Guys, I need a hug

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I'm SO stressed people, you have no idea!!!

First...

I'm up for a promotion at work. It's between me and two other co-workers. I had my interview for it last week and the admin manager was suppose to make her decision on the weekend. Well that came and went, nothing. Then Monday, nothing again. It's Thursday, I won't be going in until 2pm but I guarantee I'll hear NOTHING.

Why does this matter?

Because if I get this promotion (which I think I have a very good chance of getting) I don't know if I'll be moving to the U.S.

The whole reason I was going down there is because I was only part time and I didn't make enough money to support both Nick and I while he waited for PR. With this job, I would be able to and Nick coming to Canada would be possible.

My medical is fast approaching, still don't know my interview date but I'm sure I'll know soon.

Nick is looking at homes in NJ. They are SO expensive and crazy. We've found some we really like that are just over our price range and we could make it work. He's going to view one tonight. So, my life in NJ is forming too....

It's like I'm stuck between both places, completely on hold, not knowing where or what is happening.

I'm so stressed, I can't even believe I got my period right on time this month (Sorry boys) LOL but it's true....

What would you do? Canada is so....sigh...it's Canada. I love it here, so does Nick. The health care, the everything....NJ isn't horrible but if we had the chance to live in Canada, we totally would.

At the same time, I feel that Nick may be a little apprehensive to living here even though he loves it. All his friends are down there (I don't really have that many friends here, in fact, I have only acquaintances) So it's like....GRR! I don't know what to do!!!

Help, I need encouragement and support.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

oh and then Nick states..."Maybe we started too early"

It's like...no..at the time I had no idea of the promo at work, I just started there, we wanted to get the ball rolling in being together...

We have two options now...and they are all up in the air....

[*JG* 2]

Only you can make these decisions. First of all, wait to see if you get the promotion or not. If not, then the decisions is made for you.

Otherwise, I would look at which city will give you the better quality of life......costs, amenities, schools, etc. Then seriously talk it over and see where you both stand. Then, reach an agreement.

I wish you luck in sorting it all out.

[rae_and_scott 1]

Breathe Laura. Everything is going to be okay.

*virtual hug*

I don't know what to tell you other than the fact that you have each other is all that really matters and the two of you will figure out the best thing for your shared lives together. It's corny to say, but things happen for a reason. So whether or not you get this promotion may be a sign towards what to do. I know it's all complicated and there are so many factors to weigh in, but I'm sure the two of you will figure out what's best!

The thing with international relationships is that I think one person needs to compromise a bit more (in terms of leaving your home country, which is a huge thing), but that doesn't mean it can't work. I know that Scott and I have come to this place, after much turmoil and him not really wanting to live in the US (for many reasons, but yeah, the free health care, and Canada is great, and everything), where we are both finally on the same page and just working towards being together. He's going to live here for a year and then we're going to move to Vancouver. I'm sure you and Nick will also find the right path to take. It's just stressful being in the in-between and not knowing which road to take. I know you guys will though!

[Nagishkaw 510]

((((((HUGS))))))

It will get better, I promise. Right now you are just too overwhelmed. Everything will soon fall into place.

[L_n_O 3]

We decided that it would be best for me to make the move b/c Oliver has a much bigger family base here in the US than I do in Canada

I've got parents in Mississauga, and an aunt, uncle and 2 cousins in Montreal.

Everyone else is in NJ, India, Middle East, Australia.

Oliver's got 3 grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, a cousin and all his extended family in PA.

And he is the more family person of the two of us.

That's how we made our decision.

Plus he's got a great job that he loves..

My dad even said when we were entertaining the idea of him moving to Canada that it was silly to ask him to move when he has so much more family here and I was the more "independent" one of the two when it comes to needing to be near your family.

Hope that helps.

Good luck hun

Edited April 24, 2008 by liz_legend 'n Ol

[Krikit 1,164]

Try not to waste the present dreaming up possible worry scenarios. IF you are offered the promotion, deal with it at that point. How does it feel? Are you happy or disappointed? Do you want to stay or do you want to go? Clear your mind of what-ifs. That way you'll be better able to respond effectively to real events..... not imaginery events. Get away from the computer and go for a walk. It's amazing how some fresh air can blow the cobwebs out.

Big hugs, Laura. You'll do the right thing.

[Ontarkie 14,193]

Wow, I dont know what to say that could be of any help i'm not really good with words. But I wanted to send a BIG HUG your way.

Danielle

edit to add: dang i type slow Liz and Krikit got theirs up before i finished typing and with good advice too.

Edited April 24, 2008 by Ontarkie

[trailmix 77]

Take a deep breath and try to relax. As Jomo's has said, a lot is riding on this promotion, once that decision is made then the next decision - on where to live - will be much easier.

I hear what you are saying about not knowing all this stuff before you started, I would imagine Nick is feeling a bit unsettled right now too, as much as he might like Canada, there is a plan to live in the U.S. then all of a sudden that plan might change to the great white north.

Just know that either way - if you get the promotion and Canada then becomes an option - that will be a good thing and you two will be together in Canada. If the promotion doesn't come through and you move to the States, that will be a good thing and you two will be together in the U.S.!

Maybe NJ isn't the place you guys actually want to buy a house? If you wait until you get there and kind of get the lay of the land, you two might find that you want to move someplace else.....like Florida!

[L_n_O 3]

edit to add: dang i type slow Liz and Krikit got theirs up before i finished typing and with good advice too.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Thanks everyone...

You have no idea how much all of your support and advice means to me.

I'll just go with each step and see what happens.

Nick just called and told me he loved me. We'll work this out, no matter what happens.

My mom says that I've made the decision to move down there, so I should stick to that, no matter what happens.

Maybe she's right. I've committed to this and I don't want to start all over again if I don't have to.

I think immigrating to Canada is hard...who knows.

I guess the stress of not knowing my interview date, having no idea of when is killing me too.

It's just a bad day and I needed to explode a little bit....I'm feeling a bit better, I had a good cry.

Thanks again for the hugs, it's totally appreciated.

[L_n_O 3]

don't stick to the decision just because you've already made it

you should want to do it

if you don't, there's a higher chance of regretting it once you move

plus, you get to just sit on your @ss for a while here before you can really do anything

it sucks

so it's important to own your decision what ever it is

YES!

I beat Krikit again!

[Krikit 1,164]

Unless the promotion is a super-fantastic once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that you would never have attained other than by cosmic intervention then I would say follow through with the move to the US. Once you have completed the process and attained your PR card and/or citizenship, you can contemplate a move north. That way you have the flexibility of moving between countries, which you do not have at the moment.

Just a thought.

YES!

I beat Krikit again!

[carslo 0]

Hi Laura,

Wow, you have a truck lot of troubles weighing on your mind. A virtual hugs is better than nothing - { } haven't we all experienced those telepathic hugs via the internet. Immigrating to Canada is not as easy as some people might imagine:

1) No fiance visas - you must be married to sponsor your beloved.

2) It can take a long time - lots of folks here at VJ have given upon the coming to Canada immigration and decided that the K1 route is faster - go figure.

3) What part of NJ are you going to, I lived in NJ during junior and senior high and really liked the feel of the "Garden State."

4) You are a bright and bubbly person from all your posts, and I am sure you will have no difficulties forming new friendships in NJ. Generally speaking, men have more difficult forming strong male to male bonds (I said generally there are exceptions to the rule).

5) Do everything you can to be together in the near future - a job promotion is a wonderful experience , but there are advantages to living in the USA over Canada.

6) I wish people would realize that our health system is not free - most of us have to pay a monthly premium; either through our benefits at work, or directly to the province we live in. My fiance works for the IRS and was floored when he say how much I am taxed in relationship to US taxes. We Canadians pay for that "free" health care with our tax dollars, and highly also.

7) You are so close to the goal you and Nick have been preparing for - if you get the promotion stash away the extra cash to make your move to the USA the best possible.

These are only my 2 cents worth! I wish I was young like so many VJ's are and could look forward to many, many years together.

Janet aka Carslo

[sara..... 371]

awe i dont have any advise but here is a big (((((hug)))))) i will keep u in my prayers