If it wasn't for immigration

[Sprailenes 47]

Do you still think you and your husband/wife would be married?

I only ask this because I, myself was never really planning on getting married. Contrary to that happy looking woman in my avatar, I never had the dreams of being a bride, or a wife. You hear about those dreams, is it something the media portrays or is there really a dream little girls have of that special day?

I often wonder if my husband and I would be married now if we both lived in the same country. Six years seems a long time to just remain as bf/gf and not to bring the relationship to that next step. Though marriage has always been a very serious step to me, and it was something I couldn't see myself doing because I always said it would make me feel tied down. Its not that I couldn't commit to a person, its that I didn't feel like I could commit to a particular lifestyle.

My mother was single and I watched her travel and do the things she felt like doing, and then I watched married family members battle it out over left and right. I watched my mother sometimes talk about lonliness, yet watched my married family members crave it.

Funny how things change. Sometimes my husband and I wonder if we'd be married and he says he would have asked me eventually because thats just what would have been left to do.

I do remember saying that if I didn't get married by 30 I wouldn't bother doing it at all thinking that this was a great excuse to avoid the entire ordeal altogether because it just wouldn't happen before 30 and this was a great escape route.

I was married a week before my 30th birthday.

Edited September 23, 2008 by Sprailenes

[jundp 191]

I'm not sure if we would have gotten married after only 2 years together. Deep down I'm traditional, and even though I had a bad previous experience, I wanted to be with P. But I do think that if we hadn't been "forced" by immigration, we would have dated longer.

[Emancipation 2]

I know the Kipster & I would be.. things just fit.. they clicked.. having both been married before we knew what we wanted. I'm okay with being married.. love being married infact, so i'm pretty sure I'd be married. Same time frame? probably we were both over 30 and had done a lot of things on our own, so yep!

[Sprailenes 47]

I'm not sure if we would have gotten married after only 2 years together. Deep down I'm traditional, and even though I had a bad previous experience, I wanted to be with P. But I do think that if we hadn't been "forced" by immigration, we would have dated longer.

This is my next "issue" it did all feel a bit forced and rushed didn't it?

I mean I know no one held a gun to our heads and said: "this is the way its gotta be" but was there really no other way.

[Damian&Kelly 16]

I know exactly what you mean.. My husband and I talk about this alot. not that I didn't want to marry him but we really would have liked to get married on our own time. and not just so we could be together. We would have eventually gotten married just not near as fast as it happened this way. but saying that I am extremely happy with married life!!

[Mephys 2]

Well, when I was a little girl I did have that dream of being married in a princess dress...

Then I met my first BF that his parents had divorced, and he thought marriage was bull$hit... Then my parents divorced...Then I met my second BF that his parents had divorced...then he said marriage was bull$hit...then everybody around me said marriage was bull$hit....then my mom met my step dad which had been previously divorced and he said marriage was bull$hit....

sigh

So overtime I kinda forced myself into believing that I would never get married and that it was all a waste of time and money...

Then I met Josh and he told me that even if he was divorced, he still believed in the meaning of marriage, all he needed was the right person...and he proposed me

I knew I wanted to get married to him, I just needed the right person to be ready for it.

The only thing immigration changed is that we didnt have as much time to really have a nice big wedding with both sides of the family. We got married here and nobody from my side could attend, so we are thinking of getting married again in the future in Quebec with all my family and friends present.

[antda 13]

Hi Sprailenes/Nevada Sky (by the way, you look nice in your avator),

What an interesting and thought-provoking question that you ask, indeed.

In answer to that question, likewise, I never dreamed of being married either. I just never thought that it was one of those things that would happen to me in life, and had other plans instead. Well, plans and directions change in life, and when one least expects it, love comes along and....

Before one knows it, they discovered that they have entered a wonderful thing called "marriage"...

My husband and I dated for many years before we got married. Even though it is a long time time for us, I was glad that we had that time to "get to know each other better". I thought and still think that marriage was a "serious lifelong/forever step", which takes a lot of commitment and responsiblity, and that I wasn't sure before that I was able to do this, so there was hesistation on my part initially because of that. Likewise, it didn't help either that growing up I didn't have any good role models about the concept of marriage (my parents were divorced), that made me hesistant from that viewpoint too.

Nevertheless, I took "the big plunge" into "marriage", despite those initial hesistations. And yes, we would have eventually married each other as we were so "meant for each other/soulmates", despite immigration problems/worries. In fact even before we were married, people who saw us together used to joke around and say "Aren't you two already married yet?" or "When is he going to move up to Canada already, since he's here all the time?"...

However, when we did get married, immigration did push our "marriage timeline" ahead....After the harassing ordeal we both went through in crossing the Canada/US border just for a simple visit together (see my VJ timeline for more info), we spur-of-the-moment instead decided to get eloped/married in the USA, and I moved down here to the USA instead....

And so here we are, living "happily-ever-married after" here in the USA (and yes, still dealing with the immigration process too...)....

Lol..by the way, it was my husband that got married for his "milestone" (and no, it's not 30) birthday instead. I guess he liked his "wife" as a birthday present, since she/I'm still around....

Ant (Married happily-ever-after in the USA...)

Do you still think you and your husband/wife would be married?I only ask this because I, myself was never really planning on getting married. Contrary to that happy looking woman in my avatar, I never had the dreams of being a bride, or a wife. You hear about those dreams, is it something the media portrays or is there really a dream little girls have of that special day?I often wonder if my husband and I would be married now if we both lived in the same country. Six years seems a long time to just remain as bf/gf and not to bring the relationship to that next step. Though marriage has always been a very serious step to me, and it was something I couldn't see myself doing because I always said it would make me feel tied down. Its not that I couldn't commit to a person, its that I didn't feel like I could commit to a particular lifestyle. My mother was single and I watched her travel and do the things she felt like doing, and then I watched married family members battle it out over left and right. I watched my mother sometimes talk about lonliness, yet watched my married family members crave it. Funny how things change. Sometimes my husband and I wonder if we'd be married and he says he would have asked me eventually because thats just what would have been left to do.

I do remember saying that if I didn't get married by 30 I wouldn't bother doing it at all thinking that this was a great excuse to avoid the entire ordeal altogether because it just wouldn't happen before 30 and this was a great escape route.I was married a week before my 30th birthday.

Edited September 23, 2008 by AntandD

[Cdn_Ali 11]

Good question... I did NOT want to get married and it annoys me that I was 'forced' into it by immigration. Having said that, sometimes we just have to shut up & play by the rules. Not everyone needs that piece of paper to show love & committment...but government departments obviously do. Oh well...

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Joe and I both felt 'forced' into marrying because of immigration. We would have been perfectly happy living together and would probably have taken that route if we had both been in the same country. Not that we have anything against marriage as we obviously did get married, just it would have been more in keeping with our individual lifestyles.

[thetreble 19]

I was 23 when I got married. At 20 if someone told me I'd be married at 23 I would have laughed so hard they would have felt little spit balls from my mouth.

I felt incredibly rushed. I think I would have been married to Jared eventually but not until i was in my late 20s. I did forego a few things like my MA to get married and move here.

But what can you do?

[BH45 0]

I lived with the father of my daughter for 10 years less 2 days. I didn't see the need for a piece of paper and neither did he. It still cost us $$$$ when we separated.

Your question, Nevada, has me thinking that I kept my maiden name for just that reason. I would rather have been allowed to live here common-law with Larry. As everyone else has said, immigration had other ideas and forced the marriage. I'm happy in my marriage so that's ok. I just believe that if I'd had a choice - I'd be living common-law again.

[Sprailenes 47]

I kept my maiden name too, kind of for the same reason plus I was just lazy. But I didn't feel like we married out of choice, it was a little forced.

I mean, I know I had a choice, don't get me wrong. But its just not the same as all of the other typical couples.

[CDAgirlMI 51]

Good topic...

I never "dreamed" to be a bride one day like a lot of young girls/women do. Did I want to find someone to love & spend the rest of my life with? Gosh, yeah.

But after meeting my Michigan man, not only do we have to be married to be together, but I think I would marry him if we lived in the same country. I've never loved someone the way I love him & I would want to make that "final committment".

[Cassie 8]

If it hadn't been for the immigration process -- and ours went relatively quickly in the 129f part -- we would have been married sooner, if my husband had anything to do with it! I, on the other hand, would have preferred to have taken some more time, but it's all worked out the way it was supposed to.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I know that Nick and I would still be married regardless, I just don't know if we would be married as quickly as we did but to be together and not wait it was our only option.

This is my second marriage and there wasn't much time in between but I know he is the one I was suppose to be with all along.

Edited September 23, 2008 by ~Laura and Nick~