Things rough for me too!

[Nutty 2]

Good point

But isn't his greencard conditional for the first two years upon entry into US?

Yes, if you were married less than 2 years at the time it was adjudicated. If he entered the marriage in good faith (and can prove so) he can still remove the conditions on his own.

We got married June 30, 2006. He entered the country on June 15, 2008.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

take care and do what is best for you

[LaL 418]

Good point

But isn't his greencard conditional for the first two years upon entry into US?

Yes, if you were married less than 2 years at the time it was adjudicated. If he entered the marriage in good faith (and can prove so) he can still remove the conditions on his own.

We got married June 30, 2006. He entered the country on June 15, 2008.

Check the dates on the actual greencard, and when it expires. Still, if he did get a CR1 (vs an IR1) and can prove he entered into the marriage with good faith, he should be able to lift conditions on his own.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Just going to also throw in my 2cents too... For Adam and most middle Eastern friends and people that I know, they all seemed to have the idea that when they get to America or when they are first in America that life is going to be so easy and money just flows and bills! who thinks of bills in America! It was a huge shock to Adam when we sat down and wrote out every single bill we have to pay monthly and how I've been paying all these things on my own before he was here and how much money I needed to pay for us to survive and slowly get out of debt. He still didnt get it until after we made a bank account together and he started going online and seeing it start at $1,500+ every two weeks to almost nothing before the next pay check came in. He is realizing that money goes super fast and we spend so much in bills and live paycheck to pay check and how doctor apptmnts are all the time, rent is due every month and so is a million other bills. Hes been here 10 months and its slowly hitting him now. He used to tell me that I was so happy and unstressed when I was in Egypt with him, I told him yah bcz im on vacation with PAY! a huge difference! Its stressful here.

He sometimes dont even understand that i get tired. He must think im superwoman or something sometimes but im not. I wake up early in the morning and pick him up from work, then come home and get ready for my job, then i work all day long, come home clean up after him and the cats and try to cook something, then wake him up at 9pm and bring him to work by 10pm then come home and read VJ and try to sleep and do the routine all over again. If he had to do what I do, then he couldnt handle it. Unless he eats meat and 5 times a day hes saying hes starved. Im saying all of this to say that these guys are so used to how they do things in the ME/NA countries and definitely not used to the American way... so they dont always understand our stresses, mood swing outbursts, lack of meals cooked 5 times a day, bills every other day of the week and a dying economy. They just kinda live here sometimes according to how they would have lived back home I think. and on a side note, the love affection thing... i think its like the love language thing. For Adam and I, I realized that Im always trying to give Adam love according to how I need love, and hes always trying to give me love according to what he wants and needs. When you get a chance read The 5 Love Languages for Married Couples. http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Its going to give alot of examples of this and how you alot more than I can. But lets just say this, My love language is Quality time and Acts of Service. But for Adam his is Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. I keep trying to give him Quality TIme and Acts of Service bcz this is how I need love, but its not going to work for Adam bcz thats not his love language. I have to give him Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation for him to feel the love he wants and needs from me. And the same for him, he always tries to give me Physical touch and words of affirmation but those arent what I need to feel the most loved. I need and crave Quality Time and Acts of Service.

Adam and I are trying to work on that for each other to give each other the gifts of love that we both need.

Try that and read the website link about that !!! Maybe that will help ya'll out too. -Tam

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Just going to also throw in my 2cents too... For Adam and most middle Eastern friends and people that I know, they all seemed to have the idea that when they get to America or when they are first in America that life is going to be so easy and money just flows and bills! who thinks of bills in America! It was a huge shock to Adam when we sat down and wrote out every single bill we have to pay monthly and how I've been paying all these things on my own before he was here and how much money I needed to pay for us to survive and slowly get out of debt. He still didnt get it until after we made a bank account together and he started going online and seeing it start at $1,500+ every two weeks to almost nothing before the next pay check came in. He is realizing that money goes super fast and we spend so much in bills and live paycheck to pay check and how doctor apptmnts are all the time, rent is due every month and so is a million other bills. Hes been here 10 months and its slowly hitting him now. He used to tell me that I was so happy and unstressed when I was in Egypt with him, I told him yah bcz im on vacation with PAY! a huge difference! Its stressful here.

He sometimes dont even understand that i get tired. He must think im superwoman or something sometimes but im not. I wake up early in the morning and pick him up from work, then come home and get ready for my job, then i work all day long, come home clean up after him and the cats and try to cook something, then wake him up at 9pm and bring him to work by 10pm then come home and read VJ and try to sleep and do the routine all over again. If he had to do what I do, then he couldnt handle it. Unless he eats meat and 5 times a day hes saying hes starved.

Im saying all of this to say that these guys are so used to how they do things in the ME/NA countries and definitely not used to the American way... so they dont always understand our stresses, mood swing outbursts, lack of meals cooked 5 times a day, bills every other day of the week and a dying economy. They just kinda live here sometimes according to how they would have lived back home I think. and on a side note, the love affection thing... i think its like the love language thing. For Adam and I, I realized that Im always trying to give Adam love according to how I need love, and hes always trying to give me love according to what he wants and needs. When you get a chance read The 5 Love Languages for Married Couples. http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Its going to give alot of examples of this and how you alot more than I can. But lets just say this, My love language is Quality time and Acts of Service. But for Adam his is Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. I keep trying to give him Quality TIme and Acts of Service bcz this is how I need love, but its not going to work for Adam bcz thats not his love language. I have to give him Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation for him to feel the love he wants and needs from me. And the same for him, he always tries to give me Physical touch and words of affirmation but those arent what I need to feel the most loved. I need and crave Quality Time and Acts of Service.

Adam and I are trying to work on that for each other to give each other the gifts of love that we both need.

Try that and read the website link about that !!! Maybe that will help ya'll out too. -Tam

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

oh and heres all 5 of the love languages if ya'll are interested in them.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

North India, Kullu Valley, is where I prefer to spend my time. Before, I worked as a temp secretary and so would be able to take long periods of time off. I go to India.

Um. . If you dress really sexy and walk in front of him or start kissing him or doing stuff, does he still read the newspaper?

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Tam u have good insite, ahmed has said you are not same person you were here, (hes not here) but senses it, well no im not> there i had no everyday problems hanging over my head. I really do think they dont have an idea, mom provides the clean house, the meals, the clean clothes> he goes to work comes home for lunch and breaks, helps the family with money for the bills and life goes on. Here is such a different routine.

On the other question, why would we feel we have to dress sexy, kiss all over them just to get their attention, these are are men not babies to be entertained. Attention and respect is a two way street it has to be felt from within both and not just as a entertainment factor to get the attention we may feel we need at the time we feel we want it. Same with them, if they choose to sit at computer for days not paying compliments, attention, then dont think your going get a wild hair (because you need it) and all is fine for those few moments then back to the computer.

Remember life is not what its supposed to be, it is what it is...

[morocco4ever 63]

North India, Kullu Valley, is where I prefer to spend my time. Before, I worked as a temp secretary and so would be able to take long periods of time off. I go to India.

Um. . If you dress really sexy and walk in front of him or start kissing him or doing stuff, does he still read the newspaper?

Neh.......just show up naked with food.

[nunyab 0]

well.... it makes me wonder what his expectations were when comeing here and what your plans were as a couple for the future. If you haven't had that sit down over tea converation i highly suggest it now before you drive yourself crazy.

get it out that even though he may feel the way he does so do you and the two of you have to come up with something to make it work....if that is indeed what he wants.

good luck

[nunyab 0]

FYI, i was talking to my husband about his life here and his reply "don't worry i'll have a computer" ummmmm guess what is going to vanish to the "repair shop" when he is here????

[Nagishkaw 510]

Who ever said life was fair? Im still looking for that bast##d.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

we have had the computer and phone talk

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Who ever said life was fair? Im still looking for that bast##d.

[caybee 21]

FWIW, his Internet connection and cell phone when he arrived were probably two of the most important tools in my husband's adjustment. He made voice/video calls home on the computer using Skype, constantly in the beginning, and he used the phone for connecting with new friends here, some of whom I frankly did not care for. I never tried to curtail his use of either one, although there were certainly weeks, maybe months, where he spent most of the day online. There were times neither of us could see progress in his adjustment, but it was happening beneath the surface. He learned to use Craigslist and started throwing resumes out there in his halting English. Sometimes he asked me to clean them up for him first, and sometimes he just did his thing, shotgun approach. He went out with new acquaintances only to learn they didn't have his best interests at heart. He fell on his face many times, and every time he did, he learned something. If I'd taken that computer away, even when I was feeling overworked and he was keeping the sofa warm, in our case, it would likely have damaged our relationship because it truly was a lifeline for him. There were days when the only thing that helped was seeing his parents and sibs crammed into the view of the webcam, everyone chattering at once, and yeah, for many hours.

I don't say this to discount what several people have gone through with lack of communication, lack of affection, sometimes outright abuse, and an apparent lack of interest in the marriage by the immigrant spouse. They have my deepest sympathy and support in making the tough decisions that only they are qualified to make. All I'm saying is that not every MENA man who comes here and burns up the Internet for a few months when it seems to us that they could be doing something more productive is going to continue that way forever. I believe many, perhaps most MENA men don't want to dump everything on their wives. They want to get out there and pull their weight, but the adjustment can be so overwhelming that it can immobilize them for a while. That's annoying as anything, especially when the USC has been busting it just trying to juggle everything long enough for him to arrive, and then for him to get here and seemingly just park it... I know, really. But in many cases where the relationship is otherwise respectful on both sides, if the USC is able to hang in there just a bit longer, through the moodiness and inactivity while he fights to adjust, both partners may find themselves on the other side of the cloud face to face with the "real" partner they fell in love with in the first place.

[sereia 0]

... the adjustment can be so overwhelming that it can immobilize them for a while. That's annoying as anything, especially when the USC has been busting it just trying to juggle everything long enough for him to arrive, and then for him to get here and seemingly just park it... I know, really. But in many cases where the relationship is otherwise respectful on both sides, if the USC is able to hang in there just a bit longer, through the moodiness and inactivity while he fights to adjust, both partners may find themselves on the other side of the cloud face to face with the "real" partner they fell in love with in the first place.