Things rough for me too!

[sereia 0]

You cannot dress a donkey in tap shoes and then get pissed off he doesnt tap dance like Gregory Hines.

HAHAHAHA!!!

[Nita&Assaad 0]

I dont even have a computer at home

FYI, i was talking to my husband about his life here and his reply "don't worry i'll have a computer" ummmmm guess what is going to vanish to the "repair shop" when he is here????

[Nutty 2]

UPDATE I have a game plan.

I will give the next two months until after the holidays, to see if things will change between us. I will be positive, natural, not stressed, self. (Something which has become easier since I threatened to quit my job last week and the president has told the supervisors to spread the busy work to other staff instead of dumping it all on me.) I will be cordial and friendly to my husband.

If he continues with his aloofness and lack of attention, then after the holidays I will give notice on my apartment and find a room to rent somewhere. Work for another 6 months here (gain some additional bankruptcy paralegal experience), which will be marketable later on.

I will also serve my huband with seperation papers.

One thing I am considering is my husband may actually be depressed. Or his high blood pressure is affecting him (however, he refuses to take high blood pressure medicine). So if I maintain a "cheerful" disposition and he doesn't snap out of it, well, then I gotta go.

I an unsure if my husband loves or not. I am beginning to wonder if he even knows what "real love" is. But over the next two months he has his chance to show he loves me. We have had the dicussion of, "western love" being more demonstrative versus Iranian love (where the woman does not need words/expressions of affection). Somehow I don't believe his line about Iranian women not needing their husbands to be affectionate towards them. However, even if it's true. He married me, an American, knowing my temperment. He expects me to do all the adjusting to his character while making no adjustments for mine. It doesn't work that way. We both got to change.

(He asked me if I wanted to go walking with him on Saturday. I asked, "Will you talk with me?" His reply, "I don't know. It is not in my character." Then I said, "Fine then go alone, I get enough of your silence at home.")

Just a little tip: if your husband's b/p isn't that high then maybe if he eats foods high in potassium that will keep it under control - one of the first things they prescribe for HBP is potassium which is readily available in bananas among other foods - HBP runs in my family, by my age all of the relatives on my mom's side were on b/p meds - I have sworn that would not be me. Among other things I eat bananas daily and doc says my b/p is good.

OK,

Believe me I buy bananas every time I turn around. I do think, now, after these past two days....it is a combination of things at work in our marriage. He IS DEPRESSED, but won't admit it. I DO THINK his blood pressure is high because he gets headaches and sleeps a lot.

Over the past two days I have made efforts to "draw my husband out" and I have seen glimmers of the "former husband." The one I knew in Iran...So maybe there is hope.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Good to hear things are better.

Jackie

[Nutty 2]

Believe me I am trying to "draw my husband" out of his shell. Break this passive-agressive cycle.

Do you know what I do? When he is sitting on the computer, I hug him and kiss him, while he makes little efforts to "break free." But he laughs and smiles. Then I see the glimmer of the his former self. He even turned off the computer to show me the pomagranite he bought. Explaining what a good and bad pomogranite are like, telling me it is "pomogranite season" now back in Iran and how his family would buy 80 kilos of pomogranites at one go.

And yesterday, again, the same game, distraction by kisses...Then he wanted to show me some things and started talking about some news (before he never watched news). Now he does.

Baby steps....

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

Great to hear that things are getting better...

[MrsAmera 41]

Nutty,

I think you're definetely onto something. Him talking about what time of year it is in Iran really makes me think that it is depression. Stick with it hun I think you're breaking through! Try not to le ####### feel too personal when he reverts back, instead just focus on making those small steps forward!

[morocco4ever 63]

This really is good news Nutty. I hope things stay on track and your desire for a divorce are a distant memory replaced with the love you deserve.

[Nita&Assaad 0]

There you go!!

Believe me I am trying to "draw my husband" out of his shell. Break this passive-agressive cycle.

Do you know what I do? When he is sitting on the computer, I hug him and kiss him, while he makes little efforts to "break free." But he laughs and smiles. Then I see the glimmer of the his former self. He even turned off the computer to show me the pomagranite he bought. Explaining what a good and bad pomogranite are like, telling me it is "pomogranite season" now back in Iran and how his family would buy 80 kilos of pomogranites at one go.

And yesterday, again, the same game, distraction by kisses...Then he wanted to show me some things and started talking about some news (before he never watched news). Now he does.

Baby steps....

[Imua 0]

Believe me I am trying to "draw my husband" out of his shell. Break this passive-agressive cycle.

Do you know what I do? When he is sitting on the computer, I hug him and kiss him, while he makes little efforts to "break free." But he laughs and smiles. Then I see the glimmer of the his former self. He even turned off the computer to show me the pomagranite he bought. Explaining what a good and bad pomogranite are like, telling me it is "pomogranite season" now back in Iran and how his family would buy 80 kilos of pomogranites at one go.

And yesterday, again, the same game, distraction by kisses...Then he wanted to show me some things and started talking about some news (before he never watched news). Now he does.

Baby steps....

This brought a smile to my face - good for you girl...

[bhajishah 4]

Iranian wives??? uhh why he bring that up when you are american??? His responsibility is to respect that and mesh cultures as a learning adventure/..not conform you to his ideal or if that was his ideal why didnt he marry Iranian/ what a mean thing to say or even compare..

[brnidokiegurl 0]

nice you can see some good signs but it still needs to be a two way street you cant be expected to give all yourself. If he truly needs this medicine how hard is it to take one pill a day for a lasting health for his family, baby steps as you said, im sure he likes all the attention, hope yours starts soon in return

[Nutty 2]

Iranian wives??? uhh why he bring that up when you are american??? His responsibility is to respect that and mesh cultures as a learning adventure/..not conform you to his ideal or if that was his ideal why didnt he marry Iranian/ what a mean thing to say or even compare..

I know, he is expecting me to "change" but not him.

My mom said, "give it your best shot for two months. Be as nice, calm and supportive as you can be. And if he still remains cool and self absorbed, you can walk away with a clean conscience."