Worried (like always)

[Leyla 0]

So, a few weeks ago I was happy that Tarik got a job. Well, he didn't get it. There was some confusion and still he is unemployed. (That's ok. He's only been here a month). Anyway... here is the problem... or maybe it's not a problem:

I work at a mosque as the Director of the Outreach Committee. I teach Islam to Non-Muslims and encourage them to be involved in our community. Recently my boss said I can no longer work full time and have to work part time. At $10 an hour.... that is NOT enough. Not even for my rent! So now I am at a crossroads. I've been here before. When I used to be part time at the mosque, I needed money. I thought about taking off my hijab and becoming a waitress again (because you don't make money as a hijabi waitress trust me, I've tried). The people at the mosque urged me to hold out for a more halal job, a good job. I waited and I got on full time at the mosque (for three months). Now, I'm back to my $686 check every month with a husband that isn't working now. So... back to the crossroads analogy:

Now I am on the verge of getting a job as a waitress (probably 2 jobs). I will have to take off my scarf in order to make any money (or get hired). I feel like the muslim community here has spit in my face. They say: "Trust in Allah, he will provide for you." I know Allah will provide for me, but he provides by working through people and these people don't seem to be the tools of Allah at the moment. So I feel like I am left alone, in the dark to fend for myself.

The idea of taking off the hijab is a little scary for me. I know 90% or more of the people I serve won't check me out, or hit on me, or treat me badly because I don't have a scarf on. But I feel like I will be a hypocrite. I will wear my scarf everywhere except work. Which sort of defeats the purpose. So far I haven't been able to find a job that will pay enough money for me to survive and hire a hijabi. Despite the fact that there should be no discrimination against a woman in the hijab, there is. I've experienced it in the workplace before. I need money now. So to me, a serving job is the best option at this point.

I don't know if I'm askign for advice. I've made my decision (more or less) and I am going out hijab-less in a few hours to get a job. I just thought maybe some of you would have had experience in this area, words of advice or encouragement, or an alternative. I need money ASAP. My Cable/Internet/Phone is turned off, my electric is scheduled to turn off on the 11th, and I'm late on my Rent payment, car payments etc. This sucks so much. (And that is a severe understatement).

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

i dont think serving food is a harrum job...do what you have to do...only you can pay the bills

[S and S 12]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it can't be easy and I wish there were some words I could give you to help you through this time. Inshallah you will find the right job and God will be with you. Maybe you could try putting applications into other places besides restaurants. Maybe even a temporary service that could help lead you to a more permanent job later. Waitressing could just be temporary if you must go that route.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Leyla 0]

I know serving food isn't Haram. But there will be wine and beer, and I will be sans hijab. I guess thats the biggest issue I am facing. It's hard to explain if you don't wear it.

[MrsAmera 41]

I know some people are going to be on the side of those from your mosque but, I've fought the same issue. I work on Capitol Hill, and right now it's with an Islamic non-profit, but I want to work as a staffer for a Senator or Representative. Trust me, hiring a hijabi the chances are slim to none. Granted I'm not in the position you are, but still I feel like it sucks that we have to make that decision.

In your situation, taking off your hijab to make sure you can pay your rent/bills looks like something that must be done. To me, wearing hijab is supposed to make your life easier, and if it's not then it's time to re-evaluate things. You're dressing modestly which is all that is required. Nowhere does it explicitly say that you have to wear something on your head.

There are times when my husband has said "just take it off" because the reaction and the problems it was creating just were too much.

Good luck with your decision and with getting a new job.

[Leyla 0]

I know some people are going to be on the side of those from your mosque but, I've fought the same issue. I work on Capitol Hill, and right now it's with an Islamic non-profit, but I want to work as a staffer for a Senator or Representative. Trust me, hiring a hijabi the chances are slim to none. Granted I'm not in the position you are, but still I feel like it sucks that we have to make that decision.

In your situation, taking off your hijab to make sure you can pay your rent/bills looks like something that must be done. To me, wearing hijab is supposed to make your life easier, and if it's not then it's time to re-evaluate things. You're dressing modestly which is all that is required. Nowhere does it explicitly say that you have to wear something on your head.

There are times when my husband has said "just take it off" because the reaction and the problems it was creating just were too much.

Good luck with your decision and with getting a new job.

My husband agrees that we have no other option at the moment. He is not thrilled about this but at the same time he understands that I need to do what I need to do. I like that support. I guess I am just worried that I will be taking the hijab off during Ramadan and I think the hypocrite feelign will eat me up inside. I think I just need to suck it up and do what I have to do.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Assalamu Alaikum wr wb,

Is this really the only option? I know you've probably thought through everything, but since I'm not privy to your thought process, I'll just throw a few out there - Target, Grocery stores, office work, I know they may not pay as much as a waitress, but perhaps they'd be more receptive to the hijab.

Since taking off hijab is obviously really weighing heavy on you, why not modify rather than take it off entirely? You could tie it up in a bun, which looks cool/hippy-ish, and depending on the restaurant, wouldn't look all too bad. Orthodox jewish women have some awesome scarf styles :thumbs:

The alcohol is another matter, and that's a personal choice you'll have to make. I'd rather work at McDonalds, Target or the like than serve alcohol. Alcohol is a serious serious matter, and there are hadith were rasulAllah (saws) cursed those who serve and sold it.

If people at the masjid are telling you to be patient, ask for sadaqa. Charity is an important part of the religion for a reason, and we shouldn't be ashamed to receive it if we really need it.

Make dua every day after you break your fast for a job. When you get up to take suhur, pray a few rakat of night prayer and make dua after for a job. I'll make dua for you as well. *hugs*

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Coming from a person that knows little to nothing about your tradition, it appears you are creating your own sense if hypocrisy. If being around alcohol without the hijab causes internal conflict, work in a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol. Seems simple to me.

I know serving food isn't Haram. But there will be wine and beer, and I will be sans hijab. I guess thats the biggest issue I am facing. It's hard to explain if you don't wear it.

[caybee 21]

You probably have looked here already, but if you are living in Columbus, there appear to be some Muslim-owned businesses, including restaurants and shops, listed here:

link

I don't remember seeing a female server in hijab at the Middle Eastern restaurant here, but at least the restaurant was halal and didn't serve alcohol.

You are in a tough spot, and I feel for you. I hope you find a solution very soon.

[maggieNomar 0]

I don't have any wisdom for you since I don't wear hijab. But I wanted to wish you the best in finding what you need to make enough money.

[HLM 1]

My advice will be same as Rahma's and again I STRESS ON THE DUAA PART!!! Remember Allah is Qadir!! He can make anything possible; u only have to believe it and be sincere about it. It is a tough situation and i know how u feel since I am worried about the same thing when i go to the states. I will not forget u in my duaa and im sure something amazing will happen to u

[LRA 0]

Wishing you the very best of luck with whatever you decide to do. I say you and your husband discussed it and know your situation is, so you must do what you need to. Don't let the guilt eat at you. If this is what you need to do then it is what you need to do! It's only temporary that you will have it off (ISA) and I think that God would understand.

[Nothing1234 2]

Rahma really gives some good sound advice.

I truly think that if you have to go the waitress route for a bit then while doing this get in contact with local temporary agencies (they also have permanent placement) and get yourself a job thru them. They help you market yourself and its free! The company hiring you pays the agency NOT you. I have found agencies are a great route to go. Try AppleOne, Adecco, Staffmark, etc....they are sound reliable companies. I personally used a local agency in NY when I got my job 8 years ago and I'm still with them now! They are an amazing company with great pay and benefits all this thru the help of an agency. Large companies pride themselves (typically) in diversity so insha'allah this is the way for you!!

Best of luck!!

[Staashi 371]

I would like to say that you have got to do what you have got to do. You know one thing my best friend's mother told me years ago when I asked her "Do you ever think of what other people will think?" She said point blank, "No, because they don't pay my bills." Furthermore, I'd be a little po'd at your community as well...trimming your hours when your fiance/husband just got here 3 weeks ago.

God will forgive you for taking off your hijab - and in my eyes, as long as you are not drinking the alcohol I think you're fine and you stand a chance of making more money. Furthermore, I know alcohol is haram, but I sure as hell see a ton of muslims eating at Chili's, Carrabbas, TGIFridays, and a boatload of other places that serve liquor.

Do what you have to do to survive. This is a very, very tough time and to have almost no money, you're going to be in a very difficult spot. Pretty soon, you'll have to file for AOS and that will be more than a thousand dollars. One other question - who co-sponsored your husband to come over? As I can't imagine you were approved on a $20,000 year salary. Can you ask them for any help?

[Nothing1234 2]

By the way, we have a site in Ohio (they are not hiring right now since they are pretty small) however, I'm very good friends with the HR Director there. I'm sure she must have tons of contacts or ideas for jobs in the area as she's been working there for over 25 years. If you're interested PM you're email lets hook up with her and see what contacts she can give us. I know from being in AZ only 4 short years I have tons of HR contacts and agencies so I'm sure she can direct us for you to find something more stable, permanent and with benefits, insha'allah.

Edited September 7, 2008 by Nawal