My wife get frustrated from waiting and want to divorce

[Donna A 4]

i think she is in love with her ex boyfriend and wants to be with him. why would u want someone who wants someone else. its clear she dont love u.

[mormp3 0]

how you know that

she is loving me

[gogo 6]

only you can tell that for yourself.. to see if she is real or not.. she can not hide the "fake" emotions forever.. there's bound to be time when you discover the truth.. what I mean is that you can tell by the actions by her and her family.. they can only hide their true feelings for so long..

Edited July 14, 2008 by gogo

[Nita&Assaad 0]

I agree with gogo only you can know how she really feels, and how her actions are with you! Usually actions are louder then words and since none of us on VJ knows her as you do, we can only be here are support and wish you the best.. Be strong and fate that if she loves you, then she will want to be with you now and always through the ups and downs of life!

Nita

[CaNdiD wiTcH 0]

how you know that

she is loving me

How sure are you? Sorry for being candid. Almost everybody here have the same situation. I mean, being apart from their loveones temporarily and need to go through this immigration process. It is really painful to be away from the person you LOVE most. On the brighter side, the situation will test the LOVE you have for each other. I do get upset from time to time because of the situation. But I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I believe that if you REALLY LOVE a person then you could endure every rough roads just to be with him/her. TRUE LOVE could stand the test of time and distance..

With the EX-BOYFRIEND thing issue, how could you possibly say that she is loving you? The truth hurts but things happen.

I just hope that you could still patch things up with her. If not then just set her free.. Maybe GOD has another plan for both of you..

Good luck..

[MsZ 6]

1. Do you believe that she would use leaving you for her ex-boyfriend as a means of getting you to move the immigration process along faster?

2. Does she believe that you have the power to move immigration faster and that the delay is deliberate on your part and is completely of your doing?

If you can say yes to these two questions, she may love you, but she is immature at best. Manipulative at worst.

If you cannot say yes to these two questions, I'm not sure how anyone who knows anything about people in general could say that she loves you in a meaningful way. And what I mean by that is that her love is conditional on your being there now, when she wants you to be there. (Or rather, on her being in the US now.) This is demanding and unrealistic given the circumstances. She married you knowing the circumstances, did she not?

She may love you. But I think she loves herself more.

The ex-boyfriend (whom I'd bet is now her current boyfriend) is the part that makes most of us suspicious. Why throw up someone else if this were just about the immigration process being too much to bear?

Can you find out from others where she lives if she is now with the ex-boyfriend? That would certainly clarify the situation for you. If she is not with him, there is still a chance. But if she is, it is up to you if you'd forgive her... that is, if she'd go back to you. It doesn't sound promising.

(Did she mention the ex-boyfriend the first time she tried to leave you?)

[gogo 6]

Do You Believe In Fate?

I heard a quote from a movie that is coming out in awhile that struck me and stuck with me. It goes, "...fate can only take you so far, the rest is up to you." Fate got Romeo and Juliet together, and it set everything up, but in the end, I do believe we have some say in how we turn out. Fate can make things happen, such as the case in Romeo and Juliet, but it was also the love between them, the deep emotions that ran through their hearts mixed with the scorn and hatred driven in by their parents. Their actions may have been predestined, but they were their own. They may not have realized the consequence of their love, but even if they did, they didn't care. Things happen because of fate, and actions happen because of things. It's a never ending circle of power and feeling, destiny and actions. Each depends on the other, yet each has the power to affect everything on it's own. Fate needs the action of it's "puppet" just like the puppet needs the puppeteer. One can't exist without the other. People's hearts will run freely, and fate simply will lead them, but the rest is up to them to achieve, even if fate is guiding them, the power to stop fate lies simply in a strong gesture where the "puppet" has the power to become the "puppeteer."

Edited July 14, 2008 by gogo

[Sprailenes 47]

I am sorry to hear about that. It sounds like it is more about her ex than it is about the time though. I mean if it were just about the time it takes to get everything going, she could have just said that. But she's talking about going back to her previous relationship.

I think that's wrong. Fine if you're tired of waiting just say it, don't add more salt to the wound and tell your HUSBAND that you're going off to be with your ex.

[jbhypno 0]

All I can say is thank god for webcams. Me and my wife talk every day via webcam. I don't know if I would have been able to last this year that we have been apart without seeing her face almost every day. I am lucky that all that has happened during this long process is that she has gotten a bit more religious. We had our rough spots early on dealing with the ex-wife, who was very immature. We are devoted to each other and although the long time apart has depressed her she hasn't giving up on me during this process. I hope you can come to the right decision about her, you might have alot of time invested in her but she sounds more like my ex-wife and if you try and get her back she might just hurt you again. You can find love twice, I did so there is hope for your future, don't let her ruin your life.

JBhypno

[gogo 6]

I'm tired of waiting.. hehe... but I'm staying here until it gets approved..

[mormp3 0]

i am chating with her now and she says that she just started to talk to him yesterday.

problem nor from love if she is in love with her ex-boyfriend. but she did that too after 5 months from our marriage when someone visited where she is working, and the man told her " i am in love with you".... and at night we chatted and she told me she met man and i asked her for what reason you did that, she answer that our process hard "wait" and maybe we can't be together and more stress.

and she got divorce with her ex-husband before.

[daisychain 0]

to say that our destinies are written in the stars is a romantic notion, yes, but it also entails subjugation, that we are enslaved by forces beyond our control. i agree with you gogo. to resign our existence to the tide of circumstance is to undermine our value as human beings and to deny the independence of the soul and spirit.

we humans are peculiar in every way. a plant has a natural inclination to lean towards the light. nature falls into a pattern, even the exceptions are part of an anticipated margin of error. but us humans, we. are bestowed with the capacity to defy providence.

a natural geographic special ended an episode about animal kingdom this way: the most peculiar creature of all is the human being. so peculiar, in fact, that it defies the very laws of nature that ensure the survival of our civilization. even monogamy is considered out of place to the point of being absurd in the natural order of things.

anyway, i lost track. what i meant to say is i whole-heartedly agree with gogo. fate can bring two people together but steering the course of the relationship, staying together, defying the odds together - all boils down to choice. otherwise, if fate is to be held accountable for everything that goes on in this glorious, crazy world of ours then everyone in the world would be blameless and cannot be held accountable for their actions. heroes are not worthy of celebration, since their martyrdom was not out of their own volition, but rather something that was always meant to be and hence beyond their control. even lovers who have defied great odds cannot take credit for the survival and strength of their relationship, since they were merely pawns of the true captain of their destinies - fate. the point being, we all have a choice. sure, there may be circumstances truly beyond our control (ie. natural catastrophes) but that goes without saying. we are rewarded for our actions, because we made the right choice.

mormp3, the choice that you'll be making right now at this very critical point in your marriage will determine the course of your relationship. let your heart take a stand. she doesn't deserve it but perhaps what she needs to hear is the courage of your conviction. perhaps she needs to feel that there is no other man in the world that can love her the way you do.

but then again, reality check. she might be the kind of person who can't love anyone more than she loves herself. take caution not to fall into delusions. she says she loves you, but breaks your heart in the same breath. her love may be just lip service, or perhaps she is trying to ease the comfort of the heartache by telling you what you need to hear. i'm grasping at straws here since i don't know her or you or the kind of relationship you have at all.

*sigh*

it's nice to have a formulaic approach, a plan of action, but in the end, mormp3...it should be your heart who should do the talking for you. love is madness, after all. whoever said it made sense? love is humanity's insanity plea, what jane eyre would call an exquisite delirium.

sorry i think i've been rambling.

Do You Believe In Fate?

I heard a quote from a movie that is coming out in awhile that struck me and stuck with me. It goes, "...fate can only take you so far, the rest is up to you." Fate got Romeo and Juliet together, and it set everything up, but in the end, I do believe we have some say in how we turn out. Fate can make things happen, such as the case in Romeo and Juliet, but it was also the love between them, the deep emotions that ran through their hearts mixed with the scorn and hatred driven in by their parents. Their actions may have been predestined, but they were their own. They may not have realized the consequence of their love, but even if they did, they didn't care. Things happen because of fate, and actions happen because of things. It's a never ending circle of power and feeling, destiny and actions. Each depends on the other, yet each has the power to affect everything on it's own. Fate needs the action of it's "puppet" just like the puppet needs the puppeteer. One can't exist without the other. People's hearts will run freely, and fate simply will lead them, but the rest is up to them to achieve, even if fate is guiding them, the power to stop fate lies simply in a strong gesture where the "puppet" has the power to become the "puppeteer."

Edited July 14, 2008 by daisychain

[MsZ 6]

Overall, these things you are telling us do not make her a good risk, especially when you consider that you'll be taking her out of her regular environment. Do you know the circumstances of her prior divorce?

Good luck, man. We all get wigged out because of the stress of this process, but I think this one is a warning sign that's smacked you in the head twice now. Pitching a fit and telling you to go away doesn't make the process go faster and it certainly doesn't cement the bonds of marriage. You might want to ask her how she feels her behavior is helping to create stability and trust within your marriage and if this kind of thing is something that you as her husband should tolerate. Ask her what she'd do if you were the one to say that you couldn't take the stress and so you found someone else or you want to go back to an ex- who happens to be in the US already? What would she think about your love for her? Would she trust you? Would she believe that you would weather the everyday stresses and temptations that each of us as married people experience even apart from immigration? 'Cause let's face it, life is full of stress and temptation... and sometimes even opportunity.

If she cheated on her ex- I'd run away fast. She's testing the waters of cheating now as a way of soothing herself. And that's dangerous. So if you know about any cheating in her past, that's a very bad sign. Hope there is none.

Something else to consider -- is there anything else going on in her life that is stressful right now? If there is, it might explain this pattern of behavior. Was there extra stress when this happened in 2007?

My premise is this : She has to face stress that is local to her. But she can try to avoid the stress that your relationship is imposing by getting rid of the relationship. Afterall, with the distance, there isn't much "benefit" to her. So, she might be thinking that the easiest thing to get rid of needs to go just so she can cope. I can understand that logic. But if the relationship does survive, she's undermined its basic foundation by causing such a rocky start. And she really needs to think about that possibility. If she wants to stay, she needs to stop doing this. She needs to find another means of dealing with her stress.

You both might want to think about what other benefits you could bring to one another even with the distance. How much emotional support do you give her? Are you romantic? Do you write her emails and talk to her regularly? Webcam is a great idea as someone mentioned above. If you stick it out, you may want to turn up the romance a bit and give her something to keep her mind occupied. An email relationship can be very enticing (you've probably heard about emotional affairs happening via email and the internet... why not have an emotional affair with your wife?)

Good luck!

[gogo 6]

I want some "lip service" from my wife..

[mormp3 0]

i talked to her, and she read all messages here,

she went to the store then she will go to friend house for help them, for not get more stress !! i say yes you can go and we can talk later, and she says "if i am online".

i told her i can't divorce you cuz i love u so much, and she is in the same thing (love) , but she is in more stressful...

the problems:

she says we have alots problems ans stress about our relation.

i can give some cause from our problems

i cut my hair (being bald), and she not like me to cut my hair like that, i had some problems from my hair cuz it was fall down from hat and gel...

i cut my hair without her "permission" or tell her. cuz she already not like!!

then she got mad and sad and .. and she says what is that why you cut ur hair without telling me, i told it is important to cut cuz the hair is falling down, and i want my hair to grew good...

and then she dicided to go and file the paper of divorce, that hapen before 1 month...

i want to ask memebers if something hapened like that to you