Desperation

[junglejao 0]

Hi All,

I have just returned from 8 days with my love, and I am having a really tough time. I cried for a good hour after getting on the plane, but after that I was ok. I mean, I was really sad during my 18 hour trip, but I was reasonably calm.

But once I got home, I LOST IT. I had a total panic attack- I suddenly felt the immesity of the distance between us, and realized that I couldn't just get to him if I needed to. Even if I had the money (which I don't), it would take me 2 days to reach him. It's just so far. I could see his face in front of me but I couldn't touch it. I felt like I was trapped in a bubble and couldn't get out to get to him- almost like claustrophobia. I tried to go outside but the sky just felt like it was closing in and I was nearly hyperventilating. I couldn't breathe or think rationally for almost an hour. It really freaked me out. I'm a pretty strong person and we have gone for several months in the past between visits, but this time feels different. WAY more intense.

The whole last week doesn't even feel real right now- like it was a movie or a dream I woke up from. I'm just back to my same old life again, and he is exactly where I left him. Exactly where I want to be.

I am sleep deprived after my long trip and overwhelmed by the situation, and I'm sure this is contributing to the problem. I know we're all in (or have been in) in a similar boat so I hope I'm not the only one feeling this desperate. Am I?? This is far beyond missing him. I feel a little bit crazy. Would sure appreciate any reassurance.

I will see him again when I go for his interview, whenever that may be (hopefully 2-3 months).

Thanks,

Jennifer

[freddypr 0]

Hi All,

I have just returned from 8 days with my love, and I am having a really tough time. I cried for a good hour after getting on the plane, but after that I was ok. I mean, I was really sad during my 18 hour trip, but I was reasonably calm.

But once I got home, I LOST IT. I had a total panic attack- I suddenly felt the immesity of the distance between us, and realized that I couldn't just get to him if I needed to. Even if I had the money (which I don't), it would take me 2 days to reach him. It's just so far. I could see his face in front of me but I couldn't touch it. I felt like I was trapped in a bubble and couldn't get out to get to him- almost like claustrophobia. I tried to go outside but the sky just felt like it was closing in and I was nearly hyperventilating. I couldn't breathe or think rationally for almost an hour. It really freaked me out. I'm a pretty strong person and we have gone for several months in the past between visits, but this time feels different. WAY more intense.

The whole last week doesn't even feel real right now- like it was a movie or a dream I woke up from. I'm just back to my same old life again, and he is exactly where I left him. Exactly where I want to be.

I am sleep deprived after my long trip and overwhelmed by the situation, and I'm sure this is contributing to the problem. I know we're all in (or have been in) in a similar boat so I hope I'm not the only one feeling this desperate. Am I?? This is far beyond missing him. I feel a little bit crazy. Would sure appreciate any reassurance.

I will see him again when I go for his interview, whenever that may be (hopefully 2-3 months).

Thanks,

Jennifer

[JenK 0]

Hi, I cried for a solid week every time Kim left to go back home. It did get easier. But I do know exactly how you are feeling. You are not meant to be apart, you are meant to be together.

Knowing you will be going back in 2-3 months is good, that really isnt that far away, and it might be the last time you two have to ever leave each other like that.

For me, I have no idea when I will see him again. It could be months, it could be years. We have been stuck on Administrative Processing after our interview and the wait could be an eternity. They probably won't even let him in the country if he tries to return for a visit to see me.

We just have to keep reminding ourselves we are NOT alone. We have someone out there who loves us very much. We also know it is just time that is separating us and eventually (though hopefully not as long for you as it will be for me) we WILL be together.

Jennifer

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

The feeling crazy part is totally normal...despite how crazy that sounds!

I go crazy for a good week after I see Nick...then it just turns to everyday aching for him.

Then I think of the future and realize in the long run..this time is just a drop in the bucket.

You will be together, you'll be with him, sharing each day and all of this will be beyond worth it. Just think of how it feels to be beside him and be thankful each day he is in your life...no matter how near or far he is.

I wish you both the best.

[dianepc 0]

The feeling crazy part is totally normal...despite how crazy that sounds!

I go crazy for a good week after I see Nick...then it just turns to everyday aching for him.

Then I think of the future and realize in the long run..this time is just a drop in the bucket.

You will be together, you'll be with him, sharing each day and all of this will be beyond worth it. Just think of how it feels to be beside him and be thankful each day he is in your life...no matter how near or far he is.

I wish you both the best.

Dear, that's sad, we all understand that. u know the way i take to avoid the pain is,i try not to see him, its so diffult to see his leaving at the airport...god, pls move the process faster.....

[greeneyedgirlfl 0]

I am reading all these posts with tears in my eyes...I know exactly how you feel; it's like a part of you is missing when we're not together...

You said it, Laura...just remember how lucky we all are to have found someone we love so much!

Good luck to everyone!!!

[sanfranguy 0]

i understand too how it is. i see my fiance about every 2 months since shes in mexico but even thats alot of time and im sure for you its alot harder. but in the end just keep thinking to yourself what lies ahead for both of you. what i tell my girl all the time when shes down and cries i calm her by telling her to be patient cuz it brings me down with her when she feels that way and that this time is nothing since we have all our lives to spend with eachother. be strong and always remember that hes by your side no matter if hes not physically. good luck.

[L & P 0]

Hi Jennifer,

You are not alone, I know the feeling only too well....But you will get there an that will be many happy days to come

Laurence

[shannon65 2]

I know how you feel. I have not seen my fiance in 1 year because it's very expensive to go to Korea, for the flight alone and then the expense of a hotel. And anytime I go I have to take off from work and it's not possible to do that often and never for a prolonged period. I went 3 times. But we had to prepare a waiver application and it took a long time. If it's not quickly approved I just have to go back. We all just have to hope and pray we will be permanently reunited with our SOs soon.

[catrocks 0]

Jennifer,

I remember that feeling well, I just didn't want to get up for the first couple of weeks after leaving my now hubby. I think it's normal to feel this way in an LDR, because all you want is to be with that person, but you can't be.

Just think though, you are well on the way with your K1 process, and once it's approved you will be together! It's not much longer to wait, you just have to be strong and remember that once you're together, all the pain will have been worth it. I've been in the States for 5 months now and I thank God every day that I'm here with Ben, and I don't forget what it was like when we were apart. I feel like we're so much stronger for going through that

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do to stop the horrible longing feeling, but just keep thinking, it's not much longer now, and then you'll be together forever

And until then, remember that we all understand here and are willing to listen and give words of encouragement.

Cat

[FaustInAK 1]

I really feel the same way than you... And I am sure many people feel the same way. And I confess this helps a lot to see that many other people re living the same pain.. Everything collapse around yourself when the one you love is leaving once more..

I was in the exact same situation two weeks ago. Jason lives in Alaska. I live in France. He spent 2 months here with me, and had to go back there again for work... I cried like crazy at the airport. I don't even tell you how bad I felt on the way back from the airport, alone in my car for hours... We have been together for almost 3 years now, and it is getting more and more difficult each time... This time it was in Frankfurt airport... Last time, it was in Fairbanks, before that in San Francisco, and before that in JFK and Paris... The worst is that usually, when we leave each other, we don't even know when we will be able to be together again. I just know I feel much better once I know when I will go there or he will come back.

Now that we have started all the K1 application, I feel much much much better too. Before this, it was very tough to figure out where our relationship was going. You know, we had to say good bye once more, we waited for the next time you would see each other... But we knew it would always be that way: Hello and Good bye, and cries. But now, even if we have to be apart again, there is this little K1 hope that tells me: "Be patient, soon you will be with your man as much as you'd like". Suffuring is worth it, because that shows that the person we love is really the one we need and want to be with. I know that it is not always easy to stay positive, I am the first one to lose hope... But when you think about it: You are engaged and sooner or later, you will be married to the one you love!! Of course, there are many things to go through... Long times and thread of RFE and so on and so forth. But at the end, you will get your visa and marry your love!!

Cheer up, keep hoping and all this will only be a bad souvenir that the happiness will surpass...

Good luck... We are all in the same ####!! And we are all going to have what we want at the end... Fingers crossed.

Patience!

Faustine

[Brian&Mel 0]

Hi All,

I have just returned from 8 days with my love, and I am having a really tough time. I cried for a good hour after getting on the plane, but after that I was OK. I mean, I was really sad during my 18 hour trip, but I was reasonably calm.

But once I got home, I LOST IT. I had a total panic attack- I suddenly felt the immensity of the distance between us, and realized that I couldn't just get to him if I needed to.

The first time we met both of us thought that it would be kind of a one time "fling." But after three weeks of total happiness I gave her a key to my apartment as she stood in line to go home. She thought I was just being "nice" and felt that she would never see me again. She gave me a card as she turned and walked through security, and when I opened it, it was the card that I had put on her pillow our first night. It was like she was saying "thanks, been fun, but bye." I tried calling her to ask why? But she would not answer. As her plane flew off into the darkness all I could do is stand there and cry asking the night - "Why?" And of couse there was no answer.

Two days later we got together on line and with some difficulty at first compared notes. I had given her my apartment key with the real intention of letting her know she would always be welcome, and she had, in her unhappiness, pulled the wrong card out of her purse. When I had tried to call her, the batteries in her cell phone were dead. She, like I, had cried all the way home thinking we would not see each other again.

Once we got all that out of the way what has allowed us to hang on is that we sat a date that we would be back together, put that in a spread sheet, and we would say "Only 190 days till I can hold you again." And we would, with great anticipation, do that count down together as months became days then finally days to hours.

We are half a world apart, 20 hours travel time, about $1500 if we book far in advance, $3,500 or so if it were an emergency. We have had the great and wonderful experience of being able to be together three times in the US and once in Malaysia and each time while we were together there was the dark cloud waiting for us at the end. In Buddhism there is a heaven, but also a fundamental belief that nothing lasts forever so even those in Heaven suffer because they know eventually they will have to return to this life. Being with her is being in Heaven, but we suffer also because we know it will come to an end. Believing that, that nothing is forever, gets us through each day that we are apart. Putting a date, even if we know it will perhaps need to change (we just had to move her next visit a month further away because of practical reasons) helps us cope with this void that will open up in our hearts when we know that we cannot touch each other for another four months. But we have a date, and we are counting down, nothing last forever, not even this separation.

You are not alone, perhaps you will find some comfort in that.

Brian and Mel.

[pcana 0]

The first time me and my husband had to say goodbye after our honeymoon was the most sad moment in my life,little I knew what was ahead of us!!!

the second time was even harder to the point where I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make it without him! many,many tears,sleepless nights,not able to eat for days at a time (the best diet ever lost 15 punds in 2 months) The feeling is certainly overwhelming,like there's no way out! my life has been on hold for the past 8 months I haven't been able to function normal, I won't be till he's with me and start our new life together and never ever be apart again EVER....

I must say that my faith in God it's been essencial in the whole process without him I don't know where I'b be.

Our journey is almost over with my husband having his interview tomorrow it's not on our control anymore is in God's hands.

I pray for each and one of you for a speedy reunion with your loved ones with God everything is possible!!!!!

[FaSa2008 0]

I just read your post and Thank god the days are gettign closer for u to bring him here!

why 18 hr trip!?!!?!?

where are u !?!??!?

peru is not THAT far !

next time u go u shld check tickets in LAN.COM

=)

hang in there~!!

The feeling crazy part is totally normal...despite how crazy that sounds!

I go crazy for a good week after I see Nick...then it just turns to everyday aching for him.

Then I think of the future and realize in the long run..this time is just a drop in the bucket.

You will be together, you'll be with him, sharing each day and all of this will be beyond worth it. Just think of how it feels to be beside him and be thankful each day he is in your life...no matter how near or far he is.

I wish you both the best.

Dear, that's sad, we all understand that. u know the way i take to avoid the pain is,i try not to see him, its so diffult to see his leaving at the airport...god, pls move the process faster.....

[JenT 0]

One day at a time, Jennifer. This will all be a distant memory at some point.

Jen