Got my conditional resident card, my wife might be pregnant from other man!

[Minya's wife 24]

Get a DNA Test.

DNA test fails get the heck out of there.

So You think that If I am not the father I will be able to waive the conditions.

I don't understand the preoccupation with whether or not you can remove conditions if the child is not your biological child! There are many couples that have children in the family that have different biological fathers, the difference here is that for obvious and understandable reasons, you were not a part of a decision like that, but your reaction speaks more against the legitimacy of your marriage than the illegitimate child itself!

What about my reaction? How would you feel if you were me? I am still very young I can have my own kids! "reaction speaks more against the legitimacy of your marriage than the illegitimate child itself!" You want me to suck it UP for 18 years! I really love my wife but I am not sure how much she does. I wanted to make her a princess. She had been staying home without working before she finally got a job last week after a lot of arguments.

Sounds like the your anger at the thought of raising a child that may not be biologically yours takes precedence over the love you say you have for your wife. Fine, I'm sure you're not the only one to feel this way, and nobody is judging you for it. But you seem to be more concerned about how the situation (you not being the father of the child) would affect your immigration. That is what makes you sound a bit selfish, IMO.

You're having a marital/family issue...you've been told this has no bearing on your immigration, i.e. it will not affect your eligibility to file for removal of conditions. What you do with the rest, whether you get a DNA test, whether you divorce or stay married is entirely a private issue that only you and your spouse can decide.

-P

[Gulskjegg 0]

In nations where the death cult of feminism has become fully entrenched (US, Canada, UK, Australia, New Zealand, etc), paternity fraud has reached pandemic proportions.

Figures in Ireland are particularly disturbing where paternity fraud is a full 33%, or 1 in 3 children. http://www.irishhealth.com/index.html?level=4&id=13318

I would get the paternity test done, even if you have to pay for it. The level of misandry (man hating) in America is extreme, and you are guaranteed to be made a slave by the rabidly anti-male "family" court system if you do not take action to protect yourself.

If you can prove the baby is not yours, speak to a lawyer and see if you can appeal USCIS under the spouse abuse stipulations. This will allow you to keep your legal status and get away from a spouse that clearly has no respect for you.

[honeyblonde 0]

A lot of couples adopt children and raise them as their own and don't consider it "sucking it up for 18 years."

If you want your own kids, have your own kids, but treating your step-children with such disregard is criminal.

Have you read the original post? We're not talking about a step-child here. We're talking about a child conceived outside of the marriage during that marriage! Maybe you don't respect marriage at all, but for me, even though I'm a woman, I still think it is wrong for a woman to get pregnant by another man while she's married to her husband and not even separated. I think it shows a total lack of respect for the spouse and the husband in such a situation can expect more of the same action if he chooses to stay with her.

Of course if this is a troll trying to start a fight or a man just fishing for an easy green card, I can see your response, but if this guy is a legitmate poster, someone who finds out their spouse is cheating in such a manner certainly has a right to be upset.

[mawilson 2,133]

Of course if this is a troll trying to start a fight or a man just fishing for an easy green card, I can see your response, but if this guy is a legitmate poster, someone who finds out their spouse is cheating in such a manner certainly has a right to be upset.

No, I understand - he has every right to be upset. At the same time, he claims he loves his wife

very much. If he decides to stay in this marriage, "sucking it up for 18 years" is a pretty

outrageous thing to say about your wife's child, regardless of who the biological father might be.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

Of course if this is a troll trying to start a fight or a man just fishing for an easy green card, I can see your response, but if this guy is a legitmate poster, someone who finds out their spouse is cheating in such a manner certainly has a right to be upset.

No, I understand - he has every right to be upset. At the same time, he claims he loves his wife

very much. If he decides to stay in this marriage, "sucking it up for 18 years" is a pretty

outrageous thing to say about your wife's child, regardless of who the biological father might be.

Ok let me understand, your ####### ####### wife sleeps with someone else while you are working your ars off to make her happy and gets pregnant. The child is innocent but this guy should not be held responsable if the child is not his. If they want to work out the marriage that is great but still do the DNA test and put the real father on the birth certificate and man him pay support. If you accept responsability for the child even financially some judges will make you pay support even if the kid isn't your own.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

Of course if this is a troll trying to start a fight or a man just fishing for an easy green card, I can see your response, but if this guy is a legitmate poster, someone who finds out their spouse is cheating in such a manner certainly has a right to be upset.

No, I understand - he has every right to be upset. At the same time, he claims he loves his wife

very much. If he decides to stay in this marriage, "sucking it up for 18 years" is a pretty

outrageous thing to say about your wife's child, regardless of who the biological father might be.

The wife is the ####### ####### ###### pile of #### but the guy has a right to be upset and the child will suffer because of the mother's sins.

[mawilson 2,133]

The wife is the ####### ####### ###### pile of #### but the guy has a right to be upset and the child will suffer because of the mother's sins.

Chill out with the hell fire and brimstone sin condemnation talk.

[Donna A 4]

BE CAREFUL if you don't get the paternity test then you will be responsable for the child and have to pay support if you divorce. If you don't pay or get behind then it can and will affect your ability to become a citizen.

Once a cheater always a cheater.

not to change the subject but i have a question about this. if u dont pay ur support or get behind it can affect becoming a citizen. does that only apply to the children in the united states? why im saying this is my husband paid his child support faithfully when he was living in saudi arabia then he moved here 4 years ago and his exwife stopped picking up the support so when his dad went to pay the support they told him they cant accept any more money from him cuz my husbands ex hasnt picked it up in 3 months so they closed the account. if she wants support she has to sue for it again. well to this day she hasnt sued for it so is that going to be a problem since he hasnt paid in 4 years? he does sent money for his daughter school and his sister takes it and gets a reciet but that was not a part of the support. he just made an agreement with his ex to take her to a english speaking school and he would pay for it.

anyone know for sure if they look at the support over seas or just in the united states?

[Europeanboy 0]

When I married my wife last year I had already accepted one kid, the one she has from her previous relationship. This kid loves me more than the real father probably who has not appeared to see his child for 6 months. I am the one that takes care. When that innocent child looks at me with that big blue eyes... Every morning when I was coming from work she is awake ready to hug me.... So you don't tell me what is going to affect my immigration:

"Sounds like the your anger at the thought of raising a child that may not be biologically yours takes precedence over the love you say you have for your wife. Fine, I'm sure you're not the only one to feel this way, and nobody is judging you for it. But you seem to be more concerned about how the situation (you not being the father of the child) would affect your immigration. That is what makes you sound a bit selfish, IMO.

You're having a marital/family issue...you've been told this has no bearing on your immigration, i.e. it will not affect your eligibility to file for removal of conditions. What you do with the rest, whether you get a DNA test, whether you divorce or stay married is entirely a private issue that only you and your spouse can decide."

You never know the life is unpredictable and If not now but in future she decides to divorce with me after 2, 5, 10 years I am going to suck it up! It sounds rude but it is reality

But she should have been more careful now because I am a man and I want to have a child that has my blood too. This is kind of respect for me. Even If the situation does not work out and we divorce I still hope that I will be able to see that kid.

The kid who is coming does not have fault too.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

There has been a lot of angry and bitter and hurt words written here - not just by the OP - but by others as well. The OP's wife had an affair and yes, that certainly shows a lack of respect for the OP and their marriage commitment. He lsays he oves her, yet there are some fairly harsh statements and suppositions he is also making.

I have one question to ask of the OP: what if the child IS yours? Do you want to raise your child in a family environment? Can you work through marriage counseling with your wife trying to salvage a second chance? Would you want to try? Perhaps you don't wish to because she has betrayed you once, but I think you also need to look at what you will do if the DNA test proves that the child is yours. It is easy for others who are outside of your relationship to point fingers and call names and pass judgments, but you are the one who will be living with the consequences of your words and actions whether the child is or isn't yours. Think carefully about what this means on all fronts, not just the worse case scenario. Good luck to you.

Edited April 25, 2008 by Kathryn41

[diadromous mermaid 36]

When I married my wife last year I had already accepted one kid, the one she has from her previous relationship. This kid loves me more than the real father probably who has not appeared to see his child for 6 months. I am the one that takes care. When that innocent child looks at me with that big blue eyes... Every morning when I was coming from work she is awake ready to hug me.... So you don't tell me what is going to affect my immigration:

"Sounds like the your anger at the thought of raising a child that may not be biologically yours takes precedence over the love you say you have for your wife. Fine, I'm sure you're not the only one to feel this way, and nobody is judging you for it. But you seem to be more concerned about how the situation (you not being the father of the child) would affect your immigration. That is what makes you sound a bit selfish, IMO.

You're having a marital/family issue...you've been told this has no bearing on your immigration, i.e. it will not affect your eligibility to file for removal of conditions. What you do with the rest, whether you get a DNA test, whether you divorce or stay married is entirely a private issue that only you and your spouse can decide."

You never know the life is unpredictable and If not now but in future she decides to divorce with me after 2, 5, 10 years I am going to suck it up! It sounds rude but it is reality

But she should have been more careful now because I am a man and I want to have a child that has my blood too. This is kind of respect for me. Even If the situation does not work out and we divorce I still hope that I will be able to see that kid.

The kid who is coming does not have fault too.

I don't understand how this child, the child potentially fathered by another man, prevents you from having your own child with the woman you claim you still love. If you love your wife, enough to remain living together, then why must you divorce her? Isn't the whole concept of that love you have for her, to accept her mistakes, forgive and rebuild? If not, then what does love mean to you?

I am not suggesting that you must taken on the child as if nothing happened. I am not suggesting that you *should* remain married to someone that could commit such a transgression. In fact, I would not find it unacceptable if you declared that this pregnancy has broken the trust that is essential between husband and wife. What I fail to understand is that in spite of the ability you have to retain the love you once shared for her, that you don't have the ability to deal with this incident as an unfortunate mistake and adapt and move forward, together, as two loving individuals that share one common goal...to respect each other, their progeny, mistakes and all. If you wish, why not ask yourself, "If I still love my wife, and wish to spend my life with her, what makes this child any different from the child she had with another individual before we married?

[diadromous mermaid 36]

You never know the life is unpredictable and If not now but in future she decides to divorce with me after 2, 5, 10 years I am going to suck it up! It sounds rude but it is reality

So, what is your plan? To pre-empt her and divorce her first before she divores you? Help me, I can't quite grasp what it is you are trying to say?

[honeyblonde 0]

I am going to put in my two cents on this knowing that there will be those who will judge me for what I'm saying, but because I think it needs to be said. In my first marriage, I was the one that cheated - for 9 years. My husband forgave me and kept begging me to stay, even though I wanted out. That is why I said that once a cheater always a cheater, at least in a specific relationship. Once a person knows that their partner will allow them to cheat and stay with them, they will keep cheating. Once I got out of that relationship I promised myself I wouldn't ever stay in a relationship if I felt the need to cheat and I haven't. But in that relationship, I knew that I could cheat all I wanted and he would forgive me, and he did. I was the one that ended our marriage and he was the one that even then begged me not to end it.

People who love each other end up divorced because of things like this and it is in both of them's and the children's best interest to do so. No kid needs to grow up seeing their parents in a dysfunctional relationship, and that is what these relationships are.

That's just my opinion of course, so I'm sure there will be those who disagree.

[russian_armenian 4]

I think it is more about cheating than raising not own child. I would not want to stay in this relationship. But I would give it one more chance if DNA test proves that child is CResident's-for kid's sake too. But if child is not his-kind of difficult to forgive wife. I don't believe that staying married for I-751 sake is a good idea. It is illegal in a first place and, I think, tough from psychological point of view. Without DNA test, I think it is difficult to make decision. (The CResident's cries about love for his wife is a mystery to me-how come? even if she is sooo cute-her attitude, cheating-at this moment, I would hate her. And the way he writes about her-I don't hear love there). I do not know US procedures about birth cert (in Russia husband has to sign and his name appears; if later DNA proves that he is not a father-court might remove his name from Birth Cert, but I believe that he has to prove that he did not know that he is not a father; so, it is complicated). Some time ago paternity DNA test was $800-$2000 in US. Maybe it is cheaper now. To make test while child is not born-I believe, mother has to agree.

What about my reaction? How would you feel if you were me? I am still very young I can have my own kids! "reaction speaks more against the legitimacy of your marriage than the illegitimate child itself!" You want me to suck it UP for 18 years! I really love my wife but I am not sure how much she does. I wanted to make her a princess. She had been staying home without working before she finally got a job last week after a lot of arguments.

A lot of couples adopt children and raise them as their own and don't consider it "sucking it up for 18 years."

If you want your own kids, have your own kids, but treating your step-children with such disregard is criminal.

[russian_armenian 4]

Sounds true to me-once a cheater always a cheater in a specific relationship. And I am sure, in most cases, cheaters want out of relationship. But I am also sure that cheated ones beg to stay in relationship not because of love-emotional dependence or they want to do it on their terms/time (but never summon courage to do it) or else...

I am going to put in my two cents on this knowing that there will be those who will judge me for what I'm saying, but because I think it needs to be said. In my first marriage, I was the one that cheated - for 9 years. My husband forgave me and kept begging me to stay, even though I wanted out. That is why I said that once a cheater always a cheater, at least in a specific relationship. Once a person knows that their partner will allow them to cheat and stay with them, they will keep cheating. Once I got out of that relationship I promised myself I wouldn't ever stay in a relationship if I felt the need to cheat and I haven't. But in that relationship, I knew that I could cheat all I wanted and he would forgive me, and he did. I was the one that ended our marriage and he was the one that even then begged me not to end it.

People who love each other end up divorced because of things like this and it is in both of them's and the children's best interest to do so. No kid needs to grow up seeing their parents in a dysfunctional relationship, and that is what these relationships are.

That's just my opinion of course, so I'm sure there will be those who disagree.