hanging in there are you ok??

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Sometimes when we resign ourselves to the marriage ending we look for things to support it and believe those things. Have you confronted him about his online activity with other women and the consequences that it has?

Have you told him,"Look you're 30 with a baby on the way it's time to grow up now coz you're married with responsibilities. You have to get a good job and help support your family. Who do you think you're kidding behaving this way? I don't want to check what you're doing online all the time with who knows what. Some of your activity is betraying this marriage and it's unacceptable. As you're Wife I am asking you to stop this and be a Husband or we're ending this marriage and you're going back home."

There is so much more I want to post and talk about but I think I will wait till the baby gets here and see how things unfold. I think Jenns advice is correct. I am kind of not a point where I can handle big blow ups. I have super high blood pressure. things have been calm around the house for the last couple of weeks. I have been real quiet kind of resigning myself to things.. just trying to work and make a living ..

I gotta log off now. See you guys sometime this week. Ill have the laptop at home but I wont be on the site till I am at work

Cheers-

[Muh and me 18]

Kat,

I hope that you are able to seriously evaluate your situation and figure out what is best for you and your kids. If you highly suspect he is here for the money and not the marraige, I hope you will not let him get away with the green card. I hate people who do that.

I wish you the best of luck and a safe delivery. Keep us posted. (and yeah that was messed up what you said about sept 11th but it was still funny)

He already has his conditional greencard and his id and social etc. Its awful hard to prove exactly that he is using me for papers, especially when he has packed his bags several times and wanted to go home. ( I know the whole September 11th thing is messed up ... but so is all the ####### he is doing> I was thinking about hiring the marines to do a gun salute in front of my birthing door... like hey girl we got your back. I just feel so sad but the positive thing is that my kids ( my son and little girl) seem to be doing really ok and are very happy about school starting. If he wants to perv on the computer or even leave me, its better I deal with that reality now than later. I have a new baby coming who means the world to me and a 3 year old little girl in therapy 3 times a week and ESE classes starting in the fall. I cant pay alll my attention to pervert over there and all the internet romances etc. I am horrified at what he s doing. There are so many things wrong on so many levels but I have got to deal with things one thing at a time. I cant get mad about him sending money home. For christs sake, he hasnt even gotten a job yet for me to be mad about. He has NO CONCEPT about how much things cost nor does he see anything really wrong with telling a married woman in Canada that shes so beautiful and hes a rose for you my cherie.. God I wanna hurl

I dont know exactly what you are going thru, but my heart goes out to you and your kids. I found some online activity with my husband also a few months back and cornered him on it and the excuses are just, well lets put it this way, it really makes you stop and re exam your marriage and wonder did they marry you for their green card or what? I hate thinking that way. But there are times i just can't get it out of my mind. My prayers are with you girl!! I hope things change and get better for you espeically with a baby on the way!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I'm starting to think that a part of the SO's do marry for greencards to better their lives and the lives of family members at home, but it's not the only reason. They may love their partners, they may want to support their partners as well and be with them for a long time but they need the greencards to do it.

[Nutty 2]

Dear Wahrania:

I'm glad to hear that your still with us. Please take care of yourself and the baby.

Best of luck to you.

Tina

[Nutty 2]

Oh Wahrania,

As I read further and further, I feel so sad by your situation. You are on an emotional rollercoaster! Some of the things you mention that he says/does shocks me. That he'll pay you $500.00 per month and send the rest to his family, etc. It boggles my mind.

The question is: Does loving him and putting your feelings at the mercy of his actions jeapordize your health and mental wellbeing?

I am simply worried.

Tina

[desert_fox 32]

I'm starting to think that a part of the SO's do marry for greencards to better their lives and the lives of family members at home, but it's not the only reason. They may love their partners, they may want to support their partners as well and be with them for a long time but they need the greencards to do it.

ya think???

I'll never understand why you older women bring these immature children over here, when you know that they only want a green card and a job to send money back home.

Anyone who cant accept the responsibility of being a father needs some serious help.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I'm starting to think that a part of the SO's do marry for greencards to better their lives and the lives of family members at home, but it's not the only reason. They may love their partners, they may want to support their partners as well and be with them for a long time but they need the greencards to do it.

ya think???

I'll never understand why you older women bring these immature children over here, when you know that they only want a green card and a job to send money back home.

Anyone who cant accept the responsibility of being a father needs some serious help.

It goes for all cases not just here. Pst... I'm the same age as my Hubby.

[Nutty 2]

I'm starting to think that a part of the SO's do marry for greencards to better their lives and the lives of family members at home, but it's not the only reason. They may love their partners, they may want to support their partners as well and be with them for a long time but they need the greencards to do it.

ya think???

I'll never understand why you older women bring these immature children over here, when you know that they only want a green card and a job to send money back home.

Anyone who cant accept the responsibility of being a father needs some serious help.

Dear Desert Fox:

What's this "You older women..." comment about?????

What about all the old men who bring young women over (Thailand, Phillipines, etc come to mind).

Even saying that, age disparity is not always a "red flag" of marriage fraud.

Ya Think????

[desert_fox 32]

Dear Desert Fox:

What's this "You older women..." comment about?????

What about all the old men who bring young women over (Thailand, Phillipines, etc come to mind).

Even saying that, age disparity is not always a "red flag" of marriage fraud.

Ya Think????

Its always a red flag....

Old men that bring those young women form se Asia have the same prob from what Ive seen.

[Nutty 2]

Not so.

I was married to my first sponsored husband (8 years my junior). We were married for 8 1/2 years (after he gained citizenship) before I DIVORCED HIM. We grew apart, that's all. And even then, after divorce, we stayed together for a while and he wanted to get married again.

Edited July 28, 2008 by Nutty

[desert_fox 32]

Not so.

I was married to my first sponsored husband (8 years my junior). We were married for 8 1/2 years (after he gained citizenship) before I DIVORCED HIM. We grew apart, that's all. And even then, after divorce, we stayed together for a while and he wanted to get married again.

Well, you're Nutty!!!

[samira_07 1]

I'm starting to think that a part of the SO's do marry for greencards to better their lives and the lives of family members at home, but it's not the only reason. They may love their partners, they may want to support their partners as well and be with them for a long time but they need the greencards to do it.

ya think???

I'll never understand why you older women bring these immature children over here, when you know that they only want a green card and a job to send money back home.

Anyone who cant accept the responsibility of being a father needs some serious help.

It goes for all cases not just here. Pst... I'm the same age as my Hubby.

Oliva I agree with you on this, in respect to marrying to better their lives. I have scene this in many situations that are not just about green cards, like a couple who marries so its easier for one to go though law school or medical school while the other works or marrying to combine income together to have the things you want in life. Love is part of it too but so is it to make your lives better and your family.

[samira_07 1]

I'm starting to think that a part of the SO's do marry for greencards to better their lives and the lives of family members at home, but it's not the only reason. They may love their partners, they may want to support their partners as well and be with them for a long time but they need the greencards to do it.

ya think???

I'll never understand why you older women bring these immature children over here, when you know that they only want a green card and a job to send money back home.

Anyone who cant accept the responsibility of being a father needs some serious help.

There are 100's of thousand USC that need some serious help on this matter for not taking responsibilities for their own children.

[Imua 0]

I'm starting to think that a part of the SO's do marry for greencards to better their lives and the lives of family members at home, but it's not the only reason. They may love their partners, they may want to support their partners as well and be with them for a long time but they need the greencards to do it.

Very well put, Olivia - to be brutally honest I feel like this is Govi's motivation/feelings. I know especially after this past visit that he truly does love me, I feel like I can go through with bringing him here and not have the trust issues that I had last year and yet I know that he needs to help his family in Nepal by living and working in a developed country - why else marry an older woman at the end of her potential reproductive life when you come from such a family-centered culture? Still deep in my heart I feel like I can trust him - if we are financially able to support kids in a few years we can always adopt. His family is deeply religious, all vegetarian from birth, non-drinking, from their words and actions followers of 'ahimsa' so I could not see him doing something that would hurt me so much like doing a GC dash. Still I would be Cleopatra Queen of Denial if I thought the opportunity to work in America had nothing to do with his decision to marry me.

[sara..... 371]

Wahrania (F) (F)

im sorry i know its a bad time in ur life right now ur stressed on so many levels.....my prayers are with u and im trying to send u happy thoughts i know u have a lot to deal with right now.......i have not been thru what ur going thru yet and i have to say ur a much better person than i am ........i dont know if i could have contained myself in ur situation.....but u got a lot of love and support here on this board if u ever want it from so many of us to help u get thru what ever u decide to do.........

sara