Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 6)

[*JG* 2]

Well here is my contribution for discussion for the day. Alittle background before. I was married to a Ja man who filed a fiance visa for me waaay back in the 80's. We were married for 13 years and had two children with him. Then he punched in in the face and I left him. He is a CPA with a good job with the NYC hospitals system and very intelligent. He is so into politics and he ran for NYC councilman last year but lost. He thinks he is all that. LOL While we were married, I used to work as the assistant to the president of a woman's org. I always wanted to be a nurse so I went to nursing school and worked part-time. We had previous discussion about me not working , because I was required to be in school fultime to complete my clinicals. He was not as supportive as he promised to be. I kinda figured him out and that's why I decided to struggle and have a job while going to nursing school fulltime. I was very successful in completing school and getting my nursing license. I started as a psychiatric nurse and whenever I wanted to work overtime to make some extra money, it became an issue of my acting like I was a single woman and a lot of other complaints. The marriage deteriorated from there.

When I left him, he vowed to destroy me saying "I made you and I will break you." We had a terrible divorce which I sheltered my kids from. I got full exclusive custody of my children and signed over our house to him (that's what he wanted). After that I was able to buy my first home and had a very successsful job. My relationships with men have not been the same, couldn't trust them. I found that I always levitated to non-professional men. The last relationship I was in was with a barber. He tole me one day, I heard you are seeing a barber. Why don't you find a man who is a professional like you and meets up to your standards?" My reply was "He is a professional barber and what does his career have to do with our relationship? As long as he treats me with respect and love me the way I deserve to be loved, Why does it matter what he does for a living? The convo ended right there.

Last week he called me again, not to talk about my kids but to inquire about my personal life. I used to always shut him down, but decided to go along with the conversation. I told him that I was not in a relationship at the moment and he went ahead to say why can't I find a professional partner who meets my standards? You are a smart intelligent and beautiful woman and you should not settle for less.

Saying all that to get to my question. I hope you all are not saying "get to the question already"

How do you all feel about that statement? Do you guys think that you should try to get with a man that meets you on that professional or educational level? Or is it more important to be with a man who loves you and treats you with respect? My thoughts on this are that as long as you are both compatable and you both love and respect each other, what he does for a living should not matter. Love has no boundaries. If you go out there looking for only that "professional" are you sure he will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I feel that some of these professoinals are so into themselves and their profession that they might not give you what you deserve.

Opinions?

I think many different people have many different wonderful qualities to add to a relationship.

I also think money isn't everything. How many people do you know who are very comfortable in the money department, yet miserable in their relationships?

I too believe as long as there is love and respect in your relationship, you can work all the rest of it out to suit your own individual needs.

[Sonshyne 2]

Well here is my contribution for discussion for the day. Alittle background before. I was married to a Ja man who filed a fiance visa for me waaay back in the 80's. We were married for 13 years and had two children with him. Then he punched in in the face and I left him. He is a CPA with a good job with the NYC hospitals system and very intelligent. He is so into politics and he ran for NYC councilman last year but lost. He thinks he is all that. LOL While we were married, I used to work as the assistant to the president of a woman's org. I always wanted to be a nurse so I went to nursing school and worked part-time. We had previous discussion about me not working , because I was required to be in school fultime to complete my clinicals. He was not as supportive as he promised to be. I kinda figured him out and that's why I decided to struggle and have a job while going to nursing school fulltime. I was very successful in completing school and getting my nursing license. I started as a psychiatric nurse and whenever I wanted to work overtime to make some extra money, it became an issue of my acting like I was a single woman and a lot of other complaints. The marriage deteriorated from there.

When I left him, he vowed to destroy me saying "I made you and I will break you." We had a terrible divorce which I sheltered my kids from. I got full exclusive custody of my children and signed over our house to him (that's what he wanted). After that I was able to buy my first home and had a very successsful job. My relationships with men have not been the same, couldn't trust them. I found that I always levitated to non-professional men. The last relationship I was in was with a barber. He tole me one day, I heard you are seeing a barber. Why don't you find a man who is a professional like you and meets up to your standards?" My reply was "He is a professional barber and what does his career have to do with our relationship? As long as he treats me with respect and love me the way I deserve to be loved, Why does it matter what he does for a living? The convo ended right there.

Last week he called me again, not to talk about my kids but to inquire about my personal life. I used to always shut him down, but decided to go along with the conversation. I told him that I was not in a relationship at the moment and he went ahead to say why can't I find a professional partner who meets my standards? You are a smart intelligent and beautiful woman and you should not settle for less.

Saying all that to get to my question. I hope you all are not saying "get to the question already"

How do you all feel about that statement? Do you guys think that you should try to get with a man that meets you on that professional or educational level? Or is it more important to be with a man who loves you and treats you with respect? My thoughts on this are that as long as you are both compatable and you both love and respect each other, what he does for a living should not matter. Love has no boundaries. If you go out there looking for only that "professional" are you sure he will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I feel that some of these professoinals are so into themselves and their profession that they might not give you what you deserve.

Opinions?

I think many different people have many different wonderful qualities to add to a relationship.

I also think money isn't everything. How many people do you know who are very comfortable in the money department, yet miserable in their relationships?

I too believe as long as there is love and respect in your relationship, you can work all the rest of it out to suit your own individual needs.

I agree

[Jengles 0]

Well here is my contribution for discussion for the day. Alittle background before. I was married to a Ja man who filed a fiance visa for me waaay back in the 80's. We were married for 13 years and had two children with him. Then he punched in in the face and I left him. He is a CPA with a good job with the NYC hospitals system and very intelligent. He is so into politics and he ran for NYC councilman last year but lost. He thinks he is all that. LOL While we were married, I used to work as the assistant to the president of a woman's org. I always wanted to be a nurse so I went to nursing school and worked part-time. We had previous discussion about me not working , because I was required to be in school fultime to complete my clinicals. He was not as supportive as he promised to be. I kinda figured him out and that's why I decided to struggle and have a job while going to nursing school fulltime. I was very successful in completing school and getting my nursing license. I started as a psychiatric nurse and whenever I wanted to work overtime to make some extra money, it became an issue of my acting like I was a single woman and a lot of other complaints. The marriage deteriorated from there.

When I left him, he vowed to destroy me saying "I made you and I will break you." We had a terrible divorce which I sheltered my kids from. I got full exclusive custody of my children and signed over our house to him (that's what he wanted). After that I was able to buy my first home and had a very successsful job. My relationships with men have not been the same, couldn't trust them. I found that I always levitated to non-professional men. The last relationship I was in was with a barber. He tole me one day, I heard you are seeing a barber. Why don't you find a man who is a professional like you and meets up to your standards?" My reply was "He is a professional barber and what does his career have to do with our relationship? As long as he treats me with respect and love me the way I deserve to be loved, Why does it matter what he does for a living? The convo ended right there.

Last week he called me again, not to talk about my kids but to inquire about my personal life. I used to always shut him down, but decided to go along with the conversation. I told him that I was not in a relationship at the moment and he went ahead to say why can't I find a professional partner who meets my standards? You are a smart intelligent and beautiful woman and you should not settle for less.

Saying all that to get to my question. I hope you all are not saying "get to the question already"

How do you all feel about that statement? Do you guys think that you should try to get with a man that meets you on that professional or educational level? Or is it more important to be with a man who loves you and treats you with respect? My thoughts on this are that as long as you are both compatable and you both love and respect each other, what he does for a living should not matter. Love has no boundaries. If you go out there looking for only that "professional" are you sure he will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I feel that some of these professoinals are so into themselves and their profession that they might not give you what you deserve.

Opinions?

I refuse to settle.

Why should I be forced to choose between someone who is equal on both a professional AND who loves me and treats me as he should?

Been there, done that and worn the hat.....been with men I was embarrassed at the thought of taking to my office party, who I didn't want to tell my friends about because I knew they'd say he wasn't good enough. Decided I was going to list everything that I would like my partner to be and REFUSED to compromise along the way.....almost gave in right before I met my husband, but luckily didn't.....

My partner is the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with, why should I accept anyone who loves me BUT, or who is smart BUT, or is a lovely person BUT.....

If you DON'T care whether a man is a professional, then fine...But if you would PREFER, why compromise?

I believe Mr Right is out there for EVERY last one of us, however MANY of us married Mr Almost Right, or Mr Could Be Right Just Not For Me.....

This was my personal epiphany, and it took long enough coming!

Agreed! For me the most deciding factor in a man is ambition...and not just the kind you talk about but the ones who are are doing something. Talked to a lot of guys who wanted to do this or do that..but never did anything..

[Shemmy 4]

Jax - the first time is sooooooooo exciting. When is he going? Are you going?

It's been two years since Damien been home.

We are going when he is done with summer school. Thinking the end of July start of August. He is going the first week alone and then Jaylyn and I will be traveling down the next week. So he is staying 2 weeks and I am staying one week. I wish we could afford the El Greco but we will be staying away from the beach. I forgot the name of the hotel. Yeah we will see if we go next year with the baby and everything. We thought Grandma should see the baby. She has no family left in Jamaica so it will be nice to visit her. I am hoping she will take Jaylyn for the weekend so I can go to the beach and hang out. I am excited to hangout with my friends too. This will be also the longest time for me away from my friends. I am use to going once a year and it will be a little over a year. I am hoping we can go other places beside Jamaica someday. Maybe Disney World in the next couple of years.

Did you go when he went done for the first time? Does he not want to go back now?

My mother, aunt and I went back with him the first trip March 2006. That was the first time our families met. It was nice but a short trip.

We went back that July for Sumfest. 13 of our friends went with us...they stayed 4 nights. We toured JA while Damien was visiting his friends and family during the day and we all partied every night. I stayed two extra nights...just me and him....no interruptions. He end up staying for extra 4-5 nights with his brothers.

I went back with some friends last July but he did not want to go. Too many pressures from his family. We're going the first week in August. He's now excited.

It sounds like everyone is going back the first week of August. Mindy is also going that week. I am glad we have a small family. Hubby is just bring down dog chains for his Kaos family group. Boys

Try having 3 brothers who wears the same size as you Damien came home almost naked the first trip. He learned his lesson the 2nd trip. Let's see what will happen this August...

Yeah, we're landing the same time as Mindy. Maybe we'll have a quick group hug before they leave for Kingston.

Girl, I hate that. Back in the day, my brother would go down with all his clothing and would come back with NOTHING! They now not to ask me that now. I also told my fiance, he better get his family straight. The amount of MONEY that is spent on the immgration process is STRESSFUL enough, so, they better not ask you for nothing.

Still didn't hear about the football team yet.

Good morning. MOST times his brothers aren't too bad. I call all of them "Pretty Ricky" because they like stylish clothes. They always look nice.

Football....whenever you have time. Last spring he played on some guys from all over the Caribbean on Andews Air Force base but I'm sure it's not the same.

[brownnskinn 0]

Agreed! For me the most deciding factor in a man is ambition...and not just the kind you talk about but the ones who are are doing something. Talked to a lot of guys who wanted to do this or do that..but never did anything..

Morning.

Ditto....ambition, better yet goals setting ability. 'Where do you see us in five, ten, 15 years?....that's my kind of man!

[Shemmy 4]

Sorry to hear about your Grandma Jamie!

I guess one thing I dislike about the USA, 90% of the strollers are puke green!!

:lol:

please don't all stone me at once!

Hey I just bought a green one with frogs. It was the cheapest one around and my favorite color is green so it works for me.

Ok I am headed off to lunch but had a topic I wanted to throw out there...

Would you still file AOS or removing conditions for your spouse if things in the marriage didn't work out between the two of you? Take out all the factors of them just coming for a green card and all that. It was a genuine bona fide marriage but it just didn't work between the two of you. Would you file to let them stay here?

What factors would or wouldn't cause you to file for them?

(Please don't read more into this than there is in regard to my personal situation...I am genuinely just curious and wonder what others would do in the situation.)

Well, considering AOS should really be filed before the I-94 expires and he is out of status, I would say Hell no. If my marriage can't last 90 days, it couldn't have been very bonafide in the first place. And, honestly, I would not accept any reasoning whatsoever at this point.

Now, if you are talking about Lifting of Conditions......2 years later, that would be a different story for me. I'd still say NO; but at least he could file a waiver and file for himself. I would not oppose his petition.

My husband told me he would go back to Jamaica if that would ever happen. With the CR1 there is no AOS. So they already have their green card once they arrive.

I thought if u've been married less than 2yrs u get a conditional greencard...thats's i'm going thru it right now

I have a question about that. When my friend filed K-1 for her man and then the AOS (took a long time to get)...he was given a 10-year green card? Is that right.

Don't know. It took 16 months before Damien got his 2 year green card.

[brownnskinn 0]

si mi yah...I was too upset to get online yesterday...mi come home and im ooman a sit a my bbclaat kitchen table. Messed up thing is I can't change the locks yet, until we go to Court, which is not for another 4 months.

I think I would have lost it. .and she must be some brave woman.

[Shemmy 4]

Agreed! For me the most deciding factor in a man is ambition...and not just the kind you talk about but the ones who are are doing something. Talked to a lot of guys who wanted to do this or do that..but never did anything..

Morning.

Ditto....ambition, better yet goals setting ability. 'Where do you see us in five, ten, 15 years?....that's my kind of man!

Agreed

[Jengles 0]

Agreed! For me the most deciding factor in a man is ambition...and not just the kind you talk about but the ones who are are doing something. Talked to a lot of guys who wanted to do this or do that..but never did anything..

Morning.

Ditto....ambition, better yet goals setting ability. 'Where do you see us in five, ten, 15 years?....that's my kind of man!

Agreed

as long as we are also working towards those goals then i'm cool, setting goals and actually working towards them are 2 different things.

[brownnskinn 0]

Sorry to hear about your Grandma Jamie!

I guess one thing I dislike about the USA, 90% of the strollers are puke green!!

please don't all stone me at once!

Hey I just bought a green one with frogs. It was the cheapest one around and my favorite color is green so it works for me.

Ok I am headed off to lunch but had a topic I wanted to throw out there...

Would you still file AOS or removing conditions for your spouse if things in the marriage didn't work out between the two of you? Take out all the factors of them just coming for a green card and all that. It was a genuine bona fide marriage but it just didn't work between the two of you. Would you file to let them stay here?

What factors would or wouldn't cause you to file for them?

(Please don't read more into this than there is in regard to my personal situation...I am genuinely just curious and wonder what others would do in the situation.)

Well, considering AOS should really be filed before the I-94 expires and he is out of status, I would say Hell no. If my marriage can't last 90 days, it couldn't have been very bonafide in the first place. And, honestly, I would not accept any reasoning whatsoever at this point.

Now, if you are talking about Lifting of Conditions......2 years later, that would be a different story for me. I'd still say NO; but at least he could file a waiver and file for himself. I would not oppose his petition.

My husband told me he would go back to Jamaica if that would ever happen. With the CR1 there is no AOS. So they already have their green card once they arrive.

I thought if u've been married less than 2yrs u get a conditional greencard...thats's i'm going thru it right now

I have a question about that. When my friend filed K-1 for her man and then the AOS (took a long time to get)...he was given a 10-year green card? Is that right.

Don't know. It took 16 months before Damien got his 2 year green card.

I thought that it was some truth to the fact, if they take longer than two years from the date you both were married(or some date) they would issue a 10 years green card?

as long as we are also working towards those goals then i'm cool, setting goals and actually working towards them are 2 different things.

Of course. Haf to me working towards them as well.

[Shemmy 4]

Don't know. It took 16 months before Damien got his 2 year green card.

I thought that it was some truth to the fact, if they take longer than two years from the date you both were married(or some date) they would issue a 10 years green card?

Yup, I believe over two years.

That's it. She didn't say how long...

[brownnskinn 0]

Yall have a good day...I need sleep. The night shift I killin me.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Lawny,

I ain't even finish reading your post yet,...get an order of proctection that says she can't come within ex-number of feet within your house. i'm sure she threanted you...and even if she didn't call her and leave some bad wud pon her phone and when she call u back don't pick up, let it go into voicemail and take it down to the police station....and i don't even think u need a voicemail....while he may have the right to be there...she doesn't...Go to the police station...there has to be some sort of trespassing law for her....she's in your house...and you never invite her...he is part owner but he doesn't live there, I really can't believe he has free access to the whole house...now let me see what else u had to say...

He owns half the house...we live in MD, so law says, I can't put him out or lock him out (unless he HURTS me). Girl, this is just FRIGGIN fustrating. I told that gyal no come back a mi yard. I told her to get the hell out and when she refused, I took her purse and threw it outside. She start cussing, neighbors were outside working in their yards and I was so embrassed. I told her I'm calling the police, so they left.

Yuh see wah mi seh... Mi haffi shawt shawt tempa, wen she refused mi wodda had deh green light and license to WOOP HER A$$!! Mi nuh wan fe mek yuh no more upset but dis ere really mek mi angry. Ah who she tink she is??

Bwoy mi tell yuh mi haffi calm dung nuh

I feel the same way...go the police station and file a police report...i'm sure somewhere in the cussing yesterday there was a threat, if not make one up...think about it this way...say Marcel does get his NOA2 in weeks and is able to come up here before the 4 months...what would happen when your ex come in the house like he live there...Marcel would kick his ###..then he would have a police record and no AOS...U NUH WANT THAT...so you have to start setting up shop the right way from now and secure you and your man's future...

Shyne/Jengs,

Trust mi...I've thought about doing all sorts of stuff. I went to the police 6 months ago and was told there's really nothing that can be done in obtaining an order of protection, since he hasn't done anything. Then they told me about the law and locking him out or changing the locks. If I change the locks, all he has to do is call and locksmith and have them open the door. Marcel and I won't be living at that house. I hope (and ladies, please pray for me) that I'll close on this house April 30th. Everything is in place so far; and Jengs, Marcel will kick him down.

Hear the gyal...she ago call police cause mi destroy her property (cause mi fling her purse outside)...mi stand up a mi front step and fling it into the street. I didn't care. I told her to get out and she was refusing to leave. What hurts me the most, is that my son was there and the BURNED me. You have no idea. I'm telling you right now, if she's there today. Ya'll will not see me on line for a while. I hate to say that, but that's how I'm feeling now.

Just got of the phone with local police and was told I can get a no-treprass order against her since she's harrasing me. So, back to the Courts tomorrow. That I will not be able to get for 6-8 weeks. Now, if mi BAX her down...they'll lock me up right away. I just don't get it.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Don't know. It took 16 months before Damien got his 2 year green card.

I thought that it was some truth to the fact, if they take longer than two years from the date you both were married(or some date) they would issue a 10 years green card?

Yup, I believe over two years.

That's it. She didn't say how long...

They have not been married 2 years. She did all this early last year and they took a very long time to process her AOS. I asked her if she's sure it's a ten year and it is. I saw the card on Saturday. I just thought it was strange. Because as I understand it, you get a CONDITIONAL card for 2 years, right? Now, her sister is wondering the same thing.

Jax - the first time is sooooooooo exciting. When is he going? Are you going?

It's been two years since Damien been home.

We are going when he is done with summer school. Thinking the end of July start of August. He is going the first week alone and then Jaylyn and I will be traveling down the next week. So he is staying 2 weeks and I am staying one week. I wish we could afford the El Greco but we will be staying away from the beach. I forgot the name of the hotel. Yeah we will see if we go next year with the baby and everything. We thought Grandma should see the baby. She has no family left in Jamaica so it will be nice to visit her. I am hoping she will take Jaylyn for the weekend so I can go to the beach and hang out. I am excited to hangout with my friends too. This will be also the longest time for me away from my friends. I am use to going once a year and it will be a little over a year. I am hoping we can go other places beside Jamaica someday. Maybe Disney World in the next couple of years.

Did you go when he went done for the first time? Does he not want to go back now?

My mother, aunt and I went back with him the first trip March 2006. That was the first time our families met. It was nice but a short trip.

We went back that July for Sumfest. 13 of our friends went with us...they stayed 4 nights. We toured JA while Damien was visiting his friends and family during the day and we all partied every night. I stayed two extra nights...just me and him....no interruptions. He end up staying for extra 4-5 nights with his brothers.

I went back with some friends last July but he did not want to go. Too many pressures from his family. We're going the first week in August. He's now excited.

It sounds like everyone is going back the first week of August. Mindy is also going that week. I am glad we have a small family. Hubby is just bring down dog chains for his Kaos family group. Boys

Try having 3 brothers who wears the same size as you Damien came home almost naked the first trip. He learned his lesson the 2nd trip. Let's see what will happen this August...

Yeah, we're landing the same time as Mindy. Maybe we'll have a quick group hug before they leave for Kingston.

Girl, I hate that. Back in the day, my brother would go down with all his clothing and would come back with NOTHING! They now not to ask me that now. I also told my fiance, he better get his family straight. The amount of MONEY that is spent on the immgration process is STRESSFUL enough, so, they better not ask you for nothing.

Still didn't hear about the football team yet.

Good morning. MOST times his brothers aren't too bad. I call all of them "Pretty Ricky" because they like stylish clothes. They always look nice.

Football....whenever you have time. Last spring he played on some guys from all over the Caribbean on Andews Air Force base but I'm sure it's not the same.

I think I was at that game. My ex, his team was playing

[Jengles 0]

Lawny,

I ain't even finish reading your post yet,...get an order of proctection that says she can't come within ex-number of feet within your house. i'm sure she threanted you...and even if she didn't call her and leave some bad wud pon her phone and when she call u back don't pick up, let it go into voicemail and take it down to the police station....and i don't even think u need a voicemail....while he may have the right to be there...she doesn't...Go to the police station...there has to be some sort of trespassing law for her....she's in your house...and you never invite her...he is part owner but he doesn't live there, I really can't believe he has free access to the whole house...now let me see what else u had to say...

He owns half the house...we live in MD, so law says, I can't put him out or lock him out (unless he HURTS me). Girl, this is just FRIGGIN fustrating. I told that gyal no come back a mi yard. I told her to get the hell out and when she refused, I took her purse and threw it outside. She start cussing, neighbors were outside working in their yards and I was so embrassed. I told her I'm calling the police, so they left.

Yuh see wah mi seh... Mi haffi shawt shawt tempa, wen she refused mi wodda had deh green light and license to WOOP HER A$$!! Mi nuh wan fe mek yuh no more upset but dis ere really mek mi angry. Ah who she tink she is??

Bwoy mi tell yuh mi haffi calm dung nuh

I feel the same way...go the police station and file a police report...i'm sure somewhere in the cussing yesterday there was a threat, if not make one up...think about it this way...say Marcel does get his NOA2 in weeks and is able to come up here before the 4 months...what would happen when your ex come in the house like he live there...Marcel would kick his ###..then he would have a police record and no AOS...U NUH WANT THAT...so you have to start setting up shop the right way from now and secure you and your man's future...

Shyne/Jengs,

Trust mi...I've thought about doing all sorts of stuff. I went to the police 6 months ago and was told there's really nothing that can be done in obtaining an order of protection, since he hasn't done anything. Then they told me about the law and locking him out or changing the locks. If I change the locks, all he has to do is call and locksmith and have them open the door. Marcel and I won't be living at that house. I hope (and ladies, please pray for me) that I'll close on this house April 30th. Everything is in place so far; and Jengs, Marcel will kick him down.

Hear the gyal...she ago call police cause mi destroy her property (cause mi fling her purse outside)...mi stand up a mi front step and fling it into the street. I didn't care. I told her to get out and she was refusing to leave. What hurts me the most, is that my son was there and the BURNED me. You have no idea. I'm telling you right now, if she's there today. Ya'll will not see me on line for a while. I hate to say that, but that's how I'm feeling now.

Just got of the phone with local police and was told I can get a no-treprass order against her since she's harrasing me. So, back to the Courts tomorrow. That I will not be able to get for 6-8 weeks. Now, if mi BAX her down...they'll lock me up right away. I just don't get it.

excellent,