Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 6)

[Yaads 0]

Well guys; I have been logged on all morning but have not been able to catch up with the goings on (I will later). Here is my issue----

Bear with me, this is gonna be long.....sigh

Mike and I were introduced back in March 8 2007 by my sis-in-law. I went to Ja to meet him in April and then again in October. After we met for the first time, it was an instant connection and we found that we had a lot in common in regards to what our expectations are in a relationship. We grew up a couple of miles apart from each other, we are the same age--he is older by 2 months. He is a Seventh-Day Adventist. I was born one. We were both married and are now divorced. We are both educated and have great conversations.

When I visited him, I did what anyone in a relationship would do, brought him gifts (it was around his birthday) and when I got back home and he lost his job after hurricaine Dean, I helped him out financially.

After I met him I found that he was everything I wanted in a life partner. I started to look into this VJ and found this site that offered a wealth of information. As we continued to get to know each other, I told him that I wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives and he told me he wanted the same thing. When I mentioned to him about the ways we could go about achieving that in regards to the fiance visa, he told me that his father had filed a petition for him way back in 2000 and he has not heard anything about it. He went as far as to give me copies of his petition and his father's number and asked that I followup on it for him. That made me really happy because the process was already in place.

After I contacted his father and got his info I called USCIS got his NVC case number, I started to followup and was asked by him after explanation from me, to be his agent. Since then I have taken care of all correspondence to and from NVC and all fees have been paid by me.

I do not know if you all remember how stressed out I was earlier this year, about the DS-230 and police report? Well, we have finally gotten over the hurdle of having case complete.

Well, I called him last night to tell him the good news and he was all nonchalant and not too responsive to me. I asked him if everthing was alright and he said everthing was. I then said what was the matter then and he said "I want to go to sleep". I was very perturbed and pissed off because I find that very unusual a reaction for a situation like this.

Lately, as I stated in some post before, we have not been talking that much. He is hot and cold towards me. when I call him during the day at work, everything is alright and we have a graet conversation. When I call him at night (I try not to call him after 9:30pm--he goes to bed then) he is not too eager to talk to me and I find that disturbing.

I know what all has been said here on VJ and in the past few pages of posts--but I am here wondering what the heck is going on.

I called his father and step-mom last night and told them how I felt and told them that if and when he get the visa, I do not want him to come to my home. They should have him come to Florida and stay a while with them and I will see how things are and waht happens then. I want to wait to see if this behavior is just out of fraustration or what and will things change after he is here.

What do you all think about this and am I wrong in telling his father what I did?

Your thoughts and reaction to this would be really appreciated.

Sorry for the long post, I have no-one else to share things like this with and I am counting on my VJ sistas to give a listening ear and shoulder to lean on

I don't like that at all. Claire, my mom is also 7-day

Wonderful advice so far ladies

I must say I agree with Lawny on the bolded stuff...that troubles me a bit. The impression I got from your post (and please correct me if I am wrong) is that him not being to eager to talk with you at night is a common occurence and not something new. Is that right? Cause if something was bothering him or he was frustrated I could see it explaining new behaviors but if it something that has been going on for a while that is disturbing.

Bring his dad into things and talking to him about stuff isn't out of line IMO...he has been a part of it since the beginning but I am with JG in respect to the fact that you probably should have talked to Mike first.

All in all a good heartfelt talk is in order. Be open, honest and upfront with him and let him know you need to know what is going on - no matter how big or small you need to know whats up.

[Jengles 0]

If you get to itemize, you do get to take a portion of that daycare cost off your taxes too. It's not a big plus in lieu of the costs involved; but it is something.

right think it's between 3 to 5 thousand dollars

Holy cow! When I spent close to 10,000 on daycare .. I got $600 back. :-(

Must depend on the state.

I think that is how much u can deduct

[tnw 0]

If you get to itemize, you do get to take a portion of that daycare cost off your taxes too. It's not a big plus in lieu of the costs involved; but it is something.

Yeah, that's a plus but ur right.....the small write off u get from that surely doesn't outweigh the "upfront" costs etc.

Jengs....those are good suggestions too....sometimes we have to explore other options to meet our needs so maybe looking at some non-traditional childcare options (family, friends, smaller centers etc.) might be another option?

Trust me....I would love to have a bunch of extra money if I ever had kids but if It doesn't go that way, I gotta be creative, Right?

[SweetSugahDumplin 0]

hi guys do u think any of ur SOs would object to being a stay at home dad if need be if its cheaper than daycare? By the way what are infant daycare costs like and the times in which u can drop them off and pick them up.

I can't say this loud enough but YES, most jamaican men do not like to be at home, looking after pickney, even if it's theres. they want to work be out the house.

yup that was his response when i asked him. My thoughts were that it may be cheaper for him stay home. Its just a thought. Now if he gets paid like 11.75 im estimating at 40 hours a week that would give about 350 maybe? and that will only just cover daycare and we need a lot more than that im trying figure what cost i will cut to afford daycare and any other expenses right now i have no extra to cover that so i been praying on it and trying find a cheaper place to live.

did u price daycare where u are??? know any older ladies who want to supplement their income??? Is your mother near you she might know someone

When my daughter was in Daycare ... and I even found preschool this way ... I called churches. Both the churches that helped me happen to be Methodist but Church people know people.... They know the community.

Open the yellow pages and call and visit everyone you can.

When I moved back to Maine I cried and cried because I didnt think I could afford it. Even though I work at home I couldnt get work done with a wired kid running around. I eventually found some GREAT care.

You have to hunt the good ones down!

I been crying and cryin too already and baby is nowhere near here yet. Going to do some OT now while i can to try save up some money and finish off my jamaica travel debt and the visa stuff. Im going to start lookign into and call some places. Im still hoping the TX thing will come through for me by summer that will tremendously cut my costs. They need 8 people to leave before i can come. So far one is leaving so now thats 7. Ill keep prayin on it. Ive also been trying to find places here cheaper where i dont have to sign a 12 month lease. Thank you all for ur advice i truly appreciate it, its like noone outside this visa/adjustment process can even begin to understand.

[*JG* 2]

hi guys do u think any of ur SOs would object to being a stay at home dad if need be if its cheaper than daycare? By the way what are infant daycare costs like and the times in which u can drop them off and pick them up.

I can't say this loud enough but YES, most jamaican men do not like to be at home, looking after pickney, even if it's theres. they want to work be out the house.

yup that was his response when i asked him. My thoughts were that it may be cheaper for him stay home. Its just a thought. Now if he gets paid like 11.75 im estimating at 40 hours a week that would give about 350 maybe? and that will only just cover daycare and we need a lot more than that im trying figure what cost i will cut to afford daycare and any other expenses right now i have no extra to cover that so i been praying on it and trying find a cheaper place to live.

did u price daycare where u are??? know any older ladies who want to supplement their income??? Is your mother near you she might know someone

nope only folks i know in jersey are the peopl i work with no friends here outside. Mom is in MD. Id have more options there if i were still living there

Start there......Ask around work. Ask who they use. Who their other family members use. Ask at Church, if you go. Ask at your local schools. Look through the newspapers, phone books......make some visits to check out places before you make any decisions.

[Marlita 0]

Hey Claire,

Well you've seen my post about Evan getting frustrated and how it was rubbing me the wrong way cause I didnt exactly get it. Well me and him spoke...thru text cause I said we should not talk for a few days. Anyway I'll update you all on that but he enlightened me to alot of stuff that he feels in this whole process and how it is very confusing to him and he's sometimes gets scared about the whole move.

So I think that maybe (not knowing to much about you and Mike) Mike could be coming to terms with leaving his home. i think many times during this journey we the USC or America Resident, don't quite put ourselves in our SO shoes. This can be extremely hard for some of them. For some the move is the best thing ever and they just cant wait to get to the US....for good and bad reasons. For others the thought of mving to a strange place where they know no one really and barely even know you (their SO) can be quote scarely and nerve racking making them not really show excitment about th whole move. If it was me and I was moving to a foreign country away from all the family and friends i ever knew i would be so scared. I think men have a hard time showing how vulnerable they are so sometimes it manifests itself in anger or frustration or non-chalantness, all the emotions that keep them holding their manhood intact. This to us as a woman makes no sense cause we are mush more open about showing these types of emotions to our SO.

Evan an I talked and he finally broke down and told me the real probelm, and its that he says everything in his life has changed since meeting me and know the future in which he imagined has to be shifted to a future in a place and surrounded by people he is not familiar with and sometimes that thoguht make him feel out of control of his life. Could Mike be having some issues like this? I mean essentially you are handling most of the visa work and you have VJ to read and get LOTS of info on this process...your SO doesn't so he is left in the dark not truly understanding what certain things like the police report can mean to the ending of this journey. Maybe the getting of the visa is also bittersweet. My husband has a countdown to when he will finally be with me permanently but he also has a countdown to when he will have to say goodbye to his grandmother, niece, brothers and sisters and it bothers him alot.

I think you should try to pull out the real issue Mike is having cause its apparent he is not telling you something. I wouldnt get to upset about it to the point of making him live with his parents if the 2 of you have a strong commitment to each other and already discussed him living with you. i think you should first start the communication with him before you make the reaction to the situation.

[SweetSugahDumplin 0]

hi guys do u think any of ur SOs would object to being a stay at home dad if need be if its cheaper than daycare? By the way what are infant daycare costs like and the times in which u can drop them off and pick them up.

I can't say this loud enough but YES, most jamaican men do not like to be at home, looking after pickney, even if it's theres. they want to work be out the house.

yup that was his response when i asked him. My thoughts were that it may be cheaper for him stay home. Its just a thought. Now if he gets paid like 11.75 im estimating at 40 hours a week that would give about 350 maybe? and that will only just cover daycare and we need a lot more than that im trying figure what cost i will cut to afford daycare and any other expenses right now i have no extra to cover that so i been praying on it and trying find a cheaper place to live.

did u price daycare where u are??? know any older ladies who want to supplement their income??? Is your mother near you she might know someone

When my daughter was in Daycare ... and I even found preschool this way ... I called churches. Both the churches that helped me happen to be Methodist but Church people know people.... They know the community.

Open the yellow pages and call and visit everyone you can.

When I moved back to Maine I cried and cried because I didnt think I could afford it. Even though I work at home I couldnt get work done with a wired kid running around. I eventually found some GREAT care.

You have to hunt the good ones down!

I been crying and cryin too already and baby is nowhere near here yet. Going to do some OT now while i can to try save up some money and finish off my jamaica travel debt and the visa stuff. Im going to start lookign into and call some places. Im still hoping the TX thing will come through for me by summer that will tremendously cut my costs. They need 8 people to leave before i can come. So far one is leaving so now thats 7. Ill keep prayin on it. Ive also been trying to find places here cheaper where i dont have to sign a 12 month lease. Thank you all for ur advice i truly appreciate it, its like noone outside this visa/adjustment process can even begin to understand.

I forgot i have to do my taxes too that i hope will def give me a nice refund

[Yaads 0]

When my daughter was in Daycare ... and I even found preschool this way ... I called churches. Both the churches that helped me happen to be Methodist but Church people know people.... They know the community.

Open the yellow pages and call and visit everyone you can.

When I moved back to Maine I cried and cried because I didnt think I could afford it. Even though I work at home I couldnt get work done with a wired kid running around. I eventually found some GREAT care.

You have to hunt the good ones down!

That is so true! Very good advice - churches are a great resource.

[Jengles 0]

Well guys; I have been logged on all morning but have not been able to catch up with the goings on (I will later). Here is my issue----

Bear with me, this is gonna be long.....sigh

Mike and I were introduced back in March 8 2007 by my sis-in-law. I went to Ja to meet him in April and then again in October. After we met for the first time, it was an instant connection and we found that we had a lot in common in regards to what our expectations are in a relationship. We grew up a couple of miles apart from each other, we are the same age--he is older by 2 months. He is a Seventh-Day Adventist. I was born one. We were both married and are now divorced. We are both educated and have great conversations.

When I visited him, I did what anyone in a relationship would do, brought him gifts (it was around his birthday) and when I got back home and he lost his job after hurricaine Dean, I helped him out financially.

After I met him I found that he was everything I wanted in a life partner. I started to look into this VJ and found this site that offered a wealth of information. As we continued to get to know each other, I told him that I wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives and he told me he wanted the same thing. When I mentioned to him about the ways we could go about achieving that in regards to the fiance visa, he told me that his father had filed a petition for him way back in 2000 and he has not heard anything about it. He went as far as to give me copies of his petition and his father's number and asked that I followup on it for him. That made me really happy because the process was already in place.

After I contacted his father and got his info I called USCIS got his NVC case number, I started to followup and was asked by him after explanation from me, to be his agent. Since then I have taken care of all correspondence to and from NVC and all fees have been paid by me.

I do not know if you all remember how stressed out I was earlier this year, about the DS-230 and police report? Well, we have finally gotten over the hurdle of having case complete.

Well, I called him last night to tell him the good news and he was all nonchalant and not too responsive to me. I asked him if everthing was alright and he said everthing was. I then said what was the matter then and he said "I want to go to sleep". I was very perturbed and pissed off because I find that very unusual a reaction for a situation like this.

Lately, as I stated in some post before, we have not been talking that much. He is hot and cold towards me. when I call him during the day at work, everything is alright and we have a graet conversation. When I call him at night (I try not to call him after 9:30pm--he goes to bed then) he is not too eager to talk to me and I find that disturbing.

I know what all has been said here on VJ and in the past few pages of posts--but I am here wondering what the heck is going on.

I called his father and step-mom last night and told them how I felt and told them that if and when he get the visa, I do not want him to come to my home. They should have him come to Florida and stay a while with them and I will see how things are and waht happens then. I want to wait to see if this behavior is just out of fraustration or what and will things change after he is here.

What do you all think about this and am I wrong in telling his father what I did?

Your thoughts and reaction to this would be really appreciated.

Sorry for the long post, I have no-one else to share things like this with and I am counting on my VJ sistas to give a listening ear and shoulder to lean on

I don't like that at all. Claire, my mom is also 7-day

Wonderful advice so far ladies

I must say I agree with Lawny on the bolded stuff...that troubles me a bit. The impression I got from your post (and please correct me if I am wrong) is that him not being to eager to talk with you at night is a common occurence and not something new. Is that right? Cause if something was bothering him or he was frustrated I could see it explaining new behaviors but if it something that has been going on for a while that is disturbing.

Bring his dad into things and talking to him about stuff isn't out of line IMO...he has been a part of it since the beginning but I am with JG in respect to the fact that you probably should have talked to Mike first.

All in all a good heartfelt talk is in order. Be open, honest and upfront with him and let him know you need to know what is going on - no matter how big or small you need to know whats up.

Agreed and i'm not sure u answered the question on how far you are from florida. I would still like to see him every day or almost every day.

hi guys do u think any of ur SOs would object to being a stay at home dad if need be if its cheaper than daycare? By the way what are infant daycare costs like and the times in which u can drop them off and pick them up.

I can't say this loud enough but YES, most jamaican men do not like to be at home, looking after pickney, even if it's theres. they want to work be out the house.

yup that was his response when i asked him. My thoughts were that it may be cheaper for him stay home. Its just a thought. Now if he gets paid like 11.75 im estimating at 40 hours a week that would give about 350 maybe? and that will only just cover daycare and we need a lot more than that im trying figure what cost i will cut to afford daycare and any other expenses right now i have no extra to cover that so i been praying on it and trying find a cheaper place to live.

did u price daycare where u are??? know any older ladies who want to supplement their income??? Is your mother near you she might know someone

When my daughter was in Daycare ... and I even found preschool this way ... I called churches. Both the churches that helped me happen to be Methodist but Church people know people.... They know the community.

Open the yellow pages and call and visit everyone you can.

When I moved back to Maine I cried and cried because I didnt think I could afford it. Even though I work at home I couldnt get work done with a wired kid running around. I eventually found some GREAT care.

You have to hunt the good ones down!

I been crying and cryin too already and baby is nowhere near here yet. Going to do some OT now while i can to try save up some money and finish off my jamaica travel debt and the visa stuff. Im going to start lookign into and call some places. Im still hoping the TX thing will come through for me by summer that will tremendously cut my costs. They need 8 people to leave before i can come. So far one is leaving so now thats 7. Ill keep prayin on it. Ive also been trying to find places here cheaper where i dont have to sign a 12 month lease. Thank you all for ur advice i truly appreciate it, its like noone outside this visa/adjustment process can even begin to understand.

I forgot i have to do my taxes too that i hope will def give me a nice refund

right hopefully u can save some of that towards daycare

[Marlita 0]

hi guys do u think any of ur SOs would object to being a stay at home dad if need be if its cheaper than daycare? By the way what are infant daycare costs like and the times in which u can drop them off and pick them up.

I don't think he'd object, especially if its cheaper. I always feel like its better for the kids to be raised with a family member rather than a daycare anyway, so if this route is cheaper and better for the child then great.....but...I'd would much rather be the one at home and hubby work...he'd probly love that more too.

[Jengles 0]

hi guys do u think any of ur SOs would object to being a stay at home dad if need be if its cheaper than daycare? By the way what are infant daycare costs like and the times in which u can drop them off and pick them up.

I can't say this loud enough but YES, most jamaican men do not like to be at home, looking after pickney, even if it's theres. they want to work be out the house.

yup that was his response when i asked him. My thoughts were that it may be cheaper for him stay home. Its just a thought. Now if he gets paid like 11.75 im estimating at 40 hours a week that would give about 350 maybe? and that will only just cover daycare and we need a lot more than that im trying figure what cost i will cut to afford daycare and any other expenses right now i have no extra to cover that so i been praying on it and trying find a cheaper place to live.

did u price daycare where u are??? know any older ladies who want to supplement their income??? Is your mother near you she might know someone

When my daughter was in Daycare ... and I even found preschool this way ... I called churches. Both the churches that helped me happen to be Methodist but Church people know people.... They know the community.

Open the yellow pages and call and visit everyone you can.

When I moved back to Maine I cried and cried because I didnt think I could afford it. Even though I work at home I couldnt get work done with a wired kid running around. I eventually found some GREAT care.

You have to hunt the good ones down!

I been crying and cryin too already and baby is nowhere near here yet. Going to do some OT now while i can to try save up some money and finish off my jamaica travel debt and the visa stuff. Im going to start lookign into and call some places. Im still hoping the TX thing will come through for me by summer that will tremendously cut my costs. They need 8 people to leave before i can come. So far one is leaving so now thats 7. Ill keep prayin on it. Ive also been trying to find places here cheaper where i dont have to sign a 12 month lease. Thank you all for ur advice i truly appreciate it, its like noone outside this visa/adjustment process can even begin to understand.

I know u want to transfer thru your job.

have u thought about trying to find a job on your own, after u have the baby. you can apply for jobs from up here thanks to the internet and plan a week and go and interview. that is one of my friends did. companies will/should be flexible if u say i'm coming down this particular week

[Marlita 0]

Even $9.99 is too much. I hate the thought of spending that to send down $50.

One of my SIL's is 16 and she's been clammoring for hoodies. Seems the craze is sweeping the teenagers on the island. My problem was finding a hoodie appropriate for JA. I mean, hello, I live where it snows.....they were all too thick. We found some at Sears. Got her a lightweight long sleeve one and a couple light short sleeve ones. Also slippers. Old Navy (flip flops) slippers all the time.

MIL is tricker......I think both of your ideas are lovely.

mr jengles younger brother wanted a hoodie also....he wanted to be gangsta...mr jengles give him one of his...

Hubby wanted a hoodie for work too. haha, it was more of a dress up sweater with a hood though...got it at macys for cheap cheap when they were clearancing out all the winter stuff.They've already had swimwear up here since january.

[*JG* 2]

JALove.....I've had 2 kids and I want you to really remember this........

No matter how much you plan or how prepared you think you are.......there will NEVER be enough money. There will never be enough time. You will stress about everything. In the end, you will have a happy healthy child, you will have survived just fine---finding new and creative ways to work through everything, and when you look back, you'll wonder what the fuss was all about. Kind of like the whole visa process.

You will do just fine.

[tnw 0]

hi guys do u think any of ur SOs would object to being a stay at home dad if need be if its cheaper than daycare? By the way what are infant daycare costs like and the times in which u can drop them off and pick them up.

I can't say this loud enough but YES, most jamaican men do not like to be at home, looking after pickney, even if it's theres. they want to work be out the house.

yup that was his response when i asked him. My thoughts were that it may be cheaper for him stay home. Its just a thought. Now if he gets paid like 11.75 im estimating at 40 hours a week that would give about 350 maybe? and that will only just cover daycare and we need a lot more than that im trying figure what cost i will cut to afford daycare and any other expenses right now i have no extra to cover that so i been praying on it and trying find a cheaper place to live.

did u price daycare where u are??? know any older ladies who want to supplement their income??? Is your mother near you she might know someone

When my daughter was in Daycare ... and I even found preschool this way ... I called churches. Both the churches that helped me happen to be Methodist but Church people know people.... They know the community.

Open the yellow pages and call and visit everyone you can.

When I moved back to Maine I cried and cried because I didnt think I could afford it. Even though I work at home I couldnt get work done with a wired kid running around. I eventually found some GREAT care.

You have to hunt the good ones down!

I been crying and cryin too already and baby is nowhere near here yet. Going to do some OT now while i can to try save up some money and finish off my jamaica travel debt and the visa stuff. Im going to start lookign into and call some places. Im still hoping the TX thing will come through for me by summer that will tremendously cut my costs. They need 8 people to leave before i can come. So far one is leaving so now thats 7. Ill keep prayin on it. Ive also been trying to find places here cheaper where i dont have to sign a 12 month lease. Thank you all for ur advice i truly appreciate it, its like noone outside this visa/adjustment process can even begin to understand.

I always told Dave kids are a blessing to have but starting a family is a HUGE commitment, especially when he won't be working for several months if not more. Whatever u decided to do Kim, I'm sure you'll be o.k. cause ur a strong person....ur just feeling a little stressed by all this when it should be a happy time for u and the hubby.

Only work on what u can control first....then try to tackle the other stuff as you go along.

T

[Jengles 0]

Even $9.99 is too much. I hate the thought of spending that to send down $50.

One of my SIL's is 16 and she's been clammoring for hoodies. Seems the craze is sweeping the teenagers on the island. My problem was finding a hoodie appropriate for JA. I mean, hello, I live where it snows.....they were all too thick. We found some at Sears. Got her a lightweight long sleeve one and a couple light short sleeve ones. Also slippers. Old Navy (flip flops) slippers all the time.

MIL is tricker......I think both of your ideas are lovely.

mr jengles younger brother wanted a hoodie also....he wanted to be gangsta...mr jengles give him one of his...

Hubby wanted a hoodie for work too. haha, it was more of a dress up sweater with a hood though...got it at macys for cheap cheap when they were clearancing out all the winter stuff.They've already had swimwear up here since january.

over here when they put out the stuff early they call it " cruisewear"

JALove.....I've had 2 kids and I want you to really remember this........

No matter how much you plan or how prepared you think you are.......there will NEVER be enough money. There will never be enough time. You will stress about everything. In the end, you will have a happy healthy child, you will have survived just fine---finding new and creative ways to work through everything, and when you look back, you'll wonder what the fuss was all about. Kind of like the whole visa process.

You will do just fine.

so true