MENA men and their family

[nunyab 0]

Just wondering... I know it is different between cultures and family is typically a big deal to all and most cultures. But can someone enlighten me about our MENA men and thier fathers/Mothers grandparents??

ie.. mine wants after he gets his visa, insha'allah to go back to his families home and spend a few weeks with them before coming here. To me I would be on the first flight I could to be with my husband.... it just kind of shocked me a little that he was going to delay our reunion another "few weeks." I know Islamically Family is important... I guess I don't know what i am asking

[JBean 0]

Just wondering... I know it is different between cultures and family is typically a big deal to all and most cultures. But can someone enlighten me about our MENA men and thier fathers/Mothers grandparents??

ie.. mine wants after he gets his visa, insha'allah to go back to his families home and spend a few weeks with them before coming here. To me I would be on the first flight I could to be with my husband.... it just kind of shocked me a little that he was going to delay our reunion another "few weeks." I know Islamically Family is important... I guess I don't know what i am asking

Hi Rajaa - I know where you're coming from on this, but you have to consider that once he gets to the US it may be a very, very long time before he can be with his family again. It's quite natural for him to want to spend some time with them before going so far away, especially if he's working in a different city than his family lives in presently and is thus not able to regularly be with them. I would suggest not taking this personally at all and viewing it as a sign of his respect for family. Just be patient a little longer and use the few weeks to get everything prepared for his arrival.

[Staashi 371]

Just wondering... I know it is different between cultures and family is typically a big deal to all and most cultures. But can someone enlighten me about our MENA men and thier fathers/Mothers grandparents??

ie.. mine wants after he gets his visa, insha'allah to go back to his families home and spend a few weeks with them before coming here. To me I would be on the first flight I could to be with my husband.... it just kind of shocked me a little that he was going to delay our reunion another "few weeks." I know Islamically Family is important... I guess I don't know what i am asking

Hi Rajaa - I know where you're coming from on this, but you have to consider that once he gets to the US it may be a very, very long time before he can be with his family again. It's quite natural for him to want to spend some time with them before going so far away, especially if he's working in a different city than his family lives in presently and is thus not able to regularly be with them. I would suggest not taking this personally at all and viewing it as a sign of his respect for family. Just be patient a little longer and use the few weeks to get everything prepared for his arrival.

I'm in complete agreement with JBean on this one. It was almost 2 years before we could afford to send my husband back to Argentina. Let him enjoy his family and then you two will be reunited at last.

Edited November 1, 2008 by Staashi

[nunyab 0]

I understand but it doesn't feel good... i guess i am being selfish... thanks ladies

[star_dragon 0]

I know that's what my fiance plans on doing. I mean, he's already in Morocco, but I know once he gets the visa he won't come for a month or two. He needs to see all his family and spend time with them before he comes. I know how tight knit he is with family because I saw it all the times I went to Morocco. It almost reminded me of my family and it was very latino-family like. (I say that cause I'm Puerto Rican and my family is the same way as his...something I didn't observe in my American ex-husband's family)

Plus as others said, he's not going to see them for awhile - he won't be able to travel. And he's already in Spain, so he probably hasn't seen them recently? Spain's right next to Morocco...but when he comes to you, he'll be a world away

[brnidokiegurl 0]

i think its normal, i would have wondered if he HADNT ask for a few weeks actually,family to them is everything

[Muh and me 18]

I agree with everyone on this. Last year kamal had his visa right before ramadan and he wouldn't leave til the end. He took that time to see his family and spend time with them because he really didn't know when the next time he'd see everyone was. We are planning a December 09 trip, insha allah.

[MrsAmera 41]

Rajaa,

It does feel like #######. I felt the same way. I think your situation is a little different since your husband is in Spain. But my husband wanted after he got his visa to spend sometime with his family preparing etc. But in my mind I"m thinking you've spent your whole life living with them! What are you going to do in 3 -4 weeks that you haven't been able to do? And why don't you want to come as soon as you can?? I pushed the issue and he came 2 weeks after getting his visa. I wish I would have let him take more time to come. It was over a year before he could go back again and it was a REALLY hard year. I have some friends that haven't been home in 7-8 yrs (Morocco) you just never know! Let him take the time and come on his own accord - less hard feelings that way.

[RAKASA 0]

I totally agree - we waited 2 months after getting the visa for him to come so he could finish work, visit family, & prepare for a huge move a very long way from home. I'm so glad we did, too, b/c it was almost 2 yrs b4 he could go back to visit. Don't begrudge him this, particularly if his parents and grandparents are elderly - who knows *if* he'll see them again. I think this is really important since he doesn't live there w/ them now. He needs to spend quality time w/ his family. You'll have plenty of time together soon enough.

[nunyab 0]

uuugghhhh... ok ok, it all makes sense. I just miss him so much. I'll work to fight the urge to push him on it... the plan was for me to come over there with him but i only get 2 weeks vacation and he wants me to spend time with him from work here in the u.s. so our plan for me to meet him in spain and say good bye to family just itn's long enough for him. I think he rather be alone with them anyway, less stress then to worry if i am happy or not.

[JeanneVictoria 55]

I was with Wael in Egypt when he received his visa. We left almost 2 months later for the

states so I was happy he had this time to be with his family and friends. I think it definately

made a difference to be with them and say their good-byes, altho it was sad to see his family

with tears in their eyes everytime he saw them. He had never been away from home or his family.

It was difficult even for me to say goodbye knowing it might be a year or so till we could return.

Just let him do what he needs to do. Everything will be much better in the long run!

[bassel15 0]

First of all I know exactly where your coming from on this because I'm going to be honest I would want my husband on the next plane the minute he had the visa in his hand so dont feel bad....but just to know he has the visa in his hands would make those weeks like nothing cuz you know you will have your time soon together....so hang in there a lil longer...

[Rosalinda 0]

rajja.... just my opinion so please do not take this to heart.

i have to say i think everyone is familiar with my situation and for those that are not.. we're on AP since dec 2007..

i am trying really hard to understand the other side of this and maybe i am being selfish Lord knows i can be. but the whole visa process hes been with his family hes had time to say and do... My turn lol .. . i miss him so much if i could blink in the next instant he would be beside me or me there... if it were only that easy.....

i dont mean to offend anyone but let me know what u think?

rosalinda

[morocco4ever 63]

My husband was denied, and it took an additional 15 months before he actually got his visa. When he got his visa I wanted him here NOW. It was close to Eid, and his mother asked if he could stay until after Eid. I through a temper tantrum for the same reasons some have mentioned, he has had his entire visa process with them. He was so torn. After I had cooled down I realized how selfish this was, and told him I was sorry, and that he should stay, but he had already made up his mind to leave asap.

Now he has been here for almost 2 years. Visiting is near impossible since his work only allows 1 week vacation, not near enough time for the time flying and the price. You need to do as you feel is right for the 2 of you, but I regret not being more patient.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Not all the guys are the same. My husband got his visa and was here so fast my head was spinning. I don't see anything wrong with that. We were married 3 years already and being together was the goal. He communicates with his family regularly, is very well adjusted, and no one seems the worse for wear.