Commitment Decisions...

[Wishing 1]

If I may...

I have a question too related to commitment!!

I am wondering what was/is people's experience of the decision making process of commitment to their significant other ...how did they make the final decision with their significant other? Was it a decision on a whim...did you just know from the beginning? Was it talked about and researched for months before the paperwork sent in? Did you or your partner feel you would like to spend more time together on the same side of the border before making that commitment to marriage? And if a lot of discussion ensued what was helpful to talk about...

Any and all answers/opinions are all good! B)

Thanks:)

[Ontarkie 14,193]

I just knew I found the man i wanted and wasn't going to screw it up. I had a rough ideal on the paper work and how it could take awhile I had a friend go through it about 8 yrs ago. Plus I had to settle a few things before we could do anything, so it gave us time to check out the options work wise for him and such.

[melusine 5]

The main decision making just came from the fact that we were so sure, no problem communicating, both of us solve troubles the same way (talk about it, being logical and use common sense)... that sound easy but i didn't met that much people able to do that.

He knew from the beginning(USC), and i wasn't so sure at the start(Can).

We sent the K1 paperwork and then found VJ lol..... (wish we would have done the other way around)

Instead we just bought a do it yourself kinda kit (50$) which was explaining most of it, at least for the first part... right enough for us.

Of course spending more time together before marriage would be awesome but it's not always possible (work, visa, studies, money etc)

As about talking, we did a lot, we at some point both bought a pink book called something like 1001 questions to ask before getting married and went one after the other, it took us a couple of weeks/months here and there but i brought up some interesting subjects and some debates on politics, environment etc.. was fun

Most of the relationship one we were very very similar.

[Gypsyangel 11]

We were together long distance for a couple of years. Talked on the phone every day for at least an hour .. more often it was at least 2 hours. Visited as often as we could, about every six weeks. Vacationed together.

There just seemed to come a time when we had to decide, either we're doing this or we're not. The long distance thing was getting old. I was at a fork in the road in my life. And it just felt so right. I couldn't imagine deciding not to do this because it was hard or because I was afraid (and it has been hard and we have had moments when we have been afraid). Those weren't good enough reasons for me not to pursue this deep and profound love.

So, we got engaged and then we filed for the K1. We haven't rushed into this and we're older than most here. I guess we didn't rush because we wanted to be as sure as we could before making this big commitment. And for me that paid off because, in my heart I don't have any doubts that I have found a good man and that we're right for each other and meant to be together. No doubts at all. I know we'll have our moments as we adjust to living together (I wish we could have lived together before all this transition) and we know it won't all be a bed of roses, but I know we are able find a way back to each other even when times are tough.

I would say to move at the pace that feels right to you. Don't let anyone else tell you that you should be going faster or slower.

Let your heart guide you, not your head! Oh, and get your astrological natal chart done! It gives you a nice framework for your life and helps you make decisions. Mine said this relationship was different from past relationships and that it was meant to last. It also said that I was meant to move! There. I've just ruined all my credibility!

[knowledge 0]

initially, we were not aware of all the things we know now, especially as for what this process became ; (in our case we got stuck in all the delays, at each phase, not all by our mistakes); our story began like: we met at the right moment at the right place, i.e. when we were especially ready in our heads for such commited relationship. (the basics being we both were cheated heavily by our previous relationships for example) So for me meeting such a gent on many aspects was really seeing the light in the dark...it striked us fast and hard...without thinking at all of what we had to do...then we began to do the basic research, were advised badly by a lawyer...what a desperate moment to begin our relationship with...then we were encouraged by his family to get married, and blessed (they prepared everything fast); unfortunatelly i couldn't stay to aos, having responsabilities back in Can where i had to return and from where had do the long process....

I realized in the curse of the process that it takes really special strong people or couples to resist the process, not many can do it and i don't blame them...But i believe that what we were before and wanted mostly before all the process was the foundation to get through the process... I remember thinking that no intrusion (no heavy process or any God) will interfere in our decisions or relationship...which was quite consistent...i even lost so called friends (realizing they were anti-amercans) because of all that...but i do not regret any obstacle (and there were much more than i'm describing here) we got through...it only proved us we made the right decision because we, now, feel the same here together as the 1st day we met...these are special relationships i believe if we stay grounded from the 1st moment....

[k34 0]

It didn't seem like we really made the decision even... we just basically knew that there was no way we could imagine our lives without each other.

I tried too! For the first couple of years we were pretty much just really good friends that would occasionally get together for a weekend. Because there were a variety of complicating factors, I really tried to meet other guys, but I found that I couldn't get any further than an hour or two into anything before I realized that all I could think of is "he's not Jamie". A couple of years ago I finally admitted that I was so completely in love with him that trying to ignore it was useless.

I knew when I first met him that I was about 1000% more interested in him than in anyone else I had met in my life, so I am ecstatic with how things have worked out.

I don't think either of us felt that we needed to get married in order to spend the rest of our lives together, but I guess US Immigration has a different opinion

[brown_eyes 0]

We both decided very early in our relationship we wanted to take it to the next level and beyond. We didn't see the point in a long distance relationship unless we knew where it was heading. Both of us love talking about our future, being together, being engaged, married and so on... Communication has to be really strong on both ends if you are LD, if you ask me.

Since he's going to be moving an hour away from me (with the border in between us) we've simply decided that we'll be together every weekend at least. My family is here and he is moving away from his hometown. The decision to have him move came somewhere in between our 3rd and 4th month together. We have been dating since late January of this year and he has made two trips to visit me, one in March and one in May. We have talked about our plans for everything each step of the way.

As far as my commitment goes... I think I got lucky meeting someone that I think is not perfect, but perfect for me. It was a really simple decision for me to commit to him and want to start a life together. He gave up everything he knew to be with me and that just speaks volumes about his commitment to me. Because we are fortunate to be able to spend time together (very soon!) we are going to start the K1 process sometime in the future when we're ready.

[gensdad515 2]

It didn't seem like we really made the decision even... we just basically knew that there was no way we could imagine our lives without each other.

I tried too! For the first couple of years we were pretty much just really good friends that would occasionally get together for a weekend. Because there were a variety of complicating factors, I really tried to meet other guys, but I found that I couldn't get any further than an hour or two into anything before I realized that all I could think of is "he's not Jamie". A couple of years ago I finally admitted that I was so completely in love with him that trying to ignore it was useless.

I knew when I first met him that I was about 1000% more interested in him than in anyone else I had met in my life, so I am ecstatic with how things have worked out.

I don't think either of us felt that we needed to get married in order to spend the rest of our lives together, but I guess US Immigration has a different opinion

We had known each other (through phone and emails) for years. Finally met in person this year and we clicked. We had talked about long distance relationship and we were both reluctant about it. But after she left back to Ecuador our communication increased, we could not stop thinking about each other. We both knew we had met the person that we were looking for. We talked about it and I started the paperwork for the K1.

We've seen each other about every 3 months, I am going back to Ecuador in a week, she'll be coming here in Oct. We text, email, talk every night through MSN video chat. Can not wait to finally be together. J.

[brown_eyes 0]

I don't think either of us felt that we needed to get married in order to spend the rest of our lives together, but I guess US Immigration has a different opinion

Heh... we thought about that too!

[gensdad515 2]

It didn't seem like we really made the decision even... we just basically knew that there was no way we could imagine our lives without each other.

I tried too! For the first couple of years we were pretty much just really good friends that would occasionally get together for a weekend. Because there were a variety of complicating factors, I really tried to meet other guys, but I found that I couldn't get any further than an hour or two into anything before I realized that all I could think of is "he's not Jamie". A couple of years ago I finally admitted that I was so completely in love with him that trying to ignore it was useless.

I knew when I first met him that I was about 1000% more interested in him than in anyone else I had met in my life, so I am ecstatic with how things have worked out.

I don't think either of us felt that we needed to get married in order to spend the rest of our lives together, but I guess US Immigration has a different opinion

We had known each other (through phone and emails) for years. Finally met in person this year and we clicked. We had talked about long distance relationship and we were both reluctant about it. But after she left back to Ecuador our communication increased, we could not stop thinking about each other. We both knew we had met the person that we were looking for. We talked about it and I started the paperwork for the K1.

We've seen each other about every 3 months, I am going back to Ecuador in a week, she'll be coming here in Oct. We text, email, talk every night through MSN video chat. Can not wait to finally be together. J.

[Wishing 1]

Hello,

Aww these stories are warming my heart Makes me feel stronger b4 the long application road ahead. So totally agree with much of what you wrote....

As about talking, we did a lot, we at some point both bought a pink book called something like 1001 questions to ask before getting married and went one after the other, it took us a couple of weeks/months here and there but i brought up some interesting subjects and some debates on politics, environment etc.. was fun

Most of the relationship one we were very very similar.

Awesome I've gotta get that book!!

It didn't seem like we really made the decision even... we just basically knew that there was no way we could imagine our lives without each other.

I tried too! For the first couple of years we were pretty much just really good friends that would occasionally get together for a weekend. Because there were a variety of complicating factors, I really tried to meet other guys, but I found that I couldn't get any further than an hour or two into anything before I realized that all I could think of is "he's not Jamie". A couple of years ago I finally admitted that I was so completely in love with him that trying to ignore it was useless.

I knew when I first met him that I was about 1000% more interested in him than in anyone else I had met in my life, so I am ecstatic with how things have worked out.

I don't think either of us felt that we needed to get married in order to spend the rest of our lives together, but I guess US Immigration has a different opinion

Yep cant imagine life without my sweetie Yes I sometimes feel exactly like that, dont really feel the need for marriage to prove what we have or that we couldnt just wait a bit longer to take the leap, but yeah US Immigration definately seems to have a different opinion!!

Keep em coming guys if anyone has anything else to share, its nice to share the joys (& frustrations!!)

Keep the love strong!!

[Cin&Anil 0]

This is a great question..

Well, Anil and I met on line.. dating service.. but fell in love over the phone..

both of us in our 40's knew what we wanted and didn't want..

The first weekend we met in Montreal, he got on one knee and asked me to marry him.

No looking back.. Best decision we ever made..

Now - if we can get him to the US, so we can be together !!!

2+ years and stronger in love every day!!

[SpiritAlight 1]

I don't think either of us felt that we needed to get married in order to spend the rest of our lives together, but I guess US Immigration has a different opinion

Heh... we thought about that too!

There it is.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Well...

Nick and I knew from very very early on in our relationship that we had found our significant others.

When I first saw him I felt in my heart he was going to be my husband.

We knew we wanted to be together and so we researched how to do just that. We found that it was quickest to be together through the K1 visa and through marriage. So we dated for over a year long distance before we even filed. We didn't want to rush anything.

We filed in December and in my mind I never thought I'd get a official proposal because we had already agreed to marry but Nick proposed to me in the snow on Christmas Eve and it was very very magical.

I'm glad we got married but I know that I would have loved to have spent that first year and a bit actually with Nick but that wasn't possible, there isn't a boyfriend visa like someone else suggested on another thread.

I'm a firm believer of "when you know, you know" and with Nick and I, we both just knew.

[thetreble 19]

It's funny because I actually turned a good friend down, who wanted to start a relationship with me full time...who at the time was living in Edmonton, but was originally from Niagara Falls. We had been friends for a few years and I actually liked him romantically. But then I had been talking on this music website for a few years and we had a new member...dun dun dun...which eventually became my husband.

I was basically the queen bee of the website and he tried to take me down one internet insult at a time. I had an inflated ego at that point in my life, and he wanted to make me see that I wasn't such a hot shot. After several months, I told him that since he made fun of me all the time, I'd like to see him post a picture online. From the moment I saw his face, I was like.."this guy is HOT!". So our love grew from a kindergarten perspective into something a lot more because we were incredibly attracted to each other. So, I took a bus to NJ one day and met him there after months of spending hours a day talking. The first four days we spent together, I did not want to get on that bus home. For a very confident person who was independent, I felt incredibly vulnerable and independent.

That was that. Couldn't be without each other. Eventually we decided to get married and here we are!