Please help... I am so confused

[*julez* 124]

I'd really think long and hard about this decision, if I were you. While it would be lovely to have your "real" wedding with all of your family present, are you *truly* prepared to accept the consequences of that decision? You guys are apart now, with little or no vacation time to be able to spend time together until your wedding in 2009, after which you will be forced to wait even longer in order to live together as man and wife, pending receipt of your visa. You would likely not have your visa until halfway through 2010, if you are planning a summer 2009 wedding.

In the long run, what is most important? Living with your husband, or having your family there for a one day event. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to minimize the significance of the wedding day, BUT I think you need to really think about the reality of living without you husband for up to a year after you're actually married. Can you handle that?

I know its your decision, and you want "your day" a certain way, but the reality of an international relationship kind of forces you from doing things the way you always dreamed they should/would be. Some of us are just trying to ensure that you've really thought this through and understand what it all means.

Good luck with everything.

[VisaJourneyLady 33]

To be clear, I was only advising a CR-1 in the instance that it was done with utmost haste, and not waiting for the big June 09 celebration with all the trimmings. It would be a paperwork only ceremony, and the 'wedding' would come whenever you liked afterwards.

I do not advise you wait till June 09 to file a CR-1, and I also do not advise you to do a non-legal ceremony and subsequently file a K-1. (I know it worked out fine for you Jeraly, but we know that it's not the situation you planned for).

[VisaJourneyLady 33]

I would also add, that while this process has gotten in the way of alot of our decisions about our future, it has also forced us to think about our ideas of marriage (as opposed to weddings) in a very clear and unemotional way. Which has only been a good thing for our relationship. I wish you well with your decision.

[Jeraly 4]

To be clear, I was only advising a CR-1 in the instance that it was done with utmost haste, and not waiting for the big June 09 celebration with all the trimmings. It would be a paperwork only ceremony, and the 'wedding' would come whenever you liked afterwards.

I do not advise you wait till June 09 to file a CR-1, and I also do not advise you to do a non-legal ceremony and subsequently file a K-1. (I know it worked out fine for you Jeraly, but we know that it's not the situation you planned for).

Haha - yeah - I forgot to clarify - I by no means EVER intended to do things the way we did - it was a situation that we found ourselves in and was the best course of action for us at that time. If you haven't booked anything or paid for anything (other than the dress) then I would seriously consider changing your plans - we couldn't unless we wanted to throw away thousands of dollars.

Although it worked out for us, I would never recommend it as a first course of action - merely an alternative if your options are limited. I just wanted to emphasise that a non-legal ceremony doesn't have to be a "fake" wedding if that isn't what you want - our "fake" wedding will be the one where we sign the paperwork

[Think~Pink 0]

Thanks everyone for the advice and good wishes..it does mean a lot.

TBH, it's not just about the wedding day..there are a lot of other factors involved which we have taken into account to come to the decision we have. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but we have weighed up all of our options, even to the point of bringing the wedding forward and getting married in a registry office if we could.

The choice we have made is the only way forward for us in our particular circumstances. I agree it maybe isn't the best of choices, but we are both aware of the consequences. We don't want to be apart any more than we have to, but there is no other option that fits all of our circumstances.

There is no way we can get married any sooner, even just a quick wedding, as it simply isn't feasible for either of us to travel either here or there..not so soon, (unless money was no object..then it wouldn't matter).

I do appreciate all of the advice you have given us, it has been invaluable, but unfortunately for us, we are going to have to do it the long way round...yes it sucks, but we have no choice.

Thanks again all

[ginger1981 0]

Thanks everyone for the advice and good wishes..it does mean a lot.

TBH, it's not just about the wedding day..there are a lot of other factors involved which we have taken into account to come to the decision we have. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but we have weighed up all of our options, even to the point of bringing the wedding forward and getting married in a registry office if we could.

The choice we have made is the only way forward for us in our particular circumstances. I agree it maybe isn't the best of choices, but we are both aware of the consequences. We don't want to be apart any more than we have to, but there is no other option that fits all of our circumstances.

There is no way we can get married any sooner, even just a quick wedding, as it simply isn't feasible for either of us to travel either here or there..not so soon, (unless money was no object..then it wouldn't matter).

I do appreciate all of the advice you have given us, it has been invaluable, but unfortunately for us, we are going to have to do it the long way round...yes it sucks, but we have no choice.

Thanks again all

I do wish you best. I really hope that you weighed things carefully...of course every situation is different, so I cannot make a judgement. However, I hope you have taken away in this thread that when it comes to international marriage, unfortunatly you can't do things necessarily in the way you like. I would have loved our wedding day to have been the official day...to be honest, if it weren't for living so far apart and missing each other I would have wanted to wait another year or so to get married (to make sure we had plenty of money saved up instead of charging it to my visa). But alas, that is the way it worked out but I'm still extraordinarily happy.

I hope if you continue w/ your original plan it works out. and that the process goes faster than expected

[Jeraly 4]

It might not be much consolation but I find looking back that the long wait was the making of our relationship - it taught us so much and made us much stronger, so just keep in mind that every cloud has a silver lining and I wish you all the best Here's to a speedy process for you and don't be a stranger This forum is invaluable for information and you can use the time you have to research the steps you need to take and make friends with people in similar situations

[Think~Pink 0]

Thanks so much Jeraly, it is comforting to know that..I think our time apart has made us stronger too

I have bookmarked this site now, so I will not be a stranger..I'll be here asking for help about my immigration visa before you know it

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

I'm a little late reading all this but had a few things I don't remember being mentioned. Don't even know if it make sense or would work.

Scenario: Apply for K1 fiance visa asap by end of July. US guy does not have to come back to UK for anything, so that takes care of the money issue and time off work. (Pink thought he had to come for the interview--no, that's all your part, Pink.)

K1 visa is issued by say Dec 08-Mar 09 depending on which US Service Center: You can stall the visa if needed by not sending back your things to London quickly or by requesting a later interview (as we did.) Once your case moves to London Embassy stage, you have some better control over the timeline.

You have the K1 visa all secured in your passport: Now you don't have to worry if the interviewer will find out you're married and deny you because you aren't yet. You don't have to move to the USA the next day. You have 6 months to use the visa, well past June 09.

Now US guy figures out when to do all that UK marriage requirement in time for the June 09 wedding. So he buys a round trip ticket to cover that filing time and the wedding day. That's his first time off work and first plane ticket. Meanwhile Pink is still working in the UK.

Marriage: Real or fake in June 09. Pink quits her job, packs her stuff, and books a ticket to the US...her first in this process and no time off work except going to London to get her medical and visa interview.

The couple returns to the US married or fake married, but has to be very careful to say fiance, not wife and have stories about their upcoming wedding in the US. Do not wear wedding rings. Do not have wedding pics in the luggage. This is the risky part. Immigration lets her in on the K1 because they aren't so hard on Brits like they are on some countries. Mum mails the wedding memorabilia to the US later or Pink gets it next time she goes to visit.

US guy and Pink are now together in the US just days after the marriage. Now they go have a quick US no frills marriage to complete the terms of the K1 visa then get on applying for the green card, travel documents, and work permit. Pink can't go back to the UK for several months while that's processing, but they won't have any money left anyway and since she's already had the UK wedding, she doesn't have to hurry back. Done and dusted and together in the US in June 09, rather than waiting apart for another year to get the marriage visa.

I have no idea if you can have a legal wedding in both places or if the UK one has to be non-legal. The biggest risk is US immigration and making them think you are indeed an engaged couple.

Anybody think that would work?

[Think~Pink 0]

That's a really interesting scenario, but what about my passport..would I be breaking the law going over to the US on a passport bearing my single name, when I am actually married?

I'm also not sure about toe double wedding either..I would doubt it is not possible, or advisable..but what do I know lol

[*julez* 124]

I have no idea if you can have a legal wedding in both places or if the UK one has to be non-legal. The biggest risk is US immigration and making them think you are indeed an engaged couple.

Anybody think that would work?

If she gets legally married in the UK prior to entereing the US on the K1, it becomes null and void as the visa in her passport would be a fiancee visa. She'd have to start all over again. her best bet is to have a nonlegal event, but best of all, only a party so nothing could be called into question.

As far as having 2 weddings, you could have the big pricey do in the UK and just a quickie at city hall in the US. Marriage doesn't have to equate to spending lots of money!