sending money back to vietnam

[What's next 1]

This is not about which is the best service to use to send money back to vietnam.

For those who have rec'd their visas and are both living here, how much and how often do you send back to her family.

Do you ever feel you are now responsible to support her family? Do you feel part of her reason of wanting to come to the US was to get a job, make some money and send it back to support her family?

For those of you who are still in the visa process, is this an issue that you guys have discussed?

As for me, my wife and i have agreed to send money back twice a year, for Tet and her mom's memorial. Depending on when Tet is that particular year, it works out to be about 6 or seven months apart. We agreed to send 500 each time. This is never the case. it's always close to 800-1000. This was an issue for me at first, because 500 means 500, but i have learned to give in.

On a side note, when you visited your spouse in VN, did she hold on to your cash?

[chuckandkim 0]

If getting married become "Economic Setup" or "Bailout" for her family, then you're in a bigger problem for the get go!

Kim and I are both professionally working folks from the get go, so maybe I can't relate to your situation. We do send gifts, but so do they. We buy gifts for my parents here in the States at Christmas, do the same for her parents, send birthday cards and gifts accordingly. However, bottom line is if you are married, your financial wealth management must become a task and responsibility of both you. She knows how much you bring home each month, what get paid and what get saved to build your life, your family here in the US, not VN.

Would her family back home expect anything from her if she didn't marry you but marry a farmer in the neighboring village? Gift must be something that comes from the heart, from your wants and needs, not obligation. If you feel she "back you in" the corner to send $800-$1000 each time instead of the predetermined amount $500. You need to communicate, guilt trip doesn't work in this economy!

She holds your cash? No, she holds OUR cash! For a couple of reason, I like to keep our cash safe with her father who also does the currency exchange for us. Being a business man himself, he can give us the top rate on the currency exchange whenever we need VND. Most of the times, we don't like to carry tons of cash with us anyway. So, the answer, just for safety reason, yes, she holds our cash. If you plan to go dancing/massage without her then you some explaining to do But that goes the same way either in VN or US or anywhere else.

Also, in Saigon, you can always use your trusted Visa card and ATM Bank card almost everywhere....

[Melrose Plant 1]

I too am in a different situation than most, because like Chuck, I married into a professional family. All of them are doctors and engineers. I came back from Vietnam with substantially more money than I brought in.

The woman always holds the money in Northern Vietnam. If the man were to pay for anything publicly, it would be against accepted social custom, and people would at the very least look at you funny. Oddly enough, now that she is here, Mai has let go of this custom completely. I usually pay if we are at the supermarket or the mall (or wherever). She would NEVER tolerate that in Vietnam.

Edited October 17, 2008 by Melrose Plant

[Teacher Mark 53]

I too am in a different situation than most, because like Chuck, I married into a professional family. All of them are doctors and engineers. I came back from Vietnam with substantially more money than I brought in.

The woman always holds the money in Northern Vietnam. If the man were to pay for anything publicly, it would be against accepted social custom, and people would at the very least look at you funny. Oddly enough, now that she is here, Mai has let go of this custom completely. I usually pay if we are at the supermarket or the mall (or wherever). She would NEVER tolerate that in Vietnam.

Interesting. I didn't know that. I had Thuy pay because I didn't want to get screwed, but I held on to the majority of the cash.

I'd be very reluctant to use a credit card or a ATM there. I'm reluntant to use them here. I get cash with my debit card at Wal Mart exclusively, and pay cash everywhere I make a purchase. That was if there's a problem there's only one store that could be responsible.

Regarding sending back money I think it really depends on your situation.

[sweetapple 1]

This is not about which is the best service to use to send money back to vietnam.

For those who have rec'd their visas and are both living here, how much and how often do you send back to her family.

Do you ever feel you are now responsible to support her family? Do you feel part of her reason of wanting to come to the US was to get a job, make some money and send it back to support her family?

For those of you who are still in the visa process, is this an issue that you guys have discussed?

As for me, my wife and i have agreed to send money back twice a year, for Tet and her mom's memorial. Depending on when Tet is that particular year, it works out to be about 6 or seven months apart. We agreed to send 500 each time. This is never the case. it's always close to 800-1000. This was an issue for me at first, because 500 means 500, but i have learned to give in.

On a side note, when you visited your spouse in VN, did she hold on to your cash?

I am a vietnamese. I think it is the matter of culture differences. We vietnamese always give parents money every months no matter where we are living because we see it as our responsibility to take care of our parents. If you knew about the retirement money here is just about $20, $30, or $50 can be seen as high, then you would understand. And just ppl who work for government firms have retirement money. So how can parents live without us supporting them? And Viet is not like U.S, parents support our entire 22 years studying (including 4 years university). So I think its so bad when I dont take care of my parents after they give me everything.

For your matter, I think you two should find a solution for that. If i were your wife, I would go to work and send my money to my parents coz that is my responsibility, not my husband's. Just for sudden case, I need my husband's help, then I will ask him to help me in money matters. I see it as a sharing of husband and wife. But it is the matter of self awareness, hope she will know about that.

About the second matter, I can answer you that in viet usually the woman holds on the cash.

Hope you can find a way for those matter soon.

[Dau_Que 0]

For those who have rec'd their visas and are both living here, how much and how often do you send back to her family.

The amount of $ is rather personal so I won't tell you. But I can share with you this. In our family, the priority comes in the following order: paying our bills so our FICO scores are not hurt, then our emergency spending funds, then our retirement/saving accounts, then our kids' college/educational fund, then anything left over, her family in VN, in the order of her parents first, then siblings, so on, so forth.

Do you ever feel you are now responsible to support her family? Do you feel part of her reason of wanting to come to the US was to get a job, make some money and send it back to support her family?

I'm not obligated to support anyone than myself, my children, and my birth parents (my parents because it's VNese traditional culture). Her parents are financially challenged not because of my fault. However, I WILL fulfill my "in-law"'s responsibility, only AFTER I have taken good care of my immediate family financial needs.

For those of you who are still in the visa process, is this an issue that you guys have discussed?

When my wife was waiting for her K-1 visa to be approved, she NEVER asked me to send $ to herself or her family. I did it on my conscious, whenever my financial situation allowed.

As for me, my wife and i have agreed to send money back twice a year, for Tet and her mom's memorial. Depending on when Tet is that particular year, it works out to be about 6 or seven months apart. We agreed to send 500 each time. This is never the case. it's always close to 800-1000. This was an issue for me at first, because 500 means 500, but i have learned to give in.

If I were you, I would sit down and have a talk with my wife and discussing the "priority" of our budget. If she refuses to listen to my reasoning then, I will separate the money and let her spend her money her way. I, however, do intend to spend my money as mentioned in the above paragraph.

On a side note, when you visited your spouse in VN, did she hold on to your cash?

NEVER. If my wife did so, she wouldn't be my wife today. You do need a woman to "help" you managing your money, not controlling it.

[chuckandkim 0]

Just make sure the money part is understood among your family! No expectation is better than low expectation!

[luckytxn 2,264]

Never knew it was tradition for the girl to hold the money and pay for everything. I went there and brought a couple thousand to spend. I went with her uncle form the states and gave him a few hundred to give the parents because I was staying at their house and not a hotel and to help out with any expenses that occurred because of me.

I gave a hundred or two now and again to my fiancee to change and she brought back and gave me. I gave her some to keep. She refused it at first but after talking privately through her Uncle and us she took it. When I left I gave the Uncle about 5 hundred to disperse as he saw fit. He did. I gave the fiancee a few hundred as I never really spent anything at all. They covered everything pretty much and even the engagment party which had to cost them a lot. I had never so much food piled high and more kept coming and maybe a couple hundred people showed up at least.

Since then I sent my fiancee a couple hundred as she had to give up her business she had to someone else in her family to generate the income that comes into the family. She would not go get it at first but after weeks and stuff she did. A couple months later I sent a couple hundred more as I could not see how she still had any money there left. I knlow it is cheap to live there and all but still a couple hundred can't last that long. That was a few months ago. I have asked her to let me if she needs money and I will send more ans she would. I want her to have money to go out with friends and pay her way and/or buy anything she needs or wants. She is definately a cheap girlfriend to have. Hell, some girlfriends here in the states I would take out to dinner and concert would set me back a couple hundred.

Trang has a lot of cousins here and Aunt and Uncles and they are all well off. I know they send money back to the elderly family. We have talked about sending any back if needed but she says they are ok. Her father owns a small building near the market and about 5 different small businesses and stallls are run out of it besides their living quarters. If her family needs money I know their family here in the states will help them but if they need our help we will do so. Her immediate family is now my family now. I am there for them. Of course we will have to take care of our finances first. I have been divorced for 15 years now and have saved a good amount besides owning land and a great retirement going already. Trang will have her own business here after she comes so she will be fine and can put any money she makes away or do as she pleases. She will have to pay for things and bills that come from living but she will make more than enough to do so.

She does not really understand banks. She knows banks and all but never has dealings with them.She will have to learn this stuff as there will be no hiding the money at home. I will also have to teach her to do taxes and many things like that. She is a smart girl and will do well here in the states.

[Matt_Stevens 5]

For New years we sent $500. That was a stretch because it's been tough here in NYC. Prior to that I allowed my wife to send money to her brother needed for a bribe (for a job) but will never do that because the bribe was accepted, then they told him to go F himself. NEVER AGAIN, I told my wife. Don't even ask or I'll file for divorce. Not kidding.

This Christmas we'll send a few hundred and then $500 for New year. If we could send more, we would, but rent here is INSANE and we are both worried about our jobs as NYC continues to tumble into an abyss of bankrupcy and economic trouble.

By the way, in case anyone has wondered, Anh and I are doing fine. We like where we live and are happy together. We just wish the economy wasn't being so hard on us. But who isn't in the same boat?

Edited October 21, 2008 by Matt_Stevens

[Carlos and Jocel 2]

Listen, you are not obligated to send money to them. You have your own family to worry about. As long as you two agreed on sending money to them, thats fine but you are not oligated to send and don;'t feel guilty about it.

This is not about which is the best service to use to send money back to vietnam.

For those who have rec'd their visas and are both living here, how much and how often do you send back to her family.

Do you ever feel you are now responsible to support her family? Do you feel part of her reason of wanting to come to the US was to get a job, make some money and send it back to support her family?

For those of you who are still in the visa process, is this an issue that you guys have discussed?

As for me, my wife and i have agreed to send money back twice a year, for Tet and her mom's memorial. Depending on when Tet is that particular year, it works out to be about 6 or seven months apart. We agreed to send 500 each time. This is never the case. it's always close to 800-1000. This was an issue for me at first, because 500 means 500, but i have learned to give in.

On a side note, when you visited your spouse in VN, did she hold on to your cash?

[Jack & Xuan 0]

When I visited Xuan in Siagon, she started to pay for some stuff and I would not let her. I have never NOT paid for items when it comes eating out or a taxi or something like that. I did not know about the woman paying for things until I read this post. I did let her pay for some things on the second trip only when all I had on me was large bills and it was a small item like a taxi bill. I alway kept the money and most of the time even if she paid I would have to take the change. I would ask her from time to time when I was there if she needed any money but every time she would say no. I am not a rich person by any means but I did try to take enough money to be sure I could pay for most anything I wanted. I tried to keep about 2 million Dong on me when I would leave the hotel room and the rest in the safe in the room. I would keep maybe 20 dollars US on me as well. On my second trip we had our engaugement party which I paid for everything and that hurt but we also flew up to Dalat and tooled around there for a week. At the end of both my trips I gave her most of the Dong I had left. It was hard for her to take it from me but after we talked she accepted it. I continue to ask her if she needs money and each time she tells me no. I have sent her money for items like the physical and bribes for getting other documents as we are all aware of. I am very sure that we will send her family money when she moves to America and I think that is normal. I have done the same for my family so it is not a out of the ordinary to do the same for her family. The ammount may not be much from some peoples stand point but I am sure it will help. Her family are good people and I would be happy to help if I can. However if we have agreed to an ammount, that would be the ammount we send. I do plan to retire near where her parents live if at all possible. I am 38 now so I am thinking maybe 10 years or so I hope.

[Melrose Plant 1]

When I visited Xuan in Siagon, she started to pay for some stuff and I would not let her. I have never NOT paid for items when it comes eating out or a taxi or something like that. I did not know about the woman paying for things until I read this post.

I think that perhaps this practice is more pervasive in the North, where they are somewhat more conservative. I would think if you were committing a faux pas, Xuan would have let you know.

I do plan to retire near where her parents live if at all possible. I am 38 now so I am thinking maybe 10 years or so I hope.

I would be so curious to know your feelings about those issues in 10 years or so. Both the retiring thing (I'm afraid I'll be stuck working 'till I'm 70 ) and the wanting to retire to Vietnam thing.

[Completely 3]

This is not about which is the best service to use to send money back to vietnam.

For those who have rec'd their visas and are both living here, how much and how often do you send back to her family.

Do you ever feel you are now responsible to support her family? Do you feel part of her reason of wanting to come to the US was to get a job, make some money and send it back to support her family?

For those of you who are still in the visa process, is this an issue that you guys have discussed?

As for me, my wife and i have agreed to send money back twice a year, for Tet and her mom's memorial. Depending on when Tet is that particular year, it works out to be about 6 or seven months apart. We agreed to send 500 each time. This is never the case. it's always close to 800-1000. This was an issue for me at first, because 500 means 500, but i have learned to give in.

On a side note, when you visited your spouse in VN, did she hold on to your cash?

As for me, before my husband and I get married, we have talked first all the situations I have back in the Philippines.. I told him that I can not stop working due to the fact I have to support my parents back home. They are in their late 60's and have no jobs, just depending on the Social Security but the money is just enough for their medication.. I send them allowance every month..He agreed with that as he said, for him it is whatever makes me feel happy and satisfied.

I guess I am too honest with my husband and really wanted us to have a good communication so it will be up to him to accept me or not.. I help my family back home, but with limitation, I will help as much as I can but if I cant do it and have no means, I will stop.. I still prioritize my husband and son over them and consult my husband first when to give.. I am very open to him when it comes to my family back home.

Our situation is different, since we met and got married and have kids, I never depended on him on financial matters.. We are lucky enough both to have a good paying job, so I never ask him for anything.. If ever he gave me something, it is because he wants to. But, even I help my family, I make sure we have savings and we have 50/50 share in expenses..

There is no big deal to help families if you have capabilities to do so, unfortunately people like us that feel obliged that we need to help have no choice at all.. They need us.. that is how we are raised...we never took our family for granted, but this does not mean, we cant prioritize our own family..

Whose person who does not want to have her salaries save for herself only? Everybody! Unfortunately, we are not rich and there is people who really needed our help.

The bottom line is, talk to your fiance about financial matter.. Marriage is long time commitment.. you have to think first before you commit.

[Completely 3]

I forgot to say that we have a joint account in the US, but overseas we have separate accounts.. But I let him manage our accounts in the US, as I am not really familiar in their banking system..I make sure I always have deposit to our US bank for our future.