The in-laws

[Completely 3]

I'm just wondering, how are you all getting along with the in-laws? There's this stereotypical in-law relationship where you just don't get along (we see it all on TV!).. is your relationship like that?

In my case, I thought we were all getting along fine.. until money matters came up.

Hubby and I are both in our mid-twenties, so when I got here, they were still a major part of the picture. We actually rented the basement from them and lived there for a year. Our phones were part of a family plan, but we paid them for part of the bill. We were an independent household, but we shared some things.

Now, we're in a different apartment, and we're breaking off from the plan because they (in-laws) were charging us way more than they charged strangers for rent (they rent out the upstairs too), and are making us pay for more than half the phone bill when they use 80-90% of the minutes. I won't mind paying for the fair share, but this is just too much. Lalo na, considering I grew up where you don't charge family rent and all that. I keep telling my husband we should just move back to manila where the house is in my name, and he won't have to work a day in his life, but syempre, it's no go..

Anyhow, because of the above-said situation, my relationship with my in-laws just took a nosedive. I know there's a culture difference, but there's also the fairness of it all. I might be being melodramatic, or overacting, but I guess that's the way I am. My husband understands my side of it though, so it hasn't affected our relationship at all. Maybe after some time has passed, we'll test the in-laws waters again..

What about your story? Are you faring better?

Iya, I think I can relate you somehow with your story.. My inlaws are okay with me.. fine I guess... but his sister does not like me because of where we came from.. I thought we get along well together but till the money issues came out that we have to buy a house in the Philippines.. It is a long story but what I can say is that, is there any way that you guys will live in your own? Since you are renting anyways why dont you move away from them? Maybe there is no problem with you and your husband right now, but in the future this will affect your relationship to him as the little frustation you have for them will build on time..

My advice is talk to your husband, and ask him what is the reason why you all need to stay in that house.. I dont see any reason staying with them and paying that much like a stranger.. I guess living away from them will heal every misunderstanding you have.. I just dont know what to say...

We are just lucky because we are not living with any of our inlaws right now, and will never be in the future.. I told this to my husband since the day we got married and he understand my concern..

Goodluck.. and I am sorry that this is happening to you.. you guys need to separate with and have your own life.

Edited September 1, 2008 by Completely

[Filiricans 3]

I'm just wondering, how are you all getting along with the in-laws? There's this stereotypical in-law relationship where you just don't get along (we see it all on TV!).. is your relationship like that?

In my case, I thought we were all getting along fine.. until money matters came up.

Hubby and I are both in our mid-twenties, so when I got here, they were still a major part of the picture. We actually rented the basement from them and lived there for a year. Our phones were part of a family plan, but we paid them for part of the bill. We were an independent household, but we shared some things.

Now, we're in a different apartment, and we're breaking off from the plan because they (in-laws) were charging us way more than they charged strangers for rent (they rent out the upstairs too), and are making us pay for more than half the phone bill when they use 80-90% of the minutes. I won't mind paying for the fair share, but this is just too much. Lalo na, considering I grew up where you don't charge family rent and all that. I keep telling my husband we should just move back to manila where the house is in my name, and he won't have to work a day in his life, but syempre, it's no go..

Anyhow, because of the above-said situation, my relationship with my in-laws just took a nosedive. I know there's a culture difference, but there's also the fairness of it all. I might be being melodramatic, or overacting, but I guess that's the way I am. My husband understands my side of it though, so it hasn't affected our relationship at all. Maybe after some time has passed, we'll test the in-laws waters again..

What about your story? Are you faring better?

Iya, I think I can relate you somehow with your story.. My inlaws are okay with me.. fine I guess... but his sister does not like me because of where we came from.. I thought we get along well together but till the money issues came out that we have to buy a house in the Philippines.. It is a long story but what I can say is that, is there any way that you guys will live in your own? Since you are renting anyways why dont you move away from them? Maybe there is no problem with you and your husband right now, but in the future this will affect your relationship to him as the little frustation you have for them will build on time..

My advice is talk to your husband, and ask him what is the reason why you all need to stay in that house.. I dont see any reason staying with them and paying that much like a stranger.. I guess living away from them will heal every misunderstanding you have.. I just dont know what to say...

We are just lucky because we are not living with any of our inlaws right now, and will never be in the future.. I told this to my husband since the day we got married and he understand my concern..

Goodluck.. and I am sorry that this is happening to you.. you guys need to separate with and have your own life.

Good advice completely sounded fair and mature.

To Iya, just always be strong & pray. Take care.

[iya 0]

Iya, I think I can relate you somehow with your story.. My inlaws are okay with me.. fine I guess... but his sister does not like me because of where we came from.. I thought we get along well together but till the money issues came out that we have to buy a house in the Philippines.. It is a long story but what I can say is that, is there any way that you guys will live in your own? Since you are renting anyways why dont you move away from them? Maybe there is no problem with you and your husband right now, but in the future this will affect your relationship to him as the little frustation you have for them will build on time..

My advice is talk to your husband, and ask him what is the reason why you all need to stay in that house.. I dont see any reason staying with them and paying that much like a stranger.. I guess living away from them will heal every misunderstanding you have.. I just dont know what to say...

We are just lucky because we are not living with any of our inlaws right now, and will never be in the future.. I told this to my husband since the day we got married and he understand my concern..

Goodluck.. and I am sorry that this is happening to you.. you guys need to separate with and have your own life.

Thanks for the advice! I totally agree, it's very good. My husband and I did talk about it, and we have moved out (he was insistent, actually. Our other option was that I would either a- go back to Manila and get my Master's degree, and come back afterwards, or b- I go to New Jersey and live with my Tito Boy (for free ) and get a decent job there, get us a place, and he'd follow.. I guess he really doesn't want to leave Ohio, so we opted to rent an apartment elsewhere). Things were actually looking good, until the phone bill issue came up. Hay naku.. But anyway, yeah, I really am hoping that time will make things better. But for now, I just simmer.

I wish I had your foresight! Thing is, my MIL visited us in Manila as well way before the marriage, and we got along just fine. I just didn't expect it to be different in the long run. Otherwise, I probably would have insisted on an apartment elsewhere.

I'm enjoying being independent of the in-laws, although I still miss the family closeness I had back in Manila. That's the major cause of homesickness in my case Buti na lang may internet na, and my mom has learned how to chat via YM.

To everyone who's got great in-laws, congratulations! I'm really happy for you guys And thank you for all the advice. I just can't quote-reply everyone, since I can't figure that out on these forums.

[Completely 3]

Iya, I think I can relate you somehow with your story.. My inlaws are okay with me.. fine I guess... but his sister does not like me because of where we came from.. I thought we get along well together but till the money issues came out that we have to buy a house in the Philippines.. It is a long story but what I can say is that, is there any way that you guys will live in your own? Since you are renting anyways why dont you move away from them? Maybe there is no problem with you and your husband right now, but in the future this will affect your relationship to him as the little frustation you have for them will build on time..

My advice is talk to your husband, and ask him what is the reason why you all need to stay in that house.. I dont see any reason staying with them and paying that much like a stranger.. I guess living away from them will heal every misunderstanding you have.. I just dont know what to say...

We are just lucky because we are not living with any of our inlaws right now, and will never be in the future.. I told this to my husband since the day we got married and he understand my concern..

Goodluck.. and I am sorry that this is happening to you.. you guys need to separate with and have your own life.

Thanks for the advice! I totally agree, it's very good. My husband and I did talk about it, and we have moved out (he was insistent, actually. Our other option was that I would either a- go back to Manila and get my Master's degree, and come back afterwards, or b- I go to New Jersey and live with my Tito Boy (for free ) and get a decent job there, get us a place, and he'd follow.. I guess he really doesn't want to leave Ohio, so we opted to rent an apartment elsewhere). Things were actually looking good, until the phone bill issue came up. Hay naku.. But anyway, yeah, I really am hoping that time will make things better. But for now, I just simmer.

I wish I had your foresight! Thing is, my MIL visited us in Manila as well way before the marriage, and we got along just fine. I just didn't expect it to be different in the long run. Otherwise, I probably would have insisted on an apartment elsewhere.

I'm enjoying being independent of the in-laws, although I still miss the family closeness I had back in Manila. That's the major cause of homesickness in my case Buti na lang may internet na, and my mom has learned how to chat via YM.

To everyone who's got great in-laws, congratulations! I'm really happy for you guys And thank you for all the advice. I just can't quote-reply everyone, since I can't figure that out on these forums.

I hope everything will work great for your family Iya.. Goodluck!

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

I'm just wondering, how are you all getting along with the in-laws? There's this stereotypical in-law relationship where you just don't get along (we see it all on TV!).. is your relationship like that?

In my case, I thought we were all getting along fine.. until money matters came up.

Hubby and I are both in our mid-twenties, so when I got here, they were still a major part of the picture. We actually rented the basement from them and lived there for a year. Our phones were part of a family plan, but we paid them for part of the bill. We were an independent household, but we shared some things.

Now, we're in a different apartment, and we're breaking off from the plan because they (in-laws) were charging us way more than they charged strangers for rent (they rent out the upstairs too), and are making us pay for more than half the phone bill when they use 80-90% of the minutes. I won't mind paying for the fair share, but this is just too much. Lalo na, considering I grew up where you don't charge family rent and all that. I keep telling my husband we should just move back to manila where the house is in my name, and he won't have to work a day in his life, but syempre, it's no go..

Anyhow, because of the above-said situation, my relationship with my in-laws just took a nosedive. I know there's a culture difference, but there's also the fairness of it all. I might be being melodramatic, or overacting, but I guess that's the way I am. My husband understands my side of it though, so it hasn't affected our relationship at all. Maybe after some time has passed, we'll test the in-laws waters again..

What about your story? Are you faring better?

[size="3"][font="Century Gothic"]I have met my mother in-law only three times since I arrived in the United States. She lives 500 miles away. I think she is nice although I am not good in judging one's personality. My instinct tells me she's nice. She would call once in a while and we would talk on the phone for a few minutes. She would always tell us to visit her more often. I don't know. I am still testing the water when it comes to her just like you. I guess it will be much better of you only get to see them once in a while, right? -- Marie

[ronjie 0]

Sorry to hear that....just pray and ask God for guidance...but hopefully you will resolve whatever problems you have with ur in laws...

anyway my MIL(mother in law) is living in Florida ... i only seen her through webcam and i have talked to her few times...and i knew that she's really a good person in and out...and i knew deep in my heart that she welcomes me and my son to her family... I am honored that she's my Mother in law.

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

Hi,

Am sorry to hear about your situation with your in-laws.

I am happy that i get along well with my in-laws. I do my part to be closed to them and they are doing their parts also to be closed to me. Not only with my in-laws but to their whole family.

One of many things i do for my in-laws, i do nail art and nail polish to my mom-in-law which she really likes. And not only to her but to my aunts-in-law and grandma. They all love it. I do that once a week and sometimes when there's occasion we need to attend to i do ask what her dress color to wear and so i can match her nails. hehe. I cook Filipino food and bring to their house and they appreciate my effort for that. My dad-in-law when he go fishing he will bring me fishes. Everyday they fetch me to be with them at dinner and drive me back home after. Since i can't drive yet and my husband is still at work. It's my in-laws who taught me also driving when my husband wasn't around. Aunts-in-law always invite me to have dinner or lunch with their families and we're so glad to accept that invitation. Sometimes my husband complains to me, "they really like you so much that's why they are giving you stuffs/ or gifts. Yung isang room namin puro regalo until now hindi co pa alam san ilalagay, nagtambak na. And yesterday we received a surprise gift from my aunts-in-laws, it's a grill. My first reaction and i told them "omg!i really like this". Yung sewing machine naman on the way, lol. Am just so happy. I am so overwhelmed how their family welcomed me in their family.

Have lots of good stories to tell but i won't make this long anymore.

But,my advise in your situation, i think it's better na bumukod na lang kayo sa kanila. Para may privacy na rin kayo since ganyan ang treatment nila sa inyo. And you know sometimes "space" is good between your in-laws and your family. Then, try to send them something, anything, that will touch their hearts. Show them that despite of their treatment to you , you still care for them as your husband's parents and your second parents.

Good luck. Hope your relationship to your in-laws will be good in time.

I'm just wondering, how are you all getting along with the in-laws? There's this stereotypical in-law relationship where you just don't get along (we see it all on TV!).. is your relationship like that?

In my case, I thought we were all getting along fine.. until money matters came up.

Hubby and I are both in our mid-twenties, so when I got here, they were still a major part of the picture. We actually rented the basement from them and lived there for a year. Our phones were part of a family plan, but we paid them for part of the bill. We were an independent household, but we shared some things.

Now, we're in a different apartment, and we're breaking off from the plan because they (in-laws) were charging us way more than they charged strangers for rent (they rent out the upstairs too), and are making us pay for more than half the phone bill when they use 80-90% of the minutes. I won't mind paying for the fair share, but this is just too much. Lalo na, considering I grew up where you don't charge family rent and all that. I keep telling my husband we should just move back to manila where the house is in my name, and he won't have to work a day in his life, but syempre, it's no go..

Anyhow, because of the above-said situation, my relationship with my in-laws just took a nosedive. I know there's a culture difference, but there's also the fairness of it all. I might be being melodramatic, or overacting, but I guess that's the way I am. My husband understands my side of it though, so it hasn't affected our relationship at all. Maybe after some time has passed, we'll test the in-laws waters again..

What about your story? Are you faring better?

Edited September 1, 2008 by SHAPE OF MY HEART

[ARALB 0]

Oddly enough, I am in agreement with most of the posts here! My in-laws ALL OF THEM are very welcoming and sweet people, that live a sweet simple life in Jordan! They have never made me to feel that I was intruding or about to rip their son/brother away 7000 miles! My Mum(in law) is the sweetest lady, and though there is a large communication gap between us, lets me know she loves me and accepts me and everything that comes with me(previous children included!) I know she will be sad when Amin finally comes to live here, but we will visit them, and make sure they can come visit us too!

I'm sorry to hear that your inlaws are treating you unfairly. It is probably better that you moved out and are going to do things on your own.. Sometimes that is what they want, and just don't know how to tell you in the first place! Good luck on your "solo flight" with your spouse! Just remember, no financial issue in the world is more important than who is sitting around your Thanksgiving table(or whatever holiday you may be celebrating with them!) So like somone above said--Don't give up on your line of communication with them-They are afterall your spouse's family, and love you regardless!

As I said before Good Luck in your journey and take care!-Amy

[miss g 1]

I don't have problems with my future in laws also. In fact when his parents came here for a vacation (they are also Filipino) I stayed at their house even if my fiance is not around. For 3 years and 7 mos now I have a smooth relationship with them so far. The only thing I don't like about his mom is that she plays favorites sa mga anak nya and that is extended to the daughter in laws. Apparently my fiance is not her favorite but oh well....

mm i dont know if they like me or not.. I always try and always put alot of effort so really they cant fault me.. or so I thought.. they did have a problem with my background..I'm not christian etc.. because I dont make a public display of my beliefs because I am liberal, because who knows..im untidy (well by their standards)

but at the same time, they come to me for advice about stuff, if they have a dispute with their son they speak to me to reason with me.. relationships are complicated, you never going to get along great because really even in our own families who gets along. I guess the other ladies comments about humbling oneself is true, alot of times it is a clash of egos and pride. Ive made it my mission to win them over.