dito ko na lang ipopost, for some reason, i feel at home here,

we got our marriage license yesterday, and yes, this is it, we're finally getting married, i should really be happy, its just that, there are still some few things that bother me,

during my almost two months stay here in the US, i can say that its okay overall, we had arguments which i think is just normal since we are still in that "adjustment stage," anyway, i just want to ask for some opinions,

before he met me, he was living with his now ex-wife and her daughter, or his step daughter, he lived with them for more or less 14 years, and i understand if he loves his step daughter so much, and there is nothing i can do to change that, and i wont,

okay, eto yung nagpapangitngit ng kalooban ko, he still have a "family picture" of them together around the house, and he has this photo of his step daughter pinned at the center below his monitor, his password is his step daughter's name, my computer password is his step daughter's name (for heaven's sake!) since he was the one who set it up,

i dont know, i guess im just jealous, i havent brought that topic up with him, i dont want him to think that i feel insecure or just being childish, but i am really jealous, punyeta ako nga hindi nagdidisplay ng picture ng ex ko or ng kahit anong makakapagpa alala ng ex ko eh!

im sorry but i just feel terrible, i mean, what if magkababy na kami, kelan nya pa aalisin yung mga pictures nila, pano pag lumaki yung bata at marunong ng magtanong, "nay sino sila?" at pano ko sasagutin yun? hay naku!


lapit na kami ikasal, and dont get me wrong, we love each other so much and i cant imagine myself without him, kaya lang yung mga isyung katulad nito, hindi ko lang maiwasang hindi magdamdam,

naiintindihan kita.....kung ako din nasa situation mo i would feel the same. i think kelangan kausapin mo na lang sya. tell him how you feel. kano ba fiance mo? hindi ko kase alam pano sila mag-isip kase filipino asawa ko kaya naiintindihan nya lahat ng kapraningan ko so pag may mga issues ako sinasabi ko lahat sa kanya and he doesn't mind naman. God bless and best wishes sa kasal nyo

hello there! First congratulations for you up coming wedding. About your issues I do really understand you. Like you my hubby had an ex too, only that they are not married but they have one son that is living with us now. Yong ex ng asawa ko merong 2 kids so before nong nagsasama pa sila minsan parang hubby ko na rin yong stepfather even though hindi sila kasal. At my mother in laws house there is this picture frame na you can put a lot of different kinds of picture, so nasa frame na yon yong pix ng ex nya with the kids..picture of them together as if they are one family. So everytime na pupunta kami don I saw it, I knew my hubby asked his mom to take off that frame away but I guess my MIL forgot about it. At first I feel jealous seeing it but later on it doesn't bother me anymore. Anyway she is just an "EX" now.

Siguro mas mabuti kung kausapin mo yong asawamo and tell him everything how you feel. Kasi mag-kaiba naman naman tayo ng mga nararamdaman about those stuff. Explain to him what is bothering you

Good Luck,

Evelyn

HI there,

As what above posters said, talk to him! Tell him how you feel about it. If there is a picture of the ex wife and him around the house I think in my opinion that should be kept and buried but if it's just the daughter and him maybe you can just leave that there. I don't think he will be very insensitive when you guys have your own kids and when you tell him how you feel. I understand the feeling of insecurities and fine if he'll call it being childish.. To start a new beginning is to vanish all the hurtful memories of the past.. if those pictures bothers you a lot then tell him to keep them away from your sight.

I saw lots of "old" pictures here of my husband and his ex even the ones during their wedding... I just threw them away. It was long kept in the cabinet anyway so I told him I'll put them all in trash and he doesn't care. But pictures of his kids I post them all everywhere. I love them.


Best Wishes to you and have a happy married life! Speak up because if your husband is white then he needs to hear it. Some of them needs to be told first before they can realized its bothering. Enjoy and have fun on your wedding day!


By the way if you want to shout then SHOUT by all means then if he'll ask you why then start the sentiments..



Vida Taylor

I think the best advice here is TALK! If you do not say anything about how you feel, how will he ever know?

Speaking your feelings is so very important in any relationship.

No man wants to live in a vaccuum so always be willing to speak out about the things that bother you.

After all he is the man you fell in love with so help him to understand your world.

I am sure he will love you even more for that.

Phil

Cool... dont ruin your life with that little problem. Dont get insecure, kung ginagawa man niya yan siguro meron siyang good reasons. Why not ask him? Kasi ganito ang ginawa ko...asawa ko kasi although he dont have family picture display in our house, ang sa kanya naman napansin ko na lahat na password niya gamit pa rin ang name ng first wife niya. I m his third wife now, could you imagine he still using the same password?

So, kinausap ko siya, sabi ko how come you still using your wife name until now? Do you still love her? My hubby answered, "no" . He doesnt like to change the name because he doesnt want to create another password that he might only forget. Well, i am secure for the love he gives to me, so i let him use the name of her wife until now. Wala yan, kung mahal pa niya yan, di hinde ka sana niya papakasalan.

If you keep your mouth shut and just sulk nothing will change so be assertive and explain to him how you feel.

Hi, sorry to hear about your problem. I hope things get straightened out though personally I think TALK (like what others said) is the key. Talk with him and let him know as well your concerns. G'luck and best wishes.

Hi there,naiintindihan ko rin ang nararamdaman mo (typical filipina)but you must have to get out of your shell,try addressing the problem, handle the issue at hand..It's not a win-lose game,it's about finding a solution..
Fair fighting is always about getting your grievances out in the open, so don't hesitate! It's a way of saying, "I'm completely commited to our relationship and I won't let this problem continue." talk to him in a discreet way i know you can make it...Good luck and congratulations na rin....

Alam mo dito may picture yung ex nya hindi nga nakadisplay kaya ginawa ko inayus ko pa kasi natuwa ako ng nakita ko kasama mga step kids ko and love ko mga anak ng asawa ko at love din nila ako. Well kanyakanya tayung opinyo sa buhay kausapin mo siya at ipaunawa nararamdaman mo.

If he wants to look at pictures of his ex and step daughter fine. We all have memories we capture with photographs. Putting them on display in a place where you have to look at them is hurtful to you So let him know that. In every relationship there must be compromise. Talk with him and get to that point. Tell him you want to change the password on your computer or just do it yourself. That's your computer use your own password. - J

hi gurl!! just take some time for both of you to sit down and talk. tell him everything para maintindihan nya and eventually maintindihan mo din yung reason nya. I understand how u feel and im sure i would feel the same way, but the thing is.. it would be healthy for a relationship pag open kayo sa isat isa. Just think on the brighter side... if you are not that important sa kanya.. youre not there for him to marry. pray that everything will be ok. Besides, dont stress up yourself too much ikaw din.. lapit na kasal mo.. ang wrinkles!!! hala ka!! hehe. Anywho, Congrats!!!

Once i was looking around one of the rooms closets here and i happened to see an album of my husbands and his ex wedding photos and few other pics taken from that i

sland resort they got married-I felt so numb,warmed,mad and teared when i saw it-i tried to have an self explanation why those pics are still around-maybe he's keeping it just

incase thier son will ask for it when he gets older But the fact that it's hurting me,i decided to tell him about it when he called that day from work I dont keep or hide any

feelings-

whether i'm happy,sad,upset or whatsoever.I sounded so sarcastic to him when i told him what i saw and just like you-i asked him how would he feel if he found a picture of me

and my ex bf's-how would he feel.He told me he,he doesn't remember that he have kept it in that closest and doesn't even remember it's still there-coz he's never been so much

around on that closet for a long time-which makes sense to me coz it's all messed up.We agreed on taking care of that lil issue.-Actually,i forgot about that

already untill i read this post.I trully love my husband and so he does to me and my 2 kids I und how you feel coz i had felt the same way-but you'd rather talk about it to your

husband.The longer you keep it the longer you'll be in pain.

comfortable.

As what my husband said, forget about the past, but for me NO... I did find pictures of my husband ex's, what I did, I ask him what do with those and why keeping those, he said nothing, so what I did tear all the pictures in front of him and burn. So its done...In his email add, I found some pictures and old emails too, I cleaned it without his knowledge... He knows how jealous I am coz I really told him...

Talk to your husband about it...and tell how you feel too...

Good luck!!! Best wishes!!!

I'm sorry to hear such a hoarse happening to you.
Your future husband is pretty insensitive, but it not going to end unless otherwise you do something for him to be fully aware that you are getting pissed off how attached he is to his step daughter. Yeah, let's say he loves his step daughter, but there has to be a limit now how he'd like to see memories that reminds him about his past since you are now his present.

As what others said, Sit down and talk... if you already talked to him and still doesn't work. then put your ex's picture too in your computer, which of course I don't recommend for you to do.

Just calm down.

The husband should not be faulted or even called insensitive for being so attached to his daughter, after all, the daughter is a part of the husband's life even before he met the OP. Getting pissed off because of this deep relationship between father and daughter is childish and selfish which the OP is not because she has already accepted the strong bond between father and daughter. The OP should in fact be happy that he is a devoted father and will be one for their future children.

The ex is the past but the daughter is and will always be part of his life no matter what. As to the password, well you can always change that yourself.

Talk to your husband about his ex-wife's picture . Unless you express your feelings, nothing will happen.

Goodluck!

first of all, thanks sa lahat ng nagbigay ng opinion nila, i really appreciate that, ever since i've been here in visajourney, i never posted something that didnt get a response, people here are just so helpful, glad to be here, and im happy about the comments, it made me feel a lot better,

anyway, i havent talk to him about the issue, what i did yesterday was cry, i did cry my heart out, and after that i felt a lot better, i was planning on confronting him about it because i think that that's the most sensible thing to do, but when he got home, he started talking about the wedding and how he wants it to be, and when i saw how excited he was about it, geez, i totally forgot about the picture and password issues, anyway, just like what you guys said, its just an issue, but its not really a big deal, well its a big deal, but i think i will talk to him about it after the wedding,

itinalikod ko yung family picture nila, so nakaharap yun ngayon sa dingding, i did that without him knowing it, but its too obvious that it would be easy for him to find out about it, anyway, yun naman talaga ang gusto ko e, ang makita nyang nakatalikod yung family picture nila para malaman nyang hindi ako kumportable na nakadisplay yun sa loob ng bahay, so pagnagtanong sya, dun ko na lang siguro ibo-brought up yung issue,

sa ngayon, nakikita ko pa rin yung picture ng step daughter nya, hindi ko sya masisisi kung masyado syang naging attached dun, its a good thing na rin siguro, kasi kung yung step daughter nya e ganun nya kamahal, what more kung tunay na nyang anak di ba,

anyway, invited sa kasal namin yung step daughter nya, and guess what? ako pa ang nagsuggest sa kanya na imbitahan namin, wala lang, out of curiosity na rin siguro sa part ko, anyway, i think its better to be nice to her, ganun na lang siguro ang gagawin ko,

again, thank you thank you sa lahat ng nagreply!

kung malapit lang kayo sa amin invited kayong lahat sa kasal namin!

althou it shows here that you are coming into terms about the past(or the picture to be specific)...however, unless u voice it out- it will continue to hunt you. how you feel about it will not change even after the wedding so the earlier you address it the better. Who doesn't have a past alright? but i do understand the uneasy feeling of seeing it displayed - its like being stone right in your face. The kids are always easier to accept than the ex- its something no one can and should asked a parent to keep off them children but an ex should be kept where it belongs- the past. He/she will remain once a part of his/her life but to keep them hanging where its visible to the new spouse is inappropriate unless an agreement before it has been discussed. If you don't feel right about it, talk to him, until then he would think everything is ok.

congratulations on your wedding and please from now on- learn to perfect the art of communicating. we all need this basic and most important tool enable to keep a happy peaceful relationship moreso a marriage. Best of luck! cheers

Marriage is not only about you love each other.. it is also learning how to communicate and compromise.... The more you keep the feelings inside the more you will have upset feelings for him..
Let go of the past.. What important is the future.. I understand you being jealous but you have to understand that before you came to his life, his stepdaughter came first.. And besides be glad that its not the wife who he is keeping the picture.... Talk to him and explain how you feel....

before we got married, i saw some pics of my husband's ex wife and ex gf's on his computer documents. even though i got so jealous , i decided to hold off on asking him about it and kept my feelings bottled up. one day, something triggered my temper and i screamed and said some hurtful things to my husband which totally caught him offguard. i knew right then and there that the reason why i flared up was because my hurt feelings overflowed. i regretted so much that moment . how i wish i had just sat him down and discussed the pics and my jealous feelings with him because if i did, he would have deleted them right away. there was no need for me to lose my temper. i strongly suggest for you to calmly discuss your feelings with your fiance even before you get married. for american men, there's no malice about keeping old pics but for us pinays, its such a big deal. i totally understand how you feel because id feel so hurt too if i was in your place. so now is the right time to talk to him and meet halfway. communication is one key factor to keeping a happy marriage.

you know what? thats exactly what im experiencing right now! pero hindi naman niya tinatago sa akin yon.. nakapadisorganize niya lang talaga. Ang ginawa ko e shred ko lahat ng pictures ng mga girls nya before. And about sa pictures naman nila ng dati niyang asawa with his daughter... I put them all in one cd.. copied and paste it and i gave it to his daughter. Lagi din naming pinag aawayan yan grabe! I know what you feel.. since you really cant help itl talaga na maging jealous. Siempre once in his life "they were having sex and accidentally made a baby" -sigh- thats how i see it.

So i gave all the pictures to his daughter... EVERYTHING.. I told him I never want to see any pictures of her here in OUR house.. you and your daughters pictures are fine but not with HER. If ever i see one I'll delete them or shred them. Thats what I told him... coz I feel like how are we gonna start a relationship when I keep on seeing your DAMN EX WIFE? are you stuck up with her? have you moved on already? Coz if you havent then... let's end what we have now.

Girl you have to be strong.. don't let the ex wife nor the daughter intimidate you ok? You are the WIFE now and the most IMPORTANT part of his LIFE! Remember that! Don't let them bring you down! Be tough! I know you can handle it. I have more sympathy about this case because people don't understand how it feels to be in this situation.

God Bless you!

hi sis.. i feel you.. alm mahirap kasi kalaban pag anak i mean kahit hindi kanya.. samin naman nimike walang anak pero minsan nagkakalakal ako ng mga albums at aba pucha mga ex starring sa albums tapos me kahon na gifts from them alam mo ginawa ko?

tinggal ko sa album tapos yung mga gift nilagay ko lahat sa tapat ng pintuan tapos tinwagan ko siya..

there is something here for you to do sabi ko... sa yun edi bothered ang lolo mo? pag uwi niya nakita niya, sabi ,, o e anong plano mo sa mga to? he said nothing.. i didnt even know where they were.. so ang ginawa ko.. pinatapon ko sa kanya sa harap habang pinagpupunit niya...

ganito nalang aside from talking him about it, let him know that you are not jealous but very much uncomfortable with the idea...

hi there,

I am on similar situation, I have an ex wife to deal with and 2 step kids that I love dearly! I admit that it was not as easy as I thought at first, sometimes there's a little pinch when you see them really close, but if you learn how to look at it on a brighter side you'll understand. I agree with you that there's no need for the family picture be displayed in YOUR home, that for me is a valid issue that needs to be addressed. But with the step daughter being in his life, you cant, you just can't take that away from him. Believe me when I say I truly understand how you feel, I really do, I've been on the same road..but she is part of his life and kids are always the one who suffers when parents gets divorce, they did not choose to be on this situation and they need their parents love and attention during these time. His love for you is on a different level than hers, dont feel threatened. I think you're off to a good start by inviting his step daughter on your wedding and try to build a relationship with her, it gets easier just give your self time and dont be afraid to let him know how you feel...pero pag ex wife na ahhh ibang usapan na yan! LOL kainis sila noh?

my thoughts to you sister is, talk to your husband-to-be about it before you get married. Let him know how you feel and that you are uncomfortable seeing the ex's photos inside your house. I understand the daughter's pics but the ex's should be thrown away. My opinion, this is something that could be a "deal breaker" before the marriage and maybe a giant conflict after. Better know sooner than later.

God Bless!

in my case, ung and2 na ako sa USA, tapos linis2x ako d2 sa bahay. dami akong nakitang cards from x-GF's and x-wife letter..
then mga pictures ng mga xgf's nya.. and then mga gifts na mamagadan like stuff toys, frame etc,
ang ginawa ko inipon ko lahat2x.. lahat ng name doon kilala ko kasi na mention nya sa
akin ung past nya.. pero merong isang girl na recent na nag padala sa kanya ng card.. 2008 that time d pa kami kilala pero
a month lang pagitan bago kami nag kakilala.. un ang girl na hindi nya na open sa akin.. nabasa ko ang letter nya. name " ERMA"
ang ginawa ko after ko linis and everything sa office nya.. binigay ko sa kanya lahat na halungkat ko sa office nya..
sabi nya.. ang iba d nya daw matandaan.. tapos isa2x nyang tingnan.. then he said SORRY kasi daw natagpuan ko daw ung mga cards
wala kasi sya time mag linis.. pero tinapon nya.. then ask ko sino c erma.. and he said friend nya daw.. i see.. d na ako nag follow up
questions.. tapos feel ng asawa ko parang my naga boderd daw sa mind ko,.. ni ask ko ulit c ERMA hehehe.. sabi ko ung card is 2008
so it means un ang recent xgf nya.. then he start to explain.. so now mainaw nasa akin..

ung card tinapon nya.ung mga gift itatapon nya sana,, kaso ako ang nag sabi wag, kasi sayang.. magaganda pa naman ng stuff toys
mukhang bago.. sayang pa hehee.. then ang mga picture na nakalagay lang sa office nya is ung 2 anak nya.. which is okey lang sa akin..
then ni add ko ung pic namin sa wedding.. tapos ang ginawa ko pa now.. bumili ako ng malalaking frame.. para eh display d2 sa bahay hehehe..
wait ko pa ung picture kasi daddy nya ang nag pa develop :-)

like what other said.. talk to ur hubby .. para malaman nya ang concerns mo.. kasi pansin ko sa mga KANO.. pag d ka open d din nila
alam anong nasasaloobin mo, d kaya ng pinoy daling maka gets.. kelangan open communication talaga..

u take care.. and congrats advance...

hello!!, i am reading the posts here and napansin ko ang q-qt ng mga babies nyo hehehe...

congratz sa mga mommies na biniyayaan ng mga qt na babies katulad ng sa inyo....

well anyways, lam mo i feel u too if i am at ur situation naku lagot sa kin si hon hehehe.... pero i am sooo happy kc biniyayaan ako ng isang HONEY na tingin ko eh napaka-understanding... ako open ako sa knya lahat pinupuna ko whehhehe.. well napansin ko sa honey ko ganon din sya parang tau.. dati nakita nya ang family pic ko sa album ko online pinansin nya un what i did inalis ko at guess what ang sabi ng honey ko hehehe, magkakaroon din daw kami ng aming family pic... sa wallet or sa house namin dito sa Phil. b4 sya umuwi dito nuon pinatanggal ko lahat ke mom ko... sa kabilang banda naiintindihan ko din namn kung hindi nya agad o ng husband mo naalis ang mga pics na ganon kc napakatagal ng ipinagsama nila, and kahit pa stepchild lang nya un kung sya ang kinilalang ama tlgang love nya un... i agree with the other posters here na alisin ang pics ng X pero sa bata matuto taung mahalin din sila kc kung love natin ang mga honey natin dahil part nila ang mga anak nila then love natin dpat sila.. and before natin sila nakilala alam namn natin na me mga past sila nagkaasawa at nagkaanak... ako hindi ko pupunitin o susunugin ang mga pics nila what i am goin to do is iipunin ko lahat ng pics ng family nya before at aayusin ko at ibibigay ko sa anak nya kc memories un ng mga bata sa parents nila... well goodluck sa new life mo at congratz na rin sa kasal mo...

godgift

The key to a long lasting relationship is communication. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you are still adjusting to the culture and all the things around you and it will be a big help if there's no momentos of his exes around. May tendency tayong mga babae na tatahimik na lang pag may nakita tayong mali sa mga hubbies natin but how will they know that their wrong? How will they know what we want? Talk to him.

You have to think din na the step daughter is already in his life before you. Dito sa US, pag stedaughter or adopted, talagang tinuturing nila na kanila lalo na if the kid lived with them. Well as long as he is over his ex wife, ok lang yung stepdaughter kasi bata naman yun.y would you feel jealous about it? And like what I've said, both your fiance and his step daughter have been in each others life for 14 years. so talk to your husband and it's just what really is here in America compared sa atin sa Pinas. Hope everything will go well to you!

I think the best way here is to talk to him and say it directly what is in your heart. Not changing his password is a very insensitive thing because you can always change password at any given time. Just tell him directly that you're hurt with all those issues you mentioned. To tell you honestly, your husband should do the initiative to remove anything that will remind him of his ex.