Serious Doubts

[Staashi 371]

The Qur'an does say lower your gaze, guard your modesty and draw your veil over your chest. But it doesn't say to cover your hair.

I'm not a Qur'an scholar, but in biblical terms a veil would cover a lady's head and the rest of her shoulders and chest, thus implying what the Qur'an states. The Blessed Mother Mary wore a veil, which we refer to as her mantle, and she is never depicted without. I would say that the Qur'an implies that women should veil, but that was also written in a time when veils were common and no woman would walk out of her home without it. Now we've come to the 21st century, and you're fighting a battle here in this country with a man who is from a different place where many women still dress as if it is biblical times. You have to decide if this is a battle that you're willing to fight and if your marriage is something that you want to salvage. Moreover, just on a personal note, anytime someone tells me that this is part of my "education" or "teaching", I would be a little concerned unless it was for a job or a college degree. Sounds like some kind of communist party induction school.

Good luck, Leyla. I hope you all can come to some type of accord within your home about this.

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

To be quite honest the headscarf has nothing to do with religion. Wearing the headscarf predates the invention of islam. People in the desert would wear long dresses and a headscarf simply to keep the sand off their body and hair. Here in the GCC countries even the men wear them. They really like to keep the sand off as well. The younger Emirati males here will sometimes trade the headscarf for an American style baseball cap. They just want something on the head to keep clean. Wearing headcovering started out just as a functional item to keep sand off the body. Then later religious people decided it was a way of proving your modesty. Which is a joke because their are muslim prostitutes (temporary wives) that wear the headscarf. In reality it proves nothing other than your desire to keep the sand out of your hair. If you don't live in a sandy environment then what do you need a headscarf for unless it's cold out? If he gets this upset over something like this what else will he try to control or change about you. Marriages between people of different faiths or differing levels of the same faith have a higher failure rate. You need to decide for yourself what is important for you and what aspects of your personal beliefs you are willing to sacrifice to please a man.

[morocco4ever 63]

Marriage is a series of compromises. We have an obligation to ourselves to be aware of what is and isn't acceptable. It's a shame you didn't realize your true feelings before, but you have now.

He also has the same obligations to himself. If this is something that is of high importance then he does have the right to live by his standards. If that means a divorce, it is his right.

This is a hard situation for the both of you. I don't have any real advice other than to say to him that not wearing the hijab is important to you, that you love him, and that you hope that he can come to accept your decision. Then it is entirely up to him. I hope he can learn to accept it because I personally don't think that wearing the hijab is what proves your commitment to your religion. I have seen far to many veiled women that have many many traits that are not conducive with Islam. I have a much higher respect for a woman that has Islam in her heart rather than the outer appearance of it.

[Rosalinda 0]

I have seen far to many veiled women that have many many traits that are not conducive with Islam. I have a much higher respect for a woman that has Islam in her heart rather than the outer appearance of it.

Well said M4E

This is very true. I have not converted but this holds true for any religion.

[nmsa 0]

I think it's a reputation thing. He thinks I am changing. He thinks that I am different. I'm just worried that I'm not religious enough for him. He deserves the best and if that is what he wants, I am not the girl for him. I just want him to be happy and I don't know if he would be happy with my level of religiousness.

you understand the whole thing wrong

in muslim religion if you not muslim only beacause u belive in it then you are not muslim

you have to be muslim becaus u want to be not because yr husband want u to be

be yrself and talk with him more and more and more just make him feel it's not challenge and good luck

[sara..... 371]

while i might disagree with some that say hijab is not a requirement i will say this........hijab is between u and Allah not u and ur husband....while sure the husband is suppose to help his wife this does not mean that he has the right to make it a requirement......maybe he needs himself to go back and read the Quran about how to treat his wife.......i have seen many muslims in the usa decide not to wear the hijab in public i can not judge them this is not my job it is the job of Allah on judgment day ur husband can request u to wear it but he can not demand it.........seems really both of u need to set down and talk about the difference of living in the usa and over seas......many women in our mosque take their hijab off on the way to their car........they dont want to draw attention to them self.......and yes some employers do not allow any type of head covering in the place of employment so it is understandable if u want to work out side the home that u dont wear it to a job interview...........also on a side note i dont believe that wearing or not wearing hijab makes u more or less religious.......Allah knows what you have in ur heart......................

[merijan 0]

I did not wear hijab right away it was about two years after I became Muslim that I started. I took it off after 5 years or so, because of many reasons. Then I started wearing it again about a year ago. wearing it does not make you a "good " muslim, not wearing it does not make you a "bad ' Muslim. As so many other things in Islam are important also. But before you make a clear cut decision I would like to share this video with you. My favorite Islamic speaker, he is American , convert to Islam, a very educated man in Islam, . Yusuf Estes. Just watch and any way in the end, its your decision and as my husband tells me its between me and Allah.

[sara..... 371]

I did not wear hijab right away it was about two years after I became Muslim that I started. I took it off after 5 years or so, because of many reasons. Then I started wearing it again about a year ago. wearing it does not make you a "good " muslim, not wearing it does not make you a "bad ' Muslim. As so many other things in Islam are important also. But before you make a clear cut decision I would like to share this video with you. My favorite Islamic speaker, he is American , convert to Islam, a very educated man in Islam, . Yusuf Estes. Just watch and any way in the end, its your decision and as my husband tells me its between me and Allah.

he is a great resource

[merijan 0]

another thing I would like to add is that when those of you that say you dont have to wear hijab, please be carefull with your advice. Since its possible you could be wrong and then you will have to answer for it. If you want to share why you dont wear it, ok. And same for those who want to cast judgement if you dont. I am not a scholar, or shiek, or Imum so I can give such words either way. And I dont think any of you are either,since most of us are still learning our Islam maybe its best not to make a matter of fact on some things.

I say this because I know for myself , I am so weak with my Islam . I am not where I want to be with prayer, and my deen. So I know I cant give advice so much , but I do like to share what I have learned from those who have been educated in Islam. And then the decision is up to you, me and whoever seeks advice.

Salam

[Leyla 0]

I have been Muslim all my life, but I don't wear the khimar except when necessary. It is not a part of my everyday dress. The Quran contains not one word about hijab as a means of dress, nor make it a pillar of faith. Islam does command modesty, but it does so for men and for women. Over time, khimar has become a symbol of Islamic piety, but symbols are far less important in Islam than are acts. If your husband is willing to threaten the stability of your marriage, and make you doubt your committment to Allah over a piece of cloth, then he is putting emphasis on the wrong parts of faith.

Every Muslim has their own path to Allah, but for women it has often become more complicated to be Muslim because to many, we are the embodiment of tradition and honor in the family which must be protected. Living up to the expectations of others makes it more difficult to grow into practice in a way that creates the kind of confidence and comfort that faith brings. Despite the Quran's advice that no Muslim bears the burden of another unless they are responsible for misleading them, some Muslims believe that the husband is the head of the household, and so, will be judged for the beliefs and behavior of his wife and children. [b] If your husband's belief is that he must maintain control over your practice in order to save face and please Allah, then there will be more problems than just those centering on what you wear on your head.[/b]

I certainly hope that you can come to an understanding together that your beliefs and practice and his will not always be in sync, but that you both intend to please Allah as best you can.

I think that is exactly how he feels. The other day he said he would have top "pay" for not guiding me on the Day of Judgement. Tell me that is not a guilt trip.....

[Leyla 0]

another thing I would like to add is that when those of you that say you dont have to wear hijab, please be carefull with your advice. Since its possible you could be wrong and then you will have to answer for it. If you want to share why you dont wear it, ok. And same for those who want to cast judgement if you dont. I am not a scholar, or shiek, or Imum so I can give such words either way. And I dont think any of you are either,since most of us are still learning our Islam maybe its best not to make a matter of fact on some things.

I say this because I know for myself , I am so weak with my Islam . I am not where I want to be with prayer, and my deen. So I know I cant give advice so much , but I do like to share what I have learned from those who have been educated in Islam. And then the decision is up to you, me and whoever seeks advice.

Salam

In the Qur'an it does not state a woman should cover her hair. It states this in the Hadith. My problem with the Hadith is: There is no way I can know Hadiths are 100% true. They are not the direct word of God. It's not like God sent his word (in the form of the Qur'an) and once he finished it He forgot something and added it later. I am not saying Muhammad (pbuh) did not speak the truth. I am saying I don't trust other people saying they saw or heard Muhammad do x, y and z. IF the hijab is SO important why did God not put it in the Qur'an. And IF He did, why doesn't it just flat out say: Tell the believing women to cover their hair.

God is pretty straight forward in the Qur'an and I don't think it is characteristic of God to forget to put something in it.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Leyla, I hate to hear that you are facing problems? Could it be more things making you not feel secure than just the hijjab? I'm not even speculating about your situation but maybe more things are making you rethink of who you are or what you have become?

I am not saying that the hijjab is to be worn or not I am muslim but new to Islam and I do not wear one. I put my scarf on to pray only. When I go to our mosque they only want you to cover your head when you pray. More Arabic women there wear them then the rest of the woman. We have a good mix or Arabic and Indian descent there. My husband has always discussed that it is a is between a woman and Allah.

I pray for you that everything will work out the way that it should.

[Leyla 0]

This is something I've also been thinking and it's come up in a few responses. This is not meant to offend anyone. If anything it should educate you.

Does anyone (especially converts to Islam) feel like sometimes Muslims push you away from Islam? Do you ever feel as if they push too much on you at once and expect you to be this pious person you are not ready to be? Do you feel as if they look down their nose at you because before you were Muslim you dated men, you drank, you showed your chest?

Because I feel that way. Sometimes I feel as if Muslims are making me not want to practice Islam. My faith in God (or Allah or whatever you call Him) has never changed and it will never change. My heart will always be looking for ways to get closer to Him (or that Ultimate Truth). I believe in a MERCIFUL God, a FORGIVING God, an ALL KNOWING God. I don't believe in a God that will throw me in hell for not wearing a scarf, or for second guessing my own religion. HE KNOWS what is inside my heart. You do not. He knows I'm confused and just looking for the truth. You do not. He knows I'm not doing these things to spite Him. He knows I'm just searching.

So please, to allmy Muslimas out there watch how you give advice to other Muslims (especially converts). This is still a NEW WAY OF LIFE for us (converts). We lived 22, 27, 30, 45 years WITHOUT Islam. That's a hard habit to break.

I'm sorry... I needed to get that off my chest.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

To provide an alternative perspective on ahadith:

The Science of Hadith: an Introduction

The Fallacies of the Anti-Hadith Argument

Issues Concerning Hadith

Rethinking Tradition in Modern Islamic Thought - the main meat of the book discusses modern reinterpretation of the hadith corpus, but the first part provides a good introduction to how and why hadith were compiled, and the conflicts around it. It's a scholarly work, not apologetics.

A Brief History of Hadith Collection and Criticism - absolutely brillaint lecture.

“I have never been more impressed with anybody in history in my life than with Muslim ḥadīth scholars. I mean, when I first started studying ḥadīth I was very skeptical, I though it was all made-up and bogus but the more you study it the more you just appreciate the intense brain power of these people. I mean they memorized thousands and thousands of books and then they were able to recall all the different versions of ḥadīth from these books, and then they were able to analyze them and put them all together and figure-out where they all connect and make judgments about the authenticity of these ḥadīth. I mean even nowadays with electronic databases, and computers and word processing, I have hard time following even their discussions of the ḥadīth - let alone their original mastering that they were drawing on. It's almost unbelievable... It's almost unbelievable, and if you didn't have the books in front of you that they wrote, I wouldn't believe it personally....”

[brnidokiegurl 0]

advice is just that only advice....i think maybe you are realizing more issues than this in your life and this is putting alot of doubts now. I am not of this religion but i would think a good Muslim will not look down on you but be happen you have now started to follow their path to fulfillment and be very happy and helpful to you. Sounds like he is very strict on this and will tend to be a little controlling to do things his way...and you will either be ready to accept this way for yourself or not..but again do as you feel you need for you.