marriage is perfect. I have gold, and I go on trips and my marriage will never end. But you're all American and those marriages usually don't last and he's only there to get a green card.

Honestly, congratulations on your happy marriage. I hope it continues. But just understand how some of your comments are coming off. Please.

[notime4haterz 0]

sad.............but i guess when guys have to drp that much money along w their families for a greencard,they think twice about leaving...good jon narina...get a couple thousand more out of them in my name...at least you got some dough

true love exists people............never give up......i lost a billion dollars 2 months ago and no gold in the world will ever bring that treasure back

I'm sorry for what you went through. My husband doesn't need a greencard. He's from a VWP country. His brothers are also US citizens and have been here for over 20 years (that's how our families know one another). I'm not worried about being used for a greencard, because he could have come to America years ago. I didn't ask for a large mahr, I was given one. His family is kinda wealthy. Even more than my family. His concern would not be losing money if he divorced me. His concern would be the rift it could cause between our families as we have other family members who are married to each other.

It's a fact that you have a 50/50 chance of your marriage working. The divorce rate is 50% or maybe even more now. Well it's the same thing with an American marrying a foreigner. If you don't really know the person and you just meet on vacation or over the internet, there's always gonna be the possibility that you're being used. It's something that everyone who decides to marry a foreigner, has to think about. A close friend of mine married an Indian guy. She should have suspected something was up because their marriage was a nightmare. Sure enough, as soon as they denied his I-130 he was bye bye!

I know MENA men use American women. I was in Egypt just last month and our tour guide was talking to me in Arabic, telling me how his best friend married a British woman who is older than him, just for papers. Once his friend got to the UK he offered the tour guide a chance to hook him up with another old lady and the tour guide turned down the offer. So not all of them are users, but some of them are. In March 2007 I was in Morocco and heard the same stories. I'm sure they tell me this because I talk to them in Arabic and they feel that I won't take offense. They would never admit it to just anybody. Yeah, it happens, and alot!

I know that in 5 years, there's gonna be alot of women on here telling the same sad story you've told. For that, I'm truly sorry. You don't deserve that. I hope you find someone new that will make you so happy you'll forget the sadness you're in now.

Um... I understand that is a reality but seriously... be nice. A lot of us are/will/did struggle with our marriages and you're not exactly giving us something to look forward to. It's probably "easier" for you because of your culture. I'm just saying (regardless of what you've said in the past and regardless of what others are saying about you) you need to be a little nicer. We are trying to stay positive. We need support.

Like I said, I know the green card thing is a reality but it isn't necessarily OUR reality. We're all happy (genuinely) that you have a great marriage, a great husband, a big mahr etc, but you're being a bit .... stuck up about it. I don't think the way it is coming off is the way you intend. I just want you to know how these messages are being perceived. It SOUNDS like you're saying: My marriage is perfect. I have gold, and I go on trips and my marriage will never end. But you're all American and those marriages usually don't last and he's only there to get a green card.

Honestly, congratulations on your happy marriage. I hope it continues. But just understand how some of your comments are coming off. Please.

I'm telling her about my marriage because she started her message talking about how it's good that I got lots of money so that my husband and his family will think twice about dropping me if they paid alot for a greencard. I am trying to explain that I'm not in a situation where the greencard is an issue.

You know Leyla, I truly like you. I really do. I'm not trying to be mean. Just try not to take my posts so personally.

Here is the truth. I know it's bitter. But it's the truth. When women marry these guys, they have to think and think really hard, before marriage, if there is any chance the guy is using them. These people, MENA, they are my people. I'm not Arab, but my family is from the ME and I still have family there. I speak their language. I know how they are. When they use women, it gives all Muslims in general, a bad name. But it happens.

It's better for women to hear it and be more aware and prevent something like what happened to hanginginthere, than to just say, "Oh no, I'm sure he loves you" and have someone go into a relationship not knowing.

That doesn't mean if you have one fight it's over, he's a user, get ready to be abandoned. Of course not!

[Y's_habibitk 2]

sad.............but i guess when guys have to drp that much money along w their families for a greencard,they think twice about leaving...good jon narina...get a couple thousand more out of them in my name...at least you got some dough

true love exists people............never give up......i lost a billion dollars 2 months ago and no gold in the world will ever bring that treasure back

I'm sorry for what you went through. My husband doesn't need a greencard. He's from a VWP country. His brothers are also US citizens and have been here for over 20 years (that's how our families know one another). I'm not worried about being used for a greencard, because he could have come to America years ago. I didn't ask for a large mahr, I was given one. His family is kinda wealthy. Even more than my family. His concern would not be losing money if he divorced me. His concern would be the rift it could cause between our families as we have other family members who are married to each other.

It's a fact that you have a 50/50 chance of your marriage working. The divorce rate is 50% or maybe even more now. Well it's the same thing with an American marrying a foreigner. If you don't really know the person and you just meet on vacation or over the internet, there's always gonna be the possibility that you're being used. It's something that everyone who decides to marry a foreigner, has to think about. A close friend of mine married an Indian guy. She should have suspected something was up because their marriage was a nightmare. Sure enough, as soon as they denied his I-130 he was bye bye!

I know MENA men use American women. I was in Egypt just last month and our tour guide was talking to me in Arabic, telling me how his best friend married a British woman who is older than him, just for papers. Once his friend got to the UK he offered the tour guide a chance to hook him up with another old lady and the tour guide turned down the offer. So not all of them are users, but some of them are. In March 2007 I was in Morocco and heard the same stories. I'm sure they tell me this because I talk to them in Arabic and they feel that I won't take offense. They would never admit it to just anybody. Yeah, it happens, and alot!

I know that in 5 years, there's gonna be alot of women on here telling the same sad story you've told. For that, I'm truly sorry. You don't deserve that. I hope you find someone new that will make you so happy you'll forget the sadness you're in now.

Um... I understand that is a reality but seriously... be nice. A lot of us are/will/did struggle with our marriages and you're not exactly giving us something to look forward to. It's probably "easier" for you because of your culture. I'm just saying (regardless of what you've said in the past and regardless of what others are saying about you) you need to be a little nicer. We are trying to stay positive. We need support.

Like I said, I know the green card thing is a reality but it isn't necessarily OUR reality. We're all happy (genuinely) that you have a great marriage, a great husband, a big mahr etc, but you're being a bit .... stuck up about it. I don't think the way it is coming off is the way you intend. I just want you to know how these messages are being perceived. It SOUNDS like you're saying: My marriage is perfect. I have gold, and I go on trips and my marriage will never end. But you're all American and those marriages usually don't last and he's only there to get a green card.

Honestly, congratulations on your happy marriage. I hope it continues. But just understand how some of your comments are coming off. Please.

So, some memebers are allowed to elude to the fact that we're all being used for a GC, but others arent supposed to say that SOME will end up that way?

Honestly? I dont think ANYONE should even bring it up unless someone asks SPECIFICALLY for advise on the subject OR they say it first... others here, will jump to conclusions and write 8 paragraph posts about how "you should leave him" "he's using you" "just wait"...ect ect and everyone is silent!

People dont want to read that stuff!

Lisa

Edited November 20, 2008 by Y_habibitk

[Leyla 0]

sad.............but i guess when guys have to drp that much money along w their families for a greencard,they think twice about leaving...good jon narina...get a couple thousand more out of them in my name...at least you got some dough

true love exists people............never give up......i lost a billion dollars 2 months ago and no gold in the world will ever bring that treasure back

I'm sorry for what you went through. My husband doesn't need a greencard. He's from a VWP country. His brothers are also US citizens and have been here for over 20 years (that's how our families know one another). I'm not worried about being used for a greencard, because he could have come to America years ago. I didn't ask for a large mahr, I was given one. His family is kinda wealthy. Even more than my family. His concern would not be losing money if he divorced me. His concern would be the rift it could cause between our families as we have other family members who are married to each other.

It's a fact that you have a 50/50 chance of your marriage working. The divorce rate is 50% or maybe even more now. Well it's the same thing with an American marrying a foreigner. If you don't really know the person and you just meet on vacation or over the internet, there's always gonna be the possibility that you're being used. It's something that everyone who decides to marry a foreigner, has to think about. A close friend of mine married an Indian guy. She should have suspected something was up because their marriage was a nightmare. Sure enough, as soon as they denied his I-130 he was bye bye!

I know MENA men use American women. I was in Egypt just last month and our tour guide was talking to me in Arabic, telling me how his best friend married a British woman who is older than him, just for papers. Once his friend got to the UK he offered the tour guide a chance to hook him up with another old lady and the tour guide turned down the offer. So not all of them are users, but some of them are. In March 2007 I was in Morocco and heard the same stories. I'm sure they tell me this because I talk to them in Arabic and they feel that I won't take offense. They would never admit it to just anybody. Yeah, it happens, and alot!

I know that in 5 years, there's gonna be alot of women on here telling the same sad story you've told. For that, I'm truly sorry. You don't deserve that. I hope you find someone new that will make you so happy you'll forget the sadness you're in now.

Um... I understand that is a reality but seriously... be nice. A lot of us are/will/did struggle with our marriages and you're not exactly giving us something to look forward to. It's probably "easier" for you because of your culture. I'm just saying (regardless of what you've said in the past and regardless of what others are saying about you) you need to be a little nicer. We are trying to stay positive. We need support.

Like I said, I know the green card thing is a reality but it isn't necessarily OUR reality. We're all happy (genuinely) that you have a great marriage, a great husband, a big mahr etc, but you're being a bit .... stuck up about it. I don't think the way it is coming off is the way you intend. I just want you to know how these messages are being perceived. It SOUNDS like you're saying: My marriage is perfect. I have gold, and I go on trips and my marriage will never end. But you're all American and those marriages usually don't last and he's only there to get a green card.

Honestly, congratulations on your happy marriage. I hope it continues. But just understand how some of your comments are coming off. Please.

I'm telling her about my marriage because she started her message talking about how it's good that I got lots of money so that my husband and his family will think twice about dropping me if they paid alot for a greencard. I am trying to explain that I'm not in a situation where the greencard is an issue.

You know Leyla, I truly like you. I really do. I'm not trying to be mean. Just try not to take my posts so personally.

Here is the truth. I know it's bitter. But it's the truth. When women marry these guys, they have to think and think really hard, before marriage, if there is any chance the guy is using them. These people, MENA, they are my people. I'm not Arab, but my family is from the ME and I still have family there. I speak their language. I know how they are. When they use women, it gives all Muslims in general, a bad name. But it happens.

It's better for women to hear it and be more aware and prevent something like what happened to hanginginthere, than to just say, "Oh no, I'm sure he loves you" and have someone go into a relationship not knowing.

That doesn't mean if you have one fight it's over, he's a user, get ready to be abandoned. Of course not!

Well that sounds a little better. I guess sometimes it's hard not to generalize on this message board. Sometimes (We're ALL totally guilty) we forget that we don't know each and every persons own personal situation.

I've been through the green card thing. I've asked, I've speculated and through all of my "research" I've come to 2 conclusions: 1. He's not in it for the green card. 2. Whatever happens, happens. It is all a part of God's master plan.

I've heard the stories on here and I believe a lot of us got lucky and we have a man that truly loves us. But we have seen the heart break and we know this is a reality. We can only pray for the best and learn from our own lives and the lives of others.

[Leyla 0]

sad.............but i guess when guys have to drp that much money along w their families for a greencard,they think twice about leaving...good jon narina...get a couple thousand more out of them in my name...at least you got some dough

true love exists people............never give up......i lost a billion dollars 2 months ago and no gold in the world will ever bring that treasure back

I'm sorry for what you went through. My husband doesn't need a greencard. He's from a VWP country. His brothers are also US citizens and have been here for over 20 years (that's how our families know one another). I'm not worried about being used for a greencard, because he could have come to America years ago. I didn't ask for a large mahr, I was given one. His family is kinda wealthy. Even more than my family. His concern would not be losing money if he divorced me. His concern would be the rift it could cause between our families as we have other family members who are married to each other.

It's a fact that you have a 50/50 chance of your marriage working. The divorce rate is 50% or maybe even more now. Well it's the same thing with an American marrying a foreigner. If you don't really know the person and you just meet on vacation or over the internet, there's always gonna be the possibility that you're being used. It's something that everyone who decides to marry a foreigner, has to think about. A close friend of mine married an Indian guy. She should have suspected something was up because their marriage was a nightmare. Sure enough, as soon as they denied his I-130 he was bye bye!

I know MENA men use American women. I was in Egypt just last month and our tour guide was talking to me in Arabic, telling me how his best friend married a British woman who is older than him, just for papers. Once his friend got to the UK he offered the tour guide a chance to hook him up with another old lady and the tour guide turned down the offer. So not all of them are users, but some of them are. In March 2007 I was in Morocco and heard the same stories. I'm sure they tell me this because I talk to them in Arabic and they feel that I won't take offense. They would never admit it to just anybody. Yeah, it happens, and alot!

I know that in 5 years, there's gonna be alot of women on here telling the same sad story you've told. For that, I'm truly sorry. You don't deserve that. I hope you find someone new that will make you so happy you'll forget the sadness you're in now.

Um... I understand that is a reality but seriously... be nice. A lot of us are/will/did struggle with our marriages and you're not exactly giving us something to look forward to. It's probably "easier" for you because of your culture. I'm just saying (regardless of what you've said in the past and regardless of what others are saying about you) you need to be a little nicer. We are trying to stay positive. We need support.

Like I said, I know the green card thing is a reality but it isn't necessarily OUR reality. We're all happy (genuinely) that you have a great marriage, a great husband, a big mahr etc, but you're being a bit .... stuck up about it. I don't think the way it is coming off is the way you intend. I just want you to know how these messages are being perceived. It SOUNDS like you're saying: My marriage is perfect. I have gold, and I go on trips and my marriage will never end. But you're all American and those marriages usually don't last and he's only there to get a green card.

Honestly, congratulations on your happy marriage. I hope it continues. But just understand how some of your comments are coming off. Please.

So, some memebers are allowed to elude to the fact that we're all being used for a GC, but others arent supposed to say that SOME will end up that way?

Honestly? I dont think ANYONE should even bring it up unless someone asks SPECIFICALLY for advise on the subject OR they say it first... others here, will jump to conclusions and write 8 paragraph posts about how "you should leave him" "he's using you" "just wait"...ect ect and everyone is silent!

People dont want to read that stuff!

Lisa

I think everyone should cool down. Period. I'm not putting the blame on any ONE person. Sorry if I come off that way.

Honestly, I don't like stepping on toes. I hope I'm not.