Please Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...

[ForeverAmen 0]

OMG!!! I almost burned dinner trying to read this thread.

Imnop - I wish you the best in whatever you decide. You have been given lots of good advice. I hope that you receive it in love.

Asante - girl you are a mess!!!!!!!!!!

Real quick, I am cracking up because my husband said - "Man! I was about to get excited because my wife is home, and she cooked dinner. Now the house is smelling! What did you burn? What happened?" The honest answer?!?!? I was on VJ.

OK. Sorry.

Edited July 28, 2008 by Boaz

[Asante Maroon 0]

OMG!!! I almost burned dinner trying to read this thread.

Imnop - I wish you the best in whatever you decide. You have been given lots of good advice. I hope that you receive it in love.

Asante - girl you are a mess!!!!!!!!!!

Real quick, I am cracking up because my husband said - "Man! I was about to get excited because my wife is home, and she cooked dinner. Now the house is smelling! What did you burn? What happened?" The honest answer?!?!? I was on VJ.

OK. Sorry.

:rofl: I'm Sorry Boaz Or should I say sorry to your hubby?

[9jalover4life 0]

seems like you have everything together...continue to educate yourself on the process...this is a good site ..ive been a member since june and haved learned so much in a short period of time..i wish you the best ...good luck god bless and welcome to VJ..

p.s. and i do believe a scammer can fall in love with his victim and change thier ways..i believe anything is possible

[lmnop123 0]

I feel like I'm coming in late on this topic (I've been out of town for a few days), but I'll throw my opinion in anyways..........

First of all, when I went to Nigeria I was intending on marrying my SO there even though all my research before-hand had pointed in the direction of the K-1 being the quickest way. When I met with my SO and as the day got closer to when I had to leave ( I stayed 3 weeks ) I knew that I just wanted to be with him as soon as possible. I was so confused as to whether we should marry or not. I woke up one day and went to the US embassy in VI. It was kinda cool to enter the embassy as an American because I was able to by-pass the huge line outside. lol. I made an inquiry and even though most were reluctant to offer any advise concerning which was quicker....K-1 or K-3......I did find one man who offered up his opinion. He told me without a doubt, K-1 will be faster. We opted for that, and within a year, he was here. Only issue now, is that waiting for his greencard, work auth, etc...will be a wait....but we're ok with that.

As for him 'initially trying to scam you'.....well, I've talked about this with my husband. And he said that it is 100% possible that a man could start off with bad intentions, but have a change of heart by the end of it all. He said, "afterall, if a woman could love him, wait for him, go thru this Visa struggle with him, and if she has the love that he is looking for...then what else would he want". It sounds like you met your SO sort-of like I met mine. I was also looking at a Nigerian site. I had a friend over one day, a Nigerian man, and he was online on a site he visits to keep in touch with friends still in Nigeria. So when he left, I went back on that site and saw a profile of my husband. I wrote him an email, he responded back several days later.......and now here we are.

As for evidence, each case is different. As for us, we didn't have a joint account. We had many pics, many emails, and letters/cards that we had addressed to each others homes. I am five years older than my husband and I don't think they questioned this at all.

One more issue I wanted to address was your budget for the trip....Have you ever looked at a site called 'make-it-nigeria.com'. It has some lovely villa's for rent for a great price. My budget to go was $5,000. give or take a few dollars. I thought I had everything planned out well, including saving a lot of money staying at his family's house. But one thing about Nigeria that you don't realize until you get there is that you spend a LOT of money giving it away...as in, giving the family something to thank them for all their hospitality, possibly getting stopped by police and having to settle them (it happened to me 3 times), tipping photographers, drivers, etc. Its just a lot more than you might expect, so keep that in mind when you're making your budget. Well, good luck with everything!!!

''

Hi, I truly thank all of you.

Makeitnigeria is the exact site I contacted and I intend to stay in 1 of their villas in Lagos until we leave for Benin. The rentals are very reasonable, look lovely, safe and I also intend to get the car service. I will have emergency funds on hand and some extra funds immediately available to be sent Western Union by someone in the US. However, my goal is to stay as close to my budget as possible. What your husband said is exactly what he tells me. He says that I am the only person that told him to tell me the truth and if he did we could still be friends, not lovers, friends. I guess everyone else was smart and ran for their lives but again I felt deep down that he is a good person that was capable of so much more. On that day, he remembers what I said word for word. I only know he knows it because when he tells me what I said I know that's exactly what I said even though right now I can't remember the exact words I used.

In all honesty, the K-1 route is more about me than him. He says he can wait but knowing myself it will be hard for me to commit to waiting years to be with him. I am very comfortable being solo. I would rather let him move on with his life and have children even though I know he cares for me a great deal. I don't want to have any children after 37. For the most part I have raised my son alone, he will be a pre-teen and I don't really want to start over with pampers again. I would rather give my son a full life, filled with travel, a great education, and all the love, attention and wisdom he desires. After he flies the coup I will continue to do the things I want to do, see and experience in life.

For another poster, yes I love E but I'm not blinded by love. I don't have doubts about the K1 visa, I was just looking for forum experience as to which visa would be the best way to go for us to be together soon. Most of the information I found prior to this site was outdated and I wanted more current country specific advice.

For another poster, I wish I could stay longer and who wouldn't love to run away from their life for up to 3 months but that's not possible for me with my school aged son and responsibilities. My son needs me and I can't neglect him to pursue this. I also don't have a support system where I could leave him with someone for long. For this trip, I have 2 people helping me to make it possible. I almost had to resort to hiring a part time nanny to assist as a last resort.

The worst case scenario is we will delay filing until after the New Year and see how things play out and I will try to make another trip but the time frame will more than likely be the same. I explained to him that I am willing to take a chance for us to be together but I/we understand that we must be sensible as well. I am going to do the best I can to make it happen but I won't and can't get obssessive with this. I will see if I can increase the emails but in all honesty I hate emailing. I do what I must for work but I don't have a habit of emailing people. I have always preferred to call instead of snail mail, emailing, instant messaging or webcaming. I deal with so much paperwork on a daily basis that the last thing I want to do is create more or to spend my free time typing. lolol......Hell, I have spent over an hour just giving this response. To me words are very powerful and have to be conveyed with care. I would be glued to the pc because when I read a personal letter I analyze every word, punctuation, the writers style, their voice, what they are really saying, afraid to say or not saying... everything. I attempt to see a person in their words. Anyways, I was hoping to use our 90 day K1 visa time together to make a final call about things. I told him I have no intention of ever sending him money, plus he said that even if he needed it because of where we came from initially he would never ask.

I explain to him all the time that life is hard for us here too and America is not a cake walk. That there are a lot of opportunities available but there are a lot of obstacles as well. I tell him all the time about my financial hardships and the costs of maintaining my modest life because of my educational expenses. He is interested in continuing his education. Since he is obviously good with computers we talked about computer courses because we feel it will be easier for him to find work in the US. I told him that after the trip, this is the only thing I would consider helping him with financially (approx. $1000.00 usd) but that the payment would go directly to the school. Whether he decides to attend is up to him. I am not going to micro-manage his life. He will have had the chance to further his education so if he wants to throw it away it will be his poor choices that create a dead end life for him. He wants to be somebody and I don't mind supporting him in becoming somebody but I am not going to finance his upgrade.

As an aside, someone told him I may try to control him etc... I told him I am seeking a partner and someone that will contribute to the relationship not a second child. The choice was his because I could only treat him the way he allows me. I told him I want him to love me from a place of strength and without fear not like a scared, captive animal. I told him to think about whether he wanted to be controlled or to be a contributor?... His voice cracked when he called me to say he wanted to be a contributor. He doesn't have to come to the US to find a sugar momma he has more than a few opportunities to be that to an older woman in Nigeria. He chose to be a partner/contributor so I will work to make sure that is what he WILL be... a man... not a kept boy toy.

My understanding is that Nigeria ain't freely giving out visitor visas. Please correct me if I am wrong on this because it could possibly be something I will pursue. It would make things a heck of a lot easier on my end thats for sure.

Thanks again guys!!

[Ta Ta 1]

Forget the tourist visa, it's a waste of time and money and a very long shot.

[lovin_famo 0]

I feel like I'm coming in late on this topic (I've been out of town for a few days), but I'll throw my opinion in anyways..........

First of all, when I went to Nigeria I was intending on marrying my SO there even though all my research before-hand had pointed in the direction of the K-1 being the quickest way. When I met with my SO and as the day got closer to when I had to leave ( I stayed 3 weeks ) I knew that I just wanted to be with him as soon as possible. I was so confused as to whether we should marry or not. I woke up one day and went to the US embassy in VI. It was kinda cool to enter the embassy as an American because I was able to by-pass the huge line outside. lol. I made an inquiry and even though most were reluctant to offer any advise concerning which was quicker....K-1 or K-3......I did find one man who offered up his opinion. He told me without a doubt, K-1 will be faster. We opted for that, and within a year, he was here. Only issue now, is that waiting for his greencard, work auth, etc...will be a wait....but we're ok with that.

As for him 'initially trying to scam you'.....well, I've talked about this with my husband. And he said that it is 100% possible that a man could start off with bad intentions, but have a change of heart by the end of it all. He said, "afterall, if a woman could love him, wait for him, go thru this Visa struggle with him, and if she has the love that he is looking for...then what else would he want". It sounds like you met your SO sort-of like I met mine. I was also looking at a Nigerian site. I had a friend over one day, a Nigerian man, and he was online on a site he visits to keep in touch with friends still in Nigeria. So when he left, I went back on that site and saw a profile of my husband. I wrote him an email, he responded back several days later.......and now here we are.

As for evidence, each case is different. As for us, we didn't have a joint account. We had many pics, many emails, and letters/cards that we had addressed to each others homes. I am five years older than my husband and I don't think they questioned this at all.

One more issue I wanted to address was your budget for the trip....Have you ever looked at a site called 'make-it-nigeria.com'. It has some lovely villa's for rent for a great price. My budget to go was $5,000. give or take a few dollars. I thought I had everything planned out well, including saving a lot of money staying at his family's house. But one thing about Nigeria that you don't realize until you get there is that you spend a LOT of money giving it away...as in, giving the family something to thank them for all their hospitality, possibly getting stopped by police and having to settle them (it happened to me 3 times), tipping photographers, drivers, etc. Its just a lot more than you might expect, so keep that in mind when you're making your budget. Well, good luck with everything!!!

''

Hi, I truly thank all of you.

Makeitnigeria is the exact site I contacted and I intend to stay in 1 of their villas in Lagos until we leave for Benin. The rentals are very reasonable, look lovely, safe and I also intend to get the car service. I will have emergency funds on hand and some extra funds immediately available to be sent Western Union by someone in the US. However, my goal is to stay as close to my budget as possible. What your husband said is exactly what he tells me. He says that I am the only person that told him to tell me the truth and if he did we could still be friends, not lovers, friends. I guess everyone else was smart and ran for their lives but again I felt deep down that he is a good person that was capable of so much more. On that day, he remembers what I said word for word. I only know he knows it because when he tells me what I said I know that's exactly what I said even though right now I can't remember the exact words I used.

In all honesty, the K-1 route is more about me than him. He says he can wait but knowing myself it will be hard for me to commit to waiting years to be with him. I am very comfortable being solo. I would rather let him move on with his life and have children even though I know he cares for me a great deal. I don't want to have any children after 37. For the most part I have raised my son alone, he will be a pre-teen and I don't really want to start over with pampers again. I would rather give my son a full life, filled with travel, a great education, and all the love, attention and wisdom he desires. After he flies the coup I will continue to do the things I want to do, see and experience in life.

For another poster, yes I love E but I'm not blinded by love. I don't have doubts about the K1 visa, I was just looking for forum experience as to which visa would be the best way to go for us to be together soon. Most of the information I found prior to this site was outdated and I wanted more current country specific advice.

For another poster, I wish I could stay longer and who wouldn't love to run away from their life for up to 3 months but that's not possible for me with my school aged son and responsibilities. My son needs me and I can't neglect him to pursue this. I also don't have a support system where I could leave him with someone for long. For this trip, I have 2 people helping me to make it possible. I almost had to resort to hiring a part time nanny to assist as a last resort.

The worst case scenario is we will delay filing until after the New Year and see how things play out and I will try to make another trip but the time frame will more than likely be the same. I explained to him that I am willing to take a chance for us to be together but I/we understand that we must be sensible as well. I am going to do the best I can to make it happen but I won't and can't get obssessive with this. I will see if I can increase the emails but in all honesty I hate emailing. I do what I must for work but I don't have a habit of emailing people. I have always preferred to call instead of snail mail, emailing, instant messaging or webcaming. I deal with so much paperwork on a daily basis that the last thing I want to do is create more or to spend my free time typing. lolol......Hell, I have spent over an hour just giving this response. To me words are very powerful and have to be conveyed with care. I would be glued to the pc because when I read a personal letter I analyze every word, punctuation, the writers style, their voice, what they are really saying, afraid to say or not saying... everything. I attempt to see a person in their words. Anyways, I was hoping to use our 90 day K1 visa time together to make a final call about things. I told him I have no intention of ever sending him money, plus he said that even if he needed it because of where we came from initially he would never ask.

I explain to him all the time that life is hard for us here too and America is not a cake walk. That there are a lot of opportunities available but there are a lot of obstacles as well. I tell him all the time about my financial hardships and the costs of maintaining my modest life because of my educational expenses. He is interested in continuing his education. Since he is obviously good with computers we talked about computer courses because we feel it will be easier for him to find work in the US. I told him that after the trip, this is the only thing I would consider helping him with financially (approx. $1000.00 usd) but that the payment would go directly to the school. Whether he decides to attend is up to him. I am not going to micro-manage his life. He will have had the chance to further his education so if he wants to throw it away it will be his poor choices that create a dead end life for him. He wants to be somebody and I don't mind supporting him in becoming somebody but I am not going to finance his upgrade.

As an aside, someone told him I may try to control him etc... I told him I am seeking a partner and someone that will contribute to the relationship not a second child. The choice was his because I could only treat him the way he allows me. I told him I want him to love me from a place of strength and without fear not like a scared, captive animal. I told him to think about whether he wanted to be controlled or to be a contributor?... His voice cracked when he called me to say he wanted to be a contributor. He doesn't have to come to the US to find a sugar momma he has more than a few opportunities to be that to an older woman in Nigeria. He chose to be a partner/contributor so I will work to make sure that is what he WILL be... a man... not a kept boy toy.

My understanding is that Nigeria ain't freely giving out visitor visas. Please correct me if I am wrong on this because it could possibly be something I will pursue. It would make things a heck of a lot easier on my end thats for sure.

Thanks again guys!!

Hi,

I hope i am not being too forward, but, do you really want to go through all of this, waste your time and money? Judging from your words you it seems as if you are not certain. What ever you decide, make yourself happy first, God Bless.

Dana

[lovin_famo 0]

I feel like I'm coming in late on this topic (I've been out of town for a few days), but I'll throw my opinion in anyways..........

First of all, when I went to Nigeria I was intending on marrying my SO there even though all my research before-hand had pointed in the direction of the K-1 being the quickest way. When I met with my SO and as the day got closer to when I had to leave ( I stayed 3 weeks ) I knew that I just wanted to be with him as soon as possible. I was so confused as to whether we should marry or not. I woke up one day and went to the US embassy in VI. It was kinda cool to enter the embassy as an American because I was able to by-pass the huge line outside. lol. I made an inquiry and even though most were reluctant to offer any advise concerning which was quicker....K-1 or K-3......I did find one man who offered up his opinion. He told me without a doubt, K-1 will be faster. We opted for that, and within a year, he was here. Only issue now, is that waiting for his greencard, work auth, etc...will be a wait....but we're ok with that.

As for him 'initially trying to scam you'.....well, I've talked about this with my husband. And he said that it is 100% possible that a man could start off with bad intentions, but have a change of heart by the end of it all. He said, "afterall, if a woman could love him, wait for him, go thru this Visa struggle with him, and if she has the love that he is looking for...then what else would he want". It sounds like you met your SO sort-of like I met mine. I was also looking at a Nigerian site. I had a friend over one day, a Nigerian man, and he was online on a site he visits to keep in touch with friends still in Nigeria. So when he left, I went back on that site and saw a profile of my husband. I wrote him an email, he responded back several days later.......and now here we are.

As for evidence, each case is different. As for us, we didn't have a joint account. We had many pics, many emails, and letters/cards that we had addressed to each others homes. I am five years older than my husband and I don't think they questioned this at all.

One more issue I wanted to address was your budget for the trip....Have you ever looked at a site called 'make-it-nigeria.com'. It has some lovely villa's for rent for a great price. My budget to go was $5,000. give or take a few dollars. I thought I had everything planned out well, including saving a lot of money staying at his family's house. But one thing about Nigeria that you don't realize until you get there is that you spend a LOT of money giving it away...as in, giving the family something to thank them for all their hospitality, possibly getting stopped by police and having to settle them (it happened to me 3 times), tipping photographers, drivers, etc. Its just a lot more than you might expect, so keep that in mind when you're making your budget. Well, good luck with everything!!!

''

Hi, I truly thank all of you.

Makeitnigeria is the exact site I contacted and I intend to stay in 1 of their villas in Lagos until we leave for Benin. The rentals are very reasonable, look lovely, safe and I also intend to get the car service. I will have emergency funds on hand and some extra funds immediately available to be sent Western Union by someone in the US. However, my goal is to stay as close to my budget as possible. What your husband said is exactly what he tells me. He says that I am the only person that told him to tell me the truth and if he did we could still be friends, not lovers, friends. I guess everyone else was smart and ran for their lives but again I felt deep down that he is a good person that was capable of so much more. On that day, he remembers what I said word for word. I only know he knows it because when he tells me what I said I know that's exactly what I said even though right now I can't remember the exact words I used.

In all honesty, the K-1 route is more about me than him. He says he can wait but knowing myself it will be hard for me to commit to waiting years to be with him. I am very comfortable being solo. I would rather let him move on with his life and have children even though I know he cares for me a great deal. I don't want to have any children after 37. For the most part I have raised my son alone, he will be a pre-teen and I don't really want to start over with pampers again. I would rather give my son a full life, filled with travel, a great education, and all the love, attention and wisdom he desires. After he flies the coup I will continue to do the things I want to do, see and experience in life.

For another poster, yes I love E but I'm not blinded by love. I don't have doubts about the K1 visa, I was just looking for forum experience as to which visa would be the best way to go for us to be together soon. Most of the information I found prior to this site was outdated and I wanted more current country specific advice.

For another poster, I wish I could stay longer and who wouldn't love to run away from their life for up to 3 months but that's not possible for me with my school aged son and responsibilities. My son needs me and I can't neglect him to pursue this. I also don't have a support system where I could leave him with someone for long. For this trip, I have 2 people helping me to make it possible. I almost had to resort to hiring a part time nanny to assist as a last resort.

The worst case scenario is we will delay filing until after the New Year and see how things play out and I will try to make another trip but the time frame will more than likely be the same. I explained to him that I am willing to take a chance for us to be together but I/we understand that we must be sensible as well. I am going to do the best I can to make it happen but I won't and can't get obssessive with this. I will see if I can increase the emails but in all honesty I hate emailing. I do what I must for work but I don't have a habit of emailing people. I have always preferred to call instead of snail mail, emailing, instant messaging or webcaming. I deal with so much paperwork on a daily basis that the last thing I want to do is create more or to spend my free time typing. lolol......Hell, I have spent over an hour just giving this response. To me words are very powerful and have to be conveyed with care. I would be glued to the pc because when I read a personal letter I analyze every word, punctuation, the writers style, their voice, what they are really saying, afraid to say or not saying... everything. I attempt to see a person in their words. Anyways, I was hoping to use our 90 day K1 visa time together to make a final call about things. I told him I have no intention of ever sending him money, plus he said that even if he needed it because of where we came from initially he would never ask.

I explain to him all the time that life is hard for us here too and America is not a cake walk. That there are a lot of opportunities available but there are a lot of obstacles as well. I tell him all the time about my financial hardships and the costs of maintaining my modest life because of my educational expenses. He is interested in continuing his education. Since he is obviously good with computers we talked about computer courses because we feel it will be easier for him to find work in the US. I told him that after the trip, this is the only thing I would consider helping him with financially (approx. $1000.00 usd) but that the payment would go directly to the school. Whether he decides to attend is up to him. I am not going to micro-manage his life. He will have had the chance to further his education so if he wants to throw it away it will be his poor choices that create a dead end life for him. He wants to be somebody and I don't mind supporting him in becoming somebody but I am not going to finance his upgrade.

As an aside, someone told him I may try to control him etc... I told him I am seeking a partner and someone that will contribute to the relationship not a second child. The choice was his because I could only treat him the way he allows me. I told him I want him to love me from a place of strength and without fear not like a scared, captive animal. I told him to think about whether he wanted to be controlled or to be a contributor?... His voice cracked when he called me to say he wanted to be a contributor. He doesn't have to come to the US to find a sugar momma he has more than a few opportunities to be that to an older woman in Nigeria. He chose to be a partner/contributor so I will work to make sure that is what he WILL be... a man... not a kept boy toy.

My understanding is that Nigeria ain't freely giving out visitor visas. Please correct me if I am wrong on this because it could possibly be something I will pursue. It would make things a heck of a lot easier on my end thats for sure.

Thanks again guys!!

Hi,

I hope i am not being too forward, but, do you really want to go through all of this, waste your time and money? Judging from your words you it seems as if you are not certain. What ever you decide, make yourself happy first, God Bless.

Dana

Me again,

i just had a chance to read again what your are saying, and i must say i am intrigued. I actually "feel" you. You know what you want, what you are willing to put up with and not. I had the same dilemma, when i finally decided to take "the trip". There was no way i could leave my daughter for weeks at a time, not only because she is somewhat "clingy", she loves her mama, know what i mean? , but also because i am a single parent and could not afford to spend so much time away from my job as a nurse.

My prayers are continuous and unrelenting, obstacles are placed before us everyday, but life goes on. So, if by chance things dont work out as i would like, i have life, i have a beautiful daughter with friends and family that love me.

With that said, peace to you, from one mother to another1

Dana

[totes 0]

Forget the tourist visa, it's a waste of time and money and a very long shot.

I agree with Omoba, chances are slim to NONE that he will get a visitor's visa.

[lmnop123 0]

[quote name='Akinstacey' post='2058612' Hi,

I hope i am not being too forward, but, do you really want to go through all of this, waste your time and money? Judging from your words you it seems as if you are not certain. What ever you decide, make yourself happy first, God Bless.

Dana

Hi, I don't why you feel I am uncertain about being with E or going through this process. I love him but I am also being realistic. For me, life is too short. I am willing to do everything in my power to have a life with him but I am going to be real and say I do not want to spend years buried in heartache, depression, distance, paperwork sprinkled with a little bit of love. I'm sorry if I sound blunt to some but I am keeping it real with myself, the forum and E. If we can't be together after we try, try, try.....I will still love him but we must go on with our lives in order for both of us to have a chance at a full life. We will most definitely be lifelong friends and I may visit him & his family/future wife at some point but to stop living life is not in the equation for me. He is only 25 so I believe I know how he feels about love at this age because I have been there but age has given me wisdom that I now have to use for the benefit of both of us.

If he was reading this right now he would be heartbroken. We actually cried together on the phone last night. He cried mainly because I was crying. I have been working so hard lately, up to 14 hour days sometimes 7 days a week to make this trip and everything else possible along with my other responsibilities. I am mentally, physically and emotionally tired right now and I was tired upset. He feels really bad that I am going through this for him and apologized so many times during the phone call often times saying he didn't deserve me especially after what he had planned to do initially. If a man is independent and not a straight up user that wants a woman to take care of him, he will feel horrible that a woman has to do so much for him while he sit back on the sidelines and watches because what he can contribute is insignificant or nothing at all. It does something to them deep inside. IMO, no one male or female wants to feel indebted to anyone unless they are a user. I don't believe E is a user. Yes, he started out scamming me but it didn't go pass him lying about who he was. He never asked me for money or gave me a scheme to get my money. I know that this could end up being a waste of my time or money but, really, its a small price to pay. I have wasted more money hanging out, shopping, fast food, or blowing it buying stuff I don't need at Walmart. lolol.... I am trying to look at it from the positive perspective that my time or money won't be spent in vain not from a negative one. Who wants to think that they are wasting their time?

As far as the length of time for the trip, if I would have met him before the summer things may have been different but school is right around the corner and I can't disappear on my son so early in the school year.

[lmnop123 0]

loving_famo - Dana

I just had a chance to re-read your posts and I gotcha. I posted to fast. Thanks

Asante Maroon, thank you for all your help. I plan to contact you privately.

[lovin_famo 0]

Good morning,

Your a natural survivor, any trials set before you, you tackle head on. i feel confident in saying no matter the outcome, you will be okay. Thannks for your openness, bluntness, overall, telling it like it is.

Dana

[Ta Ta 1]

I believe we are all here on this journey for a reason. Some of us will find everlasting love and some won't. We are strong woman who step outside the box to do what we do. None of us will know how it will turn out.

What we will take from all of this is up to us.

The journey will enrich us if we trust God and though sometimes it will hurt, let us not remain in the wounded place too long, it's all good in the end. We don't know what tomorrow holds but we know Who holds tomorrow. Life is indeed short.

I admire your perspective and courage Imnop and that you will take a chance on following where love beckons you and that you know what you want and what you don't want. I feel you on that and am the same way.

You have made your decision not just from your heart but have made a well informed decision and thought this thing through.

If it will take years like in our case, it is easier said than done to walk away from the man you love. Don't put a time table on love.......you can't.

Just roll with the flow and see how God gives you strength when you will need it if you ask for it.

I used to think yes ok I can do this for 3 month ( before VJ ) but I don't want to do it any longer.

I shook my head reading posts about 2 year separations and thought how do they do it ? How ? I told myself I could never do it.

Well 3 years later I am still here. I have seen relationships fall apart due to the wait but some bond with a cement of perseverance and endurance

that blossoms into a commitment that is hard to find.

I don't know if our visa journey will reunite us but I do know that it serves a purpose that only God knows. Until He releases me from this

journey I will be right here and continue on because we love each other so much, because God's time has smiled on our resolve to endure.

I have no doubt that you will be fine and wish you well !

[totes 0]

I believe we are all here on this journey for a reason. Some of us will find everlasting love and some won't. We are strong woman who step outside the box to do what we do. None of us will know how it will turn out.

What we will take from all of this is up to us.

The journey will enrich us if we trust God and though sometimes it will hurt, let us not remain in the wounded place too long, it's all good in the end. We don't know what tomorrow holds but we know Who holds tomorrow. Life is indeed short.

I admire your perspective and courage Imnop and that you will take a chance on following where love beckons you and that you know what you want and what you don't want. I feel you on that and am the same way.

You have made your decision not just from your heart but have made a well informed decision and thought this thing through.

If it will take years like in our case, it is easier said than done to walk away from the man you love. Don't put a time table on love.......you can't.

Just roll with the flow and see how God gives you strength when you will need it if you ask for it.

I used to think yes ok I can do this for 3 month ( before VJ ) but I don't want to do it any longer.

I shook my head reading posts about 2 year separations and thought how do they do it ? How ? I told myself I could never do it.

Well 3 years later I am still here. I have seen relationships fall apart due to the wait but some bond with a cement of perseverance and endurance

that blossoms into a commitment that is hard to find.

I don't know if our visa journey will reunite us but I do know that it serves a purpose that only God knows. Until He releases me from this

journey I will be right here and continue on because we love each other so much, because God's time has smiled on our resolve to endure.

I have no doubt that you will be fine and wish you well !

Well said girl!

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Yes, he started out scamming me but it didn't go pass him lying about who he was. He never asked me for money or gave me a scheme to get my money. I know that this could end up being a waste of my time or money but, really, its a small price to pay. I have wasted more money hanging out, shopping, fast food, or blowing it buying stuff I don't need at Walmart. lolol.... I am trying to look at it from the positive perspective that my time or money won't be spent in vain not from a negative one. Who wants to think that they are wasting their time?

I have to ask....if he wasn't scamming you for money.....then what was the scam?? What was the purpose of him lying about who he was and where was the scam headed? As far as anyone saying that it could be a waste of time or money, well, have you ever been to Africa?? To me, when I went, I was in such awe that I was in Africa that I had to keep pinching myself. The experience is something I will never forget. It gave me a lifetime of memories. That is priceless. Whether love came out of it or not......I could never have said it was a waste of time or money. My amazing husband was just icing on the cake!!!!

Edited July 29, 2008 by Akinstacey

[chispas 0]

continuation

when she got to U.S. i went thru hell, she called the cops on me twice, i was thrown out of my house by the cops for a month, court case after court case

all kind of stuffs that is absolutely appalling, due to ignorance deception, new culture. if i continue to write it will just be too much. The perfect testimony is we had a baby girl in between us and we are going through counselling at the moment to fix the marriage.

the principles i'm trying to pass across is use your intiuition very well, never compromise in issues that will jeopardise your future.

principles to use

make sure he can grow in himself without you. you can only influence him ( you can a horse to the stream, you cannot put the water in his or her mouth

if you notice anything that is essential to be a man, that is lacking let him know, what his he doing to fix it and how.(monitor)

keep this at the back of your mind, it is a different ball game when you are outside of U.S. to somebody living in U.S. Getting to U.S. is one thing, being able to live in U.S. is another

know for sure pple change as soon as their circumstances and situation change (good or Bad)

patience is important, persevere,paying the price, commitment are essential they may not approve his petition on time.

if for example he said " i need to improve my career during yr discussing, he said i will enrol in a computer school, the basis of your evalutation is to find out if he enrolled, going for lectures, grades. (you are checking for consistency between word of mouth and action they must corrolate) don't be tempted to do we ehat he should be able to do on his own, the reason his (in his mind he will think since you did this for me before, u obligated to do forever( THIS NIGERIAN MENTALITY, AS SOON AS I GET TO AMERICA ALL MY PROBLEM WILL BE OVER! BUT YOU KNOW AMERICA IS JUST A LAND OF FEW OPPORTUNITIES, YOU NEED TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES TO KNOW WHICH ONE IS TRUE AND WHICH ONE IS FALSE.

Try as much as possible to use your intuition and don't violate it if things are not consistent within the character structure of your friend. take care and God bless u

Wow Angelic. I think you did a fine job with your suggestions and from a man's point of view is always refreshing to hear. You may want to save this and repost some of your suggestions at a future time. I like the way you showed cause and direct effect for each action. Well done brother well done.

Good morning,

Your a natural survivor, any trials set before you, you tackle head on. i feel confident in saying no matter the outcome, you will be okay. Thannks for your openness, bluntness, overall, telling it like it is.

Dana