How is your spouse adjusting

[♥JP♥ 5]

perfect wife

What is that excatly? Not being a smart ### comment, but really interested to know what a perfect wife is?

I'm sure one factor may be not to continuously bash the culture/ethnicity of the person you're married to on a public forum....

You know....I would venture to say that first off...there is no such thing as a perfect wife or husband. Secondly, whatever anyone's idea is of perfect should definitly have nothing to do with the the internet or a public forum.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

perfect wife

What is that excatly? Not being a smart ### comment, but really interested to know what a perfect wife is?

I'm sure one factor may be not to continuously bash the culture/ethnicity of the person you're married to on a public forum....

You know....I would venture to say that first off...there is no such thing as a perfect wife or husband. Secondly, whatever anyone's idea is of perfect should definitly have nothing to do with the the internet or a public forum.

I think it's pretty safe to say that ppl post how they really feel on public forums. If I posted on VJ about how all or most Arab men use American women for GCs or abuse them, I wouldn't be too surpirsed when me and my Arab husband didn't get along.... seeing as how it seems I don't like or trust Arab men in general very much from my postings on the public forums....

[♥JP♥ 5]

perfect wife

What is that excatly? Not being a smart ### comment, but really interested to know what a perfect wife is?

I'm sure one factor may be not to continuously bash the culture/ethnicity of the person you're married to on a public forum....

You know....I would venture to say that first off...there is no such thing as a perfect wife or husband. Secondly, whatever anyone's idea is of perfect should definitly have nothing to do with the the internet or a public forum.

I think it's pretty safe to say that ppl post how they really feel on public forums. If I posted on VJ about how all or most Arab men use American women for GCs or abuse them, I wouldn't be too surpirsed when me and my Arab husband didn't get along.... seeing as how it seems I don't like or trust Arab men in general very much from my postings on the public forums....

It is important in marriage to seperate reality from everything else. The time I spend on this forum and the posts I make have nothing to do with the reality of my marriage. I'm sure that applies to many here. I come on this forum and I share certian things. However I know for myself, there is nothing I wouldnt say here that I can't say to my husband.

Dont' forget its just as easy to bash your husbands culture/ethnicity to a friend in person as it is on a forum.

[browneyez40 0]

That's not what I meant. Can you honstly say you would have looked at the idea of becoming a muslim if you hadn't found love with someone of that faith? Your personal story is of course unusual because you went through with it even while you weren't sure you would ever meet him again but that doesn't change the fact that it was through a love affair that you found Islam.

I am not suggesting that anyone's SO's held them at gunpoint or even mentally manipulated them (although I am sure that does happen sometimes) but to say you did it simply for yourself is surprising.

In a way my love for him did influence me bc I wanted to know more about the religion that influenced just about every part of his life. So yes, I don't know if I would have found this faith otherwise.

But at the same time yes, I can honestly and without reservations say that I converted simply for myself and would continue following my beliefs with or without my husband in my life and did.

that's a good point too. I dated a man who was Lutheran once. I don't think he even went to church come to think of it. His religion really wasn't a big part of his life so I never had the urge to look into it. With Islam, especially if the man is praying salat 5 times a day and is following it to the best of his ability, it's very hard NOT to be curious about what it's all about because it's not just a place you go to each Sunday it's a way of life.

What about the good morals of Christians? Not all Christians just go to church on Sundays, just as all muslims do not go to the mosque. As you mentioned it is a way of life. I know good Christians and the hypocritical Christians just as I know good Muslims and hypocritical Muslims. I'm just finding it very difficult to even learn about Islam except from my husband. It would be wonderful to have Muslim women help out another woman that is curious about Islam, but not around this area. The only thing I've heard is how disgraceful it is for my husband to be with a Christian. Which in turn my husband has told them I'm more of a Muslim than they are because I'm not criticizing them.

I never said that all Christians just go to church on Sundays. I guess I didn't get my point across properly. Islam is a way of life and influences soooo much of day to day activities, much moreso than Christianity does imho. My husband follows sunnah to the best of his ability and it's down to the minute details like what foot he enters the bathroom with, what he says when he walks into the house and when he leaves the house, saying bismillah before eating, saying so many many duas throughout the day depending on what he is doing, what he eats and does not eat, how he dresses, and so much more. Honestly to live with someone who's religion affects his actions every minute of every day it seems impossible that one would not want to dive deep into studying the whys, you know?

And if you lived in Boston I would most certainly meet you for tea/coffee and introduce you to some mosques around the area, give you a copy of the Quran and go with you to whatever classes I could get to. Many of the women who are muslim in my area would do the same as well.

I think that you see Islam being practiced as it truly should be practiced. There are many Christians whose religion influences every word and step they take during the day. The problem with living in a majority Christian country is that you have a wider array of practice of religion by many different types of people. Not all muslims practice the religion like your husband does ( I mean this as a complement, as I reread this it sounded snotty and that is not how I intended it to sound).

[SaadBell 0]

I don't see anyone bashing their husbands, where are you getting this from????????? I am totally lost on this one, women will always get together and talk about their husbands, that is what women do from the beginning of time. We live for this, go anywhere in the world and women will talk and complain about their husbands and kids, it doesn't mean they don't love them, it is just a women thing. Take a chill pill.

[Nutty 2]

I don't see anyone bashing their husbands, where are you getting this from????????? I am totally lost on this one, women will always get together and talk about their husbands, that is what women do from the beginning of time. We live for this, go anywhere in the world and women will talk and complain about their husbands and kids, it doesn't mean they don't love them, it is just a women thing. Take a chill pill.

[Nutty 2]

BACK TO THE TOPIC OF HOW IS YOUR SPOUSE ADJUSTING!!!!

We all feel badly when one of our group is having a hard time. But digressing into issues of conversion, culture bashing, etc, etc....is unraveling this thread

It's better we stick to the topic of "how is your spouse adjusting to the US?" and for those whose spouses haven't arrived yet discussion of what you'll expect when they come and how will you handle it.

Thanks

Nutty

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Good post, Bridget!

I noticed that some people here are very critical of Wahrania based on some of her earlier posts. It's kinda crappy to kick a person when they're down.

I think it's better for all of us to be a little more kind hearted when we see one of the group struggling.

Some people say what you want to hear and some say what needs to be said. Personally, I'm no enabler. I'm not saying anything now that I haven't said before, and I'm not the only one who has said it before. Wahraina's continually negative posts bashing Arab men were a fortelling of what she is going thru now. To call it a self-fulfilling prophecy is an obvious statement, like a 1,000 pound elephant sitting in the middle of the room. Those who care to ignore it are free to do so.

That being said, I wish her the best whatever she decides to do.

BACK TO THE TOPIC OF HOW IS YOUR SPOUSE ADJUSTING!!!!

We all feel badly when one of our group is having a hard time. But digressing into issues of conversion, culture bashing, etc, etc....is unraveling this thread

It's better we stick to the topic of "how is your spouse adjusting to the US?" and for those whose spouses haven't arrived yet discussion of what you'll expect when they come and how will you handle it.

Thanks

Nutty

Threads digressing is nothing new. There's no law that says they have to stay on track of the original topic anymore than any other type of discussion does.

[Nutty 2]

Good post, Bridget!

I noticed that some people here are very critical of Wahrania based on some of her earlier posts. It's kinda crappy to kick a person when they're down.

I think it's better for all of us to be a little more kind hearted when we see one of the group struggling.

Some people say what you want to hear and some say what needs to be said. Personally, I'm no enabler. I'm not saying anything now that I haven't said before, and I'm not the only one who has said it before. Wahraina's continually negative posts bashing Arab men were a fortelling of what she is going thru now. To call it a self-fulfilling prophecy is an obvious statement, like a 1,000 pound elephant sitting in the middle of the room. Those who care to ignore it are free to do so.

That being said, I wish her the best whatever she decides to do.

BACK TO THE TOPIC OF HOW IS YOUR SPOUSE ADJUSTING!!!!

We all feel badly when one of our group is having a hard time. But digressing into issues of conversion, culture bashing, etc, etc....is unraveling this thread

It's better we stick to the topic of "how is your spouse adjusting to the US?" and for those whose spouses haven't arrived yet discussion of what you'll expect when they come and how will you handle it.

Thanks

Nutty

Threads digressing is nothing new. There's no law that says they have to stay on track of the original topic anymore than any other type of discussion does.

Dear Virtual Wife:

Feel free to create a seperate topic if you want to discuss something. Going off on tangents isn't "against the law" but it certainly is a bummer.

[♥JP♥ 5]

Seriously, there must be at least 5 or 6 threads about this subject. I think subject matter of this thread has been discussed and everyone has shared everything they can. This thread has been derailed at least 4 times already. The conversation will just naturally evolve as people post and bring things up. However I don't think this topic will continue to be discussed for 100 pages.

No one had an issue when Wahrania used this thread as her personal soap box, she could have easily created another thread as well.

Nutty if it bugs you that this thread is no longer staying on topic, then ask for it to be closed. Anyone that has been here long enough knows that you are not going to be able to keep this thread or any other on topic.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Good post, Bridget!

I noticed that some people here are very critical of Wahrania based on some of her earlier posts. It's kinda crappy to kick a person when they're down.

I think it's better for all of us to be a little more kind hearted when we see one of the group struggling.

Some people say what you want to hear and some say what needs to be said. Personally, I'm no enabler. I'm not saying anything now that I haven't said before, and I'm not the only one who has said it before. Wahraina's continually negative posts bashing Arab men were a fortelling of what she is going thru now. To call it a self-fulfilling prophecy is an obvious statement, like a 1,000 pound elephant sitting in the middle of the room. Those who care to ignore it are free to do so.

That being said, I wish her the best whatever she decides to do.

BACK TO THE TOPIC OF HOW IS YOUR SPOUSE ADJUSTING!!!!

We all feel badly when one of our group is having a hard time. But digressing into issues of conversion, culture bashing, etc, etc....is unraveling this thread

It's better we stick to the topic of "how is your spouse adjusting to the US?" and for those whose spouses haven't arrived yet discussion of what you'll expect when they come and how will you handle it.

Thanks

Nutty

Threads digressing is nothing new. There's no law that says they have to stay on track of the original topic anymore than any other type of discussion does.

Dear Virtual Wife:

Feel free to create a seperate topic if you want to discuss something. Going off on tangents isn't "against the law" but it certainly is a bummer.

Not necessary. It may be a bummer, but disgresion is normal on a message board. You can't control it no matter how much you want to.

[Nagishkaw 510]

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Come on! Share what you're smokin', Nagi.

[morocco4ever 63]

perfect wife

What is that excatly? Not being a smart ### comment, but really interested to know what a perfect wife is?

Perfect as per certain VJ members.

Edited July 18, 2008 by morocco4ever

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

perfect wife

What is that excatly? Not being a smart ### comment, but really interested to know what a perfect wife is?

Nobody is perfect but nanging and complaining and expecting you to change eveything about yourself is not the right thing to do.

And I would like to say selflessness is the cure for selfishness