Changing your name

[Galateia 1]

After we got married and received our marriage certificate, we trundled down to the SS office to apply for my SSN.

I brought all the documentation VJ had links to about K-1s being work authorized by virtue of their Class provided they have a valid I-94, without need for an EAD. I offered it to the woman when we were finally called up, but all she said was "well, haven't you done your homework" and didn't need to see it. She seemed knowledgeable and professional, which I appreciated.

But the reason I'm posting this thread is because she more or less screeched to a halt mid-process, and pushed my papers back at me, saying that I couldn't get a SSN because ACKOMGWHATYIKES (aka, I don't remember what she said) and that I would have to come back when I was finished with my married process. I thought she was talking about AOS and started branishing my RM print-outs, but after several moments of confusion, we realized she was talking about me needed to apply once I had legally changed my name, since these forms were under the wrong (aka maiden) name.

Us: *blank stare*

Me: "I'm not changing it."

Him: "She's keeping her name"

Her: *blank stare of incomprehension, then talks as if I'm not a native English speaker* "Come. Back. When. You've. Changed. To. Your. Married. Name."

Me: "I'm. Not. Changing. My. Name. I. Am. Keeping. My. Maiden. Name."

Her: *blank stare of further incomprehension*

...

...

"Oh ... you're not ... changing your name??"

Me: *grits teeth* "No."

Comprehension finally dawns! Paperwork gets shuffled, things get underway, and I get my receipt showing I've applied for a SSN and will get it in the mail.

She was young, too. I don't know what her excuse was for not being a member of this century.

She wasn't rude and I certainly did appreciate that she didn't make it hard on me and reject it as some people have experienced, but I couldn't believe that taking the man's name in this day and age was such a given as to cause confusion when flat-out told that it wasn't going to be happening in this instance.

O Texas, you are a singular experience.

[Ana&D 0]

How weird... I always thought it was personal choice... Especially in our time and age...

[Mephys 2]

Seems like In Canada it's much more common to keep your maiden name, and if you don't, when you divorce you have no choice but to take it back.

Here it seems it's an odd to keep your maiden name, and if you divorce, you can actually keep the name of your ex husband (yes I share that beautiful name with his ex unfortunately) I was mad the first time I knew about it, and do understand the choice of certain mothers to want to have the same name as their children, but I know a lot of woman do it out of spite just to piss off their ex....

Anyhow, to me it was the opposite, when I went back to Montreal...."Ohhhh why did you take his name ???? "

Like I was an alien or something for taking the name of the man I love.

[Emancipation 2]

Here it seems it's an odd to keep your maiden name, and if you divorce, you can actually keep the name of your ex husband (yes I share that beautiful name with his ex unfortunately) I was mad the first time I knew about it, and do understand the choice of certain mothers to want to have the same name as their children, but I know a lot of woman do it out of spite just to piss off their ex....

lol.. i laughed when i read that.. it is strange isn't it to have the same last name as your hubby's ex (same situation here). WHY would you keep it? I guess perhaps to make sure you have the same last name as the children.. I guess that's it. when i divorced FIRST thing i did was change my name back

[Mephys 2]

Here it seems it's an odd to keep your maiden name, and if you divorce, you can actually keep the name of your ex husband (yes I share that beautiful name with his ex unfortunately) I was mad the first time I knew about it, and do understand the choice of certain mothers to want to have the same name as their children, but I know a lot of woman do it out of spite just to piss off their ex....

lol.. i laughed when i read that.. it is strange isn't it to have the same last name as your hubby's ex (same situation here). WHY would you keep it? I guess perhaps to make sure you have the same last name as the children.. I guess that's it. when i divorced FIRST thing i did was change my name back

Well yeah...its like "You're an a$$hole!!! But I'm keeping the name! "

I guess when it's the woman that asks for a divorce there is more chance she will change, but when it's the man, then the ladies are not mentally prepared or something ? I dunno.

Now MY question is, what if she meets someone in the future and then say "oh this is my ex's husband's name" If she ever get remarried, will she change again, or keep the name like her kids ? I mean it gets confusing...

[Emancipation 2]

Here it seems it's an odd to keep your maiden name, and if you divorce, you can actually keep the name of your ex husband (yes I share that beautiful name with his ex unfortunately) I was mad the first time I knew about it, and do understand the choice of certain mothers to want to have the same name as their children, but I know a lot of woman do it out of spite just to piss off their ex....

lol.. i laughed when i read that.. it is strange isn't it to have the same last name as your hubby's ex (same situation here). WHY would you keep it? I guess perhaps to make sure you have the same last name as the children.. I guess that's it. when i divorced FIRST thing i did was change my name back

Well yeah...its like "You're an a$$hole!!! But I'm keeping the name! "

I guess when it's the woman that asks for a divorce there is more chance she will change, but when it's the man, then the ladies are not mentally prepared or something ? I dunno.

Now MY question is, what if she meets someone in the future and then say "oh this is my ex's husband's name" If she ever get remarried, will she change again, or keep the name like her kids ? I mean it gets confusing...

lol.. i never thought of that!! But it's true!!! How do you follow logic in that case?

[T.O_2_FL 0]

we weren't going to change my last name initially to my husband's but we read some articles online and found that border will sometimes give you a hard time if you don't have the same last name as your children when travelling, etc. which would be a pain since their Grandparents would be up in Canada and there might be times I would bring them up without my husband...so to prepare for the future we decided to change my last name to his.

[trailmix 77]

Glad it got sorted out Galateia and that the person was actually - generally - nice to you!

Actually in Canada you can keep your former married name, if you want to, don't know if perhaps it is different in some provinces, like Quebec maybe?

[Mephys 2]

Glad it got sorted out Galateia and that the person was actually - generally - nice to you!

Actually in Canada you can keep your former married name, if you want to, don't know if perhaps it is different in some provinces, like Quebec maybe?

Yeah then it might be just in Quebec

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I chose to keep my maiden name (have never had trouble at the border, btw, either, but then we don't have kids together). I didn't have a problem with government agencies but apparently it was a big topic of conversation at work. Finally, someone 'worked' up the nerve to whisper to me 'is there a reason why you didn't take your husband's name? It's ok if you don't want to answer!' kind of like there was some sort of big scandal involved! I basically said that I was giving up my home, my job, my former life - even my country - to give up my name as well felt like I was erasing 'me' from the world. I lived 49 years with that name and I am not going to give it up now. My husband is in agreement". They stopped 'talking' but I don't think they all understood:-). Besides, my husband's last name is a very common last name, and mine is very uncommon - I like that. The thing is, people still don't know how to send mail to us- we get the most delightful assortment of name combinations:-).

Edited July 15, 2008 by Kathryn41

[MrsCat 6]

I chose to keep my maiden name (have never had trouble at the border, btw, either, but then we don't have kids together). I didn't have a problem with government agencies but apparently it was a big topic of conversation at work. Finally, someone 'worked' up the nerve to whisper to me 'is there a reason why you didn't take your husband's name? It's ok if you don't want to answer!' kind of like there was some sort of big scandal involved! I basically said that I was giving up my home, my job, my former life - even my country - to give up my name as well felt like I was erasing 'me' from the world. I lived 49 years with that name and I am not going to give it up now. My husband is in agreement". They stopped 'talking' but I don't think they all understood:-). Besides, my husband's last name is a very common last name, and mine is very uncommon - I like that. The thing is, people still don't know how to send mail to us- we get the most delightful assortment of name combinations:-).

Amen sister, that's exactly how I feel. Chris doesn't seem to get it. Perhaps I'll cut and paste this.

Cannot believe the crows in your office though - cause you know they were gossiping about it for weeks probably before asking.

[Mephys 2]

I chose to keep my maiden name (have never had trouble at the border, btw, either, but then we don't have kids together). I didn't have a problem with government agencies but apparently it was a big topic of conversation at work. Finally, someone 'worked' up the nerve to whisper to me 'is there a reason why you didn't take your husband's name? It's ok if you don't want to answer!' kind of like there was some sort of big scandal involved! I basically said that I was giving up my home, my job, my former life - even my country - to give up my name as well felt like I was erasing 'me' from the world. I lived 49 years with that name and I am not going to give it up now. My husband is in agreement". They stopped 'talking' but I don't think they all understood:-). Besides, my husband's last name is a very common last name, and mine is very uncommon - I like that. The thing is, people still don't know how to send mail to us- we get the most delightful assortment of name combinations:-).

I respect that

My maiden name is my dad's name, and unfortunately I have never been close to him due to his alcohol addiction, and I have not talk to him in about 11 years. He wouldn't care much about my life and lie to me and make promises he would never hold...

So for that reason, and of course because I love my husband so much, I changed my name. Also it's very difficult here with French names and it also makes it a lot easier for me. It's enough that they already are screwing up my first name.

[raymaga 25]

It was my choice whether I wanted to change my name to my husband's last name. I decided to take his last name. I would probably have kept my previous last name if my kids had been small children when I married my husband, but they were pretty much grown up.

[thetreble 19]

Seems like In Canada it's much more common to keep your maiden name, and if you don't, when you divorce you have no choice but to take it back.

Here it seems it's an odd to keep your maiden name, and if you divorce, you can actually keep the name of your ex husband (yes I share that beautiful name with his ex unfortunately) I was mad the first time I knew about it, and do understand the choice of certain mothers to want to have the same name as their children, but I know a lot of woman do it out of spite just to piss off their ex....

It's true. My husband's parents are divorced but she is still under her married name. I made the mistake at our wedding of telling the DJ to refer to her as Smith, her maiden name. She was REALLY upset and I felt really bad...but my father in law loved every minute of it!

I also regret not keeping my maiden name. I didn't realized how much I identified with it and how much it meant to me when I was no longer a McIlveen. With a name like that, I could only either be Scottish or Scottish-Canadian. It is my direct connection to my brothers too whom I am very close to. Now I feel left out.I actually had a friend call me who I hadn't spoken to in a long time and he said," What happened to the Mack I used to know?" haha

Edited July 15, 2008 by thetreble

[Caladan 19]

I think a lot of divorced women don't change their name back because 1) they have kids, and it's nice to have the same last name as their kids and 2) changing one's name is a pain in the a$$.

I didn't change my name when we married mostly because I was quite sick of government offices and forms at that point, and couldn't stomach the thought of going through all that trouble to erase myself while filing his AOS, dealing with the DMV, dealing with SS, etc.