Double Standards

[ayesha4akram 0]

The only thing I've experienced is him one time questioning why I had make up on. I rarely wear makeup but that particular Saturday I knew I'd be talking to him so before I started my day I did my makeup and even put my contacts in. lol. When we finally talked he asked if I went out anywhere and I said yes I went food shopping earlier and he questioned if I was wearing makeup when I went out. I blew it off and changed the subject but I know he doesn't want me to wear makeup outside without him.

Other than the only other thing is that he wanted me to go into another room while his male friends would stop by and talk for a few minutes. He specifically asked me to go into the bedroom while his friends were there and then when they were done I came back out. I'm thinking once he realizes this isn't how we do things here he'll get used to the fact that I'm going to be in the same room with his buddies, but we'll see. Maybe if we get that man room done it won't be an issue 'cause they can all cram in there instead. lol

Reminds me of the time I made up my face just for him, cause I knew he would be online that night. The first thing he said was: what's all that blood on your lips? (It was actually a nice pink color lipstick, thank god I didn't choose raspberry red ) He doesn't like me wearing makeup, in Egypt he would just roll his eyes after he knew I wasn't going out with at least a little mascara and lipgloss .

About other issues we've both discussed many things and come to an understanding, and as long as we don't cross any lines, we're good.

Well, that's about it ... oh, and yes , he's ok with me wearing makeup as long as he's with me!

[sarahaziz 0]

I don't really know if your husband will change in that respect.

It's kind of disrespectful for a mans wife to speak to other men it's like his wife is for everybody ( As a man talking with other women and his wife doesn't like it). I differ with you in this situation tho because my husband doesn't talk to other girls or even look them in the eyes. He talks to them really rudely but I don't care about other girls so it doesn't bother me. I seen that with alot of men there who are married and don't want other women thinking there could be "any friendly conversation" between them. But if you DONT want him talking to other women then you have to let him know whats up. He can't stop you to do something he's doing liek it's nothing that's disrespectful. I used the "Don't do anything you wouldn't approve of me doing" thing with my spouse and it keeps everything in line and all respect is still there. If everyone would just stick with their spouse and their spouse only (no talking,looking,etc. both man and woman) there really wouldn't be divorce ,jealousy or fear of infidelity. If you think about back in the old old bible/quran/torah days christians reserved their respect covered themselves like muslim women both men and women covered and opposite sexes didn't talk blah blah blah you know what i'm getting at. Respect is huge for me so that's my view & opinion and it's worked successfully for me. I'd talk to him about it that's the only way to get the point across besides being around the bush.

[*JG* 2]

i can't offer advice, since i'm a guy and that would violate his wishes that you don't talk to other men.

Stop that stuff......You need a big flashing warning that says MAY CAUSE YOU TO SPIT DIET COKE OUT YOUR NOSE before any comments like that!

[*JG* 2]

I have been facing a little bit of this over the last year. I am wondering if anyone else has.

I am not alllowed to talk to men except the ones I work with and family and certainly not have male friends anymore but it seems as if my husband talks freely to women, yet would never accept the same from me.

As much as it pains me, it seems as if a double standard exists in my relationship and it troubles me. He can go out with friends at night overseas and I am sure it will be the same here. But if I go out he wants one of my children with me. He doesn't want me chatting. I feel as if he can do what he wants and I am bound by another set of rules. I know he loves me. That is not the point. I just feel that he is open minded with everyone but me including other American women. He has met them and frankly tolerates all kinds of things in women in his home town but for me and his family oh heck no. I was not even able to hold a conversation with a man or laugh a little when I was in Algeria. I had to keep my eyes down. Have any of you experienced an extreme level of irrational jealousy on your husbands part about men you know, your dress or behavior?

I am opening myself up for a hell of alot of criticism but thats what VJ is about... talking about issues with mena spouses. I know he loves me. This has nothing to do with love. This has to do with culture. He is very hard on the girls in his family and his sister as well....Its not just me

First of all, I want to say I've read quite a few of your posts and while I cringe sometimes at the pain and harsh words I know you are opening yourself up to with your words, I really respect that you are so brutally honest. I learn from you all the time.

I think the double standard is #######. And, In the end, it's impossible to maintain. You could pretend for his sake that you are abiding his wishes, but you would just be lying to yourself and him. In the real world, you come in contact with all sorts of people and the polite thing to do.....the very least thing you can do....is to at least acknowledge them. Some you have to hold a converstion with. Unless you lived in some convent (and even then I have doubts), it would be impossible for you not to interact with men. He has to get over this. If he cannot or WILL NOT, I forsee many problems for you in the future.

You are brutally honest with us here. It's time you get brutally honest with him on this topic.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I don't really know if your husband will change in that respect.

It's kind of disrespectful for a mans wife to speak to other men it's like his wife is for everybody ( As a man talking with other women and his wife doesn't like it). I differ with you in this situation tho because my husband doesn't talk to other girls or even look them in the eyes. He talks to them really rudely but I don't care about other girls so it doesn't bother me. I seen that with alot of men there who are married and don't want other women thinking there could be "any friendly conversation" between them. But if you DONT want him talking to other women then you have to let him know whats up. He can't stop you to do something he's doing liek it's nothing that's disrespectful. I used the "Don't do anything you wouldn't approve of me doing" thing with my spouse and it keeps everything in line and all respect is still there. If everyone would just stick with their spouse and their spouse only (no talking,looking,etc. both man and woman) there really wouldn't be divorce ,jealousy or fear of infidelity. If you think about back in the old old bible/quran/torah days christians reserved their respect covered themselves like muslim women both men and women covered and opposite sexes didn't talk blah blah blah you know what i'm getting at. Respect is huge for me so that's my view & opinion and it's worked successfully for me. I'd talk to him about it that's the only way to get the point across besides being around the bush.

You do not differ from me because he did not talk to women while I was there in front of me. I just know that he works with a ton of women and they fuss all over him and dote on him and frankly he did his best not to show me this behavior. I just know that he is friendly and open minded with other people.. A whole lot less with me

[chaishai 1]

I live in a neighborhood with lots of orthodox jewish women. They dont touch other men, shake hands etc. They talk to them though, you know in a very platonic way. Wouldnt that be an OK compromise?

[sarahaziz 0]

I don't really know if your husband will change in that respect.

It's kind of disrespectful for a mans wife to speak to other men it's like his wife is for everybody ( As a man talking with other women and his wife doesn't like it). I differ with you in this situation tho because my husband doesn't talk to other girls or even look them in the eyes. He talks to them really rudely but I don't care about other girls so it doesn't bother me. I seen that with alot of men there who are married and don't want other women thinking there could be "any friendly conversation" between them. But if you DONT want him talking to other women then you have to let him know whats up. He can't stop you to do something he's doing liek it's nothing that's disrespectful. I used the "Don't do anything you wouldn't approve of me doing" thing with my spouse and it keeps everything in line and all respect is still there. If everyone would just stick with their spouse and their spouse only (no talking,looking,etc. both man and woman) there really wouldn't be divorce ,jealousy or fear of infidelity. If you think about back in the old old bible/quran/torah days christians reserved their respect covered themselves like muslim women both men and women covered and opposite sexes didn't talk blah blah blah you know what i'm getting at. Respect is huge for me so that's my view & opinion and it's worked successfully for me. I'd talk to him about it that's the only way to get the point across besides being around the bush.

You do not differ from me because he did not talk to women while I was there in front of me. I just know that he works with a ton of women and they fuss all over him and dote on him and frankly he did his best not to show me this behavior. I just know that he is friendly and open minded with other people.. A whole lot less with me

Hmm.. I understand. Yeah that's with my friend in algeria she's american/latina her husband has low tolerance with her vs being nice to other people. She said his only excuse is she's his wife and she's only for him nobody else he can show whatever face he wants with her. I guess it's a controlling thing it's normal there but not here. Your spouse knows himself with other women but he probably hasnt gained that trust in you with other men. He might think if you talk wiht another man that man will take you away or divert your attention to him. I'd smack my spouse if he acted like that.

[sarahaziz 0]

i don't think you'll get the point across here entirely I'd talk seriously with your spouse about that. Change his way of thinking letting him know the relationship won't be successful if you feel uncomfortable in that area.

[SaadBell 0]

wahrania,

I think deep down he just really loves you and doesn't know how to express it westerly. He grew up in a culture that it shows love when someone is fussing over you. Will he ever change, not sure, but at least you know he loves you. Why tell him all the small details of your daily life, somethings are not that important to share all the details, while he is still away. Saves a lot of agreements.

[jade2004 0]

I had many discussions with my husband before he came and he know how independent that I am and have been and that here in the USA it is much different. We talked about it and he explained to me that when I went to Jordan that men don't shake hands and stuff like we do here. So I respected that and explained that I am a respectful person and I would try my best to be mindful that he has concerns about me around men.

Ok, well since he has been here almost 9 months and has interacted with my friends, family, co-workers, clients and others and see's that alot of us hug and he also does that it is normal and he is not one bit uncomfortable with it. He knows that me being an alcohol and drug counselor that I have very deep conversations with male clients and talk about everything even sexual problems of theirs, as this is my job to help them in all areas of their lives men and women. He loves me and trust me and we don't have these issues. We go out together and have fun and don't seem to have these issues.

This is an awesome point....I think it is so very important to continue to educate your hubby before he gets here and gets a huge culture shock. The men here look, they ogle, some will even make remarks (in front of your spouse)...he should be prepared for this.

Also, in my opinion....men and women conversing with each other should be fine as long as it doesn't cross a line and become disrespectful to your spouse. If you are ''hiding'' the fact that you talk to another man or woman from your SO...more than likely--it isn't an ''inocent conversation among friend''....his friends are my friends and vice versa....he has introduced me to a couple of his female friends who I now have the opportunity to call my sister.

Just continue to talk to your spouse, i would hate for this to become an issue of argument when he comes here--you guys are already going to have so many adjustments...

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

American woman made American men into submissives so they can do the same with men from other countries.

If I were an american woman I would be more careful with your foreign husbands around american women. American women are much more likely to try to get your husbands to sleep with them than woman from their native country. American woman want to do everything men do and that includes sleeping around.

[*JG* 2]

American woman made American men into submissives so they can do the same with men from other countries.

If I were an american woman I would be more careful with your foreign husbands around american women. American women are much more likely to try to get your husbands to sleep with them than woman from their native country. American woman want to do everything men do and that includes sleeping around.

Well, now.....that's a pleasant thought.

[SaadBell 0]

American woman made American men into submissives so they can do the same with men from other countries.

If I were an american woman I would be more careful with your foreign husbands around american women. American women are much more likely to try to get your husbands to sleep with them than woman from their native country. American woman want to do everything men do and that includes sleeping around.

[TracyTN 237]

American woman made American men into submissives so they can do the same with men from other countries.

If I were an american woman I would be more careful with your foreign husbands around american women. American women are much more likely to try to get your husbands to sleep with them than woman from their native country. American woman want to do everything men do and that includes sleeping around.

I normally don't post in MENA threads, but this about made me fall of my chair with laughter!!

[Jenn! 918]

American woman made American men into submissives so they can do the same with men from other countries.

If I were an american woman I would be more careful with your foreign husbands around american women. American women are much more likely to try to get your husbands to sleep with them than woman from their native country. American woman want to do everything men do and that includes sleeping around.

Well, now.....that's a pleasant thought.

Indeed!

Ganja_girl, maybe you can post some more serial killer stories to lighten the mood!