communication situation

[timcass_12 5]

I think not giving direct Yes or No answers is an innate Filipino trait. My suggestion is to tell your GF to not be afraid to speak what's in her mind. Tell her that communication is what makes a long-distance relationship work

[manilaphilippines 0]

Maybe she just dont know how to express herself or she's trying to explain things to you in her own way.Filipinas are known for being shy and not that expressive.maybe you need to learn how to interpret her actions in order to understand her better and be more patient dealing with her.you cannot just make her understand things the way you want her to be,it'll take time.you two should talk things out,regarding going to places sometimes that you didnt know of,maybe she thought it's ok with you.

open communication always work best in any relationship

[RyaNRiza 1]

I think that one of the hardest things about the long distance relationships is the methods of communications. When we log into chat or into email and read what our SO has written, we usually temper the meanings and actions with our own moods. Since generally we feel negatively about the situation, we might see a negative slant to the most inoccuous comments. So we read them as a negative when they were never intended as anything except a saying. I think this can be true of anyone who mainly communicates this way. Since what we say is not tempered by the visual or audio cues that we get in a face to face conversation, sarcasm, teasing, joking all tend to look exactly the same as a bold and completely honest statement. It can be so hard sometimes. But it is all worth it. In the end, I feel that Riza and I will have better communications than people who met and dated in person, since we have been working out these communications mishaps.

We each just have to find more patience and a greater understanding. It took me a while, but now I know when Riza's not ok. It doesn't mean I always know why or how I can make her feel better. But I will always try.

In regards to the not showing up on time, I know people here in the US that are never where they say they're going to be when they say that they're going to be. With them, I just learn to accept it, and suggest meeting 15-30 minutes before the time I intend to meet.

-Ryan

[edp333 9]

In regards to the not showing up on time, I know people here in the US that are never where they say they're going to be when they say that they're going to be. With them, I just learn to accept it, and suggest meeting 15-30 minutes before the time I intend to meet.

-Ryan

And showing up an hour late is still considered ontime in many phil cultures. Besides learning to accept, learn to embrace and respect the differences.

[Loterly_Richard 0]

i honestly think its just a language barrier, if your question is answerable by yes or no and she cant make up her mind then thats hmmmmmmmmm to me. but if your question is in need of explanation then bear with her novel-like answer coz we filipinas are not well-conversed as the americans becoz english is not our everyday language,we sometimes have to construct the grammar correctly first in our minds before we can actually speak them out, just the same when americans learned how to speak tagalog, it will also take them sometime to answer in tagalog. it goes the same when we reply to posts here, we would double check the grammar, the term used, spell check etc before we can actually click on the "add reply", some filipinas are good in written and some are better in conversing. in short, just bear with her plsssssss love isnt love without trust. *wink*

[swtrick 0]

After Lot brought this one to my attention and made her post I can't resist comment. Lot and I are fortunate in that we don't seem to have this problem. However I have to say GENERALLY SPEAKING (and partially disagreeing with my asawa) that its not just a English/Tagalog problem. I lived in Korea for 18 months, I socialized with Koreans, Pinoys and Pinays, and of course the Americans I worked with. Avoidance of Yes/No answers seems to be mostly an Asian cultural characteristic. I saw it with my Korean friends, and my Filipino friends. I do believe it has more to do with "saving face" or not disappointing the person you are talking to with a direct yes or no answer. Now that I think about it, even my tour guide in Beijing was evasive on certain questions. But that might have been a side effect of being in Communist China . So if your marrying an Asian person, you can expect that at points they may be indirect in answering any questions. Which could be greatly frustrating for someone who is used to yes no answers. Good luck and just remember to trust and maintaining a LDR is hard work.

[TinTin and Samby 11]

In my experience in living in the Philippines, this is very much a cultural issue. Step by Step process driven americans will almost always get frustrated in dealing with Filipinos, whether at the Department Store, the Electric Company office, friends or family...including your SO. This will take time and effort on both of your parts to overcome. You will have to learn to deal with more ambiguity and she will have to learn to be more precise and responsive. Somewhere in the middle, you guys will find the right "common ground" that works for you. Good Luck to you both.

Warm Regards,

Samby

[JelloShotGirl 0]

my husband is the Pinoy. I find it is almost impossible for him to say "no", when I am asking him a yes/no question. at times it is frustrating but u have to be patient. a lot of times he will say "its ok" and that means "yes" . I believe I can relate to what your feeling, just be patient and take time to really hear what ur spouse is saying. I am a yes/no black/white say-what- I -mean girl.... Philippines I think is a little different, dont worry in time u will get in synch. Good luck!

[forgiven 0]

I appreciate all the responses so far. A lot of good information.

Our communication has taken a great step forward the past couple of days. I'm getting better at listening more and rereading our chat logs so that i can understand clearly what she is saying.

She is trying very hard to be more direct and tell me what she really wants and feels. I have seen her smile more in the past couple days than anytime before because I believe we have made a connection this time.

[RonMay 1]

I appreciate all the responses so far. A lot of good information.

Our communication has taken a great step forward the past couple of days. I'm getting better at listening more and rereading our chat logs so that i can understand clearly what she is saying.

She is trying very hard to be more direct and tell me what she really wants and feels. I have seen her smile more in the past couple days than anytime before because I believe we have made a connection this time.

good news... i know it will grow stronger each day! God bless to both of you!!!

Edited April 18, 2008 by RonMay

[David-and-Mae 15]

I appreciate all the responses so far. A lot of good information.

Our communication has taken a great step forward the past couple of days. I'm getting better at listening more and rereading our chat logs so that i can understand clearly what she is saying.

She is trying very hard to be more direct and tell me what she really wants and feels. I have seen her smile more in the past couple days than anytime before because I believe we have made a connection this time.

That is wonderful! I'm happy for both of you! Once you have spent some time together (meaning you've met in person), things will be so much better. Believe me, it will feel heaven! You will also feel more connected to one another. Most of us here went through what you're going through. In time, you will learn more as each day passes by. And once you and your girlfriend are together for good, whatever you had to go through in the past will make the relationship even better because you both know that you went through a lot to make it together.

I'm wishing you both more happiness!

--Mae

[Sheriff Uling 3]

Forgiven:

My wife would get rattled, if I grilled her too hard on something, when we first began our relationship. Your GF could be afraid of making a mistake, angering you, or offending you to the point where you would be disappointed and leave her. Not to mention, some Filipinas are ultra sensitive, as I have found out trading war stories with the boys. It may take some time, coaching, and patience to get over this initial hump in the communication. If you have not been, you may need to be really calm, patient, and continue to talk though this initial hump. Oh, good deal... I just read your last post...

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

I think not giving direct Yes or No answers is an innate Filipino trait. My suggestion is to tell your GF to not be afraid to speak what's in her mind. Tell her that communication is what makes a long-distance relationship work

Very true!

Edited April 18, 2008 by Sheriff Uling

[David-and-Mae 15]

I think not giving direct Yes or No answers is an innate Filipino trait. My suggestion is to tell your GF to not be afraid to speak what's in her mind. Tell her that communication is what makes a long-distance relationship work

Very true! My wife would get rattled, if I grilled her too hard on something, when we first began our relationship. Your GF could be afraid of making a mistake, angering you, or offending you to the point where you would be disappointed and leave her. Not to mention, some Filipinas are ultra sensitive, as I have found out trading war stories with the boys. It may take some time, coaching, and patience to get over this initial hump in the communication. If you have not been, you may need to be really calm, patient, and continue to talk though this initial hump. Good luck...

I didn't know that you have Ph.D. on counseling, Ahmari. Will you be my counselor? I'm hearing voices sometimes... and I see people...

:jest:

[Sheriff Uling 3]

I think not giving direct Yes or No answers is an innate Filipino trait. My suggestion is to tell your GF to not be afraid to speak what's in her mind. Tell her that communication is what makes a long-distance relationship work

Very true! My wife would get rattled, if I grilled her too hard on something, when we first began our relationship. Your GF could be afraid of making a mistake, angering you, or offending you to the point where you would be disappointed and leave her. Not to mention, some Filipinas are ultra sensitive, as I have found out trading war stories with the boys. It may take some time, coaching, and patience to get over this initial hump in the communication. If you have not been, you may need to be really calm, patient, and continue to talk though this initial hump. Good luck...

I didn't know that you have Ph.D. on counseling, Ahmari. Will you be my counselor? I'm hearing voices sometimes... and I see people...

:jest:

I have to charge you my executive rate for extreme cases like yours... :-)

[David-and-Mae 15]

I think not giving direct Yes or No answers is an innate Filipino trait. My suggestion is to tell your GF to not be afraid to speak what's in her mind. Tell her that communication is what makes a long-distance relationship work

Very true! My wife would get rattled, if I grilled her too hard on something, when we first began our relationship. Your GF could be afraid of making a mistake, angering you, or offending you to the point where you would be disappointed and leave her. Not to mention, some Filipinas are ultra sensitive, as I have found out trading war stories with the boys. It may take some time, coaching, and patience to get over this initial hump in the communication. If you have not been, you may need to be really calm, patient, and continue to talk though this initial hump. Good luck...

I didn't know that you have Ph.D. on counseling, Ahmari. Will you be my counselor? I'm hearing voices sometimes... and I see people...

:jest:

I have to charge you my executive rate for extreme cases like yours... :-)

Name your price...

Edited April 21, 2008 by David-Mae Forever