Please Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...

[chispas 0]

OMG!!! I almost burned dinner trying to read this thread.

Imnop - I wish you the best in whatever you decide. You have been given lots of good advice. I hope that you receive it in love.

Asante - girl you are a mess!!!!!!!!!!

Real quick, I am cracking up because my husband said - "Man! I was about to get excited because my wife is home, and she cooked dinner. Now the house is smelling! What did you burn? What happened?" The honest answer?!?!? I was on VJ.

OK. Sorry.

I was supposed to have breakfast this morning with a friend and I canceled so I could finish reading the thread.

IMNOP- I don't have anything else to add that has not been already added. I think you have been given sound advice and lots of other ideas on which visa to file. I would just like to add the for the K-1. I did notice that you mentioned Benin a lot. Is your fiancé from Benin or Nigeria? I have a friend who lives in Germany now, but was born in Benin. He ended up having to get information from both countries in order to get his VISA to Germany because he was still considered a "Beninian". Also, in Benin they speak French so if you get documents from there they'll have to be translated into English etc. Lastly, he'd you get the investigator? Lastly, hang on for the ride there are lots of us on this visa roller coaster. I'm sitting in the back of the wagon right now while others are in the front section. Nonetheless we are all on the same roller coaster ride screaming our heads off on every wild turn. Welcome

Chispas

[Asante Maroon 0]

loving_famo - Dana

Asante Maroon, thank you for all your help. I plan to contact you privately.

No problem! Anytime

I believe we are all here on this journey for a reason. Some of us will find everlasting love and some won't. We are strong woman who step outside the box to do what we do. None of us will know how it will turn out.

What we will take from all of this is up to us.

The journey will enrich us if we trust God and though sometimes it will hurt, let us not remain in the wounded place too long, it's all good in the end. We don't know what tomorrow holds but we know Who holds tomorrow. Life is indeed short.

I admire your perspective and courage Imnop and that you will take a chance on following where love beckons you and that you know what you want and what you don't want. I feel you on that and am the same way.

You have made your decision not just from your heart but have made a well informed decision and thought this thing through.

If it will take years like in our case, it is easier said than done to walk away from the man you love. Don't put a time table on love.......you can't.

Just roll with the flow and see how God gives you strength when you will need it if you ask for it.

I used to think yes ok I can do this for 3 month ( before VJ ) but I don't want to do it any longer.

I shook my head reading posts about 2 year separations and thought how do they do it ? How ? I told myself I could never do it.

Well 3 years later I am still here. I have seen relationships fall apart due to the wait but some bond with a cement of perseverance and endurance

that blossoms into a commitment that is hard to find.

I don't know if our visa journey will reunite us but I do know that it serves a purpose that only God knows. Until He releases me from this

journey I will be right here and continue on because we love each other so much, because God's time has smiled on our resolve to endure.

I have no doubt that you will be fine and wish you well !

Omoba, you did a wonderful job summing that up. And you are so right! I think about it this way: The divorce rate in the US is high even amongst people of the same culture, living in the same area, and even those who knew each other for a very long time.

Getting married these days (with marriage not being held with high regard or taken seriously OR taken as a covenant btw God, and the couple) is taking a big chance regardless of the couples background.

I remember being warned so much even when I was JUST dating my SO. I was told be careful "those people" only want a green card. They want to use you. This would upset me because 1. they did not KNOW my SO (NEVER met him) 2. Stereotypes hurt everyone and are not necessarily representative of the particular group being stereotyped. 3. How easy for them to generalize the misdeeds of others as a whole continent's character? 4. Those who have been a victim of said scams are often quick to assume that it will happen to you too (i understand their need to warn, however).

I have been through some crappy relationships from men who hold US citizenships. If my relationship were to dissipate (God forbid), I would not blame it on my SO being African. I would not assume that he used me. I would look at it like any other of my dissolved relationships from USC's as something that did not work out. Of course I will feel more deeply about this relationship dissipating because after all ...this is marriage.

Through my past relationships and experiences, I have learned to love with my eyes WIDE OPEN

My many fairy tale dreams of having the perfect romance and story book ending, I have long put aside and made a conscious decision NOT to make them cloud or distort my vision. I think that this is something that most of has learned to do with time, tears, hurt, and rediscovery of self. Knowing yourself and ALWAYS being true to yourself ( also in relation to spirituality) will guide you into making the right decisions.

lmnop123, it seems as though you have not lost sight of yourself or your child and you are not only basing your decisions on love but on practicality.

As much as this sounds strange or insensitive to love: Picking your marital partner should bare the same thinking or consideration as picking your business partner. Do you share the same goals/aspirations? Are your passions in line with eachother? Are you financially compatible? Can you see this business as successful in the coming years? Does this prospective partner bring something to the table? What can I offer my partner? What can he/she offer me? Is this a worthy investment? Will this relationship appreciate in value? etc..... LOVE is important but with out compatibility it means nothing. There are a lot of divorced couples who still love eachother yet they are still apart.

LOVE is important and should be the deal sealer NOT the deal maker ....damn that sounds good! I might just have to have that copyrighted Don't steal my line

Yeah Ive been blabbing on and on....

[Ta Ta 1]

I agree Akinstacey, Africa was worth it in itself. If it weren't for my SO I would have never seen the beauty of Sierra Leone and its people.

And the entire visa journey has made me a better person. Oh yes, there I times I want to throw something........but.......

God has worked things out of me that didn't belong there and worked things in me which needed to be there.

Same with my SO.

We have become better people in this boot camp called patience, love and endurance. That also has no price tag, irregardless of the outcome which is not in my power to control. I can only do my best at this present time.

[Ta Ta 1]

Chispas, I love the roller coaster screaming on a wild ride thing................aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh weeeeeeee...........

[Ta Ta 1]

Asante, I was looking for that word " self discovery " and it wouldn't come to me, thanks...........English is my second language guys ...........

but it is so true, you really see what you are made off in this journey and the true you can reveal itself, then you build from there and let God mold you.

Tell me about it, I was married for 24 years to a USC and it was not forever, longer than some of you have been alive I stuck with him and in the end it failed. Got 3 beautiful kids out of it though.

If you fall on your face you get back up and keep going, is my way of living life.

It doesn't matter how many times you fall but how many times you get back up. With your character and integrity intact, your dignity and courage still there and most of all God by your side.

[Asante Maroon 0]

Asante, I was looking for that word " self discovery " and it wouldn't come to me, thanks...........English is my second language guys ...........

but it is so true, you really see what you are made off in this journey and the true you can reveal itself, then you build from there and let God mold you.

Tell me about it, I was married for 24 years to a USC and it was not forever, longer than some of you have been alive I stuck with him and in the end it failed. Got 3 beautiful kids out of it though.

If you fall on your face you get back up and keep going, is my way of living life.

It doesn't matter how many times you fall but how many times you get back up. With your character and integrity intact, your dignity and courage still there and most of all God by your side.

Omoba you speak better than most with English as their first language

Everything that we go through in life changes us somehow, but if that change is strengthening or empowering, you have learned a valuable lesson. Our goals in life should be self improvement....to evolve....and we ought to be with a man/woman who contributes to that growth.

Its a longggg journey. Even after our SO's get here. There is a long battle ahead, but the fruits of our labor shall not be in vain ...that is my prayer for everyone.

[lmnop123 0]

I believe we are all here on this journey for a reason. Some of us will find everlasting love and some won't. We are strong woman who step outside the box to do what we do. None of us will know how it will turn out.

What we will take from all of this is up to us.

The journey will enrich us if we trust God and though sometimes it will hurt, let us not remain in the wounded place too long, it's all good in the end. We don't know what tomorrow holds but we know Who holds tomorrow. Life is indeed short.

I admire your perspective and courage Imnop and that you will take a chance on following where love beckons you and that you know what you want and what you don't want. I feel you on that and am the same way.

You have made your decision not just from your heart but have made a well informed decision and thought this thing through.

If it will take years like in our case, it is easier said than done to walk away from the man you love. Don't put a time table on love.......you can't.

Just roll with the flow and see how God gives you strength when you will need it if you ask for it.

I used to think yes ok I can do this for 3 month ( before VJ ) but I don't want to do it any longer.

I shook my head reading posts about 2 year separations and thought how do they do it ? How ? I told myself I could never do it.

Well 3 years later I am still here. I have seen relationships fall apart due to the wait but some bond with a cement of perseverance and endurance

that blossoms into a commitment that is hard to find.

I don't know if our visa journey will reunite us but I do know that it serves a purpose that only God knows. Until He releases me from this

journey I will be right here and continue on because we love each other so much, because God's time has smiled on our resolve to endure.

I have no doubt that you will be fine and wish you well !

Exactly!!! Thank you so much for your perspective. I really appreciated reading it.

[lmnop123 0]

I have to ask....if he wasn't scamming you for money.....then what was the scam?? What was the purpose of him lying about who he was and where was the scam headed? As far as anyone saying that it could be a waste of time or money, well, have you ever been to Africa?? To me, when I went, I was in such awe that I was in Africa that I had to keep pinching myself. The experience is something I will never forget. It gave me a lifetime of memories. That is priceless. Whether love came out of it or not......I could never have said it was a waste of time or money. My amazing husband was just icing on the cake!!!!

Hi. I am sure when he contacted me he planned to scam me... yes. Of course he gave me a false name and age (28) at the time. Then after talking a few days and me asking a lot of questions I knew he was hiding something. I told him flat out that I felt he may be a scammer but that I found him extremely intelligent, funny etc... and that I enjoyed his conversation. I also told him that I had no intention of ever sending him money. One day that week he laid low and stayed away. When I finally got in contact with him he told me he had something to tell me but he was scared and very hesitant to start. I became frustrated and told him to just tell me the truth and no matter what we could still remain friends. Then in the most venomous, from my gut, serious voice I have ever heard myself use in my life I told him that if he lied to me "I swear to God, I will never ever speak to you again." Parts of this conversation is what he remembers word for word. Bit by bit he began to tell me that he set out to scam me when he first contacted me on the website. That I wasn't more special then the others. At the picking stage I was just a mark. He said that somehow through our conversations he began to feel that I was an angel and that some how I got in his heart way. I then told him that I needed to confirm his identity and that I would find an investigator to do it. He said okay and the rest you all know. We talked about so many different things he never got around to asking me for money and he never has. Even now as I plan the trip he avoids any thing related to money. I mentioned that I was told (via a post) I would have to give $ to his family and he said no that I didn't have to give anyone anything.

For another poster: His parents were disappointed to hear he tried to scam me when he told them he wanted to be with me and how we met. He wanted to be honest with them and I also believe he wanted them to know wanted them to know what transpired between us yet I still cared for him. I believe the main reason for their disappointment was simply that they didn't understand why he needed to do such a thing in the first place.

For another poster: Sorry for any confusion, I should have specified Benin City....not Benin the country.

[lmnop123 0]

Everything that we go through in life changes us somehow, but if that change is strengthening or empowering, you have learned a valuable lesson. Our goals in life should be self improvement....to evolve....and we ought to be with a man/woman who contributes to that growth.

Its a longggg journey. Even after our SO's get here. There is a long battle ahead, but the fruits of our labor shall not be in vain ...that is my prayer for everyone.

Asante you are very wise and mature. Without knowing you I can see we have read from the same page in love. I couldn't have said all you wrote better myself. I know you are a strong Queen and I am sure your SO recognizes that its the type of wisdom and experience you possess that a real man knows is his death or his salvation. God bless you.

Right now, it is so beatiful reading these posts and seeing the strength and power of REAL WOMEN. There is nothing like a woman.

Because of all the love, I want to dedicate Raheem DeVaughn's song "Woman" to all of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fsuv_u_ayFs

For those of you that don't know this song....... I know you will love it.

[Asante Maroon 0]

Everything that we go through in life changes us somehow, but if that change is strengthening or empowering, you have learned a valuable lesson. Our goals in life should be self improvement....to evolve....and we ought to be with a man/woman who contributes to that growth.

Its a longggg journey. Even after our SO's get here. There is a long battle ahead, but the fruits of our labor shall not be in vain ...that is my prayer for everyone.

Asante you are very wise and mature. Without knowing you I can see we have read from the same page in love. I couldn't have said all you wrote better myself. I know you are a strong Queen and I am sure your SO recognizes that its the type of wisdom and experience you possess that a real man knows is his death or his salvation. God bless you.

Right now, it is so beatiful reading these posts and seeing the strength and power of REAL WOMEN. There is nothing like a woman.

Because of all the love, I want to dedicate Raheem DeVaughn's song "Woman" to all of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fsuv_u_ayFs

For those of you that don't know this song....... I know you will love it.

You are so kind....Thank you. And thanks for the song...you are fitting in so well on VJ already! You have already made a positive and strong statement and I am sure that you will continue to be a positive contributor to this forum.

After getting some sleep, I start to make a little sense Do you remember my first post to you I was delirious due to a lack of sleep!

[totes 0]

I have to ask....if he wasn't scamming you for money.....then what was the scam?? What was the purpose of him lying about who he was and where was the scam headed? As far as anyone saying that it could be a waste of time or money, well, have you ever been to Africa?? To me, when I went, I was in such awe that I was in Africa that I had to keep pinching myself. The experience is something I will never forget. It gave me a lifetime of memories. That is priceless. Whether love came out of it or not......I could never have said it was a waste of time or money. My amazing husband was just icing on the cake!!!!

Hi. I am sure when he contacted me he planned to scam me... yes. Of course he gave me a false name and age (28) at the time. Then after talking a few days and me asking a lot of questions I knew he was hiding something. I told him flat out that I felt he may be a scammer but that I found him extremely intelligent, funny etc... and that I enjoyed his conversation. I also told him that I had no intention of ever sending him money. One day that week he laid low and stayed away. When I finally got in contact with him he told me he had something to tell me but he was scared and very hesitant to start. I became frustrated and told him to just tell me the truth and no matter what we could still remain friends. Then in the most venomous, from my gut, serious voice I have ever heard myself use in my life I told him that if he lied to me "I swear to God, I will never ever speak to you again." Parts of this conversation is what he remembers word for word. Bit by bit he began to tell me that he set out to scam me when he first contacted me on the website. That I wasn't more special then the others. At the picking stage I was just a mark. He said that somehow through our conversations he began to feel that I was an angel and that some how I got in his heart way. I then told him that I needed to confirm his identity and that I would find an investigator to do it. He said okay and the rest you all know. We talked about so many different things he never got around to asking me for money and he never has. Even now as I plan the trip he avoids any thing related to money. I mentioned that I was told (via a post) I would have to give $ to his family and he said no that I didn't have to give anyone anything.

For another poster: His parents were disappointed to hear he tried to scam me when he told them he wanted to be with me and how we met. He wanted to be honest with them and I also believe he wanted them to know wanted them to know what transpired between us yet I still cared for him. I believe the main reason for their disappointment was simply that they didn't understand why he needed to do such a thing in the first place.

For another poster: Sorry for any confusion, I should have specified Benin City....not Benin the country.

I was never expected or asked to give money or anything else to my SO's family on either trip. I did take his mom and dad both a very small inexpensive "thank you" gift for their hospitality but that's it.

You're going to be just fine girl, you've got it together!

[stevi1123 0]

loving_famo - Dana

Asante Maroon, thank you for all your help. I plan to contact you privately.

No problem! Anytime

I believe we are all here on this journey for a reason. Some of us will find everlasting love and some won't. We are strong woman who step outside the box to do what we do. None of us will know how it will turn out.

What we will take from all of this is up to us.

The journey will enrich us if we trust God and though sometimes it will hurt, let us not remain in the wounded place too long, it's all good in the end. We don't know what tomorrow holds but we know Who holds tomorrow. Life is indeed short.

I admire your perspective and courage Imnop and that you will take a chance on following where love beckons you and that you know what you want and what you don't want. I feel you on that and am the same way.

You have made your decision not just from your heart but have made a well informed decision and thought this thing through.

If it will take years like in our case, it is easier said than done to walk away from the man you love. Don't put a time table on love.......you can't.

Just roll with the flow and see how God gives you strength when you will need it if you ask for it.

I used to think yes ok I can do this for 3 month ( before VJ ) but I don't want to do it any longer.

I shook my head reading posts about 2 year separations and thought how do they do it ? How ? I told myself I could never do it.

Well 3 years later I am still here. I have seen relationships fall apart due to the wait but some bond with a cement of perseverance and endurance

that blossoms into a commitment that is hard to find.

I don't know if our visa journey will reunite us but I do know that it serves a purpose that only God knows. Until He releases me from this

journey I will be right here and continue on because we love each other so much, because God's time has smiled on our resolve to endure.

I have no doubt that you will be fine and wish you well !

Omoba, you did a wonderful job summing that up. And you are so right! I think about it this way: The divorce rate in the US is high even amongst people of the same culture, living in the same area, and even those who knew each other for a very long time.

Getting married these days (with marriage not being held with high regard or taken seriously OR taken as a covenant btw God, and the couple) is taking a big chance regardless of the couples background.

I remember being warned so much even when I was JUST dating my SO. I was told be careful "those people" only want a green card. They want to use you. This would upset me because 1. they did not KNOW my SO (NEVER met him) 2. Stereotypes hurt everyone and are not necessarily representative of the particular group being stereotyped. 3. How easy for them to generalize the misdeeds of others as a whole continent's character? 4. Those who have been a victim of said scams are often quick to assume that it will happen to you too (i understand their need to warn, however).

I have been through some crappy relationships from men who hold US citizenships. If my relationship were to dissipate (God forbid), I would not blame it on my SO being African. I would not assume that he used me. I would look at it like any other of my dissolved relationships from USC's as something that did not work out. Of course I will feel more deeply about this relationship dissipating because after all ...this is marriage.

Through my past relationships and experiences, I have learned to love with my eyes WIDE OPEN

My many fairy tale dreams of having the perfect romance and story book ending, I have long put aside and made a conscious decision NOT to make them cloud or distort my vision. I think that this is something that most of has learned to do with time, tears, hurt, and rediscovery of self. Knowing yourself and ALWAYS being true to yourself ( also in relation to spirituality) will guide you into making the right decisions.

lmnop123, it seems as though you have not lost sight of yourself or your child and you are not only basing your decisions on love but on practicality.

As much as this sounds strange or insensitive to love: Picking your marital partner should bare the same thinking or consideration as picking your business partner. Do you share the same goals/aspirations? Are your passions in line with eachother? Are you financially compatible? Can you see this business as successful in the coming years? Does this prospective partner bring something to the table? What can I offer my partner? What can he/she offer me? Is this a worthy investment? Will this relationship appreciate in value? etc..... LOVE is important but with out compatibility it means nothing. There are a lot of divorced couples who still love eachother yet they are still apart.

LOVE is important and should be the deal sealer NOT the deal maker ....damn that sounds good! I might just have to have that copyrighted Don't steal my line

Yeah Ive been blabbing on and on....

Another "goose bump" moment!

This post was superior. Asante, I have no idea of your age, but you are indeed "wise beyond your years."

Edited July 30, 2008 by stevi1123

[Asante Maroon 0]

loving_famo - Dana

Asante Maroon, thank you for all your help. I plan to contact you privately.

No problem! Anytime

I believe we are all here on this journey for a reason. Some of us will find everlasting love and some won't. We are strong woman who step outside the box to do what we do. None of us will know how it will turn out.

What we will take from all of this is up to us.

The journey will enrich us if we trust God and though sometimes it will hurt, let us not remain in the wounded place too long, it's all good in the end. We don't know what tomorrow holds but we know Who holds tomorrow. Life is indeed short.

I admire your perspective and courage Imnop and that you will take a chance on following where love beckons you and that you know what you want and what you don't want. I feel you on that and am the same way.

You have made your decision not just from your heart but have made a well informed decision and thought this thing through.

If it will take years like in our case, it is easier said than done to walk away from the man you love. Don't put a time table on love.......you can't.

Just roll with the flow and see how God gives you strength when you will need it if you ask for it.

I used to think yes ok I can do this for 3 month ( before VJ ) but I don't want to do it any longer.

I shook my head reading posts about 2 year separations and thought how do they do it ? How ? I told myself I could never do it.

Well 3 years later I am still here. I have seen relationships fall apart due to the wait but some bond with a cement of perseverance and endurance

that blossoms into a commitment that is hard to find.

I don't know if our visa journey will reunite us but I do know that it serves a purpose that only God knows. Until He releases me from this

journey I will be right here and continue on because we love each other so much, because God's time has smiled on our resolve to endure.

I have no doubt that you will be fine and wish you well !

Omoba, you did a wonderful job summing that up. And you are so right! I think about it this way: The divorce rate in the US is high even amongst people of the same culture, living in the same area, and even those who knew each other for a very long time.

Getting married these days (with marriage not being held with high regard or taken seriously OR taken as a covenant btw God, and the couple) is taking a big chance regardless of the couples background.

I remember being warned so much even when I was JUST dating my SO. I was told be careful "those people" only want a green card. They want to use you. This would upset me because 1. they did not KNOW my SO (NEVER met him) 2. Stereotypes hurt everyone and are not necessarily representative of the particular group being stereotyped. 3. How easy for them to generalize the misdeeds of others as a whole continent's character? 4. Those who have been a victim of said scams are often quick to assume that it will happen to you too (i understand their need to warn, however).

I have been through some crappy relationships from men who hold US citizenships. If my relationship were to dissipate (God forbid), I would not blame it on my SO being African. I would not assume that he used me. I would look at it like any other of my dissolved relationships from USC's as something that did not work out. Of course I will feel more deeply about this relationship dissipating because after all ...this is marriage.

Through my past relationships and experiences, I have learned to love with my eyes WIDE OPEN

My many fairy tale dreams of having the perfect romance and story book ending, I have long put aside and made a conscious decision NOT to make them cloud or distort my vision. I think that this is something that most of has learned to do with time, tears, hurt, and rediscovery of self. Knowing yourself and ALWAYS being true to yourself ( also in relation to spirituality) will guide you into making the right decisions.

lmnop123, it seems as though you have not lost sight of yourself or your child and you are not only basing your decisions on love but on practicality.

As much as this sounds strange or insensitive to love: Picking your marital partner should bare the same thinking or consideration as picking your business partner. Do you share the same goals/aspirations? Are your passions in line with eachother? Are you financially compatible? Can you see this business as successful in the coming years? Does this prospective partner bring something to the table? What can I offer my partner? What can he/she offer me? Is this a worthy investment? Will this relationship appreciate in value? etc..... LOVE is important but with out compatibility it means nothing. There are a lot of divorced couples who still love eachother yet they are still apart.

LOVE is important and should be the deal sealer NOT the deal maker ....damn that sounds good! I might just have to have that copyrighted Don't steal my line

Yeah Ive been blabbing on and on....

Another "goose bump" moment!

This post was superior. Asante, I have no idea of your age, but you are indeed "wise beyond your years."

Thanks Stevi. I guess my sensitivity keeps me in tune to my experiences as well as the experiences, feelings, and plight of others. Its good in some ways but bad in others

[Lois 0]

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

[stevi1123 0]

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hello Lois,

I don't quite understand your post. And YES, you do appear to be quite a bit confused...God Love You.

Are YOU in love with "j" or do you just want to give him a better life? You write as if you want to do him a favor by marrying him. Is HE in love with you?

And the fact that you are "older, blonde-haired and blue-eyed" does not necessarily make a difference if both of your intentions are true. But you write as if BOTH of you have ulterior motives for getting together. Plenty of women on this journey fit your physical description - But genuine love is color/age-blind.

It is wrong to assume that most Nigerians are scammers by stating "They follow the same pattern don't they?" That is a case-in-point version of stereotyping. I am not even Nigerian, but I was personally offended by what you wrote.

As for the K1 vs K3, that is your personal decision, but the K3 seems to take a lot longer in most cases. My sister, who is a member here too, will be approaching 2 years in just a few weeks. She was locked in security checks for over a year, told to come to our LOCAL office, where they interviewed HER.... having her bring the exact same documents that her husband will have to bring to his interview in Lagos (what's with that?). But then again, that's just her situation. Some K3's go very smoothly.

I am no one to pass judgment, but I don't think you seem ready to marry OR become engaged. But you did ask for opinions, and I'm sure you will get more opinions following my post.

I just don't feel any "warm-fuzzies" at all eminating from your post at all.

I send best wishes to you whatever your decision may be.

Stevi

Edited July 31, 2008 by stevi1123