Co mingling finances.. loans etc

[SaadBell 0]

Wow you sure have a lot on your plate sweetie, just take a deep breath, it will all work out. I agree with you on the credit cards, I know I have enough of credit card dept. I am sure he adores you and is happy to be here, but that said, remember how it felt when we were away from home, that thing we call, HOMESICKNESS!!!!!!! I remember when I first left home and lived in Germany, I cried and cried, but when I left three years later, I absolutely loved Germany and cried and cried about going home to America. So give him some time, and understand when he says he wants to go home, that is just blowing off some steam. It must be very hard to be the lead on all the financial matters, there is some good advice being given here so that is a plus. My husband is the one that holds the financial matters since he has way more money than I do. Does that make my situation any better than yours, HELL NO, but you deal with it, and come here to vent and get some great advice. About a vacation, I am so there with you, I would give anything to be on some remote island with good looking island boys bring me my drinks, ok back to reality. I can imagine his culture shock is immense, but I do want to know what he thinks of this Florida heat. My husband has been here before and lived in New York, so he has a good idea what America is all about, so that helps a lot. Give him time, soon you will have your new baby and everything will settle down. If you need to ever vent, you have me, I sure as hell am not doing anything productive these days, well, I have been indentifying bugs in my back yard. It has gotten so bad, that I saw a green stink bug laying her eggs on the window, I left those eggs and waited for them to hatch, and they did 5 days later, and of course I was thrilled and sickened at the same time. Yep that is what my life has come to, sad, hell yea.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

By the way, I am really sorry I never appreciated or listened to everyone who's husband was already here. Getting the visa is ONLY THE BEGINNING LOL

It's ok... just fill out the form...

[doodlebugg 10]

He told me last night that my refridgerator looks like the one they have in movies ( I have a stainless steel kitchen aid with the bottom freezer and water in the door.) Ok I have appliance issues. LOL

There was an episode of Boston Legal about a year ago where this woman had a condition that had her actually intimately involved with appliances. I believe she tried to get married to her toaster or something.

[Nutty 2]

I agree that co-mingling is risky.

Have him establish credit on his own...Secured credit card, bank account....etc. It is a learning lesson.

A simple joint account for household expenses should be sufficient.

[tammy2688 1]

I agree. Simple joint account would be best.

I also have a Q: I asked you guys something similar to this before but now it really WILL BE 2 years of marriage this July.

Should I tell my husband to ask the embassy for a IR-1 when he is called next time?

If they insist on CR-1, what can I do here to adjust him, is it expensive?

[caybee 21]

It's ok... just fill out the form...

Now, this I need.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Not only do you have to HAVE a joint account, you have to use it. My ex's cousin, he applied for citizenship and they checked the 'activity' on the account. He was denied! He used his own account for most things, and she used her own and they saw it wasn't used much and it cost him citizenship.

I went HUGE into debt with my ex. I co-signed for 2, not just one but 2 vehicles. (thank god he got the 3rd one on his own) No car was ever good enough. (this coming from a man that had never owned a car before) Our house was not good enough, had to move into a 3 bedroom monster that cost more than we could afford. The $300 charge card was not good enough, had to work up to the $10,000 American Express. (most here know the end of that story...)

I think some come more prepared than others for handling money. This is an enormous strain on any marriage, this economy, and it is compounded when our men cannot work and when they do work, what do to with the money. Some want to send large amounts back home to pay for debts or to help with the family there. Some want to spend it all here and some want to hoard it all. This dialogue will be helpful to many. Thanks wahrania for starting this thread.

Jackie

[sarahaziz 0]

I agree this is a good topic for everyone starting life together.

We're one of those couples that are joining everything together

My spouse brought most of his money with him here b/c he can't get off that formality of not living off of my fathers money(or anyone elses for that matter) that's a good thing I respect him alot for being this way. He already started working for my dads company and we don't have the stress of paying bills on our own yet (only mobile phones, gas, health insurance, going out to restaurants, etc...) which I'm thankful for so I think it's a good time for saving money up slowly. My spouse explained after marriage that whatever career I choose that money is for me and his money is for both of us. He said for us to save my money for our kids, vacations, if I want to go shopping, etc.. basically it's my money. We've been doing that since I was back home in Algeria and it seems extremely successful for us personally. He will give me the money and I will be the one taking care of expenses in that way. As a woman I like the idea because I know where our expenses are going and it's always proven to build trust. He likes nice stuff and will splurge on it but not often as I want to I will have to work on that because you only live once in this life (spend in moderation of course). What good is all that money if you die tomorrow! Now for dealing with USCIS again...

[LRA 0]

My crazy @$$ MIL thinks money grows on trees here. I am putting R to work right away when she arrives. Little does she know she's going to pay back all this money I have been throwing away due to her demands and for her to have the wedding of the year! LOL. Seriously, I think the money issue is HUGE no matter where each person comes from....but I think for those having money available...they somehow feel they have to spend it. Further, they don't realize how much we pay for things (they think everyone in America lives like they do in the movies), truth is most of us don't own our houses like they do back home and we'll be paying for them for the next 30 years, car insurance, health insurance, just about everything we pay an arm and a leg for. Someone commented that $20 would go a long way in their spouses country....heck yeah! Some people are making 5 dollars per 8 hour work day in Jordan. But there is no big @$$ box of tomatoes for 1 dollar here like there is there....he!! 4 tomotoes cost me 3 dollars and some change last week.

[lion_lioness 0]

I am usually quiet but had to post here. I think finances can be a tricky thing. In the beginning I agree to keep things separate. However, we have a joint credit card that we use for almost everything in order to gain points then we pay the rent/bills out of our accts. Our bank accounts are separate, but I switched to his bank and we transfer money back and forth between our accounts. I hope that is satisfactory for lifting conditions. Personally and for now it works better that way.

My husband is pretty good with money though - he's so cheap when it comes to himself. However, when it comes to family his and mine, he'll give his last. Sweet, but even that has to be controlled. Families here are different - people are different in general when it comes to money here. He also realized things are not what they seem on TV over there. It's reallly hard and everything is expensive and your neighbors won't bring bread and fruit if they know you are hungry. Hell, the neighbors may not even speak. It's more dog eat dog on this side of the ocean. He is seeing that....

[Carolyn 1]

The financial learning curve is pretty steep with my Moroccan habib...even after being here for 3 years he still makes stupid financial moves, like overdrawing his checking account ($29 overdraft fees for a $4 pack of cigarettes is enough to make me crazy).

I'm going to be brutally honest...

I am GLAD that we don't have 100% co-mingled finances because he would have ruined my credit by now. I did cosign on a car loan, but he pays for it. He got his own relatively small credit card, which he has maxed out--some of which he spent, some of which he sent to his family. He pays the minimum on it, but the bank won't increase his limit (thank goodness). If his family asks for money, he sends it whether or not he has it (if the bank will give him money, he doesn't seem to worry about paying it back). In many ways he acts like a teenager with money.

I am hoping that he will start to become more financially responsible, but I'm not counting on it. Until that day, I will continue to largely control our finances. It's the only way to be sure that we don't end up destitute. He pays most of the household bills every month out of his own account, and I pay the mortgage and a few of the bills. I keep track of both of our finances--and give him lots of reminders. It's frustrating, but it mostly works for us.

[AlHayatZween 2]

I am putting R to work right away when she arrives.

All jokes aside, i'm getting very nervous about Hayati's arrival... It is the economy and the fact that the dollar has tanked that really worries me. I'm worried that he won't find work... it's really stressing me out. i'm worried that we won't live as well here as we did in Morocco...

[abdo 0]

All jokes aside, i'm getting very nervous about Hayati's arrival... It is the economy and the fact that the dollar has tanked that really worries me. I'm worried that he won't find work... it's really stressing me out. i'm worried that we won't live as well here as we did in Morocco...

life is hard in america,yes right !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Alhamdulillah 0]

I understand your concerns about the economy! We've all had our problems over money, I'm sure!

We have a joint acct that we use for our joint bills but we also both have our own separate accts that we use for our personal money. Of course I spend my money on him and he spends his money on me and my kids so it's all good!

I had a car before we got married and I've tried to get him to let me put his name on the title but he refuses. He also saved some money and bought me a van and he didn't want his name on that title but I insisted both our names be there. I think, because we've had some issues from other ppl trying to plant doubts in my mind that he's using me for a GC, that he's really trying to overcompensate to prove that he's really not. :sigh: I really want us to share everything but have no problems with us keeping some things separate as well.

I hope we're not going to ever be at a point where what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours because I don't plan on working anymore unless we need me to......

[Henia 11]

Well

My husband is here and I have decided several things.

If he wants a car, he can buy a good used one once we save up money. I am not going to co sign for a car for him or for credit cards etc.

I have decided AGAINST co mingling funds.. Its not that I have tons of money but I feel like there is not this understanding of debt and what it really means in his country. I dont want to rack up plane tickets on my credit cards

and I am still over my head from the last year and a half of traveling back and forth. I can see my husband is in shock because everytime since he has been here when he has mentioned travelling back as a family, I have really lost interest. I dont want to EVER be in the kind of debt that I am in from my 3 trips over the last year and a half. I am still paying off the lawyer bill, cash advances etc and the economy sucks right now. Plus I dont know if you guys have noticed, the dollar sucks right now very much. Going through Europe is financial suicide.

I think honestly, when I was in Algeria in December , because everything is based on the euro, when everything was costing me more than the USA and I was stressed beyond stressed because everything costed so much, I just lost interest.

Maybe when the baby is born and I get out of this debt from the immigration and the lawyer, I will feel alot better. I just had no credit card debt when I started this process. After plane ticket and other plane tickets, plus the immigration fees, I have gotten kind of depressed about the debt I am in.

I literally told my husband that all my credit cards have been turned over to my mother so if he is temped to pressure me into co signing something in the future or buying things on credit,,,, it just wont happen

I dont mind opening up a simple account with him and co mingling money. I will not go jointly in debt with him for ANY REASON because I cant bear any more debt or burden and he needs to earn his way here..

I felt this way BEFORE he came but since he has been here, I just want to get out of debt. And I am just not real interested in going back home with him anytime soon because of the enormous debt I am in. I love him but I want OUT of this debt I am in .. big time and back to my pre immigration life of no credit card debt and pressure

PS

I just never thought I would say any of this but the economy is so bad and gas is so high and I am pregnant and stressing over money and the people over there dont seem to realise how much it cost including him to get him here,, the fees and lawyer and immigration and and its all so overwhelming now with a baby coming and all the bills landing in my mailbox. I think now that all the rush is over from him actually getting here I am seeing all the results of the last year and a halfs onslaught of travelling and phone calls and this and that. I am crawling now out of debt. The thought of going back there which last year would have seemed amazing,.. seems painful now. I just want to vacation close to home and if he wants to go home, mashallah. Somehow air conditioning and running water are appealing right now

The thought of spending thousands to sit in an airconditioned house and then not getting to do anything fun on a vacation is just not working for me right now. I want to go on a cruise here in the states and drink a margarita with the ocean breese hitting my face.. Exotic is just not working for me... He s free to go.. wallahi after all this debt and the whole dressing me up in 3 layers of wool thing and then I couldnt go anywhere for weeks on end.. Oh I am NOT doing that again.. anytime soon

I am really happy for you Wahrania with your husband there now and the baby! But I do have to agree with you on all your points. The ecomony in the US in the past 8 or so years has been going down the drain ... but as of the past year even more so! I hear all too many complaints about the gas prices, up to $4.50 in my old state, less and less jobs (more and more lay-offs) And even running the A/C has become somewhat of a luxury.

I can totally relate also on your debts with bringing him there ... We went throu the immigration process up until the last moment (before buying the ticket) We had spent like everyone, the money for the fees, translation, records, etc. Not cheap at all! We had bought a ticket for my daughter and myself to travel to the US, to get 'something' together (then within the time limit) have my husband come after us. We ended spending $3000 for the tickets (not including my husband --->just me and my daughter) I mean, just adding these numbers up quickly in my head ... almost at 10k! So ye, you are are totally correct (esp with your baby coming) to not want to add more to your plate. Better to start a life together with a clean (or close to it) slate then a marked up one!

Afterall, is having 2 cars that neccsary? Nope!

As far as joint accounts ... I really think this depends on the couple. How both work with money. Sometimes better to mingle the money, while other times it is not!

Maybe my opinion does not count here since I am not in the US ... but for us, I have my own money (money I had and that now earn) that is in a seperate account from my husband. He has his account for his personal needs. In the beginning of the month, he puts down the household money ... we split it depending on where it is needed. He has his share for transportation and his lunches. And I get the rest for food and anything else needed in the household. Whatever is left from this monthly budget, I keep ... for emergencies, for myself, for the home, for the children ... whatever. He keeps a small share for saving and the house in his account. We could in theory ask each other for money if the situation came up. No prob! This works out for us!