Disheartened

[His Glory 25]

Hi Vjers. I just wanted to vent a little about what me and my husband have been facing here. Whenever we go shopping or out in public we get such hateful looks from some african american women. They dont even know us and they look me up and down and mad dog me and scowl at my husband. We see them sometimes whispering to themselves. I have heard that interracial couples can face this but actually receiving it is disheartening. Maybe its where we live, I do know. My husband has got to the point that he sees them and we turn the other way. Calling them half jokingly, "the enemy"Of course not all black women but he already sees the way they are looking at us and steers me the other way.

Seperately we are greeted with smiles but when they see us together their faces drop. I shared this with one of my close friends and she said "Im sorry but I agree with them, its hard to find a spiritual black man and to see them prefer whites makes me mad" I was stunned by this but I respect her view but it took all the love I had for this sister to not say "oh it couldnt be because you are an immature whiny and bitter person that you dont get interest?" Ha! We are all humans capable of reflecting Godly qualities and who cares if the skin and culture is different.....I mean its hard enough for interracial and intercultural couples to always understand each other at times...bump that! its hard enough for a man and woman to understand each other at times let alone have to deal with ignorance.

We are mixed in our family and it was never an issue when my brother married my sister in law but to actually experience it was sad. My husband is very friendly and distinguished looking and he gets smiles from everyone including black women but then when they notice we are married the atmosphere changes. i'll be in the grocery store in line and will chatting with some women then my husband comes to stand by me and bam, everything changes. Now its not everyone but its at least one every time.

I can respect my friends point of view and for her part she doesnt show any negative feelings for us but I guess others cant help but be hateful and make sure we know they dissapprove. Whatever. Go get right with Jesus then maybe you can appreciate the beauty of true love and how it can be manifested.

For the most part we let it go and maintain our joy but I just felt like venting.......Thanks for letting me.

[*JG* 2]

I can say that I have experienced this as well...but from both sides. What I have found, though, is more interested glances then outright scowls. You will probably experience a whole lot more of that before it gets better.

I ignore the fools.

Those that do that kind of thing are just ignorant and self-absorbed. It's not an across the board thing and is unfair to categorize as such.

[BarbSami 32]

Dont let the ignorance of others steal your joy. Whomever someone love or decides to marry is thier business and african americans should be the last to stereotype anyone nor should they try to put anyone down because of the color of ones skin. Skin color does not choose the one you love but the heart does. Live your life girl and be as happy as you can be.

Much Love,

Barb

PS I know what u mean and how u feel

Edited June 24, 2008 by BarbSami

[amerasianlove 0]

Dont be disheartened! just ignore them like other vj'ers here have advised,its so superficial to judge someone u dont really know at all,Mind their own business!treat them as if they dont exist.

Whats important is that your happy being with your SO.

[BarbSami 32]

Just to clarify the post I made earlier: I am african american and when my husband and I are out, we get the same looks and whispers mostly from my own sisters and brothers but I never let it get to me.

Barb

[LovinLiberia 0]

The reality is that interracial relationships are still pretty new in America and it's taking time for people to get used to seeing two different races dating and marrying. It can be especially bad if you are living in the South or a small town. As long as you two are married, then just expect that to come with the territory.Sorry to see that you are experiencing that. I feel your pain. I've been in your shoes and it can be very uncomfortable to have people staring at you as if you are an alien. My ex-husband is Mexican and we used to get looks from Mexicans and the African-Americans. As Jomo's Girls said, most of the looks were mainly out of curiosity. I think a lot of people are truly interested in seeing an interracial couple. Every once in a while I would see someone looking at me all crazy and I would look right back at them.

Even now my husband and I get crazy looks and I am a black woman with an African man. I don't know if it is the fact that he is foreign, but we get just as many looks as I did in an interracial relationship. Be prepared to do a lot of ducking and dodging or practice your ignoring techniques because the looks won't be going away anytime soon.

[KimandRuss 0]

so sorry to hear you are dealing with such ignorance even in this day and age! That has to be frustrating for you both.

I hope you know that there is still more 'good' out there than bad and most of us are delighted you both found love! Whether you're white, black, blue, pink, orange or brown!

Be happy! Ignore the fools!

[ForeverAmen 0]

Efia - Sorry that you are experiencing such. Keep your head high, and love your man like there is no tomorrow.

Stay strong!

Boaz

[Aymerlu 3]

Sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Sadly, we get the looks as well. When my husband first got here and I noticed the looks, me being the quiet person I am (NOT) would make comments like "yeah, we look good don't we?" LOL! Now I just ignore the looks. I figure people are not happy with themselves and are trying to find fault in others to make themselves feel better.

[ara 0]

Sorry Efia on how you are feeling. I really know how you feel as I am white and my husband is Nigerian. It's ok to vent that is what we are here for. You just have to remember these people don't pay your bills or live in your house so ignore them. I live in southern Georgia and we get the looks from both sides but in my experiences the ones that act that way are very ignorant and haven't even been out of the city they live much less another country. Educated people are more curious and know their is more to this world than just the neighborhood they live in and tend to be more receptive.

It will just be something you have to get used to but they are the ones with the problem. Love has no color.

Life is too short to be worrying about what other people think just enjoy your husband and ignore the rest!

[Simply_Uno 1]

Hey Efia,

Glad you and hubby are doing fine. Sorry about the "mean muggz". There was a similar thread months ago that addressed some of the similar things you mentioned. The thread was started by "divine mercy". If you can muddle through the "mess" in the thread, there is some good insight given. But anyway, keep your head up and something that my cousin brought to my attention is this; when you notice a person having a questionable look about them, address it".

Say something like;

"Hello, do I know you? I noticed you were looking at me and I was thinking maybe we knew eachother from church or did we go to school together and I forgot to speak!" or she'll say; "Hey girl, how you doing? I aint seen you in a long time, how is your family? girl, tell your momma I said hello and take care or yourself, okay bye!"

and then my cousin keeps walking like nothing ever happened.

I have seen my cousin do this and it is hilarious as hell, not to mention, the naysayers get embarrassed and move on. Its just a way to claim your victory, break the ice, and have some fun.

Much love

[His Glory 25]

Thank you for all your kind words. I see that not everyone is ignorant. We do get interested looks and we just smile and say hello and some ask where my husband is from and how we met etc. A lot of kids stare at my husband cause he is plainly african Maybe its the dashikis he proudly wears Black men give him the power sign a lot and smile.....they dont mind he is with me. Thanks for the encouragement. I wish you all lived in my town.

[ForeverAmen 0]

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity (Martin Luther King, Jr)

[Simply_Uno 1]

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than

sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity

(Martin Luther King, Jr)

[LovinLiberia 0]

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity (Martin Luther King, Jr)

Good one!

Uno, only YOU would have some fun and exciting ways to repel the haters.