My wife get frustrated from waiting and want to divorce

[mormp3 0]

hello JV members

we got married on 21, january 2007, and our process still waiting to shedulde an appointment for a standard interview for the petitioner in SF california, my wife get sad and she thought all the time from waiting is just like time wasted from her life....!!

and our process need just some patience to done , 13 months and we are waiting (california service center).

and also she says that her income not let her to continue our process and want me to help her for get her ticket plane like +2000$ and money for her to get transport to go to SF... and last night she sent me email told me that not call her anymore and want to file divorce soon and want to back to her ex-boyfriend...she did that 2 times now, she did on 2007 she want to find her way for life (find other man), and we back normal to our relation and now look what she is doing to me...

this is the message that she sent me:

" salam i wanted to let u know that this is not work out with our marriage i have decided to work thjngs out with my ex boyfirend i am not gonna continue with the stress sorry but this is how i feel so plz don't call me anymore well i this is not working out with u there and me here so i will be filing soon and sending u the papers soon"

so i wrote this topic for discuss about our problem and thanks.

[gogo 6]

I'm sorry to hear that.. we will NEVER do that, no matter how long we wait.. this process is actually a TEST of your love for each other.. this may count as a big hurdle in your life, but if you can't make it together through this, then the other little stuff doesn't matter.. I would rather move back and live with her than to lose her.. are you willing to move back to her country? We have been waiting over 15 months now and will continue to wait for each other no matter how long.. (well, up until my deadline anyway).. We will be together no matter what happens.. you can't let USCIS take control of your lives and tell you who you can/cannot live with..

Edited July 14, 2008 by gogo

[mormp3 0]

i love her and she loves me, but i don't know what problem from her, i nerver tought like that too, i want to be with her and she want too but she is not strong about her dicision

[khaleda 0]

I agree with what gogo said. I know dat its really hard being away from ones spouse for a long time.It's frustrating,stressful and it sucks. I am sorry that this is happening to you, however, it's odd for her to mention that she wants to get back with her "EX"- boyfriend. That is my opinon n again I am sorry that you are going thru this.......

[Nita&Assaad 0]

I agree with GoGo this is a test of the love for each other...Just as it's hard on our spouses being far away, it's Extremely hard on us here in the United States! I cry everyday missing my husband and he does the same and even worst because the worst part is that we are putting our lives on hold through this process!! I would move to be with my husband in a heart beat, if his country was more stable, but it's not!!! But we would never leave each other (INSHALLAH) I am sorry this happen to you!! I pray for you that your wife to work things out!

Good Luck

Nita

Edited July 14, 2008 by Nita&Assaad

[mormp3 0]

she never thought she will back to her ex-boyfriend but she thought to find her life "find other man while we are married"

i am calling that like trailor and a traitor is someone who commits treason.

[MsZ 6]

This is a horrible process and it does strain a relationship. But if she's eyeing her ex-BF and she's told you not to call her again, it sounds as though she's already made the leap back to him. I doubt she'd tell you not to call her anymore if she wasn't sure about him. Afterall, she's not just breaking up because of the stress. She's breaking up to go to another man.

I would hazard to guess that most of the people on VJ would break up if things became unbearable but wouldn't already have a backup person lined up. IOW, if we split, it'd truly be beacuse we couldn't hack the distance and not because I couldn't hack the distance and "so-and-so is right here, now, and you're not."

I can really understand someone not wanting to wait for this stupid process. But I can't understand someone lining up a new boyfriend or girlfriend and being so cruel to tell that to the person on the other end. That's mean. And it is punitive as though you caused the wait.

I don't know what you can do if she doesn't want to talk to you anymore. But it might actually be a good thing because her level of commitment doesn't measure up to yours. I'm really sorry that you are experiencing this.

[Nita&Assaad 0]

I am so sorry really!!! Seems to me she has no patience... I dont know if you believe in GOD but he always knows why things happen.. INSHALLAH things will work themselves out!!

she never thought she will back to her ex-boyfriend but she thought to find her life "find other man while we are married"

i am calling that like trailor and a traitor is someone who commits treason.

[daisychain 0]

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I don't know your wife well enough to be able to judge her character, but still, hearing about what she did makes me seethe. Her explanation was very curt, cruel and harsh and the way she offhandedly discarded your relationship time and again makes me question the integrity of her character and the sincerity of her love. But then again, love, great love, all-consuming love is worth fighting for. I admire the fact that you accepted her back after what she did to you in the past; you must really love her that much. Listen to your heart. Do you really want her back? Can you fight for her and accept her once more knowing the risk you're placing yourself - that she might hurt you deeply?

Gogo is right. Just as the true measure of courage is being able to face your fear, the true test of love is overcoming seemingly insurmountable hurdles. I hope everything turns out ok. I know that nothing I say would be able to comfort you, but just to let you know, you're in my prayers tonight. I really hope you two eventually reconcile and that your wife would change for the better.

[gogo 6]

and that's why I'm willing to fight (even with the US government) on behalf of the two of us.. if you didn't know, mormp3, I'm doing a lawsuit against them to hurry up with my case.. but seeing how this post is about you, I'll leave it at that.. I will bring loads of hurt upon them for doing this to us.. My parents, friends, and I will all attend the court date when it happens..

at least you found out before you starting having a life together.. guess she wasn't as strong as you about the distance/time being apart.. that is why I made a promise to my wife.. I will call her everyday no matter what.. we will at least talk for a hour or two.. I just call to simply see how her day was (and if she is ok).. I'm not sure if there's much you can do at the moment.. seeing as how you need both sides for it to work out.. both sides need to be strong throughout this journey.. it may be the toughest "journey" you have together in your life, but you will appreciate it at the end.. next time you and your wife argue, just think about the time you had spent apart.. then the argument hopefully can be solved with both people in a better mood.. that's what we talked about together and hopefully will do.. we don't need another reason to separate and be apart (based on a small argument)..

Edited July 14, 2008 by gogo

[mormp3 0]

so she is from VJ members so i can send her link of this topics then u can put questions to her to know more about her and our relation and how she is thinking and who can test her loves with me.

Edited July 14, 2008 by mormp3

[daisychain 0]

Just a quote I remember reading a while back...

"Love is extraordinary in its capacity to forgive..."

Gogo, about your situation, that kind of love is indeed worthy of celebration. "Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enflames the great."

mormp3, I've contemplated your situation again. It is possible that she is giving up out of sheer frustration out of the seeming hopelessness of the situation. She needs your love and assurance now more than ever.

[nunyab 0]

I will move to my husband before letting this happen..... I love the quote about distance and love is like wind to a flame.... that's beautiful.

Each person is different with different situations It is beyond me to pass judgement however.. Allah only tests us... and when we pass the rewards are so much better... insha'allah this test will produce wonderful results for you.

Rajaa

[gogo 6]

wow, that's a wonderful phrase.. I haven't given up on my case yet, so you shouldn't either.. like our case, we may cry every week, but we will stay strong and keep pushing.. I told her that she is my "strong baby".. haha.. it's childish I know, but it works.. I really do mean it though.. you need to comfort each other and always be there to support each other.. a few times I have "crashed" emotionally because of the long wait and also cried.. then she will say "we will get approved soon and have a wonderful family" and say other things to comfort me.. so now I stay strong for the fight.. I'm not giving up and neither should you.. we may be long in our battle, but the reward will definitely overshadow the war.. when times are tough, just look to each other for support.. that's what marriage and love is about..

Edited July 14, 2008 by gogo

[mormp3 0]

i just want to know why some ppl forgot easy their love, and she really forgot how familly her in Morocco how they are loving her and how much gifts they gave her.... and the time we spend here... omg i am like man and i can't forget allthings omg noooo.

so she is normal person or not?