Serious Doubts

[PlatyPius 5]

I am going to do what I'm doing for now. He seems to have calmed down. We'll see where this goes. I'm just frustrated. I think too far into the future I guess.

No you don't. In a relationship such as yours, you HAVE to discuss things that might possibly come up later. All of these things have to be brought out, discussed, agreed or compromised on, and filed away and the next issue brought up. Before Mags and I were even engaged we discussed things like burial wishes, finances, retirement, etc. I don't think it's possible to think TOO far ahead.

As for the rest of the BS in this topic.... just consider the source, realize that she is NOT a scholarly resource, and ignore or flame as necessary. Sure likes telling people what they should do - not good for someone who's only been here a couple of months.

[Leyla 0]

I am going to do what I'm doing for now. He seems to have calmed down. We'll see where this goes. I'm just frustrated. I think too far into the future I guess.

No you don't. In a relationship such as yours, you HAVE to discuss things that might possibly come up later. All of these things have to be brought out, discussed, agreed or compromised on, and filed away and the next issue brought up. Before Mags and I were even engaged we discussed things like burial wishes, finances, retirement, etc. I don't think it's possible to think TOO far ahead.

As for the rest of the BS in this topic.... just consider the source, realize that she is NOT a scholarly resource, and ignore or flame as necessary. Sure likes telling people what they should do - not good for someone who's only been here a couple of months.

I guess it is good to think ahead. For now, because I know my situation better than anyone, I just want to sit back. We've discussed the hijab. I want to see how things will roll out from now on. Our love for each other is strong enough to survive what is going on now. Maybe we will both relax a little and be more willing to compromise. Who knows?

[notime4haterz 0]

You just proved my point Leyla.

I'm a Muslim and I don't wear hijab. I acknowledge that I am disobeying Allah by not wearing the hijab. I'm acknowledging that I am not a good Muslimah because I don't wear the hijab.

Really simple.

But I don't go around telling people that it's not manditory and that because it's not in the Quran then it's not fard. I don't tell people to reject taking rulings from Hadith because they come from a man and not God. I don't change what has been the Islamic ruling for over 1400 years. I don't change the religion. I acknowledge that I am wrong to do what I do. Period.

I'm not judging you. You may very well go to heaven before me and a million other women wearing hijab. I'm just asking you that if you choose to be a part of this religion, then state your feelings, but don't say something is law or not.

If you choose to remain a Muslimah and choose to continue studying Islam and learning about it...one day, when you become more and more educated in Islam, you will look back on this topic. You will remember me. And you will know and understand exactly why I posted the things I did.

Oh and one more thing...let your husband read the posts. Let him read my posts and see what he thinks. Maybe he can put it more gently so that you don't keep getting so defensive.

[Leyla 0]

You just proved my point Leyla.

I'm a Muslim and I don't wear hijab. I acknowledge that I am disobeying Allah by not wearing the hijab. I'm acknowledging that I am not a good Muslimah because I don't wear the hijab.

Really simple.

But I don't go around telling people that it's not manditory and that because it's not in the Quran then it's not fard. I don't tell people to reject taking rulings from Hadith because they come from a man and not God. I don't change what has been the Islamic ruling for over 1400 years. I don't change the religion. I acknowledge that I am wrong to do what I do. Period.

I'm not judging you. You may very well go to heaven before me and a million other women wearing hijab. I'm just asking you that if you choose to be a part of this religion, then state your feelings, but don't say something is law or not.

If you choose to remain a Muslimah and choose to continue studying Islam and learning about it...one day, when you become more and more educated in Islam, you will look back on this topic. You will remember me. And you will know and understand exactly why I posted the things I did.

...............Wow.

[PlatyPius 5]

You just proved my point Leyla.

I'm a Muslim and I don't wear hijab. I acknowledge that I am disobeying Allah by not wearing the hijab. I'm acknowledging that I am not a good Muslimah because I don't wear the hijab.

Really simple.

But I don't go around telling people that it's not manditory and that because it's not in the Quran then it's not fard. I don't tell people to reject taking rulings from Hadith because they come from a man and not God. I don't change what has been the Islamic ruling for over 1400 years. I don't change the religion. I acknowledge that I am wrong to do what I do. Period.

I'm not judging you. You may very well go to heaven before me and a million other women wearing hijab. I'm just asking you that if you choose to be a part of this religion, then state your feelings, but don't say something is law or not.

If you choose to remain a Muslimah and choose to continue studying Islam and learning about it...one day, when you become more and more educated in Islam, you will look back on this topic. You will remember me. And you will know and understand exactly why I posted the things I did.

...............Cow.

fixx0red

[Imua 0]

[Leyla 0]

Hahaha maybe you should put your chips and pop down for a while haha. Seems as if the topic is dying down.

[morocco4ever 63]

Hahaha maybe you should put your chips and pop down for a while haha. Seems as if the topic is dying down.

No fun....I was really getting to liking this thread.

[Imua 0]

Hahaha maybe you should put your chips and pop down for a while haha. Seems as if the topic is dying down.

Oh well - it was getting interesting. Good luck with your decision. I was thinking about what someone said, what if it were important that you marry someone who doesn't drink or smoke and you meet and marry him and what if he starts drinking or smoking after engagement/marriage? Both of these were/are deal breakers for me when looking for a husband but what would I do if Govi started drinking or smoking now that we are husband and wife? A drink now and then maybe would be ok as long as it's not an everyday habit but I would seriously question the marriage if he started smoking - my mom put up with my stepdad's emphysema(and his refusal to quit) for over 13 years so it's a tough issue for me. I guess you just need to find out how important the hijab issue is to your husband, is it like drinking(to me) or smoking - yellow light or red light? I hope you guys can work it out and help him to understand that not being able to wear the hijab at work affects both of you if you cannot find a good job.

Edited November 16, 2008 by Pattu Rani

[HLM 1]

Glad to hear hubby is calm now about this issue. Dont worry sister its obvious ur hubby loves u n wants the best for u and as much as u wd want the best for him too. Say duaa and pray for u both and insha Allah everything will be happy again. Always remember that actions start with the right intention at heart. Wishing u all the best sister; and keep on searching n learning but take it easy on ur self and do it one step at a time!

Ladies take it easy on eachother when u discuss -sensitive- issues.

Staahi- what u wrote is exactly what i beieve.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

True, but she's claiming to be a Muslim but at the same time rejecting things that are a part of being Muslim, is she not? So the debate got started about whether or not you can just reject something. It's like saying "I'm Christian but I don't accept Jesus Christ as my saviour"...a Christian would then say "Then you're not following Christianity"... Muslims can't accept anything in the religion being changed. This is why Muslims are at war with the world...we will not change our religion regardless of how modern, liberal, or advanced the rest of the world becomes. That is a fact and the politics and the way Muslim countries are today, prove that fact.

I think that comment is way out there. Do you mean you are saying that all muslims are at war with the world? Or that muslims have a valid reason to fight the world? - whatever you meant to say, the words I bolded for you, really didnt need to be said.

Edited November 16, 2008 by TamaraLovesAdam

[Leyla 0]

True, but she's claiming to be a Muslim but at the same time rejecting things that are a part of being Muslim, is she not? So the debate got started about whether or not you can just reject something. It's like saying "I'm Christian but I don't accept Jesus Christ as my saviour"...a Christian would then say "Then you're not following Christianity"... Muslims can't accept anything in the religion being changed. This is why Muslims are at war with the world...we will not change our religion regardless of how modern, liberal, or advanced the rest of the world becomes. That is a fact and the politics and the way Muslim countries are today, prove that fact.

I think that comment is way out there. Do you mean you are saying that all muslims are at war with the world? Or that muslims have a valid reason to fight the world? - whatever you meant to say, the words I bolded for you, really didnt need to be said.

I agree with you Tamara. I also really feel like she is attacking me personally. No one is perfect. And I don't think someone that KNOWINGLY rejects something that is a part of their religion should claim to be so religious. If you believe the hijab is a part of the religion, and then you don't wear it, I don't think you have any room to tell other people how to be good Muslims.

I'm not telling anyone to wear the hijab or not wear the hijab. I am saying I have not found the evidence. I do not believe it is a requirement. I am not telling other women not to wear it. Do what you want. God is my judge and your judge. I've never claimed to be a "good" Muslim. And I am not telling anyone else what to do.

[notime4haterz 0]

True, but she's claiming to be a Muslim but at the same time rejecting things that are a part of being Muslim, is she not? So the debate got started about whether or not you can just reject something. It's like saying "I'm Christian but I don't accept Jesus Christ as my saviour"...a Christian would then say "Then you're not following Christianity"... Muslims can't accept anything in the religion being changed. This is why Muslims are at war with the world...we will not change our religion regardless of how modern, liberal, or advanced the rest of the world becomes. That is a fact and the politics and the way Muslim countries are today, prove that fact.

I think that comment is way out there. Do you mean you are saying that all muslims are at war with the world? Or that muslims have a valid reason to fight the world? - whatever you meant to say, the words I bolded for you, really didnt need to be said.

I agree with you Tamara. I also really feel like she is attacking me personally. No one is perfect. And I don't think someone that KNOWINGLY rejects something that is a part of their religion should claim to be so religious. If you believe the hijab is a part of the religion, and then you don't wear it, I don't think you have any room to tell other people how to be good Muslims.

I'm not telling anyone to wear the hijab or not wear the hijab. I am saying I have not found the evidence. I do not believe it is a requirement. I am not telling other women not to wear it. Do what you want. God is my judge and your judge. I've never claimed to be a "good" Muslim. And I am not telling anyone else what to do.

Please let me just make one thing clear. I am not attacking you personally. It seems that no matter anything I've said, you have been defensive of it. You have been angry with everything I said, no matter if I am with you or against you. Is it because I'm not a convert? Because you think I'm like the other Muslim people who treated you bad?

I never once said that I'm a good Muslimah and that I'm better than you. Your formed that opinion, I did not. On the contrary, I have repeated over and over again that you are better than me. I have always believed that those who had to struggle and find Islam were better than those of us who were simply born into it.

I am not going to justify anything more to you. Do as you like. All I asked is that you be careful of what you claim as your opinion and what is considered allowed/prohibited in religion.

I'll give you an example. A few years ago I was SO against polygamy. I understood and accepted it was part of Islam but I was against it for myself...I didn't want to "share" my man. There were several sisters who immediately jumped on me about saying something like that in a public forum. Because it causes non-muslims and other Muslims who aren't learned in the deen, to learn something that is incorrect. Even though it was my opinion and I was taking what I read, formulating my own decision, what I was saying is not only affecting others, but it's like I'm saying that I disagree with Allah...is basically how they put it. Alhamdillah, since that time, I have come to terms with it all and now have absolutely no problems with it.

I'm done with this...if you want to continue to accuse me of attacking you, etc, you can and I won't answer anymore. I have only one more thing to say to you, but will keep it for a private message, as I am tired of getting pummeled all day by the members who misunderstand me.

[Staashi 371]

One thing that you have to remember about all of this, is that with your husband this isn't just about Islam, this is about culture. His culture. For so many MENA men and women, too, they cannot and would never even think about separating their religion from their culture, it is ingrained - it is their life. When your husband met you, you were a devout hijabi wearing muslima. That is how you presented yourself to him, that was who he fell in love with. Now that he's here in America with you, his worst fear has come true. He's now in your culture, and the devout muslima wife he married but months ago has taken off her hijab and is now questioning the Qur'an and the Hadiths. I'm sure he's freaking the hell out - in his world, in his culture, I'm sure not too many women sit there and question the Qur'an and the Hadiths. You didn't just marry a Moroccan man, you married his family, his culture, and his religion, too.

He needs to be tolerant of you, but you also need to be tolerant of him - by you taking off your hijab in the USA he probably feels like he lost control, not of you but of other men. Other men can check you out, and he sees you as exposed. His whole world just turned around...give him a moment to digest all of this.

[merijan 0]

True, but she's claiming to be a Muslim but at the same time rejecting things that are a part of being Muslim, is she not? So the debate got started about whether or not you can just reject something. It's like saying "I'm Christian but I don't accept Jesus Christ as my saviour"...a Christian would then say "Then you're not following Christianity"... Muslims can't accept anything in the religion being changed. This is why Muslims are at war with the world...we will not change our religion regardless of how modern, liberal, or advanced the rest of the world becomes. That is a fact and the politics and the way Muslim countries are today, prove that fact.

I think that comment is way out there. Do you mean you are saying that all muslims are at war with the world? Or that muslims have a valid reason to fight the world? - whatever you meant to say, the words I bolded for you, really didnt need to be said.

OR .. Perhaps it is that the WORLD is fighting Muslims...hmmmmmm. and that The world or the west who thinks its the world. is fighting Muslims.